Today’s dispatch is  Fifty Shades of Green.  Originally dispatched on 11 July  2015

Hola,

I have a vague memory of going on a Boy Scouts outing. As I recall, my younger brother shot an arrow through the scout master’s cake as he was eating it, a sort of William Tell moment.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIbYCOiETx0

That was to be our first and only Boy Scouts outing in Argentina. Some years later I went to the Boy Scouts in Australia, twice. On discovering that there was a trade in scout badges of merit, I decided that scouting wasn’t my cup of tea.

That first outing was in a forest, and I remember that up in the trees there were “claveles del aire” which made a lasting impression on me. I had always assumed that these were parasitic.

A friend alerted me to the existence of epiphytes. Wikipedia tells me an epiphyte is a plant that grows harmlessly upon another plant (such as a tree) and derives its moisture and nutrients from the air, rain, and sometimes from debris accumulating around it. Clavel del Aire is an epiphyte. Clavel is Spanish for carnation- ‘Aerial Carnation’. Ah!, the joys of Googling!.

Epiphytes are not parasites.

The most common tree around Yuendumu is manja (Mulga- Acacia aneura). Several species of mistletoe grow on mulga. Mistletoe is parasitic. Yungkurrmu is one such and has delicious sticky red and yellow berries. Another mistletoe that grows on mulga is ngardanykinyi. The ngardanykinyi-ngarnu bird has a symbiotic relationship with the parasite: it eats the berries and excretes the seeds onto other trees. On occasions, mistletoe will kill the host tree. Mulga trees have a symbiotic relationship withants. The tree releases drops of fluid that contains sugar for the ants to eat, and in return the ants protect the trees against other predators by attacking them whenever the predators try to target the trees. One such ant species is the Yurrampi (Honey ant). They are even more delicious than the aforementioned berries, and don’t damage the tree.

An incredible variety of plants grow under incredibly varied conditions. When young plants are transplanted to a new location, often their roots are damaged and the plants suffer and have to throw new roots to survive, which they don’t always do. Sometimes plants thrive in a new environment. The Monterrey pine (Pinus radiata) reaches a height of 30 meters in its native Mexico; in Australia it grows to 60 meters. I remember our family picking wild blackberries off small shrubs on the dunes near Zandvoort (Noord Holland), yet in Australia blackberries grow into impenetrable thickets that are often sprayed with poison in desperate attempts at controlling and eradicating them. They are a weed.

I’ve also been alerted to a body of research into what have been labeled Third Culture Kids (TCK). The Wikipedia entry for TCK finishes with a poem that explains the concept:

Colors
I grew up in a Yellow country
But my parents are Blue.
I’m Blue.
Or at least, that is what they told me.
But I play with the Yellows.
I went to school with the Yellows.
I spoke the Yellow language.
I even dressed and appeared to be Yellow.
Then I moved to the Blue land.
Now I go to school with the Blues.
I speak the Blue language.
I even dress and look Blue.
But deep down, inside me, something’s Yellow.
I love the Blue country.
But my ways are tinted with Yellow.
When I am in the Blue land,
I want to be Yellow.
When I am in the Yellow land,
I want to be Blue.
Why can’t I be both?
A place where I can be me.
A place where I can be green.
I just want to be green

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0O87fFRizZY

TCKs come in many combinations and permutations. Fifty shades of green if you like.

Most Australian Aborigines are TCKs, not least the stolen children.

Like plants they are incredibly varied and grow up under incredibly varied conditions. Often they are uprooted and placed in unsuitable environments in which they rarely thrive.

Research has shown that the most undisturbed and remote Aborigines are the healthiest (in body and mind).

The so called ‘Aboriginal Industry’ is like a blackberry thicket. In places like Yuendumu there are an ever increasing number of introduced non-TCKs (FIFOs). Yuendumu is getting to be like a field of buffel grass.

Many of these FIFOs fancy themselves experts in Aboriginal Affairs.

