Buenos dias,

In 2011 Prime Minister Julia Guillard when presenting the third Closing the Gap report to Parliament stated that: “Indigenous Australians have to change their behaviour if the Closing the Gap initiative is to succeed”

Australian Crawl- Reckless ….she don’t like that kind of behaviour…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIrUqsB-0vw

In 2020 Prime Minister Scott Morrison in the Foreword to the Closing the Gap report concluded:
“I want to make sure Indigenous Australians are genuinely positioned to make informed choices, forge their own pathways and reach their goals. I want to make sure all governments renew our efforts to help close the gap…

Last night (Sunday 5 July 2020) the film ‘In my blood it runs’ was shown on ABC TV. In the film 10 year old Dujuan and his family are confronted by dominant assimilationist authority.

Much of Dujuan’s story is mirrored by the stories of Yuendumu children.

I’ll confine myself to only a small excerpt from the latest draft of my attempt at a book:

“When Yuendumu school was told that funding would depend on numbers of NAPLAN tests administered, all children were required to fill in the tests even when they obviously could not read English at all….. A few children who were progressing and thought they were doing well in reading [in Warlpiri], actually cried when they found they couldn’t read any of it…”

The film drove home that the right for Aboriginal people to be distinctive has not been accepted and that the Gap is not being closed and never will unless the authorities change their behaviour.

Hot off the press:

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-07-06/in-my-blood-it-runs-how-to-help-indigenous-kids/12421408

Chau

Frank

Fifteen minutes ago Terere Jere from Paraguay uploaded the latest from the Ojeda Brothers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTdbGZ9P7Qw
and there was this a month ago:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkzuw0tARSM

Fergie on the war-path, if we didn’t come through with the goods we’d be GORNE!

Dear reader, we continue where we left off, things are getting outta control as Dyse and his royal retinue tighten the noose on the pcbycp team.

“ACCOMMODATION’, Ces fumed, ‘you call it accomodation’?

‘It’s all you deserve’, Dyse quipped, ‘unless…. Unless you give the duchess what she came here for”. 

‘Human rights’? Ces wryly replied? 

Fergie stepped forward, popping an ecstasy pill as she smashed her empty glass to smithereens  on the knockberry that hung menacingly from the stuffed Rhinoceros on the wall. ’No, that’s immaterial, its my McDonalds vouchers, the Bolle and……… the MAN’. 

The catch, had to find a years supply of Macca’s in a hurry. Fergie has expensive tastes

“WHERE is MY MAN”?

Fergie selflessly works in helping sexual deviants re-integrate back into society after chokey.

At this we all trembled, ‘The Man”?, Ces was about to equivocate: “Well yer Duchess it’s like this see’, and seeing Dyse nod to Fergie, we knew pending a miracle we were stuffed. Even the fixer looked flummoxed. “Well your ladyship, it’s like this see’, 

“Where’s MY MAN?”,  Ces just tried to keep stalling, hoping for a miracle, cos Dyse was as they say in South Africa, “hovering like a vulture’.  Ces continued his doomed strategy; “Well…it’s like this see, your royal Duchess,  Craig reckons he’s in a fix, but we have got someone who’ll fit the bill’.

The Prince prefers Pizza Express, reason why the marriage failed.

We knew Ces was stalling for time, we’d got closer to the Prince Andrew Dyson Heydon network, and knew that in a heartbeat, we’d stepped from the  tiara and into the tower, (nice pun that) . In a word we were in ‘deep shit’, and unless Ces pulled the royal protocol out of the proceedings we’d be right royally rooted. I pointed to the clock on the wall, it was a minute to midnight. We were doomed, well almost, 

Just then, the  Poodle, (the former Armaments Minister, now  highly paid arms dealer lobbyist) squealed in delight, ‘OOOHH I just got a text from SKANKY SHANKS’.  He’s heard there’s a rumpus and he’s dying to COME OVER and join in the FUN”!

The Poodle was salivating with glee; “WE can’t send them down yet, this is just too too much delicious fun’!… 

“Who the eff is Skanky Shanks’? ejaculated Ces, 

‘Ohhhh, you’ll find out’, 

‘The coupons  and my Man’? The Duchess remained undaunted. 

Fergie at it again, accepting bribes as Royal ambassador to Macca’s

‘Ohhh your Highness he’s coming’, and then the Poodle emoted, “Patience’ my Duchess’. 

