Our old typewriter before it was seized

After being raided by the Federal Police, we’ve been a bit flummoxed. 

WE can’t even make tea, cos they reckon the urn was unlicensed. Clarrie asked; “Since when does an urn need to be licensed”?

And before you could say “Beach Enquiry” they slapped a restraining order on him.

When it came back it had been “re-configured”.

We subsequently discovered that according to section 245 C of the Prohibited Beverages Act it is a Federal felony and falls within the Prohibited Materials Act 2018. It’s only now, they let us keep the typewriter, but only after they had returned it from forensics for checking and told us that from now on we were on their ‘Persons of Interest Register’. 

Artists impression of the Lucky Eight Resort Complex

Cecil tried to look up their ‘Persons of Interest Register’ to see if anyone he knew was also on it, and his I-phone just sort of kind of konked out. It’s never been the same since, whenever he turns it on this big Federal Police Logo comes onto the screen. It tells him the phone is inoperable due to the application of Section 69 B of the Foreign Interference Act.  He tried to find out what that meant, but his phone was kaputt. The main computer had been taken away for analysis, and the spare computer could only function with a floppy drive. He was stymied. He then cleverly decided to wander down to the library and use the public library computer.

The Librarian being re-trained as a croupier at the “Winners Circle”

He’d forgotten though that the library had been sold off to the Golden Dragon Lucky Eight Corporation to be turned into a high level gaming casino and resort. He came back dejected, but he did show us the coupon he received from the lady who used to be the librarian. She is now being re- trained as a croupier. She told him there were much better opportunities for self expression and personal advancement in playing the roulette wheel as a croupier and looking after high rollers in Black Jack. Libraries and books she said were so “twentieth century”. 

Still though he showed us the coupon she gave him which offered one beer, a small packet of chips and a subscription to Foxtel, if he chose to redirect his Centrelink payment to the “Winners Club”. It gave him the option  of staying at the resort (at a reduced rate) with all the facilities on offer in the down season. He told us he was thinking about it. 

And then, as if some malevolent force had intercepted his enquiry and just sort of directed its fury onto his person his phone vaporised in his hand. What was strange about it, Cecil mused, was that it didn’t hurt a bit. No burning. Just fragments of phone. Like Cecil said; “ It never happened”. 

Since then he’s told us he’s lost his drive. 

They took our hard drive, our driver, and our screw drivers as an added precaution. Now when we want to change a light bulb it literally takes three of us. But then what’s the use, they’ve turned off the electricity as well. It contravened section 456 D of the Energy Transference Act.

Still, we’re looking for opportunities. As Clarrie opined; ‘no one reads us anyway, no one cares for journalism these days’. 

The Resort when completed will be “International Best Standard” and will employ more people than were EVER employed by the library under a new Enterprise Bargaining Scheme guaranteed by the Fair Work Commission, (Standard pay rates may apply in exceptional circumstances)

It was then he had an inspiration. 

‘We’ll sell books

Hard hitting books where people have a thirst for knowledge

Unfettered by the Federal Police and their draconian powers. 

We need a NEW START

IN………..

HONG KONG’!