Exiting from the rear end. A diplomatic non secuitur?
Recent events in China may indicate an alarming spike in Sino-U.S relations. When asked what a ‘Sino-U.S relation’ was the presumptive Donald Trump replied; ‘its a condo full of Shanghai investors with extended families’, but the truth is more despairing.
There’s another G20 meeting. Forgotten where the last one was, but our analysis indicates that the G 20’s are a good chance for the 1%, or their representatives to gather round and decide which parts of the cake ought to be redistributed. Sadly, theres not much more of the cake to redistribute, and even the crumbs are getting a bit stale and mildewy. Still, optimism abounds when it’s a chance for the worlds finest to stand shoulder to shoulder in unspeakably bad clothing, and make some aimless gesture to global peace and solidarity.
The British, French and German leaders were all met with the red carpet treatment, and even some obscure little pecksniffs, (their very own versions of George Brandis) were given a salute, with clockwork precision by the Peoples Army. But something odd occurred when Obama turned up. No red carpet. We’ve consulted out historical register of red carpet scenarios in some detail, and found only in several historical instances has the red caret been denied. It was denied to Attila upon his triumphant entry to Rome in 456, and Mehmet 11 upon his arrival in Constantinople in 1453. The red carpet was not rolled out by the French government for the entry of the triumphant Wehrmacht in Paris in 1940, and there was no red carpet treatment in Kabul and Baghdad after we gloriously delivered the wretched people of those countries, from the yoke of oppression and totalitarianism so they could drink fully from the promised chalice of freedom. It’s not our fault they just don’t get protocol. And in a local context, no remote community rolled out the carpet, for the glorious noble self sacrificing members of the Australian military who were parachuted into their communities to save them from the iniqueties of vice and debauchery. Nup. A genuine non red carpet scenario. And you’d think if they only showed a bit more gratitude for how we help em, it wouldn’t matter so much.
Protocol is important, it demonstrates Respect. But the absence of red carpet sets a nasty precedent. Where will this end? For a start, though Obama waived the incident aside, it points to increasing tension between the superpowers. There is no shortage of red carpet in China. They actually do quite a bit with red. Any Australian politician, prepared to take donations, ( all it would seem) know the significance of a red carpet. It represents all that is good with free trade and the trickle down effect that has seen wages an growth stagnate. Also and this has been revealed, Obama had to go out the rear exit. Diplomatically speaking, this is the equivalent of “doing a Poo”. Not so statesman-like, to emerge from the “bum’ of an aircraft. But the unmistakeable fear is that this will lead to an escalation of red carpet incidents.
When the Chinese leadership next arrive in the U.S they may also be snubbed. A brown carpet perhaps?. A toy train to convey them to diplomatic headquarters, or as the australians have shown, a warm handshake and bugging of the embassy. A better suggestion is to get rid of tarmac arrivals and arrive by boat. That way the carpet is eliminated, and a gangplank is considered way more statesman- like. And besides, if dignity is at stake, you can keep the gangplank up or throw out a lifeboat or just shove off. In politics and diplomacy, symbolism is everything. Arrive by battleship, submarine, or aircraft carrier and make your intentions clear. But lastly, a brief note of caution. Before disembarking, check the underside, you may find printed in plain text “Made in China”.