What will happen in the next tabloidesque episode? What spine chilling catastrophe may eventuate in this page turning sage of royal intrigue? Will Fergie get her half million Macdonalds vouchers the bottle of Bolly and a night out with the man of her dreams in a right royal trade-off to protect the  reputation of the house of Windsor?  What Union bastardry lurks beneath? What of the ongoing saga of Prince Andrew and all who follow his royal retinue?  And who “the Ghislaine” is “Skanky Shanks”? 

Stay tuned for our next episode, 

‘A Tiara in the Tower,’ or ‘Wish me luck a you waiver my good guy’….

“Compelling”, (the Guardian) 

 “It cuts to the bone”, (the Times literary supplement)  

‘Where there’s meat there’s gristle’, (The Butchers Chronicle) .

Regrettably, we have another tedious tabloid edition of Pcbycp, the thinking persons ” Global Times”. In this episode we delve further into the conflicted interests of our era and wonder where the rule of law has anything to do with decency, respect and honouring the Queen. Sadly, the power of tabloid sensationalism trumps good journalism. And, as the tickets to the Boxing Day test arrived in the mail yesterday, what’s the point in talking integrity? As the Uighur said to the Education officer, or the indigenous youth said upon entering our criminal justice system; “what’s the use”?

Our staff wearing the stylish pcbycp international travel uniform

The saga continues…….

Dear reader, as you recall from the last breathtakingly irrelevant installment, we encountered ‘Big Red’, working with Dyse, on the human rights circuit in Sth Africa. What we didn’t know until the very end, was that Christopher Pyne was in on the action. Why was he there? What was he doing? What were they all doing? And what has any of this got to do with Prince Andrew, the GG, and the fate of the Windsors and Australia as the “Jewel in the Commonwealth” in these vexed times? 

The Poodle

Turns out that Fergie was more of a fixer than the fixer himself.  As a distraction from  the energy charged atmosphere in the room, ‘the Poodle’ pulled something large and bulbous from his pocket, we flinched in anticipation until, with relief, we saw a paw paw. He held out his pudgy hand, and we couldn’t help but notice his immaculately manicured fingers and the cygnet ring “F”. What was the F for we wondered? His beady eyes surveyed the room, his lips pursed onto a tight knot of twisted malevolence  ‘Want some’? 

‘This could be your last squarish meal for some time’? He said.  

Fergie laughed, Dyse just looked angry, and his hands twitched in anticipation. The former Minister for Armnaments and the Military Industrial Complex recognised the pcbycp excursionist blazer, (worn at all civic occassions) and snidely quipped; ’I see the circus is back in town”.  We pretended not to hear, and in a double thrust of repartee we asked Fergie; “You seem to have all the cards in hand ‘the Royal Flush, Dyse  and “the Poodle”? Clearly since the cricket bribes scandal you’re moving up in the world”. 

This cut and thrust repartee, would’ve done Machiavelli proud. 

Now Fergie gets “the Poodle” to open doors for her.

Fergie pretended not to hear, and just with a nod, Dyse was into the fray. ‘I hereby make a citizens arrest under secton 34c of the Miscreant Travellers Act, and summon you to summary trial in secret under  the Border Protection Statutes’. The way Dyse did it was a demonstration of a man at the peak of his powers, and you could tell that in the company of a ‘real royal’, and the armnaments salesman he relished the power and authority. And we could tell by a knowing look, the Fergie rather liked Dyses hands-on approach as well. 

Ces fumed; ‘You cant do this!! We’re in a foreign country, this is not Australia’!

‘Ha Ha’! bellowed Dyse: “That’s what you think, under section15 of the Foreign Transgressors act you can be held in summary detention and extradited back to a secret trial in a jiffy”. 

“On what charge?, 

“Treason”! 

“On who’s authority”? Ces Bellowed

“Potato- Head”, Dyse countered

“That’s ridiculous, on what pretext’?

Dyse came back as quick as a flash; “ For endangering the life of his Royal Highness”. 

‘The Royal what!!’ Ces fulminated.  The truth was inescapable, 

Australia’s own royalty mixing it with sub- royalty.

“My former husband”, Fergie wryly quipped. And then swilling the last of her martini and wiping the cocaine residue from her nostrils she gave us the kiss of death. WE knew that out chances of making the New Years honours list was doomed. 

