“As time goes by” . P.M for Innovation making time stand still.

Dear reader, upon reflection it is comforting to know that we only have three weeks left in the U.S election run-up. And then, it’ll be all over. And what’s more comforting, as evidenced by our ‘P.M for Innovation’ Mr. Malcolm Turnbull is that not much will change.

That is a source of great comfort. If Clinton wins, there will be a sigh of relief from the one percent, their investments, holdings and influence will remain intact. If Trump wins, much the same. For poor people, the world over, they can expect to be punished. And reform, after all the talk, will be quietly forgotten. That’s what we’ve learnt from the Turnbull presidency, (we acknowledge that we have a Westminster system) but we think you’ll agree that ‘presidency’ sounds more lofty. And besides,  he is an ardent republican as well.

So there’s lots to hope for. And for the environment, education, thought, imagination, they can all go and get stuffed. No one cares. And the best news is that you can still buy an electric kettle, a toaster and hair dryer for the crazy low price of $ 7.95, (inclusive of GST) at your local Big W. So who said globalism made losers of us? And our advice to the U.S public, think carefully before you vote, because the last thing anyone really want is … Change. And now, one last time, a look at some toys that made a collective nostalgia for the past, just that little bit rosier.

Ladders and Ladders 420×300 1996 PellToys

‘Ladder and ladders’ was an exciting initiative developed by the ecumenical church council to give kiddies the opportunity to exhilarate in the rapid promotion then on offer in all branches of religious life. Instead of the snakes that would adorn the more standardised ‘Snakes and Ladders’, the board consisted just of ladders. However, between the ladders and the ultimate rise to the top, where little snakes configuring little circles. Within each circle an object, clearly visible” would indicate a “Sin”, a “Vile Act”, or a ‘Cunning little lie”. Each player had to traverse the series of ladders to the ultimate goal of being consecrated an archbishop, or in some instances, ( a cardinal). After the ascent of each ladder, the player was asked, by the other players, ‘what they had observed long the upward journey’? Those who provided the most plausible fabrication, without repetition, hesitation or departure from the subject were allowed to move on. Those who offered implausible excuses were relegated to the bottom. It was a game that required absolute skill in obfuscation, casuistry and deflection . No copies of the game survive, but it is rumoured some exist as preparation devices for politicians about to undergo senate and parliamentary entitlement hearings.

Mr Tomato-head 420×300 1975-2015 Rednek Toys

Mr Tomato Head represented an attempt by a local manufacturer, (Rednek Toys) to give the Mr Potato Head franchise a ‘real through going over’. Taking the predominance of ‘interesting’ politicians then in circulation in the sunshine state, the toy was a sort of characterised hybridisation between Rus Hinze, Bjelke Petersen and the average Queensland voter. The toy proved very popular in the peanut growing districts around Kingaroy and looked set to carve it’s very own niche in the novelty toy sector. Sadly sales dropped off after the demise of the Petersen Government. Only recently, with the stunning profile of Barnaby Joyce boosted by the fracas with internationally famed superstar actor Johnny Depp and his ex wife Amber has interest renewed in a new Mr Tomato-head Doll. Preliminary discussions wit the Federal Agricultural Minister are ongoing.

P.M Malcolm Turnbull demonstrating just “How Big” the innovation Boom will be, responds to questions of possible sale of CSIRO infrastructure to Sports Bet, Crown, Cash Converters, and other highly successful world-beating local businesses.

Dear reader, you’ve probably been wating for substantial evidence of the PM for ‘Ideas and Innovation’s’ Innovation Boom. Some of you may have been disappointed that as yet, the Property Council, ( Australia’s leader in innovation and resource development) have not yet delivered the sort of business model that really puts us at the forefront of innovation excellence. And some of you may still be wondering if the excellent plethora of private training colleges are really producing the skills base we need to make ourselves less reliant on mining and real estate as principle drivers of the economy. Well the good news is, that nothing’s happened yet to upset the finely tuned equilibrium of the Australian economy, and with great leaders, (George Christensen Eric Abetz, Corey Bernardii) to guide an innovative and reformist policy agenda, we know that the future of manufacturing glows very bright indeed. What a perfect opportunity then, to give you another glimpse at some of the products that almost made it to our retail shelves. And, described here for the very first time, give inspiration to the many great innovations yet to come.

Percy The Arrrogant Bastard  420×300 1972 Meccarno Toys.

