Dr Blake has been closed down. It had to be. It was locally produced, popular, and well scripted. We don’t need clever writing skills in this country.

It is not often that we have something really positive to talk about. But this week has bought some stunning news. From the ABC, its great to know that another highly acclaimed, widely anticipated locally produced drama is being closed down. The ‘Doctor Blake Mysteries’, a boon to Ballarat has ceased production. This can only be good news for Ballarat-ians, who will soon have to acclimatise themselves to being in the twenty-first century, and a bonus for the employment service providers. The ABC has also cleverly closed documentary, film and current affairs units, and as the managing director policy said: ‘It’s all good news on local content, cos with adverts, it’ll present an exciting opportunity for local content. And besides Rupert is very happy’.

On the education front, the Education Minister Simon Birmingham, has upped the fees for tertiary students. Cleverly, he’s hoping to do to tertiary education what Joe Hockey did for the car industry. Clearly, as evidenced in the past the universities, (those not yet converted to vocational colleges and visa factories) are depositories for dangerous ideas. No such adjustments will apply to overseas students, who will happily pay anything to join in the Great Australian Home Investment Scheme. Another by-product of the thought bubble, the innovation revolution and the ideas boom.

Simon Birmingham. Carrying the torch for a depleted tertiary sector. Funds cleverly diverted to augment the housing sector.

Still, unsettling signs that not all thinking departments within the tertiary sector have been closed down. There’s still an arts faculty at the University of Melbourne, a disturbing incidence of thought creep that will be looked into. Soon to be sequestered to the CSIRO’s climate monitoring department and moved to a shed somewhere to the right of the slag heap in its new regional location, Mt Isa.

Happy news from the Agriculture Minister and Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce, the Banana republic is well and truly here: “ Not only have we diminished education and thought, we can go further in selling off more assets to multinationals for nothing. WE have untapped resources that must be tapped, and losers and leaners that must be capped. We’re a banana driven boom and the trend is upwards. Soon (exclusions apply to cashed up members of the Chinese communist party) wages in all public departments will be paid in actual bananas. By manipulating the basic tenets of the economy and Matt Canavan’s nationalising of the banks, well have the kind of economy that the world will envy. Clean, Green and Environmental.

Barnaby. Providing as always, reliable, visionary policy direction. Seen here talking to his electorate.

And the wont be any back-chat from troublemakers in the ABC. Four Corners has been sold off to the Disney corporation, and Q and A, will continue with added funding to augment the local comedy content.

With the vexed ownership of Australian print media still in question, the Lord of Darkness Sir Rupert, (who shall be feared) has given his unconditional commitment to press freedom.

Freedom to work, freedom to be sacked, and freedom to question nothing.

Matt Canavan. When he’s not busy sinking taxpayers money into dodgy coal schemes, he’s ensuring that gas exporters get a free kick, and a lunch too.

Poor Matt, let down by the banking sector. They lack the balls to back a truly exciting nation building project. To pour billions into the coffers of Mr Adani, so that he can divert  profits into his Cayman Island bank accounts. If the banks wont do it, he’ll make the taxpayers do it. Cos that’s the way business is done up north. Just ask Chevron, they do it, so why can’t Matt get the banks to give Mr Adani a go. Be fair, these bankers are a pack of soft cocks. We’re up to the back teeth with em, and if they wont toe the line and fund utterly stupid bone-headed projects like Adani’s rail line, they clearly’ not REAL Australians, and will never ever be accepted EVER as Queenslanders.

Expected to speak at the international, G20 meeting with Davros next month Mr Canavan outlined his vision for the future.

Banks were always there to lend a hand in clearing Queensland of ‘Trouble-makers”.

“We’ve gotta nationalise these bastards. They’re welching on investment loans for anyone who’s a card carrying member of the Chinese communist party and now they’re talking bullshit on climate change. It makes me puke. In the past we’ve never had a problem with the banks. Paid for infrastructure in the form of public private partnerships. It’s been GOLD for investors. Never questioned funding a road project no matter how silly, and always provided the pork and the barrel when needed in any marginal electorate. Paid for the buy-up of public utilities at knockdown prices, gouged the population and provided the bulk of the traditional finance to cleanse Queensland of blackfellas and make it pure. So that companies can drill for gas and oil and anyfink and pay no tax.

And now the same bankers have gone soft-cock on saving the planet. It’s all gone “Wilberforce” if you ask me. And, I gotta tell you, there’s only one solution. And that’s as far as the banks are concerned a Final solution.

Two problems solved. Locate Westpac to Mt Isa, and ensure that any incriminating files make their very own contribution to global warming.

We’re gonna nationalise em. From this next budget, we’ll be buying up the banks and moving them lock stock and barrel to regional areas that could do with a bit of pump priming. There’s the four big-uns for starters. The Commonwealth will be re-located to Kingaroy, the National, to Cairns, the ANZ to Bundaberg, and for being such a recalcitrant un-Australian mongrel the Westpac bank will be relocated lock stock and smoking barrel to Mt Isa, in Bob Katter’s electorate, that’ll show em.

And while we’re at it. We’re gonna privatise the national parks, crown lands and public reserves and open em up to the twin pillars of Australian development, housing and mining. That’ll ensure that there’ll be nowhere left for soft-cock greeny intellectuals to hide. And for the Adani protesters, they’ll be rounded up and sent off to Manus Island and Nauru. They’ll learn a bit of humility and think twice before taking on the principles enshrined in being anointed by god to exploit the planet in the noble works of ensuring that Queenslanders alone shall inherit what’s left’.