Patron of the Under ten Newton’s. Match plan and strategy of recent game converted to mathematical code.

Dear reader, bored of the election already? Then something to nourish the soul, this match report from the GIJFC U 10 Newtons v Th Gladitors. They played against St Mary’s on the weekend. And though it remains unclear as to whether they triumphed over their adversary, the skill in writing, description and flourishes of sheer brilliance both on and off the field, suggests that the spirit of REAL people is alive and well in Suburbia. Not much can be said for the politicians however. They remain firmly detached. Cleverly, the P.M, Mr Malcolm Abbott has converted, (a sure sign of the “Ideas Boom” at work), a three word slogan into an economical and inspired two word slogan. ‘Jobs and Growth’.

The other great Newton.

We’re in safe hands though, the Under ten’s have chosen none other than Isaac Newton as their patron. Isaac would not feel alone on this field of valour, and remains an inspiration that the ‘Ideas Boom’ is nurturing younger minds to make this nation ‘Great’.

The Kleptocracy at work. Great leaders demonstrate the “trickle down effect”.

Forget the environment. Forget about the yawning inequities and hooray to all those good folk from China recently arrived who top the list of Australians most likely to require the services of Panamanian tax havens. It’s Australia. And in the end, It’s footy season. Nothing else makes sense really.

So refreshment awaits. Here’s the Newton’s match report.

GIJFC U10 Newtons 2016

‘We arrived in dribs and drabs and with several stunned looks as Stonnington and Boorondara were left well behind and we made the journey to Greensborough. This was deep into hostile territory and into the clutches of hardman footy heartland- the Diamond Valley. Coach Strauss had been nervous about this one, there was no way to let the boys know what they were in for in just words alone. It was a rite of passage that each boy would need to experience themselves. These blokes ate concrete and trees for breakfast and wanted nothing more than to demolish us and grind us into the mud before sending us scuttling off in our leather seated cars back to warm double shot lattes and hydronic heating. It wasn’t personal, they just hated losing and weren’t about to do so. The adjacent Plenty River subsided enough to allow the ground to be exposed and the game to take place. There were enough patches of mud and turf amidst the casual water to allow a firm enough grip on the ground for the umpires to call captains to the centre and for teams to take to the field. A penetrometer reading would have come in at a Heavy 10 with racing possibly abandoned. The instructions were clear from Straussy- kick it long, don’t bounce it and muscle up in defence. “Stick to them like glue on a blanket”.