Rupert and James, ” very sorry”, they were found out.

Geoffrey Rush doesn’t eat. He’s in lockdown in his house. His confidence and reputation shot. In the courts the Sunday Telegraph and Rupert’s flunkies fight it out with the STC, ( Sydney Theatre Company) to name the person who leaked.

This is trial by media, and Rupert must be very happy indeed.

We remember the News of the World Scandal. Private telephone conversations hacked, people left to hang in the gallows of public opinion after their private lives were trawled. In the end we had the edifying spectacle of Rupert and James confronting the parliament to say they were very sorry, the culture would change. And it didn’t.

Geoffrey may have touched someone innaproriately under a directors prompting. Was he a Weinstein serial type? We doubt it. Was he a Cosby and Rolfian, (Harris) serial offender? Most assuredly not. And what constitutes the inappropriate? Buggered if we know. You’ll have to ask Mr G from Summer Heights High. All we know is that two careers, the accuser and the accused are down the toilet.

In the end a good actor, some say a very good actor has had his career shot, and the hunt for sex offenders goes off track.

Indeed it was unwise for some well meaning tool to blab to the Telegraph. Someone, in the theatre industry may have forewarned them that Murdoch doesn’t have any one’s health in mind when his flunkies make enquiries. It’s only scandal he’s after. And it keeps the foremost principle of Murdoch’s Empire, (to impoverish the masses with salacious gossip, inuendo and degrading simplification) to keep going. And the cash registers pinging.

Mr G, advice on “appropriate” and “innapriopriate” touching.

The tabloids survive because they trawl the lowest common denominator of the human condition. They do this because the public seemingly have a thirst for the lowest common denominator. And the public, since they removed public hanging, like a metaphorical one.

In America, a shooting can be recorded on anyone’s I phone in graphic detail The blood, the sight of corpses, are daily fare, and no one bats and eyelid. But when an alleged victim of serial fiddler Bill Cosby protests by flashing her naked breasts, the editing departments are working full tilt, to ensure that no one is shocked by the sight of bare breast. We still reward violence as healthy prime-time entertainment, and yet stoop and genuflect to some ancient biblical hang-up up about sexuality by digitally removing a woman’s sexuality as “offensive”.

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Corey

We are in strange times. Serge Gainsbourg would be non plussed, and Arthur Miller re- writing the Crucible in a more contemporary vein, because both the victims and the perpetrators are devalued as human beings and sent to purgatory for having any sexuality at all. This is Rush’s crime, to be a bloody good actor, and die on the pillory of this purient and all pervasive fear of sexuality. Whether he touched, fiddled or groped is irrelevant. He was alleged to have (under direction)  an alleged moment, and his life is irreperably changed. And Rupert is richer by half. And we the public impoverished.

And Guilty?

We only have ourselves to blame.

Stunning news from up north on just how successful the Australian Commonwealth games team are in all their events.

Did you know that yesterday the Opals beat Mozambique by four hundred goals in the mixed synchronised swimming event. The Matilda’s beat Kenya three thousand goals to nil in the integrated limbless ice hockey. From the track we’ve heard that Shane Dwayne O Grady came first in the hop step and jump, discus and back-somersault relay race.

Australia leads the world in sports not neccescarily related to ball tampering.

More stunningly alienating than Melbourne’s Docklands, Another GOLD moment for the Gold Coast.

The gold just keeps flowing for Australia. Proof that we are numero uno over all those parts of the old empire that just weren’t civilised or whitey enough. On hand to congratulate the athletes the future King of Australia Prince Charles the Third acknowledged the stellar perfomances from the Australian team: ‘Not since mummy and I wrote those naughty words to that lickpsittle of a toady John Kerr have we laughed so much. On the track, in the field and in every sphere of non-thinking human endeavour you Awstwalians prove your mettle’.

Our future King, Charles the 3rd suggests an improper use of games souvenir to Camilla, the Duchess of Tawdry. (we are not amused)

Tomorrow Australia kicks off against the Isle of Man in the haggis eating competition, and after the finals it’ll be a showdown between our own contender, Geroge (Georgie_boy) Christensen and the kaber tossing scotsman, Eric Mcpewkes.

