Due to unprecedented demand. 

After a lull of some several years we’ve been swamped, inundated with new orders for our boxed sets of our “old school” board games. You may remember when they were first released, these fascinating, original and groundbreaking games caused quite a stir.

We had it priced, packaged and promoted to sell. Original advance orders were very promising indeed.

Worried about the proliferation of online gaming, the loss of reading as a basic hobby of the young in nurturing the imagination, the games were envisaged as an educational and spiritual breakthrough. As a counter to the all consuming toll of laptops, gameboys, ipads, mobiles and the associated sludge of instant gratificational media.  The hollowing out the human spirit could be reversed and the leaching of the collective soul to crass materialism and consumerism stemmed. 

These games promised a “Revolution” in  re-positioning the whole concept of “Family Entertainment”. Old style religion would be “Family Fun” once again. Churches of the “True Faith” would be full once again.  Families would rejoice in the notion of original sin, punishment and retribution. Knowing that their children, and other people’s children, and children languishing in institutions would recognise the ineluctable glory of GOD!

Solitary children locked in rooms mesmerised by the spell of electronic media would be freed.  We knew these games would work because they were based upon old fashioned family values. The same values that have given us Family First and the DLP.

Our research indicated this board game would do very well with Baby Boomers, not yet released from the after-effects of being “nurtured in Gods’ name” by old men.

Re- badged and re- packaged as “the Cardinal Series” the games were pitched at middle suburbia and middle Australia. On each game box was printed in bold type, “Good ol’ Mainstream Australian values”.  Initial  market projections indicated sales would eclipse the eternal favourites of Trivial Pursuit, Chess, Monopoly and Old Maid. 

We also knew, (after extensive market research), that in the great tradition of eternal favourites, Test Match, and Scrabble, the general public’s cultural appreciation of the ancient rituals enshrined in the games, would lead to mass acceptance and the prospect of “Rivers of Gold”. All we had to do was establish the distribution network, and the games would literally sell themselves.  With rapt anticipation we released the series in all good Catholic bookstores and offered them for sale (under license) to be sold as a boxed set at church fetes, bottle drives, Easter Fairs and in special stalls at Communion. 

Then nothing happened. 

Rather than selling the games as anticipated we found ourselves in a maelstrom of unwarranted publicity. Then the vitriolic letters began to arrive. What began as a trickle became a flood. 

Taking the Church’s stance on abortion, this game was pitched to Suburbia. We knew it would be a best seller as it enshrined “Good ol fashioned mainstream Australian Values’.

The Archdiocese sent us to court over plagiarism and copyright. And it became clear via the letters and submissions made by previous players that we’d got the rules of the game completely wrong. 

People out there were incensed that we’d misunderstood the ancient rituals performed in the games. They said we’d taken it too far. There was too much fun in “Finding Risdale” and not enough emphasis on the fear of original sin and the promise of retribution. 

We tried to get Good Ol George Pell and Father Risdale to endorse our products as they came up with the rules to the original “Staying at Fathers Risdales House” Game. Sadly, they declined our offer. But word is out that they will soon be sharing another house together. Allegedly; A Big House”.

Also the winner of the game  was in the eyes of many correspondents, not punished enough. We’d misunderstood the principal tenet, that to Win, was to Lose.  That the winner, was encouraged to absorb themselves in loathing, hate, depression and suicide. We’d got that bit spectacularly wrong. Happily, the games have been re-branded, and they offer to the winner, nothing. Or perhaps Winner needs to be re-qualified as the person who “gets to the end”.  A truer reflection of the spirit of the game  and all that’s wholesome and pure about old style religion. 

We tried to get Cardinal Pell to endorse the product, but he’s not answering his phone. Possibly engaged in conversation  on his “Royal Telephone” to God.