“On a charge of”,  she looked to Dyse for encouragement, (he had an indisputable way with sheilah’s, even noble ones. ‘ You, You…..’You have damaged the ROYAL NAME’! 

At this we all burst into laughter, the irony was just too much. We were still recovering, when Dyse interjected, with his magesterial powers. ‘In a flash I can summon the security and have you on the next plane back to the Don Dale Detention Centre’!! 

‘Don Dale? (Ces interjected) You’ve gotta be joking, isn’t that the notorious Juvenile Detention Centre In DARWIN’? 

Stumped as to whether the girl on the right is the Poodle, Fergie or Ghislaine. Still the other two look familiar. Must be ROYALTY!

“Yes, but due to the Covid crisis its the only place we can find accomodation for’, and he paused for effect, ‘CONVICTED FELONS’! 

(Good Grief, this is compelling in a trashy kinda way. Apart from apologising and genuflecting upon the altar of Saint Bob of Santamaria, we are afraid that there are at least several more tedious episodes to come. Stay tuned for the next instalment; ‘A Fistful of Francophiles” or ” Life in the fast Ghislaine”……….

‘Punishing, relentless‘. Fred Dostoyevsky, (The Kremlin review of naughty books)

“Instructive, it makes my Tik Tok” Près Xi, (The Peoples Daily)

Ghislaine and her Royal mates in happier times

Dear reader, we apologise for this tacky tabloid edition of pcbycp, but as you may well understand we have to report as accurately as possible contemporary trends and sometimes as a consequence we return to the idiom of paparazzi-type hyperbole. We apologise, but as an affiliated body of the ABC we do what we can within the exigencies of budget restrictions. (Read on)

Now we know where Ghislane is, could someone please help us find Dyse?

Dyse in happier times, working on his first novel, “Touchy-Feeley”.

Following in the recent discovery of Ghislane Maxwell in hiding we’ve been looking for Dyson Heydon, (Dyse to his mates).  We want to interview him for his angle on Prince Andrew. You see Dyse, after doing the Union Royal Commission and attending Liberal fundraisers during the Royal Commission to demonstrate his objective, unbiased findings on UNION BASTARDRY has sort of gone into hiding. We reckon there’s only one reason. Apart from being fingered by sheliahs for being ‘innapropriate’,  he’s a positive dead-set front-runner to be the next GG. And with all this fuss about feeling up Sheilas in the office, we figured he’d probably be in secret talks with Prince Andrew. Giving the Prince the heads up, and general advice on how he can set the record straight. We had no idea he had a record, but I spose between the Prince and Dyse it must be several score and if you put their mate Ghislane into the mix it could be thousands. A heady metric you’d have to agree. That’s how Royalty value adds the free market.What’s this got to do with the price of dead fish in the Murray Darling Basin?

Ghislaine and Andrew in happier times

You see Dyse and Prince Andrew were both front runners to be the next GG. Royal protocol would have it. Just as it is a princely right to have the first “feel’ of any eligible Sheilas.  It’d be Prince Andrews Royal dibs to get the first go as GG. That’s why the palace wont reveal all the papers its had since John Kerr righteoulsy kicked out the Whitlam government, because the Royals still have a possie for one of their ilk to have a red-hot go at screwing the Aussie taxpayer. In as much as they enjoy screwing their own constituency. And lets face it, Prince Andrew couldn’t get a root in a brothel at the rate he’s going. Even a reality tv game show contestant wont touch him now, so the only option left, like the other chinless git who went to Timbertop is the ‘Australia Option’. Particularly now the option of having a bit of a bob each way on Honkers is now gone. The Communist party wouldn’t take kindly, to it, even though they enjoy stashing public funds, accumulating wealth and shaggin any thing in a skirt, they woudn’t take too kindly to Andrew. Andrew is a bit of a diadem short of the crown.

Fergie and Prince Andrew in happier times

So we were lucky to get an anonymous tip-off. We’d gone through the usual channels for dissapearing persons. Interpol, The Federal Police, Victoria Police, Carl Williams, former state Police Commissioners and come up with a complete blank. Things looked grim till we got a tip off from an anonymous woman who went by the moniker of “Big Red”. Turns out she wanted to tell all if we gave her 50 k worth of Macdonalds vouchers, a bottle of Bolly and a night out with the man of her dreams. We could do the first two, but were stumped on the last requirement. Turns out it was a tossup between Emanuel Macron and Justin Trudea. ‘Big Red’ had Expensive tastes. We asked, would Tony Abbott do? And the answer was a qualified maybe, provided we threw someone of experience into the mix.  When we mentioned Craig Maclachlan, the deal was done, and we waitied for the information. 