Many are parasitic. They are slowly killing the very culture that sustains their host plant- the Aboriginal Industry.

My friend the TCK likes to think of himself as an epiphyte.

I’m also a TCK. I aspire to be symbiotic.

Just colour my world-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJhOsfzwDjY

Chau,

Frenk/Franklin/Frank/Jungarrayi

Great men. Standing on principle.

Dear reader, a problem for governments these days is communicating their splendid vision to the general public. Sometimes with the best of intentions and the most thoroughly supportive media launch the government’s message is lost to the ether. When this occurs and the system fails the objective of persuading the public that it’s a damn good idea, it’s called ‘representative reflux response’. Or the acronym RRR.

We saw an outstanding example of RRR most recently when the sensible and hard working Abbott Government sought to take away the concept of universal education, healthcare and fairness. The Abbott government didn’t tell anyone before the 2014 budget that they were going to repudiate any promise made during the 2013 election. They thought that with good priming to the Murdoch press, the reforms would sail though parliament. Well they didn’t, and the coalition has been stymied ever since. Got to the stage that in the recent election the opposition inferred that the coalition would get rid of the public health-care system altogether. Both parties have a pretty good record of flogging off public assets. Though they decried the suggestion as a Furphy, there was enough in it to persuade the electorate that the opposition was not far off the mark.

Ever since, the P.M for ”innovation and thought bubbles’ has been hard at it trying to convince the electorate he stands for compassion and fairness. When it’s clear, by supporting great members like Bob Day that they don’t. It’s all a case of RRR. The public refuse to be convinced in spite of all the flim-flam and hyperbole that the government is being genuine. We could elaborate on all the RRR instances over the past year, the subs, the closing down of the car industry, free trade deals and the backpacker tax, but that would be boring. The public have made up their mind. Both houses don’t care about the public. Politicians serve the people who pay them, (Big Business). And on singular issues like concentration camps for refugees they’re all in lock step. And why? Because, they reflect the shallow self interested myopia of people like us. Bit like aboriginal incarceration. Rates going through the roof and why? It’s good for business and good for us, because we don’t care. Cos if we did, enough of us, there may be change, But we doubt it. The business model is gold for private prison shareholders and as evidenced by the U.S it’s a gold standard.

But occasionally some little non sequitur crops up and the public, and the lobbyists all like to have a go. Then it’s a free for all. It almost makes the public think they’re relevant. It‘s usually something peripheral. Might be a backpacker tax, that no one thought through, a lost dog, or just an average act of random stupidity. Like knocking down an old pub in Carlton. Never mind that Melbourne University has trashed the fabric of Carlton with their egregious overblown stalinist campus growth model. Smashing human-scale working historic fabric to the winds. Instead we’ll make an example of a developer who jumps the gun on a planning process that denies the public much of a say on anything. And then developers, the press, politicians and anyone, is given free reign to express their outrage, and the developers are given a thoroughly good shaming. Whilst everywhere else, wily nilly, it’s a free for all.

The Victorian State Minister for Corrections no less, used his chauffeur driven car to take his dogs to his country estate. Fair enough we say. He’s entitled to it, and a good use of taxpayers money. It’s bloody hard getting the dog on the train, and dogs, (perhaps they were greyhounds) are entitled to respect. Some might say it’s fraud, and the ex member for Frankston lost his seat over similar behaviour. And the former federal speaker got in to hot water for visiting wineries in his Comm-Car. And let’s not talk of helicopters.

It’s in the act: Victoria’s ministerial code of conduct states ministers must “ensure they act with integrity” by “appropriate use of the resources available to their office for public purposes”. Well done, then. That’s code for do anything you like, but don’t get caught, and if you do hope that your mates will stick by you.

You can weather the ‘RRR effect‘ and progress to the ‘SSS effect‘. What”s that you may ask? That’s the gold standard for ministerial conduct. The Safe, Snug, Sinecure. You can bank on that!

