Happy families

“In the past few weeks, we learnt that executives at Australia Post were given Cartier watches in return for doing their job, that the Premier of NSW kept her relationship with a disgraced MP secret from both her colleagues and the public, that the federal government paid $30 million to two Liberal Party donors for a piece of land worth only $3 million, and that Crown Resorts, largely owned by a Packer and boasting former Liberal and Labor MPs in senior positions, has been facilitating money laundering’.  (Sean Kelly, The Age)

Yes folks after all is said and done that’s why the Federal Government doesn’t want us to have an Anti-Corruption Commission. And why, blind Freddy would tell you they don’t want to have pubic hearings even if there was an anti-corruption watchdog.That’s why as a society we’ve gotta “Bell the Cat”! If the cat was let out of the bag, who knows what else would disgorge itself from said bag. Might get to the stage that even the emergence of the  pushmi-pullyou and the Dodo wouldnt raise an eyebrow.  As the Police enquiry said to the press after the dodgy, targeted,  bogus, hand-crafted disclosure on Sydney Council travel expenses: ‘there’s nothing to see here”. How did we get to this? Could it be neo-liberalisms crowning glory?

A typical Nuclear family

Would Maggie feel vindicated?

What would Ben Chifley think? 

Who was Ben Chifley? you might add, as he aint got a twitter account and is not on facebook. 

What would Cicero say? (OH…come off it stop trying to be clever), well what would Cicero have said about all the feather-bedding, the back-slapping and outrageous acts of entitled kleptomania? 

Cicero, who famously said; “Rome or BUST’!

He’d say this, “Quis custodes custodiet?”  We asked Boris what it meant and he told us it’s all about checks and balances. “Who guards the Guardian”, and he’s right, the Guardian is anti Boris and should be CLOSED DOWN!

Just as it was when they ditched the Republic. It was ok for a while.  The chariots ran on time. But without the checks and balances we got Caligula and Nero. Nero was good for urban renewal, but after Caligula’s horse was voted into the Senate things went a bit crook. It was almost as funny as Daryl McGuire heading up regional roads, or Angus Taylor’s office setting up the false documentation on Clover Moore. Or Jam-land, or having a hand in the airport deal, or giving Trev millions just for being a good sport and donating to a good cause, The Liberal Party.

Ben Chifley, in an era before Ex pollies were a shoe-in on boards, Casino’s and defence contracts.

Closer to home, the. Council elections are on. To any thinking person, it won’t be won on the criteria of accessibility, equality and yearning for a better society. It’ll be measured by money.  As we increasingly become more “Americanised”, our politics, and society itself is monetised. 

In that respect you can’t blame Dazza for making a few bucks on the side. Same as you’ve gotta hand it to Angus for looking after his family interests. Next to mateship, family is a key pillar of the Australian identity. Well that’s what Eddie told us. We love families, particularly nuclear families cos as Vonnegut, famously said they represent the most prevalent form of insecurity known to existence. They’re so cowered with debt, mortgages, and Harvey Norman credit, they daren’t say “Boo”. And that’s great for wanting to turn a blind eye. As witness K will tell you, “being moral gets you into HUGE trouble’! 

Can’t blame Eddie for having a go!

So stick with the best, and be like the rest, when you’re getting the big bucks and entree into the insiders, you shut your mouth. 

Witness K. Dob in yer mates and your get what you deserve!

And the one abiding principle thereon, DON’T GET CAUGHT!!!

Good evening, Directors and board, and fellow board members of the Crown Group. 

The non executive chairman, Is that the chairman you’ve got when you aint got a chairman?

Being chairman of the AFL I picked up a thing or two. And when it comes to due diligence I’ll put my hand out every time. It’s economical. Five hundred bucks a minute and that includes GST. 

I’ve got what it takes.  Before I became a Commissioner, and then a board member, I played for Nth Melbourne. Their performance this season speaks volumes, and since then my weight and heft have groan. That’s  spelt, (looks down, checks files) “GROAN”. 

I cant remember my name. Starts with A…. That sound right? 

About a mate of mine who goes by the name of Dazza, helped me sort a few things out in how to get things done. (Looks at notes again) 

“Whether you’re a fellow board member, Hang on?  “Whether you’re a Premier a P.M, President or Prince Andrew, Let Dazza sort  it right for you. Turn. over”, 

Excuse me. ‘TURN OVER’!

Andrew learnt to read notes from Acquire Learning. A free laptop and Sherrin footy signed by Andrew himself for every enrolment. And a special invite to “Andy’s Drop-kick Academy”.