Dyse is on a speaking tour of Commonwealth nations, talking up the importance of integrity and professional standards in sport. We found him in the Despots lounge at the Stamford Royal in Johannesberg, giving a white-board presentation on racism in sport. Dyse was never one for irony. Dyse is always working on human rights.  It’s what makes him a worthy AO beneficiary. As a high flying silk he knows all about integrity and the invioable truth of the law. That’s why he’s working with the Feds on something just as big as the Union Royal Commission, the prosecution of Witness K and Bernard Noakes. We’d never heard of em, but he told us they were people who breached the law and done terrible things to hurt our international standing, and  deserved the full force of the law. We took him at his word, and then asked, who is this “Big  Red”? He blushed and before we could say Campari, in walked of all people , the woman in red herself, ‘Fergie’. 

Hard at work for the armaments industry; “The Fixer”

Fergie with Martini in hand sized us up, ‘Hello boys, you know what they say?, Better in bed with a woman in red”, Dyse shuffled awkwardly and gave us a Union Bastardry Royal Commission look. 

But that wasn’t what shocked us the most,  because following closely behind in drag with a tiara on his scone was none other than “the fixer” Christopher Pyne himself. . And if you want to know what he was doing there you’ll have to wait for our next installment, “ A Prince in waiting for a real Queen’ or “Fergies feral fling’ . 

“Rivetting” (The Observer). 

Old Trade logo was NAF

WE at pcbycp have a scoop, we were asked by the Federal Government to come up with a new trade logo. We agreed with the department of Trade, Real Estate and Mining, (Australia’s peak body) that the current kangaroo logo was NAF. We had a focus group tell us so. Then we did a think-tank. This one was larger than most. It had comfy chairs, a 1950’s poly-vinyl poof  for us to put our feet on, a packet of Senior Service cigarettes, a full cocktail cabinet and a lava lamp. We were encouraged to be “Creative”.  On the sound system there was only one record, “Barry Manilows Greatest Hits”. Obviously,  this was to ensure we didn’t stay in the think-tank for too long, and would come out with a solution to the vexed question of Australian trade and product identification. And to arrive at a logo that would well and truly belong as an unidsputed part of the Australian subconscious. 

Dyson at his new job. Both women have been given “working with Dyson clearance’.

To help us clarify, we had to fill out a form, and then  the newly appointed Ministerial Secretary for ‘Secret Mens Business’, Dyson Hayden vetted us, and we were in. But not in the Dyson sense if you know whats meant by that.

Feds reckon the old logo was “Too GREEN”

At the end we came up with an over-arching condition, that was one of the stipulations, that we would abide by the principles of ‘CC’.

What is ‘CC’ you may ask? 

‘CC’ is the cutlural underpinning that makes Australia Great. It’s the system that sees any qualified and experienced individual in arts, science, technology, management, you name it, gets passed over by anyone, with a foreign credential. That’s right the CC stands for ‘Cultural Cringe’. The stipulation was our understanding that ‘CC’ was an over-arching principle that no Australian could ever contest. ‘It is part of our DNA’. Dyse told us; ‘look at it, you may have ideas about exceptionalism and indigenous creativity, but at the end of the day we can never be as good as someone from overseas. That’s the taint of colonialism. You can’t get away from it, so you just have to accept it’.

Nationals wanted this as the replacement logo. ‘Likely to offend foreigners’.

The “Poofy” new Logo. Designed by “Australia’s got Talent’.

The last logo, which we’re unsure about was designed by the Manager of ‘Australias got Talent’, it looks a bit like a Covid 19 we agree, but its meant to demonstrate that Australia is progessive, forward thinking and dynamic. And also, without being pejorative, a teensy bit ‘GAY’.  Like a coronovirus, a super nova, an exploding atom, or an open cut from the air. Whichever way you look at it we want you to come up with something more identifiably Australian, whilst at the same time looking,  (think of ‘CC’) like it might have come from anywhere else. That’s what we liked about the AU. It could be Austria, they’ve got folkish costume, and Hansel and Gretel castles. All we’ve got is open cuts and abos in prison. ‘So we don’t want  to look too identifiably Australian, and not yet be international. Do you understand’?