The first ever “emotionally nuanced’ train set.

Meccarno Toys were frustrated by the success of competitors in the toy market who’d carved a niche for distinctive, iconic toys children loved the word over. Determined to make a break from the standard convention of toys and inspired by the Rev W Audrey series, they determined to develop individualistic personalities for the toys they developed. The first of these was ‘Percy the Arrogant Bastard” Percy was just like his stablemate Percy, the tank engine, with one exception. As either a clockwork or electric train, it would travel with a fusillade of arrogant and obtuse assertions. The pre recorded messages included such immortal phrases, as; “ outta my way you useless little squirt”, ‘call yourself Arse-Face’, and “ Pigs Arse’. Percy the Arrogant Bastard, was the first in a line of toy locomotives allied to an upcoming animated children’s series. His stable-mates included; ‘Thomas the Turd; Freddy the foul- mouthed’ and ‘Hettie the Harlot’.

After some considerable interest in the series the idea for both the toys and the T.V animation were dropped by the BBC, as unsavoury. Objecting to the depiction of the toys as all invariably white and Anglo, the board of the BBC, declared they were too closely aligned to stereotypical depictions of ordinary people and did not reflect the multicultural bounty of post war Britain. In a desperate attempt to re-sale them as ‘Luigi the Loco’, ‘Spiros the Steamer,’ and ‘Wong the Twack Wepair Wagon’ they failed to excite the public imagination. Possibly this was due to the insults being indecipherable to the mainstream as they were in native tongue.

Brewster Buffalo 420×300 1942 Stinky Toys

Australia’s first ever Stealth Fighter.

The Brewster Buffalo, then touted as 1941’s Stealth Fighter, was the “ very latest thing in forward defence and provides excellent and unquestionable value for money to the Australian taxpayer’. (Minister for Defence Hansard 1941). Sensing a national cultural icon, the Brewster, then nicknamed the “ Flying Beer Barrel, was chosen as the first in their range of odourised toys for children. It offered numerous novel features in a compact package, a true rival to the more stablished Dinky range. For starters it was manufactured in rubber, and had all the details; missing engine, jammed machine guns and collapsable undercarriage in scintillating detail. Hearing rumours of teething problems with RAAF Brewsters on active duty in Singapore the range was upgraded with ‘leaking oil’, ‘Fused generator’, and ‘hydraulic malfunction’ option which combined the odours of all three into an outstanding olfactory package.

But as war clouds gathered, rubber supplies ceased, this created material shortcomings before the devastating fall of Singapore. Sensing the symbolic failure of the Brewster both in the air and as model kit form, the production cased, and the dies, re-utilised to create Australia’s very own fighter the CAC Boomerang. In the words of aeronautical Designer Fred David ‘A design though flawed, that truly did come back’.

Cecil Poole on ennui

I’ve been feeling so down, so slothful, exhausted, stuffed, without purpose.  Listening to the ABC hasn’t helped.  I feel like Rick from “The Young Ones”, – ‘peace man’.

The only things that happen to me don’t.

So for the best part of ten weeks I’ve failed to write.  I’ve spent so much of my life seeking approval, validation, friendship.  From Quentin Cockburn.  From Ira Maine.

I dress in conspicuous clothing.  Bold checks.  Polished shoes.  I try to be cool.  I speak out the corner of my mouth.  I saunter.  I sashay.  I even smoked a cigarette (once).    Yet no one notices me.  At least not in the way I want.  I was in Brunswick Street once and a young fellow poked me in the side and said (cruelly) “Country Boy”.  I happened to be with the most gorgeous cosmopolitan woman, a woman I’d been tying to impress (from a distance (of some miles) for years.  “Country Boy”!  The shame, the utter shame is with me still.   26 years, four months and seven days later.  Tears well up just writing about it . . ..

. . . sorry.  I’ve got a clean handkerchief.  AND I’m not wallowing in self pity.  I’m not.

Still I’ve been keen to impress Quentin and Ira.  Or even get them to notice me.  But nothing.  Not even a curt dismissal.  I know they are men of the world.  Their opinions are sought at the Sandhurst Club, at the Tolmie Tavern.  I’ve little doubt they are sought to advise at Davos, Jackson Hole, Toronto.