‘For the best casino you wanna buy Andrew is not far away, He’s played for Norta Melbourne an a Foot-a-scray’. (Looks up, wipes brow)

Begs the question, why wasn’t Clive appointed to the board of Crown? He’s BIG.

Seriously though. Im glad you’ve asked my advice on Airport deals. Speak to Angus bout my charge-out rates.  Im glad, and I think it’s opportune for me to be given the nod after my stellar performance in the Casino enquiry and as ex-head of the AFL to be given this opportunity to manage the what’s left of Crown and for that matter airports. The punters arrive by air, so I’ve been told.  My old mate Mantac, said; ‘if it’s a position you’ve gotta fill, keep one hand in the till’. And the last manager, what’s his name, gave me a few tips. Be charming… ‘I’m a  charming person,  person, personficational’, and of no visible substance, that way you won’t frighten the investors. 

And as I did as director for my brothers educational initiative, what was it called? “Acquire Learning”? I’ve got form as a good sport. I’ll sit on your office three days a week, sometimes, upwards of fifteen minutes, and you send the cheques via me mate Angus. Just fill em in, I’ll sign em, to Angus’s Cayman Islands slush fund. You know what?  Angus said it was ‘money for Jam’, he wasn’t joking!! ‘JAM-LAND’! Kinda got a ring to it. Easier than Crown or ICAC?  It’s the numero uno for diverting Federal funds. Says here on the brochure,100 per cent taxpayer backed and no questions asked. As Witness K, or Lawyer X put it,  it ‘ Ticks ALL THE BOXES’! 

Alex and John at Acquire learnt the term ” liquidation” at Acquire learning. Pity John didn’t get a gig on the board of Crown, he may have remembered being there.

As I was saying to Daryl the other day, 

Excuse me..

‘As Chairman of this board I exercise due, de, due, due, ju-rispudence, hang on whilst I look that one up, and’ 

‘ I Will not accept bribes in brown paper bags’, 

ALDI Bags are OK”! (Shuffles paper), 

“Well that seems fair enough”, 

Well as Howie was sayin to me the other day, he said “I can’t remember’? 

Bugger me, I cant remember what Dan said either, 

Nor, come to think of it what Jamie said. 

The MR BIG of CROWN.

Something about deck-chairs overboard. 

On yer yachts 

Somewhere in the Pacific. “Pacifically speaking”

Jeez, cant remember what Clive said either, (reflectively) 

Funny all these people in powerful positions who cant remember shit’. 

Why am I here? 

Cant remember, 

What?

Another Mr BIG of CROWN, who famously aint so big any more.

And enquiry? You tell me, then we’ll both know,  

Know what?

Cant remember,

For micro-managing? 

Ask Daniel or Brett?

He cant remember either… 

Who am I? 

What? 

Angus?

Hello, haven’t we met before? 

Psssst, for the best airport, environment, planning, infrastructure, re- funding of shitty coal powered station deal you wanna buy, Angus aint far away. He’s just a stamped self addressed (cheque enclosed) address to Angus’s Cayman fund, and he’s a here to stay’. Mark envelope clearly with ‘AIRPORT PLANNING’ and indicate via number, the sum, (Aus$, Bitcoin or U.S $) proposed for a swift referral. Note, taxpayer funded gifts may take longer than the usual one week processing time. We regret this inconvenience as we are required to give lip service to the  usual red and green tape standing in the way of PROGRESS!

Angus is it?

Dazza helping Glady’s on the State Budget, not as important as the federal budget, that’s why Angus is not in this photo.

Dazza doing his best to reputationally kill Galdy’s. An established Australian cultural idiom.

In the interests of balance, we penned a brief asssessment of the Federal Government Budget, and implied by inference that it offered little for women above a certain age. “Above a certain age,” if you weren’t aware is the generic description of a female, who is no longer likely to get a gig as a game show hostess, a weather girl or receptionist at an advertising agency. These are not our qualifications, just general indicies placed upon our society by an over-arching patriachy. That’s why women between 15 and 55 are more likely to die from domestic violence than any other cause. 