We had to admit, the way Dyse put it, designing an Australian trade logo was a bit like trying to encapsulate an enigma within a paradox. But we knew that whatever we came up with, like Vegemite or a bottle of VB it had to belong. 

We thought long and hard, after the 45th play of ‘Copocapbana’, we’d had enough. And determined on a symbol that is identifiable to every Australian, totemic you might say, and readilly recognisible from people the world over. 

Our new Logo. Iconic, Australian, and likely to be adopted by cabinet.

The bleached dog turd.   It’s both  progressive and traditional,  like a Commonwealth games logo, but more rounded. 

As we put it to Dyse, there’s one on every street corner, and it suggests the arid conditions of summer. Nowhere else in the rest of the world is there such a symbol of dryness, and utter ossification, “Whiteness”. And the timelessness of the Australian continent. And it also represents a common bond we have for mateship and man’s best friend. 

All awhile Miss Rintoul had been silent, and then she piped up. ‘But isn’t it a bit male oriented, what about the role of women in Australian society’?

Dyse made the sort of look he made at the Unions Royal Commission, or the one he kept for the Liberal fundraiser. WE all had a laugh. He pointed back to the think tank and said; ‘ you know luv the problem wth you, is you’re a bit  like deaths in custody. You can cry all you like to your lefty friends, but at the end of the day.  No-one is listening’. 

WE had to agree he had a point. 

Still we hope the dog turd gets through cabinet. 

We know it sort of belongs there. 

Dyse (analytical, objective and unbiased)got to the bottom of UNION BASTARDRY. (And a acquired a taste for bottoms).

Working with Dyson, (the ‘vacuum cleaner’) to his mates is pretty Dicey. 

Saint Tone paid 80 mil to cleanse us of UNION BASTARDRY

We’ve been looking for jobs that Dyson can do in a ‘hands-on” capacity. You see Dyson is ‘the gun’ if you want to do a detailed investigation into ‘Union Bastardy’.  Union bastardry stands in the way of ‘Big Business’. All of us know that’s Un-Australian. That’s why ‘Santas little helper”, ( St Tone of the Abbott) gave Dyson a gig to look into the rotten and systemic corruption of Unions. And Dyson  gave the Unions the once over.  Dyse, (the ‘Vacuum cleaner’ to his mates)  looked forensically into every dastardly deed the Unions had done.  We stood aghasp! Aghasp at the sheer weight of what he uncovered. It was filthy, the stench was overpowering, and at the end of the day Dyson left us with no doubt, the Unions were a disgraceful lot. The trauma of this inquiry had its tragic side effects. Dyson couldn’t keep his hands off sheilahs. Young, middle-aged,  old. Such was the trauma he suffered stoically and alone. Only recently has the cost of his trauma become public. Its a trauma we must all share.   

For the minority of Australians still in a Union, he proved that the Union Super funds provided, decent, equitable and fair service to its member subscribers. Unions weren’t interested in gouging their constituency.  The Union ethos, was corrupted by an ancient spirit of egalitarianism, the right of a fair go, and a deeper sense of community.  Such was the evil taint of “Unionism” 

Dyse followed the Union money trail in uncovering UNION BASTARDRY!

That in a nutshell is why the Unions are a pox on society. Not only do they clamour for fair wages, but they go into bat for little people. Little people who would normally and rightfully be crushed by BIG BUSINESS. Dyson had a handle on it, and his forensic treatment proved once and for all that Unions and Unionism runs counter to everything Lord Rupert of Murdoch seeks to achieve in world domination. But there were bigger fish to fry. 

That’s why we’ve got Dyson working for us on the Australian spy ring now working against the benign dictatorship they call China. Dyse will get to the bottom of this. We know that Australians are naturally cunning, and those poor ol mandarins of the Chinese Commuist party have been spurned from the ‘five eyes’ intelligence network. This is where Dyses’ forensic capabilities will mend bridges, belts and roads. 

Chinese ambassador dirty on the five eyes network deals in Sino Georgian Real Estate on the weekends to stem the tide of UNION BASTARDRY!

