New Standards in Innovation and Sustainability.
by Quentin Cockburn
It is with some justifiable pride I inform you of the rapid progress taking place in developing an exciting project within the Melbourne CBD.
Under wraps for several weeks, it has been revealed that the former Planning Minister Mr Guy approved the construction of the Dai Gum Happy 8 Towers for the corner of Flinders and Swanston Street. ‘With capital advanced from the Shenzhen Peoples Investment for Party Cadres and Make Great Investment Corp, the proposed building at 356 stories will surely be the biggest in the Southern Hemisphere if not the world’.
The Director of Happy 8 Mr Li Kwung Fat assured reporters that the building ‘Will be great for people, make happy long term interest benefit important Chinese investor community’.
The Prime Minister was on hand to congratulate Mr Fat, and dismissed talk of an investor bubble. ‘Speculation is good for humanity’, he said.
Questioned about the demolishment of the landmark and historic Flinders Street Station building, Mr Abbott said, ‘Landmark? This is a new landmark, an INTERNATIONAL LANDMARK! As Infrastructure P.M the removal of track and rail infrastructure will make way for a bold new landmark freeway interchange, paid for you by the taxpayers under WBP PPP arrangements. What’s good for the Shareholders is good for the country.’
Flinders Street Railway Station
Tom Bloodnose CEO of the Committee for Melbourne assured the public; ‘This significant project is good for Melbourne, good for investment, and good for shareholders. The building advances the very best in sustainability, the envisaged 20,000 tenants will have access to first class facilities and infrastructure, three express lifts to the observation deck, and all built with recycled materials’.
Mr Fat, (CEO Happy 8) affirmed, ‘there is so much redevelopment of Melbourne suburb we make use this material to build fit-out and make good comfort for everyday living’. Indeed the building is designed to reflect the recent passion for neo Georgian and French Empire ‘Maisons’ replacing post war suburban housing in the leafier suburbs. Significant embellishments include a Georgian facade at street level, a French Empire middle section, and neo Stalinist upper level for senior party cadres .
The REIV (Real Estate Institute of Victoria) CEO, Mr Dick Envy reiterated the development managers ‘Once again this is a strong tick of approval for growth in this vital sector, very good for the industry and great for Investor confidence’.
He enthusiastically described the green credentials, ‘Sustainability! Yes; first principles of sustainability, zero gravity toilets, and parking for any number of Maserati’s and Ferraris. Each unit has a triple A energy rating, It will guarantee to use three times more energy than the average home. And ensure that growth in the energy sector is assured. Radically the ground floor and mezzanine have a Maserati and Aston Martin showroom, with a Mercedes showroom for lesser ranking party officials and a discreet panel repairs shop at the rear’.
Chief Executive of Arts Victoria Mr Nino Napoli said; ‘At last a really significant large scale public sculpture outside Melbourne’s Docklands!’ Admiring the physicality of the piece; ‘This is a boon for the 1% art co efficient.’ Citing the sculpture ‘1%’, as a landmark in its own right, he ignored claims from the Community Services Union that the average tax pay of residents was below 1%. ‘Hey that’s why they represent the 1% from the 1% who own the 99%. You can’t expect more than that’?
With a basic asking price of $2 million for a one bedroom unit, there is already confirmation that 95% of the units have been bought off the plan. Asked who the vendors were? the Business Development Manager, Sunny 8 Developments said, ‘all member of Hu Jin Tao family. Good for family good for people’!!... Asked how Mr Hu acquired so much capital, he responded obliquely, ‘Next question’.
Mr Wing Shenzen, President of the National Trust has voiced his approval, ‘The removal of Flinders Street Railway Station and the proposed re-erection at the Sunny 8 Amusement Park in Shenzhen, is win win for responsible development. By preserving heritage building in China we ensure Melbourne legacy is retain and enhance. Mr Envy, (REIV President) enthused, ‘Recent developments in conjunction with the Peoples Party Development Congress to convert the State Library into a gaming venue, the National Gallery into a sporting arena, and the Shrine into a high roller, blackjack VIP lounge is assured to develop great economies of sale to all Victorians.’
Asked about housing affordability for low income earners, and those missing out on a foothold in the market, the Minister for Housing, Mr Obeid of Bailleau Knight and Frank and Obeid, said; There are plenty of opportunities on the outer fringe for younger and less well heeled, the outer fringe, closer to new regional growth centres of Broken Hill, Sea Lake, and Robinvale.
Artists impression of the Happy 8 Dai Gum Towers.
