Successful diplomacy gets the results.

Let’s face it, seventy years of relative peace aint that bad. Save the odd skirmish in far away places, the world has been held together by the indissoluble glue of MAD (Mutually assured Destruction). And whilst little wars, like the one in Afghanistan have dragged on for almost twenty years and achieved absolutely nothing, it’s encouraging to know that we’re limbering up for the next big un. 

For truth? “Bend it like Beckham”

This is great news, And proves beyond all reasonable doubt that the five hundred million being spent on upgrading the Canberra War Memorial is money well spent. With a bit of luck if we have a really cracker war with nuclear oblivion, there’ll be plenty of exhibits for kiddies to gawk at, and doubtless countless dioramas, medals, plaques and cenotaphs to be reminded of the catastrophic failure of foreign policy that war engenders. 

Vladimir says “Nyet’ to soft-cock diplomacy.

Any way you look at it it’s a good time to invest on very expensive French submarines that’ll be obsolete, even as we write.  A fantastic time to invest in very expensive over complex American fighters and possibly the greatest moment in our history to export arms to other freedom loving nations like Saudi Arabia, Syria, and whatever is left of what used to be the Belgian Congo. 

Because the yanks are limbering up for the big one, we are a-tingle with excitement. What’s the point of having nukes if you don’t use em. The Chinese are itching to have a go, and it looks like Russia is going all out fast tracking on massive arms sales. And what with North Korea, you’d be a fool not to join in and get a get a good crack before the fallout wipes us all out. 

Uighurs welcome new Street Art.

So as BP always said; “be prepared”. For  2019 we’ve got a raft of new years tips that may help you survive the ensuing holocaust. 

Pack plenty of tins of baked beans. Don’t be fooled by the Chinese nationals touting baby formula, it’ll be baked beans that’ll keep you going when all else turns to dust. Regular or king size, stock up. 

Apart from all the utilitarian things, candle, matches, torches, and strips of white cloth to wave at the icbm’s as they race past, invest in a small whistle. This will help as rescue workers sift through layers of rubble. 

Donald demonstrating how his “Big Gun” is bigger than Vladimirs.

Build a slit trench on the backyard, and with a bit of luck an old blueprint for an Anderson Shelter, will be of inestimable value. 

Ensure there are enough containers of drinking water, as nuclear bombs can make you very thirsty, and don’t forget to pack a butterfly net and camping stretcher for those days when you’ll have to rough it. Be reminded of our current PM, look busy, smile a lot and she’ll be right. 

Poster says; ‘Belt and Road initiative’ will reduce wear on tank tracks”.

And just on case things aint that bad have a Mandarin, Russian or both Korean phrase book handy. 

Don’t bother with English, Americans don’t speak it anyway. 

And be careful. In Mandarin there are five thousand words to describe Christmas cracker, whereas the same word in Russia will get you either a molotov cocktail or a ticket to Russian roulette. 

Either way keep whistling, and chin up. 2019, will be the big one, 

Our tip, about September 1. It has a nice ring of familiarity to it, in keeping with the glorious unquenchable spent of ANZAC. 

And remember, all good things must come to an end.