They’ve come the un-cooked wonton.They’ve gone so cranky they’re sterilising Uighurs on  the spot just for saying ‘Gday’!  ‘Gday’ is Uighur for; “I’ve had a gutful of Xi, and i’d know where i’d rather be than in an education facility”

Australian gift to China, the “Golden Elastrator”. A different kind of ring.

Uighur’s infected with UNION BASTARDRY queueing up to receive the gift of the “Golden Elastrator”

Dyse knows what’s really goin on.  He’s handy in tight situations. Has a real feel for the issues that are grounded. We’ve got Dyson on the case. Bought him a one way ticket to Beijing and a wad of fake yuan. Only problem can’t get a flight into China, so we set him up with a game of Mahjong, a Confucian Centre calendar  from the University of Queensland and a short wave radio. In no time Dyse found out what was troubling the benign Chinese government. Turns out they’ re running short of elastrator rings for castration of all the Uighur blokes. Dyse knew what to do. Went through the usual channels, and got Twiggy to purchase two hundred million worth of elastrator rings, and donated them, (courtesy of the Aussie taxpayer) to Xi himself, with a gift, “the golden elastrator”. It’s a special elastrator hand-piece, with gold handles and 888 stencilled on the prongs. The added bonus is that it’s got five heads, so you can quintuple the castration all in one go. In China, five is a lucky number. We’re currently working on an eight prong elastrator for the next annual party congress, as a gesture of Sino Australian can-do-ism.  Just to prove that we haven’t competely rooted our industrial capacity through UNION BASTARDRY.

Ambassador to China demonstrating the elegance of the single prong”Golden Elastrator” in stemming ” UNON BASTARDRY’!

It’s saved Australias bacon. We’re off the hook as spies, cos we’re making a contribution to the prosperity of the Communist party in cleansing them of Uighur non-confromists. And for the gift of corona-virus we’ve helped them in a spirit of reciprocity to do to the Uighurs what we’ve been doing to Aboriginal Australians for two centuries. In doing so we’ve smashed the impregnable status of five eyes. And the Uighurs get the double bonus, they’ll have sore eyes, and know they’ve helped in  swapping a spy ring for a rubber ring. Which is good all round. Cos rubber rings are flexible and bounce. Which us more than you can say for the Australian economy post corona.  A Union of sorts?

Incidentally, whats Mandarin for dead cat?

Dyson has offered to re- write the ABC Charter

We at pcbycp are delighted that the ex Murdoch executives who now run the Corporation have come up with some truly imaginative solutions. Solutions that are FINAL.  Initiatives that make REAL money and issues that interest REAL people……. (with money). 

The problem with the ABC for starters is there are no ADS. No product endorsement and no betting channels. The ABC Charter needs re-writing.  

“to provide innovative and comprehensive services which contribute to a sense of national identity, inform, educate, entertain and reflect Australian cultural diversity; to promote the arts; and to broadcast to other countries programs that will encourage awareness and understanding” 

Dyson may compere the muted up-coming ABC Reality TV Series, ” The Night- Stalker”

There is no mention of jobs for mates, sinecures for ex Murdoch executives and a place for Dyson to go, once he’s earnt a reputation that’s a wobble board short of the Rolf Harris. The ABC must be re- nuanced for contemporary Australia.  Show bias, prejudice and practise “Dog whistling’ as a core principle.  Without it, it doesn’t reflect any Australia we know. 

Delighted to hear the new manager of the ABC, talking about additional cost-cutting. The Ultimo Headquarters could be leased out to advertising executives, funds managers or training colleges for recently arrived migrants. And like the universities, establish new revenue streams from selling off assets, sackings, and conversion of facilites to more suitable coal or fossil fuel oriented enterprises. There’s untold real estate potential realised by selling off buildings in desirable locations, and perhaps the entire ABC staff could be replaced by call-centre attendees from the Phillipines, in the Phillipines. 

Clearly this is the vision statement we want from a man with vision. He knows the cost of everything and proves the worth of his other board mates who’ve worked with Lord Rupert of Murdoch.  They knows the value of MONEY. We understand that as a neccesity he must achieve editorial balance. But it begs the question: How much balance is enough?

Dyson working on re- writing the ABC Charter.

The ABC has skewed its operations as a socially progressive platform. This will be abolished. Even now as we write it is pleasing to hear the old videotapes of Bob Santamaria’s, “Point of View” will be restored and re-issued on a new ABC Channel, ‘Bobs 24/7’. This exciting new format will stream non stop into lounge-rooms and confessionals across Australia. But this is just the beginning. 

