A PITHY OBSERVATION ON BLADDER TUMOURS      BY Tad Pole

I was questioned by an old friend about my current medical condition and how I felt about it. The answer was “philosophical and not depressed, but a little saddened by my change in status”.  Equally “Optimistic” as I know I could not be in better hands.  There is no fear of being robbed of the Golden years of my life as I have had them!  With a dear wife and three fine offspring, what more could I ask?

Further, the enquirer asked about the treatment I had had and what was to come.  To date I’ve had Trans Urethra Resection of Bladder Tumours (TURBT).  I did request a full anaesthetic, as I hate needles and a spinal block spooked me.  Telescope inspection of the internal walls of my bladder and excision of tumours, was done, which I liken to removal of a wart from a finger or a sun spot from the  face.

This procedure resulted in burgundy coloured, but presumably not tasting, urine for ten days following, and small complications like blood clots obstructing the flow, causing extreme pain, and requiring a return to hospital for relief.

What next? I was asked.  Answer, well a pair of clever medical investigators discovered that BCG bacillus inserted into the bladder kills the remaining tumours and reduces risk of further intrusion. This will be done six weeks from initial resection and will follow for two years on a weekly basis.

The procedure requires the patient to be prone on a bed which is rocked sideways and rolled back and forth for a two hour period.  (One can only imagine how much use such a contrivance as this could be in Endette Hall! Perhaps it was invented there.)  After the BCG application and the rock and roll it is necessary to flush out the bacillus and neutralise the effluent. Milton’s Solution is recommended. Fortunately it is not taken by mouth, but after drinking copious quantities of water the bladder becomes flushed, by natural causes. It is not recommended for septic tanks nor worm farm effluent treatment systems, so a bucket of the remaining fluids will be transported to the local public toilet and flushed away.

Did I have any concerns?  Well yes I said. I hope it will not be excruciatingly painful having TB germs inside me, and also the passing of the resulting debris and fluids disturbs me, should this too be painful. However as my brother, used to say, if he had a painful treatment for anything  e.g. Tonsils out, or dreaded wart removal by dry ice, “If it hurts me, it must be hurting the wart more, so bear the pain”

One pain I will not have to bear is the cost, because Peter MacCallum absorbs it. I thank the Lord that this scenario did not occur in “The Land of the Free”, where medical activities are anything but.