1950’s ASIO Communist detection computer (Discharge) at work

Goat cleared of leftist tendencies

Dear reader, at last some tangible evidence that Australian politics has turned in the right direction. For years we’ve been decrying the loss of a left wing in Australian discourse. Last time we spoke of it we were tying to get an interview with Greens senator Lee Rhiannon who allegedly kept it in a cupboard, in a shed at her holiday house. We asked Kim Carr if he’d seen it and he told us it was last seen boarding a plane for Cuba. Then in some desperation we went all the way to Hong Kong and asked Sam Dastyari if he’d seen it and he told us it had left the building and last he knew it was on its way back to Australia. Perplexed and a little disillusioned we contacted Asio because we knew they had a good reputation for tracking down real lefties, but our search proved fruitless. They told us to bugger off and not waste their time, declaiming, “the lefty commie stuff is so nineteen fifties”. We then asked them; ‘What could be more important than finding lefties still working undercover in the Australian politics’? And they told us that the refugee threat was way way more de-stablising and keeping the concentration camps going was the central plank of our forward defense policy blah blah blah..

We decoded the blah blah blah, and realised that the message could only mean one thing, that in spite of their proclamation, the lefty threat still lurked in sleeper cells, and unless flushed out, would wreak havoc. Setting to work with what was left of CSIRO, we reactivated the Asio mainframe spy computer, (Discharge) at the abandoned intelligence facility at Watsonia. We were shocked and surprised to find out, (the message came in teletype after being translated from morse) that the lefty threat, far from being dead, was stirring and unbeknownst to us, had us gripped, the entire society in its thrall. We had the intelligence, but there was no one who would believe us. To tell you the truth, it was more than exasperating. Here was the potential to undo an insidious lefty plot, within our midst. But without names and addresses there was no way of identifying the cell. Consequently, we couldn’t isolate and then destroy it.

Bush telegraph operator at work detecting Communists in the field.

Just when we were about to give up, and consign our mission to the scrapheap the Deputy Prime Minister, announced the identification of the lefty menace. Boldly he has saved this country. Identified, not through the latest in spy detection technology, satellite intercepts, or as we tried haplessly with the Discharge main frame computer, but with the most primitive communication device ever. The trusty and reliable ‘Bush Telegraph’. Barnaby has outed them. They’ve nowhere to hide, Labor and the Greens are Communists! Real ol style lefties!. And he’s right, they’re anti competitive, Anti business, and more concerned about endangered species, web-footed Poteroos, trees and stuff they call “indigine” than clean living mums and dads. Thankyou Barnaby. Thankyou Australia. There is a left wing, and it was right under our noses. Far from endangered, it’s thriving.

And now, just as we learnt that out P.M for innovation and thought bubbles is now less popular than Tony ‘Flintlock’ Abbott, we hear things are not so good on the NBN superhighway. A telling fragment, tastefully edited to elucidate why copper to the node aint all it’s cracked out to be… From Cecil, the correspondence begins. The transcript has been edited to protect the dumb, innocent, and trusting…

Dear Ira
“Good God!  He lives! Ira is still with us”  was my first thought on receipt of your missive.

Deputy P.M Barnaby Joyce, ” acting the goat”. demonstrates prowess as bush vet, also adept at doctoring Hansard.

This should be read into Hansard, no less.
A sadder man, as I now am, would find little but pathos therein.   As was the undoubted point.
If we cared at all for your situation we would consider it for publication.
I think maybe I’ll send it off to our local member. Still, Ira, I am impressed at your patience and language skills.  I would have become apoplectic, whereas you’ve obviously maintained a high degree of inner calm.
Congratulations
Cecil.

Ira at work with his ever reliable, Messenger Dogs, Barnaby, Corey, and Tony.