I was so down the other day (about ten weeks ago) I tuned in to the ABC, Radio National.  And listened to a conversation recorded at the Brisbane Writers Festival with Lionel Shriver (and how anyone could use the word ‘Festival” and ‘Lionel Shriver’ in the same program is beyond me) and the talk turned to that well known middle age, middle class female condition ennui.  I always thought it was pronounced ‘en/u/ee’.  Devastatingly I mentioned this to a PhD from the Sorbonne who gently corrected me.

As I tossed and turned, unable to write, unable to laugh, unable to sleep, (and being quite old unable to get the requisite blood flow to ensue a self satisfied sleep) I self-diagnosed on-wee (with an almost silent ‘n’).  I sat up startled, shocked that I would suffer this complaint.

Well, what does one do when one has a self diagnosed condition?  Look for confirmation of course.  Resort to google.  So weeks ago I got that confirmation.  Up to a point.  Was it ennui? Could it be angst?  Or the wonderful Weltschmertz? 

Well I set up my matrix and considered the  options.

Angst: was I worried  and dissatisfied in an “introspective, overthinking” Germanic way?  Absolutely not.  The way ‘Angst’ rolled off the tongue just did not do it for me.

Weltschmertz: Oh, what a word! If I said it often enough surely i’d have my lips tuned to master any wind instrument at all.  However, as I don’t wear sensible shoes, and have no real ‘sadness in my heart for a world that can never be’ weltschmertz is not the answer.

So that left me with Ennui.  That the English word annoy comes from ennui is a hint.   That it has “connotations of self indulgent posturing and European decadence” strengthens the case.  Now I “proclaim this, with a long, slow sigh . . . (I’ve) got ennui.

So obviously I had to write about this.  It is the best part of ten weeks since the diagnosis, and I’m ready.  I open the computer.  Source the links.  Turn on the radio.  Marianne Faithfull sings ‘As Tears Go By’ – not the version I knew as a fourteen year old, but a wonderful funny ironic version sung 50 years later, then Jimmy Hendrix playing on New Years Eve 1969, and David Bowie accompanied by Rick Wakeman, then Chicago Blues – Chess Brothers recordings.

The Ennui seems to have gone.  I’ve nothing to say.

EXCEPT I watched this with Faithfull and Bowie and went to bed laughing.

Lionel G. Fogarty

Lionel G. Fogarty is Australia’s foremost experimental and political poet.  Today’s poem is from his 2014 anthology Eelahroo (Long Ago) Nyah (Looking) Möbö-Möbö (Future) titled 

Murgon Brawl Cherbourg Brawls

They out there, not hidden
Have you heard of that brawl?
Up at Murgon town
Have you seen the 20 15 or so?
Darkies cause a fuss and fight?
Well, they came and told
Me before I read a paper.
Some sisters bashed up a
Female cop hey.
Some cops dragged picked on
The wrong black man,
So they deserved what Bompi
They got hey.
Now there’s this Jackie Joe
Saying them blacks who
Can’t hold their grog bang
Brought the brawl on
And guessed what him say to media.
I’m a bit ashamed to be Aboriginal
For they should not have charged at football
Show games places
Well who started it
Cops speak drunks started
Hit Hit Hit
Black Joe Jackie says all dri=unks
Started Hit Hit Hit
But Jesus was a drunk
Have you all heard, blacks
Drunken having a good time
Blacks, playing win or
Lose, sometimes can’t
Hit, when called boong nigger,
They react fast
Have you heard of stirring?
Cheeky police office
Who wait for those loud?
Talkative blackfellas under the weather
Then bang into the paddy
Wagon or slammed
The police don’t maintain good
Relations when you heard of
Bompi Bompi with Murris
Maybe all bad cops and bad blacks
Should go over goori for fighting ground next.

(To Kurt and Nanny Fisher, Sunday 8.39 pm, 2011-01-09)

Bompi – like a waterfall hitting on your face, the name of a waterfall
Jackie Joe – a ridicule name for a black tracker, police employee
Goori – identity term for NSW/southern QLD;
Murri – identity term for NSW/QLD
Boong – derogatory term for Aboriginal people
Daran – evil magic.

Today’s dispatch is Silver Lining .  Dispatched on 6 October 2016

Bonjour mes amies,

Back in 1971 (bloody hell, that’s nearly half a Century ago!) on our way back to Australia we had a most enjoyable week in Montreal. One afternoon we spent with trilingual Monique (French, Quebecois and English) and her copin , monolingual Raymond (Quebecois seulment) sitting on the lawn in Mt. Royal Park. There we witnessed something I was told was called ‘La Promenade’. Around dusk, small family groups were strolling around Beaver Lake, some clockwise and some anti-clockwise. When they chanced upon some friends or acquaintances they would stop and chat for a while before proceeding with their walk.