However, there is a dark cloud. Anecdotal evidence suggests that the games are just not relevant anymore. They don’t attract the national intrerest and in other countries not blessed by the roseate pink of empire they don’t even know what a “Commonwealth” is. And some haven’t yet heard of Queensland. And that’s reflected in the medal tally.

On literacy, Australia came thirteenth behind, Mauritius the Seycheles and those bits of the ol Belgian Congo that were no coloured pink in the old school atlas. And for creativity, the only field Australia managed to make a nudge against other contenders, South Africa, Malawi and The Scilly Isles, was in creative accouting and real estate. “Perhaps that’s why the people are not coming’, sighed a disillusioned Peter Beattie. ‘We thought that after the opening ceremony every roadway in Australia would be packed. Instead they tell me the Gold Coast is a ghost town. How could people not be interested in what’s on offer”?

Arguably, Australia’s most “hollowed out’ urban environment. Another Gold moment.

‘But there’s hope’, says Beattie.

‘We’re lobbying for special categories in the next Commonwealth games. And I think this will give Australia a chance to demonstrate to the world it’s credentials. Land clearing, Barrier Reef despoilation, Indigenous incarceration, Species Extinction, Bigotry and Smugness will all be competitive sports. And our latest, “Coal futures”. We wanna make sure that Coal is an inseperable part of Australia’s sporting mix, and after the cricketing debacle we’re happy to say that weet Bix have jumped on board. What better endorsement could one hope for.

So though the streets may be empty, in a special Queenslander kinda way, we know the reason for the drop in crowds. It’s the southern states. They envy our coal coloured view of the world.

And that’s why we strive harder to go it alone.

Cos we can’.

The following is an edited text of a recent article that appeared in the Guardian. In the interests of transparency we believe it only fair to acknowledge our craft in plagiarism.

Dear Malcolm; ” with friends like these”…

The luminary from the near north Craig Kelly (Member for Hughes) hopes  that with the Monash Forum, we the taxpayers do what private enterprise wont touch. And that is… to ensure that the government pays for new coal-fired powerstations.

Craig and his mates are aginst the “demonisation” of coal, and hoped that the threat of a united coal-ish backbench would destabilise the the Turnbull government’s National Energy Guarantee, and in doing so ensure another tilt for Tony “Peabody is my best friend” Abbott. A win win for strong government and progressive policy. Tony Abbott, Eric Abetz, Kevin ­Andrews, George Christiansen and just for fun, Barnaby Joyce united in COAL.

George Christensen has reportedly written to fellow Nationals MPs inviting them to join the group “encouraging the government in the promotion of and ­facilitation of and/or construction of coal-fired power stations”.

John Monash, accepts first ride on Gravy Train.

The group is named after the First World War general John Monash, owing to his role in opening up Victoria’s ­Latrobe Valley for coal production. And for assisting to aid the British in ensuring more Australians per capita than just about anywhere else were slaughtered during the First World War, to achieve NOTHING. And because he’s an ANZAC (whose name shall live in sanctity and eternal light) the forum is beyond reproach. To question thus, Is “Un- Australian”.

Batting for The RIGHT to be wrong. (George Christiansen was asked to be included but declined as there was not enough space to put him in).

“It’s not like it’s a secret society,” Kelly said, “One of the aims of the group is to emphasise the importance of coal-fired generation. In KILLING the planet!!
“Coal is demonised by a large section of the community – that demonisation is incorrect, because coal is absolutely vital to the national economy both for export and the generation of cheap, reliable electricity.” And besides setting up a coal fired power station (as against renewables and what Jay Weatherel did in S.A) is prohibitively expensive. And what better way to do it, follow the lead of Exxon, Transurban, Google, Amazon, and all the others and PAY no TAX. Get the taxpayer to pay the rent, the rent that we seek for promoting hideously expensive, outmoded, grotesquely innefficient industries, and reward us for KILLING THE PLANET.