There are myriad other savings that may be met via a more rigorous approach to de- funding, 

We would like to submit these initiatives to the board, and hope via Sky News and Foxtel a new look ABC might provode relevance and entertaintment at last to the taxpayer. 

1 New ABC uniforms, to further stigmatise the ABC staff as lefty pinko whingers. They shall trial a new pink high viz overall. This uniform will be compulsory and identify to all mining magnates, those with vested interests and kleptocrats that though this journalist may be more difficult to bribe, cower or fear, it can be assaulted or as in other progressive contries, ( Russia, Turkey, Saudii Arabia) liquidated at will. 

2 Sell off ABC archives. Old rubbish. Who gives a witness K. History? Who studies  humanities anyway?

Dyson salary package includes a masseuse, a dresser and a jar of vaseline

3 Robodebt all redundancies.  Put them all onto robodebt, and make them pay for enjoying the luxury of ex-journalistic independence. Except for Tony Jones, who shall duly recieve his AO for starting the intervention, ‘for services to the maintenance of the status quo’. 

4 Source all new appontments form Sky, Fox, or Newscorp.  They do what they’re told and provide ‘infotainment’.

5 Sack the board, appoint Alan Jones as head. Boards are full of dead wood. 

For services to “Dog Whistling”

6 Cancel the “Science Show”, “Insiders”, the “Law Report” and the AM and PM flagships replace with musak and sport. The Federal Governmant HATES science. 

7 Closer tie-ins with gaming, there’s money to be made in sports bet and accredited gaming enterprises to grow the economy

8 Get rid of journalists, replace with celebrities. Celebrities dont worry about ethics, unless they’re fashonable. 

9 Reality TV.  Turn the sackings into a twelve part reality tv show. 

The trialled new ABC Board Uniform

10 Whatever is left to be filled with cooking shows, and shopping shows.

Appoint Alan Jones to write up a new charter of journalistic integrity, send it to Rupert to sign, and find any autocrat, (Hungary, Turkey, USA,China, Phillipines, Nth Korea), to endorse it. 

Reading the new ABC Charter. “Its much sexier than the old one‘, ( Dyson)

With a bit of luck this template will establish the ABC with a wider target audience and fully develop its potential as a window onto what ordinary Australians are deemed to think according to the over- arching principles of Lord Rupert of Murdoch. (Amen)

That’ll learn em

Let’s face it, we loathe and detest Arts Degrees. 

Nothing but TROUBLE!

PM and Dan loathe Humanities. Quite right too!

We at pcbycp applaud the informed decision by the Federal Government to punish students who seek to be indoctrinated by Humanities. For many years we’ve argued that the market is always right. We’ve applauded the despoilation of all living systems and the very life that sustains us on earth, through the insistence that the market knows best. And the market in this country, is predominately the mining industry, and Real Estate. 

Royal Commissions come and go, and though we’re bored to death with deaths in custody and black lives, we know that at the end of the day, the man in the high-viz vest rerpresents the future of Australia. 

By blowing up sacred sites and the de- funding of museums, libraries, and allowing the full scale desecration of cultural artefacts, we will enrich ourselves with cash. And to achieve this, the last thing we want is a corpus of effete beret-wearing, goateed, poonces, talking about philosophy and literature. They stand in the way of PROGRESS!! 

They represent the threat of IMAGINATION!

History is wrong. Plato was dead wrong. Aristotle, not the full bottle.  And ever since, we’ve always been a Pythagoras short of the icoceles. 

That’s why Dan Tehan is to be applauded.  

Dan may not be well read. But he knows how to shove his arm up a dead Ewe’s Bum… (to determine probable cause of death)

He knows nothing about culture.  He knows it’s poofy and effete. That’s why he’s a Minister of the CROWN, and he wants STEM to rule. 

We can only agree, Shakesepeare has done none of us any good.  And if you ask Dostoyevsky, (who the fuck was he you might say?) the last thing he ever did was put a deposit on a housing estate, mined for iron ore, or knew the value of COAL in fucking up poofta-friendly eco-systems. We HATE arty types for putting a window on who we are and what makes us tick. That’s why we applaud BIG-BUSINESS

Questioning is trouble making. 

The question is clear.  There is NO QUESTION!. 

