The new Governor General got a Gong ages ago for keeping “Mainstream Australian Values” Pure.

Dear reader, we have a confession to make. Every New Year we scan the honours list. We look up and down the columns. We see familiar names of people we know have been recognised for noble works. In all the realms of human endeavour, and quite notably a preponderance of lawyers, ex military personnel, and senior bureaucrats get the gong. Those who donate lots of money selflessly so that they may avoid paying tax, and those who correctly know which politicians and causes will smoothe the cogs and ensure that their nomination goes to number one. And occasionally for “services to community” we hear about a little old lady who nobly manned a cake stall at the footy, or an old bloke who gave his life to cleaning footy boots. 

We await the Queens Birthday honours list, and the Australia Day public holiday is always wildly anticipated. 

Right across the social spectrum their endeavour is rewarded. 

But sadly there is no mention . Not a jot, of Cecil and or Quentin. 

We understand the reason why. 

Odly enough Chesty Bond, our Greatest Australian never got a GONG!

We must don’t have enough contacts. You see, selflessly producing this missive and helping out poor people, is not going to put us in the limelight. I suggested to Cecil we start a philanthropic charity and be seen to be doing good works.  Perhaps a reality television slot, or a float in next years Moomba. Cecil felt that would stigmatise the poor and needy and just make them fodder for self aggrandisement as a vanity project. Cecil has curious ideas about ethics and it always gets in the way of sound business ideals. That’s perhaps why we don’t get nominated. We’re just not successful enough And don’t do enough for society like bankers or hedge-fund managers. Still Cecil is a decent bloke and quite a few people think very highly of him. Problem is, none of them are Influential. 

You see, as the reverend Parsimony from St Crispins parish said to me when he received his bishopric’ “You need influence dear boy all that rot about the rich and the eye of the needle is bunk. Ever see a dirt poor christ? He didn’t proselytise on the mount for nothing. It were rivers of gold, or as he corrected, Sheckels of geldt”. 

It’s not that we’re no good.  It’s just that we understand the Governor Generals office is chock full of nominations coming in. From all corners of the country. And there’s probably a whole lot more flooding in from overseas, of foreign people deemed worthy of the official nod for services to things like banking, or arms production. 

All these worthy and self sacrificing people must be recognised, And for this the Governor General has a staff, hell bent on sifting through all the submissions. As a consequence they need more staff, to stem the tide so to speak. 

You need Influence to get a gong!

Gough Whitlam got rid of knighthoods as he felt the system had been corrupted by self interest and triumphalism. Good to see that behaviour has been put to bed. Still the odd malcontent, Paul Keating, or Dick Smith don’t want a bar of it. What would the know about big ideas, and service to the community?. And besides they’re probably just sour grapes, cos they don’t know anyone important enough, or influential enough to give them a gong. 

It’s anonymous you see. That’s what keeps the process pure. And when the recipient gets the gong, they have to look absolutely surprised and wrestle with the ethics before they accept it. You don’t ask people to do your nomination, thats’ unethical. 

Integrity keeps the process pure. 

That’s why secretly, I’ve put Cecil’s name forward, and over the next week or two I’ll tell you what I did to push his nomination along. With success in the bag, it may prove useful for any of you who feel that your efforts have for too long been unrewarded. 

Australia Day is coming up, and this year I think Cecil will be , (as they say in racing parlance) ‘a CERT’! 

These blokes gave their arms and legs in sacrifice to Empire but failed to get a gong. (not enough influence)

Advance Australia.