And as the majority of us are Queenslanders we deserve recognition, particularly with the Commonwealth Games on, in being the absolute world leaders in de-forestation and KILLING the PLANET.

We’ve killed off the greatest living organism ever, and we’re working tirelessly to ensure that all habitat that supports really fucking intersting stuff is completely destroyed. And you know why we do it? Cos we’re good ol conservative God-fearing folk who stand for development and environmental despoilaton. AT ALL COSTS. And we like to defy economic and Environmental Logic because WE CAN!

Kelly said if AGL’s Liddell power station were closed, the “optimum outcome for the grid” would be to construct a new coal-fired power station. And reverse govenrment policy of propping up inneficient industries by making the taxpayer PAY.

Glorious Anzacs led heroically by Sir John Monash demonstrate new strip mining techniques in Flanders 1916. Another instance of Australia pushing innovation and technology.

“Private-sector investment in coal might not be forthcoming due to possible technological change and changes to climate policy by a future government so “the government may need to step in and assist the build” of a new power station”. Derrr, (ed.)

And power companies who pay no tax to completely screw the consumer and ensure like Joe Hockey did, that manufacturing is gone FOREVER. And for daring to be clever.

The deputy Nationals leader, Bridget McKenzie, told Radio National on Tuesday coal “needs to be an ongoing part of the energy mix” COS IT KILLS THE PLANET.
“I don’t want to be ideological about how we get affordable, reliable power,” she said.
But coal is the only way to ensure the planet is KILLED QUICKLY.

From North America,  hot on the tail of those who march (unarmed) in the US, to protest (as is their right), for those to be armed and (as is their right) carry an arsenal of weapons to keep themselves and other law abiding citizens “ Safe”.

First from our agent provocatrix in the U.S, Cecil Poole, this observation:

‘Placard from gun control march, Raleigh NC. The plural of Uterus is surely uteri. Education is not what it used to be. Sad”;.

Then quicker than you can say “March of little feet” this sanguine observation from our bard from the near north Ira Maine:

“Pull yourself together, for Gawd’s sake!

Surely the placarded lady used the word as she did in order to stir
an echo of the tediously ubiquitous shop name: ‘Boring ‘r’ Us’.

‘Uterus’ sounds awfully like ‘Youth ‘r’ Us’  to me. I hardly think
this double entendre was accidental given the subtlety of her overall
message. It is singularly apposite and is unlikely to have occurred by
chance.

The  saddest part to me is that most of the Trumped up jackass class
simply will not understand her message. They would find ‘uteri’
utterly incomprehensible.

In barricaded expectation of an avalanche of hooted derision in
response, I take my gentle leave…

My compliments to the splendid Andrea*,

Ira Maine,
Lord of the IGA  Aisles and a Martyr to Ungovernable Wind’.

Sir Atney as a student, when he studied Latin and Grammer and punchtuation.

And then, the final word from our sage of the Sydney-Ciders Sir Atney of Emo:

“Of course, the rot started when the Classics disappeared from the school syllabus, displaced by Inter-Gender Studies, Creative Carpet Laying, The Use of Deconstruction in the Critical Analysis of Japanese Manga Comics, etc.

Thus not one in hundreds would have spotted the errors abounding in Brian’s graffito in Monty Python’s ”Life of Brian” – “Romanes eunt comus”.

As present company, latinists all, would well know, the message should be “Romani ite domum” (Romans go home). Amongst other corrections, the verb now takes the third-person imperative form.

O tempora, O mores!

Sir Atney Emo”

And then from the Tolmordian Transigent,

‘Moses, when he finally got all of his followers together and began to
shepherd them out of the city, he found his way utterly blocked by
heaps of uncollected garbage.
‘What about our long sojourn in the wilderness?’ he cried as he
surveyed the piled up and stinking mess.’This will very probably
bugger up  our entire Biblical itinerary!’

Out of nowhere, as if ’twere a miracle, there appeared the twelve
apostates, with shovels.