We hate trouble makers!

Rat bags, thinkers!

The only humanities courses we want to see are those practised at the Ramsay Institute. The world is only 6500 years old, and woman was made (badly) in a mans image. 

‘That is an eternal truth’, ( Leviticus Ch 12. ) 

Dan Loves Traditional Astralya. That’s why he hates CLEVER BASTARDS who use WORDS!

Better still deport all humanities types.

For our readerships assistance it’s any one who looks questioning, thoughtful or harbouring anti establishment ideals 

We like computer techs, salesmen, and real estate agents. They are RELIABLE!

No REAL ESTATE Agent ever asked, “ what is life”?

Just ask Twiggy, He’s sold us to China, and our new masters hate loathe and detest thinking types, Whatever the Mandarin for thinker was it’s  has been erased. If you say it in Cantonesee it’ll land you in jail for eight years. 

Black lives matter?  never heard of it.

Dyson loves words. He loves POWER as well. And using his educated hands.

Me too movement?….what the…… go ask Dyson. 

There is no future in thinking. 

Australia’s best ideas are still born, and even if they were let loose, we have the gatekeeper, The CathoIic Boys Daily (The Australian) to ensure that thought will never thwart the good governance of big business and Twiggy, (Courtesy of the Peoples Republic of China).

Dysons Downfall. A love of Literature. Even if it is Hansard and Parliamentary papers.

Its money well spent! Increase the humanities fees by 500 per cent. That’ll learn em. 

Dear reader.

Saint Ira, our sage from the near north performing in the latest University Revue, ” where are my humanities’?

As your recall our sage for the near-north, Saint Ira (late of  Tolmie), had some very sagacious things to say about the state of stately homes in the UK. Those great piles that Evelyn Waugh described  so colourfully in “Brideshead Revisited’. Those great Mansions built upon the blood, sweat and corpses of West Indian and American slavers. He suggested in the emotionally charged dialogue of “Black lives matter”  it would not  be a bad idea to bulldoze the lot and thus cleanse the British isles of its wicked colonial past. And it was suggested by the editor that the same could be done for those homesteads that were built over the ashes of the indigenous Australians who were cleansed from the fertile western district so that wool could be King .

Very upmarket houses in Brighton.

Ira points to the ongoing destruction of stately and less stately homes as an absolute tragedy, a tragedy that pales into insignificance against the wanton destruction and  incalculable cultural wealth lost by the bludgeoning bloody minded mining companies, and suggests its an effing catastrophe,

He writes;

Prince Andrew recommends Brighton for the nightlife and ready availability of nymphettes.. (Sorry wrong Brighton)

Brighton, Victoria has some  houses designed by well regarded architects of the 1920’s, 30’s and fifties.’Developers’  knocked one down recently and built units. Now they are trying to do it again. There are huge local objections and all work has been stopped.These houses are all in terribly fashionable Brighton which naturally houses allsorts of influential people whose seaside vote the pollies worry about.

Convincing ‘influential people’ that the desecration of Aboriginal sacred sites by mining companies is a level of intolerable vandalism  infinitely more important than Brighton’s houses and should be a priority amongst those people who really care about the history of this country.

Future generations will look back on this wilful destruction with absolute horror.. Accept it or not, we are presiding calmly over the wanton destruction of our equivalent of the glorious caves at Lascaux, Egyptian tombs and monuments and Stonehenge.

The dismissive,  troglodyte attitude of our mining companies to anything that might impede the pursuit of profit must be curbed. Successive governments have allowed them to plough through regardless. Just think: are there other (unknown) sites that they have  possibly already destroyed …? Not that they would, of course… they are all honourable men…

The only remedy for this must be fines so massive that  they never do it again.

Now, which caring pollie has the guts to introduce a bill suggesting these massive financial reprimands…?

Government advisor on brilliant Federal initiative to de- fund Humanities from Australian Higher Education.

Sadly, we know this answer to Ira’s question, sadder still, that we’d have liked to ask a leading anthropologist and historian,  but as funding has been withdrawn from humanities based faculties in the latest round of cuts, we are unable to find anyone with the depth of wisdom to provide an answer.

Happy though, that it has been suggested  by the humanities department at Latrobe university, now reduced to a new super department of economics, that the answer is 42.

Douglas Adams.

Tragically,  Douglas Adams aint around to tell us what that actually means.