On 25/10/2016, at 10:35 PM, Ira wrote: My dear Bertie, (after the style of Edward the Seventh) My boys gave me a Samsung Tablet last Christmas. However, an electronic maelstrom has, for two whole months, rendered me incapable of of even the slightest form of avant garde  communication. ‘… like flies to wanton boys are we to the Gods, they kill us for their sport…’ Attempting to remove myself from Mansfield and repair to Tolmie, IPrimus (my provider) demanded I give myself exclusively to NBN.

Abandon (they said) your allegiance to ADSL and embrace the latest technological whizzo. In the hands of experts, what could I do? The expertly NBN man, when he arrived, unblinkingly informed me that, despite the aforementioned IPrimus blandishments, NBN was not a viable option at Sog Bot (His home, Ed).  His plethora of impressive equipment could find nothing to suggest I might benefit from NBN.

Telstra technicians in the field.

Back to IPrimus. IPrimus promptly informed me that ADSL no longer exists in the Tolmie area.  So… no NBN. No ADSL, equals no phone, no email, no internet, etc, etc. etc. In the hands of madmen,  where  neither sanity or ADSL exist,  I am, with absolutely no reservations, at  my wit’s end.

I live in a Fire prone area,  a remote area, I live alone,  in an area where mobile phones refuse, absolutely, to function, and there’s no phone?

Time passed, whilst I gave myself over to contemplation. A retired Telstra engineer, sympathetic to my cause, suggested I give Telstra a call.

In the face of all the flim-flam,, following weeks of endless, shamefully, nay disgracefully fruitless telephone calls to enormously helpful ladies from foreign parts, during which I had, for weeks and weeks, neither phone nor internet, I spoke to an enormously helpful lady from foreign parts (ofTelstra) who promptly informed me that an ADSL phone would take 24 hours, and I could have the internet in about a week. It took a little longer than promised but eventually sanity was restored.

Sympathetic Call centre operator

But for Gawd’s sake, WHY?  Why on earth did I have to go through this endlessly frustrating procedure? Who, which particular lunatic must I seek out and strangle? This shouldn’t happen, not now, not when this blasted technology is as clever as they tell us. This maniacal, endless, ludicrous result must, in the end, be laid at the feet of the demented,  Parliamentary buffoon who at first decided this ‘outsourcing’ had some merit.

Let me tell you something, Jack, whoever you are. The blasted system simply doesn’t  work.

I have been without phone or internet in a non mobile phone area for almost two months and  that’s not the way the game is played, not by a long shot. We pay good money for this service and, for the most part, keep our mouth’s shut about it’s inadequacies.  One day, and mark my words, this will all change.

‘This maniacal, endless, ludicrous result must, in the end, be laid at the feet of the demented, Parliamentary buffoon who at first decided this ‘ outsourcing’ had some merit’.

One day, a disgruntled group of us, will demand action. We will demand more than action. We will demand, not to put too fine a point on it, your balls on a plate. Watch out for secateurs and Royal Doulton.
Ira Main.

Editor. A good thing the P.M for Ideas, thought bubbles and angry senate is onto industrial relations ,,, telecommunications is a flamin disaster.

Newstart Allowance recipients. Clearly fed up with Centrelink waiting times apply in person. Note; these individuals are not smartly and fashionably dressed as regular readers of the Saturday Paper. Thats why they’re poor.

We implore our readership not to be confused with the Newstart allowance. The newstart allowance is pegged at about $525.00 per fortnight.

That’s not a lot to survive on. But way way way too generous for lazy, slothful, dole-bludgers. The fact they get anything is a shame. That money could be further re-directed to very nice French submarines. The first two Le medre and Le toilet to be floated out of a South Australian dockyard in 2035.

HMAS Australia. our very own dreadnought. Comissioned in 1913. Scrapped in 1924. Let’s hope that le medre and le toilet will have longer service careers.