In a trice the way was made clear, the Garbo’s strike obviously over.

“Can we go now?’ muttered Moses through gritted teeth, himself and his
followers almost overcome by the stench of the freshly disturbed and
rotting mess.
‘No worries!’ chuckled the head sanitation man, indicating the gap in
the garbage,  “Ite, cibum est super.’

This is what “Latin Grammar” looks like. Surprising more people aint got a handle on it.

This command was remembered and subsequently incorporated, with minor
alterations, into the Latin Mass.

Roughly translated it means: ‘Go, the mess is over.’

Ira.

Hmmm…. In uteri I go! (popular Deniliquin vernacular)

And who is, “the splendid Andrea’? Stay tuned for tomorrows thrilling instalment, i  which we put the quid into “Quid Pro Quo”…

Kevin Rudd. “Internationally famous in Australia”

You’re probably wondering what the Commonwealth Games, probably the most significant event in the international sporting calendar has to do with Australia’s Greatest, (cos he says so in his autobiography) Prime Minister EVER!

WEll, it’s because of the ball tampering scandal. You see the ball tampering scandal, possibly the greatest sporting scandal EVER to hit Australia, is a benchmark. It’s a Dividing Line. It’s a Watershed Moment. From herafter Australian history will be referred to as “Australia BBTS”, (Before Ball Tampering Scandal) and Australia ABTS ( After Ball Tampering Scandal). It will mark that turning point in our national culture.

The Commonwealth Games Village. Sort of Montreal World’s fair 1962, but without Elvis and “Queenslandish”.

And who better to define it than the Greatest P.M of Australia, Kevin Rudd. Only seven days into Australia’s (ABTS) Kevin has warned Australians of how we are courting unfavourable controversy and notoriety for our ball tampering skills. Kevin is worried about what other people in the international sphere may think about us. As sportsmen and all around good blokes. He’s really worried that this is more than just a diplomatic hiccup. It may impact on how others see us. Probably bigger than the spy scandal in the UK if you take a long look at it. And Kevin, because he’s the greatest foreign diplomat we’ve ever had, is seriously worried and so concerned that he needs to tell us folks back home that this really could be the tipping pont.

Kevin, crusader of all that is good, champion of the homeless and the aboriginal australians, is always there as a pointer to the national consciousness. And we feel Kevin’s impatience and frustration, that he may not be heard clearly enough over the white noise of the twernty four hour news cycle. Indeed singular and nation changing issues like giving tax breaks to big corporations who don’t pay tax, and urging the wealthiest of us to hide their gains behind the cloak of philanthropy is just crowding the airwaves. And besides, it’s footy season.

At the Commonwealth Games we can demonstrate Australian leadership and be victorious over places like the Pitcairn Islands, Guernsey and Tuvalu.

WE at Pcbycp have a plan. We want to make Kevin more prominent. We want Kevin, as he is another AQ, (Ambitious Queenslander) to be the mascot and permanent head of the Commonwealth Games. WE want Kevin, courtesy of the Australian taxpayer to do more of the heavy lifitng and represent us more effectively on the global stage. What better vehicle for doing this than being our permanent Commonwealth Games ambassador?

He could lecture the people of Nigeria on human rights. And the people of Trinidad and Tobago on the proclivities of ball tampering. And from his lofty height he could make pronouncements, in a faintly god-like manner on how he alone improved the lot of indigenous australians, and how he is more worthy than any one else EVER to project his brand of international dimplomatic prowess as “KEVINISM”

Commonwealth Games Mascot. Tastefully designed by QUEENSLANDERS!!

So we urge Kevin to be really significant and get behind the most significant sporting event EVER, the Commonwealth Games. To prove once and for all, how relevant he is in international diplomacy, feather bedding and being the greatest politician ever, both BBTS and ABTS.

And you know why?

Cos he says so.

Mother Tongue

Halo vrienden,

When we lived in the Netherlands, my sister was a 7 year old child. Years later I learned that she was very unhappy about having again been uprooted when we moved to Australia.

