Tasering grannies is just the beginning.

After the police special response team killed Kumanji Walker and made ‘Camp Rolfe’, (formerly Yuendumu) SAFE, it is pleasing and a source of great reassurance to know that they are now actively targeting grannies. Criminally inclined Grannies who allegedly have held knitting needles and kitchen knives in a dangerous and aggressive manner. The tasering of another dangerous law-breaker in a nursing home ensures that for other 95-year-olds, there is a clear message. Mess with law enforcement and you will be DEAD!

And why? Because you DESERVE TO DIE!

WE applaud the bold, brave and public ordained officer who tasered the 95-year-old. She was allegedly, a threat to PUBLIC SAFETY! And we say this (sub-judice prior to the coroner’s findings) because she was seen to be operating an unregistered stroller.  And it was said by eyewitnesses that her  knitting needles and kitchen knife posed an existential threat to the peace and well-being of the entire aged care sector. 

Our representative from Aged Care services, (former manager St Basils) told us;

 ‘Yep, Nah, right, but too right, it’s knitting needles one day and nukes the next. 

This is how Vladimir got away with Ukraine. If he hadn’t stolen the bag of smarties as a kiddie he wouldn’t have got the taste for it. Now he’s on the rampage there’s no stopping. And let’s face it, we killed off four score at St Basils for their own good during lockdown to keep em safe. But you can’t be sure with every aged care facility. In any of our institutions, be it public or private there lurks a potential psychopath or child molester.  Rolf Harris fan or worse. You’ve gotta act quick and nip it in the bud. Grannies, are fucken dangerous, and when they go bat-shit crazy it’s like as disease. Lawlessness will surely spread. And unleashed it will tear at the very fabric of society.  That’s why we need the Liberals to manager and direct the fury of neo-Nazis’.  Its bad enough with African Crime gangs, and ne’r do wells from outback communities, but this is the evil from within. Right on our doorstep. It’s worse than the taint of Nazism on the streets. It’s Insidious, and invidious. It’s the insidious creep that must be curbed, corrected and culled. FOR OUR OWN SAFETY’!

We at pcbycp heartily agree and like Zac Rolfe whoever it is who did electrocute the old duck gets a medal or at the very least a VC, for Valour, and the principle of maintaining the rule of law. Once again, all credit to another un-sung Australian Hero!

But back to the reality of three heroes stuck in a cave with Australia’s greatest soldier ever ‘Benny-boy Roberts Smith’ and their two unconscious fragments of emotional baggage, ‘Brenny Boy Nelson’, head of the AWM, Australia’s leading cultural institution and Julian, (‘he’s not the messiah, he’s just a very naughty boy’) Assange. In the cave, far (so it seems) from the nefarious scoundrels who want to snuff their lives to preserve their privileges and the scourge of the mightiest crime gang of them all, the firm, Windsor Inc. 

We return to our saga; 

‘I dunno, this cave could go on for ever’. 

Terry surmised the situation as we plodded along in the dark. Behind us the massive form of Benny Boy still carrying Julian and between us on a stretcher of sorts the crumpled form of Brenny Boy. ‘Why don’t we just dump em in this cave and then they come to they can sort it out’?

 Wouldn’t that be a death sentence’?

‘Not necessarily’, Ces surmised.  ‘It might be just the thing they need to realise that they are just stooges, and perhaps will come the realisation that they don’t need to use the dark arts of espionage corruption, subterfuge and dissembling in order to feel good about themselves’. 

‘I dunno’, Quent replied, I reckon they’re too far gone. Like Angus or Stuart Robert, once they get a taste of it.  Like the farm dog that gets the taste of sheep, they have to be put down.  It’s the only way! 

But if we leave em here in this darkness, we’re no better than them. It makes us just as bad’.

 ‘I dunno’? Came the booming voice of Benny Boy. ‘None of us are heroes, but London to a brick they’d knock us off given half the chance, and as a consequence of my hero-dom, they’d compromise my integrity as a soldier. Makes no difference, to me, you’re damned if you do, and damned if you’? But in that instance, as the trio backed up by Australia’s most decorated soldier trudged on, they stopped, and listened, Form deep below, a dull resonant thumping. 

‘What’s that’? Terry replied, the light of his Camel diffusing the sepulchral gloom. ‘Did you hear that’? 

We listened again, the sweat pouring in rivulets across our eyes we registered that sound coming from deep within the cave. ‘Whatever it is’, pointed Benny with his bayonet, ‘it’s coming from this bloody passageway. And however you look at THAT is either a good thing or’? He paused for added effect, ‘a very bad thing indeed. But, as you know, like the stage two tax breaks for the uber wealthy and the trickle-down effect to ensure that generations of Australian kiddies will be homeless. We have no choice’! 

We all reflected.  Benny was so right.  To equate our peril with the soaring inequity of the Australian body politic. Simultaneously and involuntarily we all sighed in agreement. Being Australia, a land of desiccation and without the wit, erudition and imagination or empathy for our other Australians there was nothing we could do about it. We just had to accept whatever fate awaited us, and trudge onwards. 

Which we did. 

Metre by metre.

Step by step. 

Incrementally inch by inch. 

With as much methodical impetus as the national desire to kill the Australian eco system, the Great Barrier Reef and the Koala, we trudged on. And the booming sound enveloped us as we got closer and closer. Enveloped us with a sombre premonition, of something untoward, something unkind, something beyond belief. And Like stage two tax cuts the die had been cast and we just had to press on. 

Will pressing on, be de- pressing? 

Or will it lead to a permanent pressing of one form or another?  

Find out in our next enthralling episode, ‘Kill the reef and keep Australia simple’, or ‘If the granny has intent, you have orders to KILL’!