Long gone are the days of men choosing a wife.  Women are having an increasing (and some would argue justifiably so) say in choosing their partner.  I well remember a former woman member of the Australian parliament stating clearly what she looked – someone with a sizeable package.  I doubt that I would measure up.

(Of great concern in this emphasis on the package may encourage even more middle aged men to wear lycra, and do strange things with vegetables.)  However this politician added that the prospective mate must also have a pile.  Again I doubt that I would measure up.   For centuries now in those bastions of female liberation, the United States of America and in all of Scandinavia, women have been advised to look closely at a man’s pile, for from the state of his pile his character can surely be gauged.

For the benefit of those looking for a mate we offer the following Norwegian interpretations on various piles:

Upright and solid pile: Upright and solid man

Low pile: Cautious man, could be shy or weak

Tall pile: Big ambitions. but watch out for sagging and collapse.

Unusual shape: Freethinking, open spirit, again the construction may be weak.

Flamboyant pile, widely visible: Extroverted, but possibly a bluffer

A lot in the pile: A man of foresight, loyal

Not much in the pile: A life lived from hand to mouth.

Pedantic pile: Perfectionist, may be introverted

Collapsed pile: Weak will, poor judgement of priorities.

Unfinished pile, some lying on the ground: Unstable, lazy, prone to drunkenness

Everything in a pile on the ground: Ignorance, decadence, laziness, drunkenness or possibly all of these

Pile made of whoppers:  Has a big appetite for life, but can be rash and extravagant.

Old and new piled together:  Be suspicious, could contain ill-gotten items.

Of course this is all about a person’s wood pile, the truest measure of a real man. And just three more categories to help with the choice:

Large and small logs piled in together:  Frugal.  Kindling sneaked in among the logs suggests a considerate man.

Rough, gnarled logs, hard to chop: Persistent and strong willed, or else bowed down by his burdens.

No woodpile:  No husband.

Should people follow this evidence based advice we foresee a bleak future for divorce lawyers.

Now for a couple of very poor reproductions of representative piles or try this link for even more spectacular results