Sixty years later her son paid a visit to the Netherlands and found his way to the little house in Loosdrecht where his mother had spent some happy childhood time. On taking a photo, a very large threatening resident emerged, demanding (in Dutch) to know why he was taking photos. The big Dutchman found the (English) explanation (“a long time ago some of my family lived here”) unacceptable and demanded that Paul hand over his mobile phone. Paul decided to make a quick retreat and walked away (with his phone) being glared at all the way to the corner of the street.

My sister wrote the Dutchman a letter:

“ Vorige week kreeg ik een leuke verrassing, toen ik een foto kreeg van het huis waar ik vroeger wat onvergetelijke fijne jaren heb doorgebracht.

Wat akelig dat U zo onaardig was tegenover mijn keurige lieve zoon, na dat hij had uitgelegd waarom hij die foto nam. Zonde dat zogenaamde beschaafde inwoners van Loosdrecht niet altijd even vriendelijk meer zijn.

Nou ja, U heeft dus niet een mooie indruk gemaakt.

Beleefdheid kost niets”

Always in translation, some of the nuances of the original is lost- I’ll do my best-

“Last week, I had a lovely surprise when I was given a photo of the house I had in the past spent some unforgettable enjoyable years in.

How dreadful that you were so unfriendly to my decent dear son, after he gave an explanation of why he was taking that photo. A pity that so called civilized Loosdrecht denizens, are no longer always all too friendly.

Oh well, thus you haven’t created a good impression.

Politeness doesn’t cost a thing.”

Why am I telling you this? Well, it again illustrates why it is so important to retain one’s mother tongue. That letter is in essence a part of my sister.

Last week when my nephew was tromping through Europe, some contractors came to Yuendumu to re-seal the driveway and parking lot of our clinic. The clinic is opposite my office in Park Street (named after a no longer existing park). I’m not aware if locals were consulted about the need for this work, but I do know that the fine sealing aggregate they used is most unpleasant to walk on in bare feet, something that a significant portion of Yuendumu residents still do (by choice, not because they cannot afford footwear).

A subcontractor (Darwin based Arafura Traffic Control) turned up with a few of those “men at work” signs…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SECVGN4Bsgg Men at Work- Who can it be now?

, and wait for it….. a high vis clad lollipop lady. She was there a full day holding up a red-yellow Stop/Slow sign. Locals were overjoyed. The contractors that have been installing road-side kerbs (another essential Yuendumu improvement) didn’t bother with lolly-pop people.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiuPND4W6KM Millie- My Boy Lollipop

And of greater relevance…. They paved Paradise, put up a parking lot….

Big Yellow Taxi – Joni Mitchell in concert 1970
 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZgMEPk6fvpg

The bilingual programme (Warlpiri/English) at Yuendumu school, started in 1974. Success has waxed and waned ever since. A low point came nearly a decade ago in October 2008 when bilingual education was virtually killed in the Northern Territory by the so called “4 hours English only policy”

Low NAPLAN results were sheeted home to bilingual education. The premise that school children in suburban Melbourne would fail miserably should they be tested in other than their mother tongue (e.g. in Warlpiri) received scant consideration.

One of Kim Beazley Senior (The Whitlam Government’s Minister of Education)’s first initiatives was to arrange for Aboriginal children to be taught in schools in their own language, with English as a second language.  He is quoted to have said that to deny people an education in their own language (i.e. mother tongues) – with the caveat “where that is possible” was tantamount to treat them as a conquered people and to deny them respect.

At around the same time as my sister and I embarked on learning a language other than our mother tongue, namely English, Professor Strelow penned these words (I never tire to repeat):

“Above all, let us permit native children to keep their own languages, -those beautiful and expressive tongues, rich in true Australian imagery, charged with poetry and with love for all that is great, ancient and eternal in the continent. There is no need to fear that their own languages will interfere with the learning of English as the common medium of expression for all Australians. In most areas of Australia the natives have been bilingual, probably from time immemorial. Today white Australians are among the few remaining civilized people who still think that knowledge of one language is the normal limit of linguistic achievement.”
– T.G.H Strelow,1958

I say amén to that.