By then they’ll be the equivalent of the first dreadnought ‘HMS Dreadnought’, (1906) doing battle with the ‘Bismarck’(1940). Actually that’s a poor analogy because to all intents and purposes by 1940 all battleships were obsolete. Perhaps a better analogy would be to invoke the spirit of Bleriot’s biplane with a Supermarine Spitfire, (and my god they were super!!). Or go one step further, a Spitfire with an F.35. But we know that’ll never work as the F.35 will never ever be operational. But that’s not the point, big battleships and big submarines are great fun to play with. A truly big submarine can go way way down into the shadowy depths of the deep ocean. And Australia needs that capability, because after the recent Hague ruling, it will be beholden to “Us” to check the line of paint that has been installed along the East Timor Gap to determine where out claim stands. Without that, the East Timorese, (uppity little tin-pot potentates) my get more gas, fuel and oil and shit than we would like. And that would not be fair. WE like things to be fair in Australia.

Gillian Triggs. Worst ever Human Rights Commissioner.

Worst ever Solicitor General.

That’s why Gillian Triggs should go for the new job. She did a rotten job as Human Rights Commissioner. Kept saying things. Wouldn’t bloody keep her mouth shut. Our government doesn’t like talkative minions who don’t know their place. Worse still, they’re meant to be independent. Triggs as Human Rights Commissioner became a bloody nuisance. Got to the stage you couldn’t pick up a copy of the Monthly or Saturday Paper without her banging on about minorities kept in detention for their own good. Got to the stage we couldn’t go near the Saturday Paper and not see her in amongst the adds for Rolex watches, dull shows at national galleries and spectacularly well prepared ads advising the more well heeled baby boomers where to maximise their returns on capital. Thats why we’re confused abut the Saturday Paper. It espouses a sort of liberalism of the intellectual type, yet the ads speak of an entrenched plutocratic conservative determinism, and almost (excuse us if we’re wide of the mark) an exclusivist intellectual prissiness akin to some smug sinecured enclave of secular puritans. Who in spite of their social credentials are not really interested in being seen with Centrelink recipients and bringing Guy Fawkes and crackers back into community circulation as an act of universal happiness and celebration. Yep a sinecured wowser elite. Almost makes us yearn for the Herald Scum.

But excuse, this distraction, the truth of the matter is that Triggs has what it takes to get the vacancy left by the out-going Solicitor General. She’s articulate, clever, takes herself seriously and not very funny. We urge her to give it go.

I will be obeyed!!! George Brandis. Like Kim Jong un, he understands power, and ‘another ambitious Queenslander’.

But one piece of advice, learn to keep her mouth shut. She should’ve learnt by now. The outgoing Solicitor General clearly didn’t. And, she should’ve learnt by now that the Australian public don’t care about Concentration camps for refugees. They don’t care about the Attorney General acting like King John, or Kim Jong il. They don’t care about flogging off public assets to developers. And they don’t care that the Property Council runs the country….and George Christiansen. In short they don’t give a stuff. So jump to it. And keep your mouth shut. And that’s how you get on in the world, and if you don’t believe us, ask the other George. You might have to book the call, because he’s in charge of ‘God’s Telephone’. And that’s in Rome. The Vatican in case you didn’t know. And he wont let you reverse the charges. So stick it!!

Dear reader, this has been an interesting week in parliament. Sadly all matter of things to do with gunpowder hasn’t coincided with Guy Fawkes. Which is a pity. You see the ancient and noble tradition of Guy Fawkes night has been replaced with Halloween. It’s bloody tragic. Proof once again that the Wowsers have won the culture wars. Instead of all that wholesome fun, the bonfire and terrorising grannies we’re left with more hollowness, cheap consumerist rubbish and the sort of fun only Amway could contrive. We deserve it.

Plans are afoot to find a diplomatic posting for Tony Abbott. To Washington. London. Paris (favourite of Dfat bureaucrats), or anywhere.

Tony Abbott’s gunpowder plot didn’t come off and now he’s bitter and mad mad mad. Perhaps Joe Hockey can move over and Tony can get the Washington post. We’ll need a man like Tony in Washington. Cos a Trump presidency will be madder still. Good though for arms manufacturers. Bad for satirists. Soon we’ll all be yearning for the good ol days. A perfect chance then to segway once more to an era when life was simple and laughter was the preserve of comedic professionals. Another excerpt from ‘Toys that almost made it’.