Later on our trip we spent a week in Salamanca (Mexico) on the Pan-American Highway. Our stay coincided with what I remember as being their Saint’s day. A weeklong celebration which included copious homemade fireworks; on one occasion a burning ‘wheel’ showered our vehicle with multi coloured sparks. Mercifully our ’bread van’ was rescued by a group of bystanders who lifted it out of harm’s way. On the rotunda in the central square a band played which I’m now convinced was Carlos Santana y su conjunto.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ACdwCIld3kE  (Santana-Samba Pa Ti- Live in Mexico)

Less ‘formal’ than Montreal’s La Promenade but none the less around dusk a gathering with lively conversations between small groups of friends and acquaintances took place.

Not all that long ago in Yuendumu at dusk, small groups of friends and acquaintances (and in the case of Warlpiri people, family) would stroll past the (then modest) police station to Big Dam and back.

Digressing- one of the most memorable science fiction books I’ve read was Fred Hoyle’s ‘Black Cloud’.

From my dad’s anecdotes:

SEP.’07- Not all that long ago dad was having one of his sessions and kept coming up with his now habitual rather negative opinions. This caused his daughter in law (of whom he is rather fond) to remark that: “Well, you know Mark: every silver lining has its dark cloud”. Touché!

Keep The Home Fires Burning Sung By John McCormack….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvuCaLRcgh4

…There’s a silver lining, through the dark cloud shining. Turn the dark cloud inside out, till the boys come home…

Recently a visitor who returned after a long absence remarked that there seemed to be far fewer people walking in the streets of Yuendumu. No more mass strolling to Big Dam.

These days some of the largest gatherings which happen in Yuendumu are the two day monthly court sessions, on the way to Big Dam, at the relatively new $7.6M police complex (the prior modest police station having been demolished). Every month fifty or so cases are heard at which kardiya (white-fellow) ‘justice’ is dispensed in large overdoses.

Dark clouds descend on Yuendumu on a regular basis. Yet every cloud has a silver lining.

Last week, our visitor from a few weeks ago, would have noticed even more the dearth of people casually walking in the streets. Yuendumu was a virtual ghost town.

An unprompted spontaneous mass exodus took place. PAW was filming part of what are known in English as ‘Songlines’. Everyone who could, set off and joined in, living, singing and dancing and teaching the young all the way from Wirnparrku (where Yarripirri came out of the ground) on to Yimpalu, Napanangkajarra,  Wayililinpa, Ngama, Mijinpanta and Katurnu.

A distance of almost 200 Km from west of Haasts Bluff (Ikunji) to near Yuendumu. Many people from other communities, some from as far as Ali Curung, joined in.

The enthusiasm and joy of the returning crowds was palpable.

Bonnie Raitt- Silver Lining:

Take this silver lining
Keep it in your own sweet head
Shine it when the night is burning red
Shine it in the twilight
Shine it on the cold cold ground
Shine it till these walls come
Tumbling down

We were born with our eyes wide open
So alive with wild hope
Now can you tell me why
Time after time
They drag you down
Down in the darkness deep
Fools in their madness all around

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcDaAr3EPqI

Au Revoir,

François

PS- PAW= Pintubi/Anmatjere/Warlpiri Media (formerly Warlpiri Media) http://www.pawmedia.com.au/

PAW Production expect the film to be shown on NITV next year. It is part of the second “Songlines on Screen” series. Previous Songlines production can be seen on SBS on Demand. It is an initiative developed by Screen Australia to document ‘songlines’ around the country.

“Yarripirri’s Journey” is the tentative title of the film.

There they go!!

Dear reader, this mouthpiece is not usually associated with the culture of complaint as the late Robert Hughes so eloquently put it, but today we make an exception. We are Sick and tired. Excuse us, we’ll say it again for good measure, SICK AND BLOODY TIRED of the Green’s behaviour these past few weeks. Could they please sit still. We, the electorate pay them good coin. Apparently even the most slob- like scrofulous back bencher is paid upwards of 190 thou, to sit on their arse and think God ,King and Country. Why then, every time a One Nation Senator begins their outburst, do they walk out? We want them to represent us and not shirk their responsibilities.

There they go again!!