In Yuendumu we nurtured the flickering candle
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CZBNwMy578  Candle in the Wind…. Elton John

which was a memory of bilingual education preceding the ‘4 hours English only’ policy. Gradually the status of the Warlpiri language is being resurrected at Yuendumu School. Around the same time as we were being kept safe by the lollypop lady in Park Street, at the School Council AGM, the new Principal of Yuendumu School outlined his vision of a future bilingual /bicultural school. This is following several years of a very supportive Principal.

As I heard it said when you put a tank in reverse the flattened ground doesn’t immediately spring back to its former glory. But we are working on it… and we don’t need a lollypop person to do so.

D:ream Things can only get better….
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dl-ai9HuR60

Tot ziens

Frenk

This is the tipping point.

The Australian Cricketing team caught RED HANDED. CHEATING!

The wearers of the hallowed “Baggy Green”.

The sacred sons of ANZAC,

The eternal custodians of the “Australian Way”!!

“Is that a ball in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me”?

As Warnie said, “How could this be”?

Just cos the Bankers cheat and rort the system. The pollies cheat and rort the system. The bureaucrats cheat and rort the system. Even the erstwhile head of the Health Services Union cheated the system and so did her partner the bloke that’s meant to look after the wages of ordinary people. And the big end of the town who are in the process of gouging another tens of billions off the taxpayer, and every other non tax paying rent seeking corporation. It’s a tragedy, but there aint an honest broker in the system. Welcome to back to the future, It’s feeling a bit like 1788. But where do we ship the crims now? The Americas? The old country? New Zealand? Nauru?

Leaders Speak out about Cheating, though political donations are fine.

The rot must stop. Here’s trenchant advice for the Cricketers,

1  Ensure adhesive tape is attached under the baggy green. No one will look under the sacred head covering.

2  Ensure spare balls are kept where no one will ever look. Inside empty space between ears.

3  Make sure all cameramen are bribed before play

4  Employ umpires who are sight challenged

5  Establish repertoire of un-gentlemanly behaviour under the guise of “sportsmanship”

6  Pay journalists to only ever say great things about you

7  Be revolting, grotesquely so to your opponents, and insulting

8  If caught, deny everything

9  Write a memoir and tell em how cheesed off you were about being “caught out”

10  Play Howzat, and drink lots of beer

And when caught, DENY EVERYTHING!!

This is a program of applied catharsis, once done, you will be liberated by the drag of conscience. Know that as wearers of the “baggy green” anyone outside the fold is a soft cock, wanker, and if they’re South African, they deserve your contempt for being “un-civilised”. Invoke the spirit of Peter Dutton and Eddie Obeid, and ask everyone to be open, fair and reasonable, and uphold the principles of “Mateship”.

Cos ultimately the only goal that counts, above everything is WINNING.

And demonstrate your maturity to the rest of the world that as sportsmen, business leaders, and leaders of men, Australians stand proud as the smallest KING SIZED Players in the world.

And the overriding principle to all these scandals and entrenched kleptocracy.

DON”T GET CAUGHT!!

As Famously said, to be “Internationally famous in Australia”.

Tomorrow back to more compelling subject, Not the Banks Royal Commission, but the detailed examinaton of the Royal Papers and the 75 dismissal.

Mateship and Noble Son’s of Anzackery stand together. Another Great day for Aussie sport and the principle of WINNING at all costs!!

Not to be missed.

Unless the cricket is on.

A Family of Emus

Ngurrju-mayi?

I graduated as a geologist at the beginning of the so called Nickel Boom.|
For the first time in Australia, geologists could take their spouses ‘out bush’, so high was the demand for earth scientists.
Thus there we were, camped in a caravan at a place called Waite Kauri north-east of Leonora in Western Australia.
Our caravan was parked under the shadow of a windmill near a corner of a wire fence.
One morning we were woken by a strange sound. It was an emu family.