Jake the Peg Toy 400×300 1966 Bonza Toys

Such was the success of Rolf Harris, and anything Australian in that brief period of swinging sixties London that a local manufacturer, Bonza Toys, who then had only supplied rubber goods to the personal hygiene market released the ‘Jake the Peg Doll’. Jake the Peg was an instant success. When the string was pulled it could hum, “diddle dee diddle dum’, ‘Tie me kangaroo down sport’, ‘six white boomers’ and ‘two little boys’. Unable to keep up production the company requisitioned a new latex extrusion machine to manufacture the famous third leg, and developed an intriguing mechanical apparatus to make the doll truly lifelike. Unfortunately, via repeated agitation by over enthusiastic children (intrigued by the leg function) the toy when inappropriately handled would become unstable. Without warning the arms, (supposedly stationary) would “ go bezerk”, and cause injuries to users unaware of the explosive tendency for arms and hands to “go just about anywhere”. In response to complaints the toy was removed from sale and melted down into plastic Beatle Wigs, Which to this day remain curiosities of a former era.

Dictation Test 500×300 1960 Comtoys

Dictation Test was the first ever venture by the Commonwealth government to capitalise upon their more forward thinking policy agendas. It was a game that almost never saw the light of day after strong lobbying by the then Leader of the Opposition, Mr Arthur Caldwell who was busy promoting his own game ‘Two Wong’s’, and the members of the Country Party who were promoting ‘White-out’, as their preferred policy derived board game. However in the interests of Australia’s, image to the rest of the world it was determined in a spirit of bipartisanship that ‘Dictation Test’ best reflected the will of the people. The aim of the game was simple. Each player had to pick a card. On the board, the game counters, (a few white) and hundreds of coloured, would stand in a long queue before an entry portal. Each player would pick up a card, move the counter forward as the other players would have to guess the origin of the language used in order to allow the game counter though the gate. White game counters were picked from the ‘ Lucky pile’ and let in. After lengthy discussion, a determination would be made on the status of the coloured counters. Ultimately the game failed. No one in Australia at the time knew any foreign languages, cept a smattering of French, a little German and some Latin learnt at school. As a consequence no coloured counters ever got through, and the game proved ultimately unrewarding. No copies survive. But there are rumours that a new virtual reality version is being trialled at Nauru.

This poem was found amongst the detritus of the early operatives – the young Turks if you will – of the Australia Council in the 1970’s.  It talks of committees and activism in the past and has little relevance today.

To Sit on Committees

They were bright metal once.  Souls aflame.
Smelling something rotten in the State.
Ardent to set it right.  They began bravely.
with banners, songs;  They sought the dreadful summit. 

But were led into committees, where dead words 
Hang in the conditioned air like ash
And settle slowly on the carpet.  The causes
They came to serve are never on the papers,
And drifts of information glaze their brains.

Soon, however, they learn the real agenda.
They become adept:The pointed phrase precisely
Placed; The inside knowledge to parry an
Opponent’s thrust; The twist, the swift diversion.

They savour the cerebral excitement
Of a hit.  So the play becomes the thing.
And later, when they hand the drinks around,
They cannot remember why it was they joined.
Or what they meant to do about the King.

Margery Hourihan

Today’s dispatch is  History Repeats Itself- June 2006.  Originally dispatched on 27 June 2015

PS-

The ‘Freedom’ Dispatch prompted a response from one of our sons who grew up in Yuendumu.

Over a decade ago, a friend of ours (a Warlpiri Yuendumu man) told our son that he’d broken out of a low security gaol in Darwin with his cellmate. A friend on the outside had bought tickets to a Stevie Wonder concert, so they all went. Pourquoi pas?

The Australian Parliament’s predilection for retroactive legislation prevents me from disclosing who this friend is.

