Dear reader these are Dangerous Times.

H.M. The Queen. 100% Australian. Her fashion sense proves it. (insert cultural cringe here)

WE don’t even know if our politicians are Australians. Even Malcolm Roberts, (insert image of lump of coal) doesn’t seem to know if he’s, Welsh, Indian, English or Australian. For a One Nation party. having four on the go is beyond belief. Even the Queen, (God bless her) is hard pressed as Head of State to prove her Australian credentials. In a pcbycp exclusive we interviewed her Corgi’s “poochie”, “smoochie”, “snookums” and “bubbles” and they reassured us that the Queen only fed them Pal, and insisted that on Australia Day they were fed real Four and Twenty party pies. And some of them contained traces of real meat. WE asked Prince Phillip, latest recipient of an Australian knighthood, and his response; ‘you fucken bewdy’, left us in no doubt that Her Majesty, Phil the Greek and the entire royal family is 100per cent PURE AUSTRALIAN. Dinky Di, (though she’s dead), and that’s why we’re the envy of the modern world.

And our political system is rent asunder with foreigners, foreigner donations, and anyone else who pretends to still call Australia “home”. Though all our assets are sold off to foreigners, so that they may become very rich, the Federal Opposition leader starts banging on about tax and the disparity between “haves” and “have not’s”.

The Queen engages James Bond to check Corgi’s citizenship credentials.

How un-Australian. We at pcbycp, (insert image of creepy Jesus) know the real issue is “Safety”. How can the Federal Opposition talk of equity, wealth distribution and a fair go on the Murray when our lives are threatened, but FEAR, INSECURITY and DANGER. That’s what motivates Australians. Not hope, enthusiasm imagination and optimism. But FEAR, and the requirement to make out lives SAFE.

The latest terror plot is the 13th that’s been uncovered. How can we remain so lucky? And the culprit, was not just another mad islamic diehard, but a meat-mincer. Across this land meat-mincers are being removed from sale. They are potential terror weapons. We know now that these un-Australian terror cells are hard at it plotting ceaselessly to bring down our way of life. Anyone caught purchasing a meat mincer is liable to be prosecuted, imprisoned, deported. And we need tougher laws right now to stop this threat.

Well, they are a German family really.

And potentially armed with a crystal set, a morse teleprinter and a Fuller-phone, these terrorists are establishing new parameters for TERROR.

Just the other day another plot was uncovered, a muslim jihadist terror seeker (insert asylum here) was caught at a supermarket, armed with a potato peeler, a can of hairspray and a packet of sparklers. These are established and well know precursors to TERROR. The head of the newly formed Ministry of Fear and Insecurity Mr Peter Dutton was on hand to corroborate the P.M’s assertion that we must fear, and be very afraid. “We have nowhere else to go, with Labor even thinking of reformist policies we had no choice. Fear is the high point of our estimation of all Australians, and with fear comes certainty. And that’s good for banks and any supine featherbedding suck-hole prostitute politician, (insert Anna Bligh) who wants to go in to bat for a pack of monopolistic rent seeking bastards, (insert banks, energy sector and Rupert Murdoch).

Lord Murdoch. Undisputed ruler of the Anglosphere.

And once Labor starts talking ideas, It’s the end’.

Thank god for Lord Rupert, (insert, Darth Vader)