A bitter way. Saint Corey.
There’s been a lot of talk about conservative values and the soul of the Liberal Party lately. It seems the conversation is divided into two camps, the moderates led, (at the moment) by Malcolm Turnbull. And the hardline Conservatives led by Saint Tone of the Santamaria, Eric of the Unelectable and Saint Kevin of the KKK. Not to be outdone, a former Liberal, Saint Corey of the Confabulated has set up his own party. In order to identify it as even more right wing he’s called it the ‘Australian Conservatives’.
Ming’s investiture of the order of the Cinq Ports. Tolleys. Mildara, Seppelts, McWhilliams and Angoves.
Saint Corey reckons that if Ming the Merciless was still around he’d give his core of right wing fundamentalist christian looneys, (we don’t like to indulge in simple caricaturisation here) a big tick. Corey reckons that Ming would’ve been into stoning adulterers, execution of non believers, and castration of poofters and lezzos’, (can you castrate a lezzo?) as demanded by the Bible in 100 AD. Corey would blanche at the erudite, sophisticated rhetoric of Ming, as imponderable. Corey would suggest against the blight of Labor’s attempt the nationalise the banks, Ming stood firm as another steadfast christian soldier. Rather than just a canny pollie sensing the post-war winds of change. Corey, like his republican, tea- party mates in the U.S is very good at cherrypicking history to establish his incontrovertible “facts”
You see Corey is the bastard child of the DLP split. Once orphaned he’s found a home. They had to do a fundraiser to find Ming a home. These days, they just call Lord Rupert. He’s gotta spot for good-ol fire and brimstone Catholics in the Liberal party.
Bill O’Reilly. Sending another down.
We’re confused, cos In the olden days when Ming held the roost, a Catholic in the Liberal party was about as rare as the proverbial pork chop in the synagogue. Ming grew up in Jeparit, went to Melbourne, became the state Attorney General before moving into the big league. In his day Catholics were about as welcome as Bill O’Reilly in the test team. Tolerated if they were good with the bat or ball, but always knew their place. On the outer, like the Collingwood cheer squad.
Saint Tone of the Santamaria is convinced that if Ming came back he’d be a Catholic too. Though Malcolm is a recent convert he’s just not Catholic enough. He’s a bad Catholic. Malcolm is not consumed enough by HATE, GUILT and LOATHING. Malcolm’s soft-cock Catholicism stops him from being really really fucking angry about everything, and blaming it all on the aforementioned, pooftas, lezzo’s, intellectuals and the ABC.
All of em, (Tone, Eric, Corey, and Kevin) are working with Lord Rupert to close the aforementioned down.
Ming and Liz worked as a TEAM! And kept the Micks at Bay.
In hindsight Ming was a bit of a leftie. He believed in big government, and spoke of the ‘forgotten people’. In his day they were anyone other than the DLP.
Still it’s good to see that these old school conservatives are determined to get their message across to the Australian people. But we’re deeply confused.
Just the other day they invited Margaret Court to a fundraiser. She reckons homosexuals encapsulate an “ungodly lust for the flesh”. We thought she was talking about Catholic Priests. And then she reckons the ABC is like Joe Stalin and Adolf for “getting into the minds of the children”. Then, Craig Laundy has invited Corey to address a North Sydney Liberal fundraiser. Corey’s not in the party, but all and sundry agree that climate change is a hoax, and the only true religion other than keeping down wages and punishing the poor is Real Estate. A fundamental core Liberal principle.
Ming would’ve liked that, but one part would have irked him. The forgotten people were meant to be the silent majority who worked for a living. Corey and his mates do nothing else but talk so loud it’s positively deafening. And none of em do REAL WORK! They’re at pains to prove, that the tide of history is with them to close the Liberal party down.
And on that count they’re absolutely RIGHT
Liberal Party Cosplay fundraiser, (all costumes provided generously by the Rt Hon Christopher Pyne M.P) proving that Global Climate Change sea level rise is just WRONG!
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