Why men kill women in Australia? Its cultural

 WE like to kill our women in Australia. Ours is not to ask the reason why?  Sometimes, as recently in the case of Daryl MGuire, if we can’t kill a woman physically, at the very least, we can certainly do our very best in killing their reputations. We should stand proud. Australia in killing women is a world leader. A Pity there’s no Olympic event for this prodigious feat of national solidarity. Mind you, we’d be hard against it, as recently with China and Russia on the Human Rights Council of the UN, we’d have to compete with killing Uighurs, Tibetans and dissidents or just killing journalists, opposition leaders and anyone opposed to the kleptocratic status quo. Sadly we’d come a distant third. This is a problem with our national psyche.  As we don’t kill our women on purpose, (if they nag it may be justification enough). Just as we certainly don’t mean to kill indigenous Australians.  It’s just they always fall foul of our laws and must be imprisoned for their own good. And besides,  if they have a propensity for taking their own lives in custody, how can we expect to bear responsibility? 

But, we’re worried about this Federal Budget being too skewed to women. So in the interests of journalistic objectivism, we’ve been offered this piece. It came to us anonymously, but the post stamp ‘Wagga Wagga’ suggests it may have come from a well resourced unseen hand. 

Budgets are not fer BUDGIN

I’ve had enough of Sheilahs on budget night going crook,

Its bad enough with em blabberin, for blokes who dont get a look,

They say the budgets sexist, from penis-wielding oppressors,

But that aint the half of it, when the opressed become the opressors,

Whichever way ya look at it, in high-viz or in high heels,

Its not so much the feeling, its the way it makes ya feel,

Being a bloke these days is tricky, like the Murray Darling basin,

A Triceratops, also wrong- headed on women

With kiddie fiddling clerics, just the tip of what we’re facing,

‘Our era is for passing’, said the Triceratops said to Allosaurus

‘What ’s gone is just a footprint , of others gone before us,

We’re fucked and this last hurrah, is more or less innefectual

To replace us with the lgbtix, trans, and the bearded metro-sexual,

An Allosaurus, not much better…

Its all we’ve got, its the last hurrah, so wave your high-viz vest

Cos our good was never good enough, and gone with all the rest, 

Mate, Which ever way you look at it, what’s happenin to the nation

The rarest of the Dinosaurs.. the PACKER-SAURUS!

A Brave New World for women folk, and our assured emasculation, 

On liminal time

Just the other day Ces sent us this wonderfully reflective piece. A personification of our times, in which not a lot makes sense. But those bits that do make sense are paradoxically absurd. We’re all living the Camus existentialism. But if you’re a member of the Federal Government who’ve knocked off environmental studies across the Unis’, It’s just business as usual. 

Cecil wrote; 

The Casino Enquiry, Not a lot of ‘Ground-Truthing’, but Andy demonstrated great ground-directed note reading skills.

In the dark hours of the morning I was reading Paul Carter’s “Ground Truthing”, an extraordinarily provocative and complex book on Mallee.  I battle to comprehend his arguments, such that three or four pages at a time are all I can do.  Last nights pearl came with a picture of discarded fencing wire “these abandoned wire offcuts scattered throughout the Mallee are like scraps of conversation, undecidable moments where reason no longer connects, thoughts coil up and are left unsaid” (my emphasis).  So I toss and turn contemplating those unsaid tangled thoughts and wonder if they are better unsaid anyway, and would those thoughts lose value, lose meaning if they were uncoiled?

Which got us onto this snippet from the Evangelical Times. “The evangelical…. what the’ .. you may ask? Yes indeed a God-bothering paper, that talks about decency, humanity and the destablising effect on life the universe and everything about gross inequality. It’s three pointer, (heavily edited in this transcript).

Franciscan priest Richard Rohr describes this as a “liminal time” — a threshold moment bridging “before” and “not yet.” Our solid ground of five months ago is gone; we’ve lifted a foot toward … no one knows what.

Not much ‘Ground Truthing’ here either.

Liminal time is unsettling and worrisome. We’re adrift and vulnerable. Frantic voices scream “Free the economy!” “Open the restaurants!” and “Get back to normal!”

But liminal time has its own voice: calmer and quieter. Invitational rather than demanding. It redefines these moments as a pause between worn territory and fresh new ground. It’s a reset for a better future.

The spiritual call of this pandemic is not a reflexive return to accustomed life. Nor is it a safe (if agonizing) wait before easing slowly back to familiarity. “Returning to normal” squanders an opportunity.  Liminal time is not a den of hibernation: an onerous grizzly bear in autumn emerges as the same onerous bear in springtime.  Rather, liminal time is a chrysalis: enter as a crawling caterpillar and emerge as a soaring butterfly!

Where “Ground-Truthing” is just another word for nothing left to lose.

First, a broken community. The obvious irony of the COVID-19 Era is that we are “all in this together,” yet more universally isolated than at any time in anyone’s memory.

