Bigger than the Brownlow!
Dear reader, we are thrilled to give some very trenchant advice on how to make the most of your budget night experience. We know how seriously the electorate takes these things, and like the other big night of the year, “The Brownlow”, we think it’s important to dress up for the occasion and celebrate the way ‘WE’, (the little people), have a say in running the country.
Budget eve is special. There’s a sense of build up. The sense that our lives will be changed forever. At pcbycp headquarters, (a mystery location known to only a few) we draw all the curtains and ensure that not a chink of light can penetrate the all consuming gloom. This equates to the thrill we feel in knowing that the budget is almost an act ordained by god. And it gives true deference to all those religious groups out there who will be graced by never ever having to pay tax, and the enourmous hand-outs church affiliated folk get to enusre that really important things like school chaplains are reinforced as part of our secular curriculum. So that they may be free to proseltyse their peculiarly religious brand of hate-filled bigotry, tribalism, patriachy and all consuming hangup about sex. WE feel good that on every budget those values are sacrosanct and FULLY FUNDED!!.
Bigger than the Oscars!
That evening we don’t eat. Fasting is important. You need to increase that sense of anticipation and know that for some poor people, who never get a look in on the budget, you can enjoy breathing fresh air, which is entirely for free. Another bonus that is god-ordained. We like to hyperventilate, then collapse. It’s a natural high from just knowing that, “the best things in life are free”.
WE go to bed early and wake up on Budget day. After reading the analysis in all the papers and watching morning television we already have a pretty good idea that the budget will leak. All sorts of tid-bits of information will whet out apetite and we’ll breathe a collective sigh of relief when it’s disclosed that all the big spending budget items will be about rivers of cash diverted to big companies who don’t pay tax. It’s high fives all round, and that signals it’s time for Tim Tams and Lamingtons.
Whilst we’re preparing the footy franks and party pies, we’ll register out budget anticipation index as “postitive” and strap ourselves in for the night.
Even, bigger than the ROYAL WEDDING!!
When the treasurer comes on it’s whoops of joy and party poppers and streamers adorn the plush red velvet of the pcbycp Chesterfield. Breathless, we wait to see how much is increased on defence spending and how much is taken from health, education, the poor, science and the environment.
It’s euphoria when we see how much will be spent on sport, and tears of joy abound for upgraded spending on border protection and keeping all australians SAFE.
And, before we subside, satiated with post budget indulgence, we breathe an audible sigh of relief knowing that the tax system, will remain UNCHANGED.
The Treasurer is full of surprises. You’ll be jumping for Joy!
A victory for the status quo, and a triumph for our soon to be realeased pcbycp philanthropic trust. It will be a power of unquestionable good for the public at large.
Because, we say so.
A Big Step forward for all of us.