It’s not good enough. It’s bad enough knowing that rusted on fogey lefty tree hugging Lee Rhiannon, whom we are led to believe is loathed, detested and abhorred by the entire party remains in spite of attempts to dislodge her. But this is one instance where we want her to stay. To make it quite clear that as another elder entitled baby boomer, she’s not more interested in her massive parliamentary benefits for just staying than being an agency of change. She’s earnt, it. We implore her to stay. She’s on a bloody good wicket. So is the P.M and he doesn’t even need the money.

This walking out has just got to stop. We demand they stay. Not only that, we demand they stay and have a laugh. Demonstrate to us in Churchillian mode, that the opposition can do whatever I likes, threaten, beat, berate, bomb, and we’ll just sit back and have a good laugh.

There goes Lee Rhiannon. And she gets paid 195 thou to piss off on principle!

It all points to one thing. The Greens, though noble, self sacrificing idealists of truth, justice and integrity, no less noble than the annointed sons and daughters who stand before the god-head of Anzac, and all its infinite worth, lack something. A sense of humour. And why shouldn’t they laugh out loud? It’s what One Nation needs. Every time a One Nation senator says something really silly, we all need to laugh.

We suggest that this uniform would look good on PBC management. Perhaps a ” nuanced” Border Force uniform could be adapted to lesser tier members of the PBC.

Take Brain Burstin’s speech. Brain, doesn’t like multiculturalism. He’s dead right. He reckons the ‘public broadcaster is unfairly biased against conservatives and has been the victim of a “cultural Marxist takeover”.  Brain reckons; “A fair balance might be struck by leaving the minority ethnic channels intact while transferring funding from the ABC to establish a new channel that might be called the Patriotic Broadcasting Corporation, whose explicit mission would be to represent the identity and interests of mainstream Australia,” He reckons the nation is losing its “Anglo-Australian identity”. Too effin right. We’ve been saying this for years. That it’s time the tide of the Marxist, Bolshevist  construct of crime, deprivation, rape, burglaries, was stemmed. This is a white man’s country. and we must retain the principles that guided us in colonising. And that’s not just the stuff we perpetrate still, on the first australians.

But now, Brain reckons both Liberal and Labor are colonising us with wogs and spiks, and dagos’, and chinks and mussies. Tgere’s no room left for ” Angry White Men”. He reckons it’s outta control. And that’s why we need a PBC. A Patriotic Broadcasting Corporation. On this line Brian is dead right. And unlike the Greens, he STANDS for something. But, he’s not going hard enough and this is where the Greens are so frustrating. We need a Propaganda Broadcasting Corporation. With real uniforms and promotion. Rapid promotion for those prepared to do a bit of correspondent reports from the eastern front, the middle eastern front, where the art of colonising and civilising is our burden. Good onya Brain. And Good on the PBC. And for once, just once, can you humourless bastards of the Greens…….. Sit STILL!!!

Dear reader, we, (the editorial staff at PcbyCp) have been struggling to maintain our consistent high level, thoughtful, imaginative and deeply insightful commentary on contemporary politics and society. And, it is with deep regret we inform you that it’s just getting too hard. You see, the purpose of this blog was to establish a platform on which to make satirical observation on contemporary society. We liked to think we gave equal weight to lampooning both sides of politics. And to date, the job’s been pretty easy. But now it’s almost impossible. How can one reasonably lampoon the Presidential fracas in America. They’re doing a bloody good job themselves. Lampooning only works when you have an objective sounding board to lampoon against. It’s an echo principle as distinct from an echo chamber. The problem is, rather than interpret the echo, as we used to do, the chamber is on ‘full effect’, and we only get distorted perspective that’s already been echoed. Or in other words, we think the rational hypothetical construct that we used to refer to as the ‘general public’, is no longer there. There is no rational base. There is no reflective medium with which to synthesize the babble. And what are we left with? Very little indeed.

We were going to ask a learned university professor, but all the one’s in politics, anthropology and classical literature have been replaced by business funded chairs, in departments with new names like ‘Business ethics and success management’, ‘Entrepreneurship 101’, or ‘The V. Putin chair of rent seeking value adding, for contemporary society’. It’s all very depressing, and the trouble is, that our elected representatives are surpassing us. We’re like manufacturing in this country. We are effectively closed.

