Letters have been pouring in on how to cope with media non Fairfax. 

And it’s gratifying to see just how many of our readers are abreast of the latest technologies and media production and are full of stimulating ideas on how we should adapt to this new era, moving forward. WE apologise for using the term “moving forward” as it bespeaks of “managerialism” and we don’t believe our readership needs to be insulted by such weasel words, but by doing so we demonstrate our credentials in being able to disciss with some measure of authority without question. And besides, if we don’t use terms such as “moving forward” our advice will be unnaceptable to the accountants and merchant bbankers who now run NINE. And that would diminsh the quality of expert thought at thier disposal. And thus be passed onto you the reader. With dire results.

Fullerphones at work. Keeping our telecommunications in OUR HANDS!

And here’s just two that we’ve sent on to the nine executive team and know that without a scintilla of doubt they will take it on. The first is from Penleigh Postlethwaite of Punchers Rd Freckleton. Penleigh writes:

‘The problem with newspapers is that they’re written on Paper. That’s expensive and not good for the planet. Plastic aint good either, and we’re awash with it. There has to be a better way, and surely, the Fairfax Board aint blind to imagination and ‘pushing the envelope’.

Though typesetters, compositors, die cutters, machinists and paper boys are a thing of the past I believe there is a bright future for wireless delivery of newspapers as Morse.

Madge Coldtartt. Our pcbycp telephonist now working for Nine. (happily)

Each house would have a morse teleprinter, and children would be weaned from their electronic devices to decode the morse messages and convert them into beautiful, (special tuition would be required) copperplate handwriting.

With the rebirth of these skills, we would subvert, in the nicest possible ways the mendacious megalomania of that scoundrel Lord Rupert of everything.

And in doing so establish the worlds most complete Morse Super Highway.

And stop in their tracks the nefarious Chinese from intercepting our media and infiltrating our intelligence services.

And, this is the stunning bonus, give a whole new generation of young Australians a skills set that are unique. And in one fell swoop, destroy the monopolisitc tendencies of those who would mould our thoughts and make us think in plastic.

Attractive females increasing readership by reading the weather report off a blue screen. Nine proving its capacity to employ people from diverse backgrounds.

Another demonstration of Nine’s committment to diversity. This lady journalist may not be married.

I am working on an up-dated morse teleprinter and fullerphone receiving station at this instant and may require additional input. And it is in my opinion as a core selction criteria for our startup receiving staion that we require very attractive females who can both give and receive important messages. This is an unlterable fact.

Nine cannot fail us!! For they have in my humble experience tirelessly and courageously  presented the news and current affairs in  a most satisfactory and even handed manner. With very attractive females presenting the weather, and light hearted moments of news coverage. This is a pure demonstration of quality journalism.

May Kerry Packer rest in eternal pieces.