By Quentin Cockburn
A Bold New Future for Australian Retail Industries
In a stunning development that puts new life into the Australian Retail Industry the merger between Big W and Hancock Industries offers a world first in which one stop shopping is integrated with our proven expertise in mining.
Mr Richard, (Dick) Whitless, CEO of Big W and the CEO of Hancock mining Gina Rinehardt presided at the official opening. The new enterprise, a merger between the two giants as BIGCOCK was unveiled today with the P.M in attendance.
The P.M was profuse in his praise: ‘with a wider, broader free trade deal with China, we have no need to bother with spares, repairs and local input. All the profits are fed back into the shareholders and the major manufactures in China. What we buy, they buy again in Real Estate. It’s truly a win win situation!’
Big Cock Superstore Artists Perspective
Panoramic Perspective indicating Super Store, Waste Transfer Station, Recycling Conveyor and Turbine Plant. Note Freeway Interchange, and adjacent housing estates.
The building, a mere ten kilometres in area, boasting 24 hr service and a massive 25 km sq km carpark is; ‘a challenge to the notion that the Great Wall of China was the only man made structure visible from the moon’. Ms. Rinehardt interjected ‘Ours is bigger! This is an emphatic first, not only have we cornered the market on retail, but we’e jumped the gun on recycling, with our Big-Cock landfill, 10sqkm pit, it’s bigger than Mt Tom Price’.
Mr Whitless, outlined the business plan ‘We have a worlds first for international recycling, With our new ‘Crapito’ range of electrical tools the consumer is encouraged to purchase and bring their odd jobs into the centre. A special trailer park caters to these needs. Once purchased the vertical integration of manufactured and recycled comes fully into play. After purchase and within the one day warranty the product is returned, placed upon the conveyor and fed into the recycling plant. We atomize the components, sourcing re-usable for just plastic and the residue is fed into our incinerator. What can’t be recycled is then put into our landfill, which is constantly moving to cater for the wave of last years plasma screens and household improvement objects. Whereas, most stuff purchased at our competitors, (Bunnings et al) ended up at landfill after five to ten years, now we can do the same process in days’.
Big Cock Superstore Interior
Just one small section of the Superstore, Illustration depicts conveyor and vehicles at work ferrying customers between containerised stacks,. This section contains just one cache of popular Household cleaning products.
‘Since the popularity of ‘The Block’ and plethora of other home renovation shows, we’re getting particularly strong demand, and I can tell you it’s hard keeping pace with the supply of house residue flooding in from the inner ring suburbs. Where once we used to cater for a renovation every decade it has shrunk to months, and then weeks. In some suburbs we’re getting a renovation green light, before the last renovation has finished’.
‘I’m terribly impressed with the scale of this, to integrate retail with waste development facility just makes good business sense’, The President of the Australian Chamber of Commerce, Mr Knobby Pullen was profuse in his commentary. ‘At last we can point to real gains in productivity and efficiency. This not only employs Australians in innovative and up to date retail, it ensures that another generation of Australians realise their true potential as Waste Oriented. There’s skill and technologies in waste management we need to harness, and ensure that productivity gains are sped across the entire sector.
Ms Hancock, was interviewed to give her thoughts, ‘a first for workplace enterprise bargaining, we have ensured that those trained at this facility will be equipped to work anywhere at similar facilities throughout Australia. On a generous enterprise wage of five dollars an hour, only 50% will be deducted over the first decade in repayments for the training and supervision provided by elite private training organisations. ‘It’s way way more generous than workers get paid in Africa’. Described as ‘Indentured slavery’ by the Federated Shop Workers Union, the Magnate scoffed, ‘Indentured, they’ve got a job for life! That’s security you can bank on! What’s good for the investor is good for the employee’.
The PM affirmed, ‘With this integrated plant we can proudly put paid to the notion of Australia being just a suppository, (insert repository) for service industries’.
‘If only other industries could become net importers we shall become world leaders, and I anticipate with the release of the discussion paper prepared by Ziggy Switkowski, A.M. that Australia’s role as an international recycling depot will be assured with the development of the Central Nuclear Waste Depot. The Integrated facility in conjunction with the Minerals and Energy Council is to be known as the Central Uranium Net Transfer Facility And Coal Enterprise.
Big Cock Superstore Entry Feature
Just one of the several entry feature pillars. Each at forty storeys high utilises the equivalent of five MCG Light Towers for Night illumination. Can also be seen from the moon. The Central Uranium Net Transfer Facility And Coal Enterprise is in the background.
‘This Nuclear Waste Depot will value add the splendid work undertaken by the British and American governments in Maralinga and Woomera, and unite their strengths into a singular Nuclear Waste Facility.
‘Whats good for Australia is also good for humanity’!
We can only heartily agree.
Captions
Big Cock Superstore Artists Perspective
Panoramic Perspective indicating Super Store, Waste Transfer Station, Recycling Conveyor and Turbine Plant. Note Freeway Interchange, and adjacent housing estates.
Big Cock Superstore Entry Feature
Just one of the several entry feature pillars. Each at forty storeys high utilises the equivalent of five MCG Light Towers for Night illumination. Can also be seen from the moon.
Big Cock Superstore Interior
Just one small section of the Superstore, Illustration depicts conveyor and vehicles at work ferrying customers between containerised stacks,. This section contains just one cache of popular Household cleaning products.