‘Much cleverer than she looks” (Tony Abbott)

Phil Hughes helmet. ‘Possibly the most significant news event of the 21st century’ ( Malcolm Turnbull , current P.M)

Take for example this weeks gaffe by the Finance Minister Kelly O’Dwyer. This excerpt from the ABC says it all; ‘The Federal Government has been embarrassed by a procedural bungle in Parliament, after accidentally endorsing a bill amended by Labor, which criticised the Government. Minister for Revenue and Financial Services Kelly O’Dwyer was seeking to pass the International Tax Agreements Amendment Bill 2016 through the House of Representatives on Wednesday. But Ms O’Dwyer accidentally endorsed a second reading amendment put forward by shadow assistant treasurer Andrew Leigh. The amendment calls on the Government “to explain why it has failed to close tax loopholes and increase transparency in Australia”. After some confusion, Ms O’Dwyer appeared to support the amendment, facilitating its passage through the House of Representatives. Manager of opposition business Tony Burke said it was the first time in the history of federal parliament that a second reading amendment had ever been supported.

Senator Brain Burstin, doing his bit for ‘God King and Country’.

You see it’s ‘Game Over’ as the Yanks would say. We’ve been outplayed. How can we compete with this? What’s really difficult to trump, (excuse the pun) is a minister, who is assumedly briefed by a small army of minders and under secretary’s boldly going onto the floor, and reading, (robot-like) the oppositions amendment, and not realising for an instant, that she was on the wrong side, batting for the wrong team. And quite possibly thinking that the laughter and applause from the other side of the house, was akin to rapturous applause. You see, we can’t top that…

Count Kook, is the suavely dressed gentlemen to the right of the George Christensen model.

And that’s just the beginning, because, it get worse. And it’s about, a bloke called Brian Burston. We’ve nicknamed him ‘Brain Burstin’, cos he’s making our job just too bloody hard. We need an enquiry. But like the Phil Hughes enquiry. And though we know the reason why, we just cant ever get over it. Blame the pitch, blame the umpire, the ball, the bowler, the fieldsmen, the umpire, but don’t you dare ever touch the game. It’s all gone ‘Count Kook’ if you ask me.

Dear reader. we were going to talk about how courgeous the Queensland government are in granting emergency status to the Adani Coalmine. But such intelligence and forward thinking should not go unrewarded. So in a spirit of forward thinking-ness, we’ve been asked by our editorial department to submit two more Games that never quite made it, from our extensive archive. It is hoped that these will act as a foundation for the visionary, engaged, and socially conscious policy our federal government is committed to. And perhaps a message from those glorious days when innovation and nationhood stood hand in hand.

Medical Kit 420×320 1955 PolyToys

The medical kit (colloquially sold in the U.K as the Backyard abortion kit) was a very popular item. Sales soared during the ‘American flood” of 1942-45, and again during the Korean war, when unwanted pregnancies and the dire consequences became commonplace. Designed as an adjunct to the popular ‘Doctor and Nurses Kit’ the ‘Backyard’ offered some interesting and novel features. These included a length of rubber hose, a small jar, a small bottle of ether and a pair of forceps. This all came with an attractive, (as standard in Doctor and Nurses Kit) uniforms and fake moustache.

The kit was exceedingly popular in both Britain and Australia, as a consequence of being affordable. And a boon for children improvising with bomb sites and vacant allotments to extend their range of their ‘imaginative play’. In spite of numerous protests from splinter and church groups the game was seen as an ‘inoffensive mirror to contemporary life’, (Archbishop of Canterbury) and children enjoyed mimicking the ritual of “letting the doctor in the back gate”, ‘sterilizing the coat hangar” and ‘helping dad walk to the pub’, whilst the procedure was in progress. Unfortunately, it became apparent at the Old Bailey that the notorious Mr Christie had adapted the kits for his personal use with dire consequences.

The game was immediately banned as unsuitable, and all product destroyed. However it is rumoured the kit survives in Russia, with a minor change reflecting the current aids epidemic in the country. The only difference being the ‘Doctor and Nurses’ uniform is substituted for prison guard uniforms.