After the concert they snuck back into the gaol, and no one was any the wiser.

Our friend told our son that it was a brilliant concert! Type text or a website address or translate a document.

Sans aucun doute it was.

Our friend’s crime? He’d taken the ESO (Essential Services Officer)’s ute for a joy ride.

I don’t hold it against our friend. The ute as I recall had one of those rotating orange safety beacons on its roof, and the ESO had left the key in the ignition in front of the store. That’s what I call entrapment.

When you believe in things

You don’t understand

Then you suffer…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CeUKOFVO15w

What the hell, pourquoi pas, another version, another Stevie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=37-yFGJngPs

Too-de-loo
Frank

If you think it’s hard for Crown executives, spare a thought for Hong Kong Bookslllers. Up to their ears in bureaucratic red tape.

Dear reader, occasionally we give cause to pause. Yes indeed to pause and reflect upon the heavy lifting done by the LIFTERS in our community. Please, we know we’re all busy, an some of us, (anyone born after 1990) are doing it tough because they realise that it’ll be mashed avocado from hereon. Such is the solace in knowing that they’ll never ever be able to buy a home. Ever! But let us not dwell on their plight over-long, as LOSERS they’ll just have to GET OVER IT! But an issue that runs deep in these vexed times of spiraling inequality is the dilemma faced by employees, the senior executives of Crown Casino in Macau, who’ve all found themselves on the wrong side of the law. Poor sods.

Crown can learn from Hong Kong Booksellers. Though bookselling and reading generally is not comparable in any way to the successful Crown Business model.

You see the Chinese government is pretty cross with corrupt officials and their cronies siphoning money out of state owned enterprises into gambling. It’s poor form just siphoning funds into real estate in foreign countries not yet partly owned and operated by the communist party. It’s absolute disaster then, if you venture to take a spin at a partially owned foreign enterprise that encourages such frivolous behaviour. And it has been suggested even, that casino’s are an elaborate form of allowing people to launder money. Fancy that! Seems the Australian executives of Crown are in deep trouble. You’re not allowed to encourage locals to gamble elsewhere other than in China.

Crown Barangaroo. The public space is that little green piece left over on the left hand side. Proof of Crown’s excellent record in public stewardship, decency and nobility of spirit, almost akin to the noble spirit of ANZAC

We’re a little confused because Crowns’ excellent business model with a new Casino opening in Perth and another excellent one at Barangaroo, (due to open in 2020) are designed almost exclusively to siphon as much hard earned from people who incidentally come for China as fast as is humanly possible. That’s bad news for the Crown business model. A stemming of the ‘Rivers of the GOLD’ and worse still, their executives being chucked in the clanger. No trial. No charge, and No communication ever since..

There could be problem with the Crown business model. Now lets be fair, we know that Crown does a hell of a lot of good locally. Gambling has been a good thing for Australia. And way better as any comparative analysis, say Great Britain, where the profits are re-directed to community building initiatives. No such thing happens in Australia. The profits go straight back to the shareholder, to do with what they will. Thats the principle of the ‘trickle down effect’. And everyone, politicians foremost, agree that it’s an entirely satisfactory model. Incidentally quite a lot of ordinary people as consequence of gambling kill themselves and go to jail, or their lives are destroyed. The gambling industry urges us to gamble responsibly. They’ve normalised gambling to make us happier and content. That’s why Barangaroo, originally intended as a public project of open space and cultural splendour has been taken over by private enterprise and gambling to cater for high rollers. Its the net social benefit.

A high roller is someone, (coincidentally from China) with lot of money left over as surplus after they’ve bought several dozen properties in places where the rule of law applies, like Australia. The Crown executives don’t have the protection of law in China. Something they may have overlooked whilst harnessing the ‘Rivers of GOLD’. And no one knows, ( or really cares) when they’ll be set fee. That’s where China is little different. Jamie Packer, benefactor and good all round bloke to pollies on both sides of parliament may have a problem. But in gambling with high rollers, ‘when the chips are down‘, you can rely on your mates. The executives may not be out for while, perhaps a year or two, but Jamie and his mates will find a way. ‘Where there’s a will’, they say. And Jamie can learn from China. The business model that’s served well the communist party cadres will stand fast. In the end, the public will pay.

