My mother was distressed at the falling standards of colonial society in the heady days after WWII. I do not remember our home without an inside lavatory (with a high cistern and a chain with a handle to pull to activate the flush). Mother was determined that it should never be known as the Toilet – so dreadfully common. As for defecating that was to be known as ‘having a grunt’, and for us boys we ‘tinkled’ through our ‘tassel’. It was not polite to ask what our sisters tinkled through.
Euphemisms
“Drop the kids at school”
“Bomb the Japs”
“Off for a chocolate frog”
“Give birth to a rouse” (said by shearers)
“Take a dump”
“Bowelling the Bowl”
“Bumming Run”
“Fecal Decal”
“Ordure of the Day”
“Dunging the Doulton”
“Turd Finalist”
“Stool’s Out!”
The Editor has rejected a number of euphemisms as being “Offensive”, as were a number of suggestions regarding blocking of pipes. We do have standards and sometimes they are to be maintained.
This comment is from Quantum Dumpster (not a bad euphemism in itself)
I sympathise with the Shaw antecedents. However I am sure (sic) that “Pedistal” is actually “Pedestal”
I think this may refer to the china bowl. But I thought of a Pedestal basin, and I hope people would have known that the basin was actually intended for washing ones hands following a motion.
It hearkens me to another euphemism – ” I must go and move a motion” said the politician.
All very good solid content I have no doubt, however Ira Maine added this gem to our collection
My mother Nell’s euphemism was in the daily question:
“Have you ‘done your load’ today?’
In the absence of a positive reply, out would come the ghastly Senna pods, the mere sight of which was enough to promote instant evacuation in the entire household!
Later on,walking home from school through the fields, progress would be daily interrupted by someone’s sudden desperate need to ‘go and have a shite’. This was not as simple as it sounds, as a source of suitable dock leaves, plus a modicum of privacy had to be found if the shite-er was to be at ease whilst easing himself. This daily occurrence, as time passed, reduced the availability of both dock leaves and privacy,and whilst perhaps contributing to the fertility of the fields, increased substantially the possibility of walking in another man’s poohs.
When our boys were young, bowel movements were referred to in our house laughingly as ‘big jobs’.
Unfortunately, one of our boys naively carried this expression with him into his first day at work, where it’s usage drew howls of derision from his new workmates. It was childish! Uncool! Vastly embarrassing and the poor kid still remembers with horror this red-faced and mortifying introduction to his new working life.
There was also a possessive thing amongst us kids about bowel movements. We did not disown the product of our bowels. We did not behave towards our personal contribution to Mother Earth as if we were embarrassed by what we’d just produced.
We most decidedly, did not ‘take A shit’. Neither did we ‘have A pooh’, or ‘take A crap’. The indefinite article had no place in our ordurial vocabulary. We took possession through the positive use of the possessive article.
“What are you doing in there?’ my brother, full of devilment would enquire, banging loudly on the locked toilet door.
From the depths of the inner sanctum, winnowing its way through the wooden door, would come the triumphant, possessive cry;
‘I’m doing ME SHITE!’.
This was invariably followed by hoots of laughter, followed shortly by the arrival of one or the other parent who would disperse the mob by dispensing boxed ears all round.
And the possessive article was not wholly confined to the toilet.
A chap confronts you and announces that he is going to ‘whale the living tar out of yeh!’
You, in your turn, giving not an inch and no quarter, reply, with narrowed eye, clenched teeth and the possessive article:
“You will in your shite!’.
The which, roughly translated means:
‘You will not.’ To which might be added “… before you’ve got your jacket off, bruv, I’ll have broken both your legs!’.
A slight variant on this is; ‘You have your shite..’ which generally means either a refusal or simply disbelief.
‘Mick says he’ll be borrowing your lawnmower tomorrow.”
‘Tell him he has his shite!. the engine blew up.’ (refusal)
OR;
“I won 10 million on Tatts yesterday.’
‘Ahhh…you have your shite…’ (disbelief. Are you making fun of me?)
I hope the foregoing is of some help to you. Otherwise I’ve been talking shite.
The O’Flaherty.