 Maralinga Man 400×300 1956 Atomic Toys. C.1956

Maralinga Man, was a first for local toy manufactures. The first ever ‘Glow in the Dark’, robot man it capitalised upon the atomic testing then happening in the outback. Spurned on by the desire of the then Prime Minster, Sir Robert Menzies to plead the British Government for ‘Atomic testing Anywhere in Australia‘, the robot toy was designed to walk, talk and eradicate any plants, animals humans who stood in the way of nuclear progress. The Initial response from retailers was enthusiastic with bumper sales predicted before Christmas. Then tragically as pre-release sales skyrocketed and distributors tested the toys at home incidents of radiation sickness took their toll. In short the toys were deadly. The toys were removed, and re-badged, on-sold in Nagasaki, as the ‘Atomic Manga Man’. Evidently the radiation dosage was mitigated by the background radiation. Thus rendering them comparatively harmless.

Dear reader, we thought rather than sully ourselves with any description of the latest round between Hillary Status quo and Donald Looney we”d offer another fragment of what once was.

Ten Pound Pom was released in 1949 and became an overnight success. Looking to further enhance the ‘Bring out a Briton’ programme, ‘Ten Pound’ was designed to popularize the benefits of English migration. It was also encouraged by the Federal Government as an ‘educative tool’ to acclimatise the local population to the idea that poms were legitimate migrants and did not suffer the stereotypes that had been attributed to them during the course of the Second and First world wars. Incredibly, the ‘Ten Pound Pom’ game came out at precisely the same time as Palmolive and Lux released their ‘Wash and Wear for Work’ advertising campaign. An advertising campaign designed to instruct recently arrived immigrants from the mother country the benefits of washing more than once a fortnight, and the benefits of washing ones clothes as an accessory. The original concept was developed by the Ministry of Housing, and Department of Noxious Weeds and Rabbit Eradication in the Chifley government.

Chips and his mates showing a ” ten pounder” the ropes.

Keen to offer an incentive for locals to billet out poms and their families. The game offered useful suggestions on how a pom and their family were to be acclimatised. The game itself consisted of a simple foldout board, which displayed a vibrant pastel and ‘off cream’ graphic detailing the typical colour and layout of a post war home. The home had three bedrooms, a garage, a front and rear garden and a shed that could be converted into a sleep-out or a bungalow. There was a rural edition, that consisted of a family homestead of the traditional type, outbuildings and home garden, orchard and machinery shed. Both games were offered free to anyone who offered to bring out a Briton in rural or metropolitan Australia. An enthusiastic response, led by the manufacturer, John Sands and Co saw games and orders reaching the ten thousand mark in the first week. As an added incentive the advertising campaign was launched in theatres and public places by the celebrated Australian actor Chips Rafferty. Photographs of the actor in scenes from a ‘Bush Christmas’, and scenes from the ‘Overlanders’ were included in a deluxe box set, with an additional parcel of vegemite, Bonox, Dencorub and a bar of velvet soap as an introductory offer.

The weedy pom, ( child on left) learns to participate in a favourite Australian Sport. ‘Rock Hugging”

Seeing an opportunity to augment supplies, (due to the persistence of post war rationing) tens of thousands of bogus requests to bring out a Briton meant that the kits were allocated to unusual places. The most unusual examples, being; “The infirmary’, Boggo Road Jail, the Christian Brothers seminary in Northcote, and an unusual request for several parcels to be shipped to the ‘Commissioners Office’ at Port Moresby. Clearly no one had identified these destinations as inappropriate. An enquiry followed. In which it was determined that Church of England parish camps, humpies and “ bits of tarp slung out between two forty-four gallon drums” did not satisfy the standard definition of a conventional home. And applicants whose address, ‘the creek bed’, or ‘the back paddock’ were dismissed out of hand. For several years Ten Pound Pom was a common sight in parlours, ladies lounges and public baths.

A ‘returnee’ ten pound pom, extols the virtue of regular bathing and the use of soap to a sympathetic audience.

The game was simple. Poms were offered a place of lodging and a job for the bread winner. The bread winner, earned points dependent upon the level of expertise required; Abattoir worker, fencer, and toilet cleaner designated for the lowest rungs, and a poorer area allocation, (Frankston, Elizabeth, Parramatta or Blacktown) . Whilst clerical staff, and office menials were given the option of spare room in inner city flats to help them acclimatise. Well educated , and correctly spoken “Ten pounders’ were encouraged to move to inner cites, where their credentials guaranteed them a highly paid executive position within a government department or as announcer in the ABC. Those who could attract the most poms to their house, would accumulate the most points. Those with the highest points were those who were able to convert the maximum space for sponsorship. The rules stated, “any habitable abode”. Consequently chook pens, outhouses and cupboards were made available. The game required skill and a good memory. It consisted of the board, the house plan, and as many pom game counters that you could fit. The only limit being no more than twelve to a room. A starting price of ten pounds was given to each family, with game cards offering employment from the lowly paid and menial to executive level. Those with the most cash converted from the ten pounds would win. It was described by the eminent financier Nugget Coombes as a ‘sort of labor exchange orientated monopoly in which everyone knows by instinct their correct place”.