Dear reader , there have never been more exciting times.

For most of us life can be an endless stream of minor struggles as we attempt to balance our meagre income against the cost of living. Indeed there’s mortgage stress, rent stress, emotional stress, (as a consequence of the aforementioned), and on top of all that the stress we all suffer for falling short of key performance indicators. These can be varied and diverse, and they can range from satisfaction ratings, (liable to considerable fluctuation) and the miscellany of minor stresses. We can label a few; Mykey stress, traffic stress, blackboard scraping stress, (not so common now most classrooms have converted to whiteboards), gender specific stress and the day to day worries associated with erectile dysfunction and bedroom performance. All of the above, establishing a veritable obstacle course of real and imagined worry. It’s enough to make you want to stay in bed. And our only hope, is a basic native optimism that keeps us plodding on.

Bernard Salt (Partner, KPMG).Demonstrates width of avocado sandwich favoured by millennials.

Hardworking members of the communist party

Members of the Communist party love Georgian architecture. Go figure!

Good thing then, that revered demographer Bernard Salt demonstrates evidence of the ideas boom at work. It’s been difficult, with the further devaluation of the CSIRO, and the rise of Bernardii-ism to find substantive evidence of the innovation and ideas boom. Indeed the Prime Minister has kept it under covers. We can understand this, possessed, as he is with such intelligence and wisdom. It would be unwise, (bit like the f35 stealth fighter) to reveal all its advantages in one showing.  We know that in no time flat, copies of the ‘ideas boom’ would be appearing, (identical to ours), in China, where they have no respect for copyright and intellectual property. Though we hasten to add, they (well members of the Communist party) have an extraordinary respect for French Empire and neo Georgian architecture. But the point is, that the P.M, has kept thinking well and truly in “shut down mode’, and that’s a bloody good thing, because it gives the economy stability. Without stability the Property Council would get the jitters. And when that happens EVERYTHING, a veritable house of cards, comes tumbling down.

Winners are Grinners. Baby Boomers

Bernard Salt made a critical observation. Millennials have a penchant for expensive sandwiches. You see!! An ‘ideas boom’ singularity. He’s really clever our Bernard. Not only is he a demographer, but he knows what’s going on across the board. And he does this by sitting in cafes.

Soup Kitchen. Responsible eating. Soon to be released Australia-wide as an ‘Ideas Boom Millennial Nation Building Initiative’.

Bernard probably got a free education. Bernard also probably paid next to nothing for a house. Bernard, most likely has a whole army of millennials working as interns in his office for free. Bernard also has probably made squillions by just sitting on his arse and watching the property that he bought cheaply just get more and more expensive. And Bernard knows that his generation, (the annointed baby Boomers) have never ever ever had it so good. Bernard is right to comment on the millennials. They can never ever scrub up to be quite as successful as him. He comes from a golden age. And quite rightfully, he feels scorn for those no hopers. Even before they finish Uni they’ll have a hundred thousand dollar debt, some of them can never ever pay. Losers!!

Bernard is dead right, they are wasting their meagre allowance on Avocado mash, and things like food, clothing, and perhaps dentistry. They’re pathetic! No wonder they can’t ever afford a house. Members of the communist party can. They’ve also worked hard, like Bernard. He wishes they’d buck up. Get real. Face facts, and work bloody hard. There’s no use telling them. And pathetically they (the millennials) say what’s the use?. Bernard is made of the right stuff. The millennials are like a sore that wont heal. Bernard must pick at that sore. Pick it. And better still, as we all know they feel pain, which they deserve, Bernard (respected demographer) sees the open wound in our society. And knows what to do. Rub Salt into it.