Grlmp, grlmp, grlmp!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lkg7_6iaPdY

As we peeked out of a caravan window we saw them bobbing up and down. There was father emu, mother emu and their three teenage emu children.

Bobbing up and down, grlmp, grlmp, grlmp, contemplating the fence which was hindering their morning walk. Bob, bob, bob, grlmp, grlmp, when suddenly father emu took a few steps back and ran towards the fence….. bang, crash. Father emu picked himself up and joined his bobbing family, grlmp, grlmp. Then it was mother’s turn…. A few bobbing steps back, then a run up… bang crash. This went on for an eternity. They had no idea they were being observed. It was a riveting sight. Bob, bob, grlmp, grlmp, a few steps back…. Bang, crash. The whole family took it in turns. Their perseverance was admirable. We thought it would never end, when unexpectedly, grlmp, grlmp, bob, bob, a few steps back, a run up and presto a somersault and there was one of the teenagers picking him(her?) self up on the other side of the fence. Bob, bob, grlmp, grlmp, with a smug grin on its face.

As I said, it took an eternity, but eventually the whole emu family trotted off together into the distance at the other side of the fence.

Despite the fence, this family was able to pursue an activity they had pursued for over 40,000 years.

From time to time, we would come across a bit of the fence with crossed wires. Tangled in the wire would be the remnants of an emu leg. Not all emus had been as lucky as the family we observed.

The erection of wire fences had radically altered the emu’s right to live life as they always had.

How presumptuous of these emus to assume they have rights. Why don’t they get over it and learn to respect these fences?

Nina Simone – I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be Free…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aM_GTtoqqqw

Ngaka-na-nyarra-nyanyi

 Frank

Craig Kelly learns wisdom from our Federal Treasurer.

Shocking news from the technology front. Further proof that if we just stuck to coal, (as the member for Hughes, Craig Kelly says), we’d be a lot SAFER.

Uber, has been testing its new fleet of driverless cars, and programming isn’t child’s play. Though Uber drivers get paid children’s wages, way out in Texas they do it in style. Big Drivers in Big Uber’s.

The New South Wales Minister for transport Mr Andrew Constance was on hand to make the following analysis: “As a consequence of our crackdown on free wheeling cyclists, the imposition of hefty fines, and on the spot fines for doing anything other than standing still it’s encouraging to see these new driverless cars are out there killing cyclists. Cycling is just not safe. What happend in Texas proved it’s not the way of the future.

The Volvo in question

We’ve had so many cases of cyclists being run over, and yet they still perservere. We’ve established the toughest and most draconian anti-cycling laws in the world and still they insist that they are valid road-users. This must stop, and besides, cycling makes no use of precious fossil fuels, denies the public road-user tax, useage tax, wear and tear tax, and all those other taxes we need to give corporates a tax break and other generous financial incentives for FREE”.

On hand to offer his analysis, the Texan main roads, cattle-rustling and Mexican wall-building Senator, Mr Colt Shootemdead, had this to say: “It’s not neccesarily the bicycle riders fault, I know they walk their bike on pedestrian footpath, ( sidewalk) but the elephant in the room is the vehicle designated by Uber to trial these driverless car technologies.”.

It’s as plain as day. It weren’t a Mercury, a Chevrolet or a GM. It wasn’t even a Flat-head, 38 Ford coupe. Yet I’m surprised everyone is surprised.

It should’ve been bleeding obvious from the beginning, The car chosen was a VOLVO.

I rest my case.

Sophia Loren deonstrates the utility of the conventionally driven vehicle.

Human operated Volvo’s have been a menace to all road users for decades. This was just tempting fate. Volvo, you know is Swedish for “Disaster waiting to happen”. And in Swedish, they have fifteen different words to describe “Dead Cyclist through Volvo Misadventure’,

These Google and Uber Execs need to take responsibility and come to terms with the unalterable fact, which is: No sensible, thinking civilised, (Peter Dutton) would drive a Volvo and not come under the influence of the dreaded, VDMIS, (Volvo Driver Mortality Incidence Syndrome). It’s fatal and its effects long lasting. Even the Russians wont drive em.