Sadly the enthusiasm for Ten Pound Pom waned with the arrival of intercontinental aircraft and the lack of interest evinced by the locals once migrants from other source destinations began to arrive en masse. Today only a few examples survive in the foyer of Australia House, and the counter of the Immigration Museum, where it’s used as an instructional tool for Immigration Department officials and members of Border Force. However, recent rumours abound that the game is being re- engineered by scientists seconded from CSIRO to the Property Council as ‘South China C’s’. As described by the head of the Property Council Mr Rennton Seeker: ‘It’s a game from senior cadres of the Communist Party. A bit like Ten Pound Pom in reverse, except, rather than billeting they’re just buying”

Visiionary leadership from the IPA.

You’ve got to hand it to the IPA. When it comes to nurturing deep thinkers, there’s no peer. And at the IPA, they know all about leadership. The federal government is about to spend 150 million on a marriage plebiscite. Marriage plebiscite’s are really profound ways of demonstrating leadership. Why pass legislation that reflects seventy percent of the electorates thinking when you can stymie social development for the sake of a few rusted on first century conservative ideologues. Who quite rightfully think that women are to be stoned, incarcerated and homesexuals are the closest thing you’ll get to a real “Animal Farm”. That’s where the IPA gets off. And the real issues facing western democracies, (countries run by big business and lobbyists) the questions of equity, health, education, science manufacturing and the environment are not important. Neither is the importation of ‘foreign’ cultural artifacts.

Gough Whitlam. Wrecklessly destroying our cultural heritage.

That’s the point the IPA is trying to make. When Gough purchased Blue Poles back in 73, he committed an act of cultural iconoclasm. He purchased a foreign, (American) painting. And ,If you look at it closely, nothing in the painting has anything to say about the glorious, noble, eternal, inviolate spirit of ANZAC. That’s the problem with foreign art, it doesn’t reflect the struggle of the people and the real principles of art, (we like to call it ‘kunst’) as a principle to protect and educate us as a baulwark against the tendencies of counter-cultural bolshevist-degenerative art. Though we’ve been culturally conditioned by american culture since the ‘talkies’ came into being, Mr Patterson is quite right to talk about Blue Poles being a waste of money. And now it’s worth 350 million, we should cash in, and send the fucking thing back. If our debt is growing by one billion dollars a day it’ll be the proverbial drop in the ocean. But someone has to get the ball rolling and make some tough decisions.

The submarines for example represent good value. James and his ilk were right to close down the car industry that employed tens of thousands so that every man woman and vertebrate in South Australia, could be guaranteed about a million each with the submarine contract. And though they’ll be out of date, ( they already are) they’re built to enshrine the spirit of aussie soldiers, sailors and airmen. It has been suggested though that submarines could encourage an environment that is conducive to “homosexuality” and the risk of gay marriage. But in the defense of this country, no price is too much to pay. The Adani coal-mine, is good value for money. Kill off sixty thousand jobs associated with tourism in Queensland and an entire biota, for a mine that may at it’s peak employ one thousand. And whilst we’re at it, it’ was good value the previous Victorian government spending all that money, (in excess of 250 million) on clean coal. Turned out to be a dud, but its sacred to the coal lobby. And finally, the decision to privatise vocational training. Very good business. Cost a couple of billion. Made a few rich, and a generation, (of non mates) poorer.

Arts Minister during the Whitlam era. Sir Leslie Patterson. A.O.

This is the way the kleptocracy works, We establish a non problem, we allow the kleprocracy to grab whatever public asset hasn’t been sold off and convert it into the only sure fire thing in this country, (now we’ve killed everything else) real estate. I agree with Patterson, Piss Blue Poles Off! Everything the Whitlam government did was one big mistake, And this ridiculously over- priced painting reminds us of how close we really got to a truly representative democracy. We don’t want that in Australia. And that’s the singular thing that makes the IPA progressive, They don’t like compulsory voting, and they don’t like the public at large. Because they know, what’s good for us. And that’s leadership. And if it cant be measured in dollars, it makes no cents!!!!!