That’s why we’ve cancelled the programme and am happy to announce, courtesy of the Australian free trade agreement a new prototype driverless vehicle that’s buit to last and 100 percent solid.

The Hector. Number 1 in road safety.

From out plant in Minnesotta, we give you the Hector, the proven road-safe driverless vehicle.

From here to eternity, a Hector will get you there.

Other significant events In Australian History leave a dark shadow on the collective national subconscious.

The Palace wont release the papers. And there’s quite a few of us who are hot under the collar. These papers are critical if Australia is to get a perspective on itself in the early twenty-first century. Although the dismissal happened over forty years ago. the shadow looms. A shadow some would argue is as large as when the streaker interrupted Richmond’s forward momentum in the 1982 Grand Final. It’s the great un-answered “ What If”

And do Australian’s care.?? Probably not.

It was years ago, doesn’t feature on reality television and has no impact on Mortgages, interest rates and home ownership. And to be quite frank, has nothing whatsover to do with the twin pillars of contemporary Australian society, Real Estate, and tax hand-outs to Big Business.

But WE HAVE the big picture. We at pcbycp, (thanks to our extensive network of palace insiders) now have the true FACTS on the Palace Papers. And at last, you’ll be relieved that we can put a light on what actually happened, during those heady days of late 1975.

So please, bare with us.. as we lift the lid, and it’s a solemn duty to which in the end we may say; “we are not amused”. And were not inclined to give em back to the government as the ABC so supinely did with the Canberra Filing Cabinet saga. Indeed NO! Not till we’ve forensically gone through every fragment and made a thorough analysis.

So you be the judge, and read from the pages of HISTORY!

Inspection of the Royal Corgi prior to garden party with  Australia First Eleven. June 1975. Does Princess Margaret know something?

The first is a fragment of scribble written in an unknown hand. The letterhead is unmistakeable though “Kiribilli”, is prominent in the top right hand corner. Dated, 1/6/75

It reads:“ I asked for two packets of Bex Powders, a copy of the Winning Post and two packets of Peter Styvesant in the soft pack, and you returned with a copy of the Truth, Disprin, and Craven A’s, This is a breach of royal protocol that will not be tolerated. I will not stand this disrespect”.

The second fragment, written in HB Pencil suggests a ladies hand in fine copperplate,

It reads; “In the event of Liz’s arrival ,with Trixibelle, Lulu and Daphne, I suggest you order three jumbo packs of Luv, Premium. I’ve asked the palace staff for instructions and have been told to direct my correspondence to the Royal Keeper of the Dogs, Major Ponsonby, (RNR. retired). Is he to be trusted”?

And a third fragment, with a prominent Asio letterhead, reads,

Max Walker graciously shakes Royal hand whilst politely ignoring the moisture on his trouser leg left by Royal Corgi Trixibelle

“Your excellency, the Queen is not permitted under section 34 B of the Quarantine act to travel with her three favourite Corgi’s to Australia. This is in clear breach of our Dangerous and Alien Genus code, (DAG) requirements. WE would like to suggest however, that we have been training, Shane, Tyson, and Craigette, our three stand- in Corgi’s to perform the civic duties the Royal retinue would otherwise have performed.
(See photo’s), and suggest you accompany us with Lady Kerr to the Specialised Top Secret Dog handlers course conducted at the Puckapunyal proving grounds, next September for instruction in handling dangerous dogs.

WE also would suggest that renting, or adopting “outside” Corgi’s will not do, as our North Amercian operatives in the CIA have named a Russian Counterfeit Spy ring, in which the Presidential dogs, “Rusty” and “Trigger” were replaced by KGB operatives “Ludmilla” and “Rasia”. It seems the Presidential hounds have defected and are now living in a facility outside Magnetogorsk. Though the rumours are unconfirmed, nerve agent may have been injected into their Pal”.

Fascinated? Was this the catalyst that rent the royal house asunder?

Stay rivetted for our next installment. Nerve Agent?, The KGB, the CIA? Or our very own ASIO?