But let’s be honest: the human community was already fractured. “Social distancing” was a distressing pre-COVID 19 reality in the forms of xenophobia, political tribalism, institutional racism, sexism and a host of other divisive, violent and cruel “-isms.”

Second, a broken planet. Consider this chilling reality: COVID-19’s physical suffering and socio/economic disruption is a trifling foretaste of the massive consequences of climate change to come.

Poor Glady’s, no wonder people in her circle get pixelated! Too much ‘Ground-Truthing’!

Third, a broken economy. The global economy favors the wealthy, privileged, powerful and overwhelmingly male, white and well-connected few over the impoverished, disadvantaged, powerless and ignored many. Runaway climate change is a direct result of an economy that demands expansive consumption and rampant environmental degradation. It’s time to toss the idol of “the economy” from the altar.

Ground-Truth ZERO! BLOKES YOU CAN TRUST

Well we at Pcbycp aint all that religious, we’re a pantheon short of the monotheist. But it aint all bad. The casinos enquiry indicated that all the Directors were bent and just were happy to take the money and run. And poor Glady’s has been dudded by a dick boyfriend, who seems to be the perfect Arthur Daley. 

So in a way, it’s good to know that nothing’s changed and all is right with the world. 

Apocolypse now? Or perhaps, tomorrow? There’s comfort in that, (Testicles Ch4. v3)

“Psst, for the best outcomes in any Casino Enquiry, come and see Angus. Angus ‘ll fix you right at a price you can’t refuse. Just send bit-coin and fully franked dividend to Angus’s Cayman island Slush Fund. Address all correspondence; C/O “Daryl Maguire Airport and Visa connectionsFund”, and Dazza will put you through to the right connections. An extra 500 k puts you in the platinum category for easy access to Premiers, Presidents and Prince Andrew. Hurry, offers closes Nov 1.

But with the high rollers at the Casino and money laundering on hold, we cant wait for things to go back to normal. And pretend that all this stuff about Armageddon was only dream. 

Jamie auditioning for his role; “Shreck 5”

Jamie Packers real problem is that he’s UGLY!

Not just ordinary ugly, but slab of pig iron or over-pimpled arse cheeks ugly. Or wedding tackle ugly. The bloke for the Age, (officially referred to as the Age journalist) said it reminded him of Henry the fourth part two. “ Something about how heavy the crown is when you’re catapulted onto the throne’. The truth is James Packer aint no bard. He is bereft of poetry, irony and self reflection. He’s the Easter Island statue version of Donald Trump. In a word he looks SHITHOUSE!

Jamie, (Crown High- roller) publicity brochure.

Which proves one point, being stinking rich aint a measure of happiness. 

Jamie’s yacht. Piss poor, no wonder he’s depressed.

We almost feel sorry for the bastard, something about power corrupts, and the coterie of bum lickers who helped him become a fucking ugly bastard. Perhaps anointed ugly bastard upon birth by his over-bearing dad.  Through the enquiry’s eight hours of grilling, not one joke, not one quip to lighten the proceeding. Rather a grim, sullen, withdrawn, isolated individual, like a blue giant, compressing itself into the oblivion of a black hole through the inexorable weight of money. And the fucking hollowness of it all. 

But after all is said and done, the vision for Barangaroo, whatever it is was is now a bold new opportunity sequestered by a fucking casino. You’ve got to ask yourself, is a business model dependant upon bringing filthy rich sub-criminals from overseas to launder money a great idea? What good does it do for the average Australian? Bit like asking Boris, and any U.K PM for the past forty years whether tax loopholes for kleptocrats, criminals and seriously dodgy dictators has anything to do with the well-being of Londoners. Admittedly, there is a trickle down effect for masseurs, interior designers, real estate agents, car dealers, (hang on, this is sounding like the federal budget)  and branded fashion label sales. But surely it doesn’t have to be based upon such a dubious business model. 

All that power gives you an appetite.

And in the end, like our Premier, and anyone from Laurie Connell and  Alan Bond, when push comes to shove they can’t remember. It’s amazing they can even remember to show up.  Beyond fronting the camera for whatever the enquiry is, they cant remember a fucking thing. 

Why should they be in government, why should they be in business. Power corrupts? 

Particularly a business that as far as we can see, without the benefit of what the poms do ,with their lotteries and channel the vast bulk of profit, back to the cultural fabric, restoring buildings, pubs, clubs and old-shit. Whereas here, the profits go straight back to the shareholders, and the few thousand who clean the loos, and scratch the backs of the high rolling crims. 

“Is that a casino plan in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me”?

It’s an ugly industry, and whichever way you look at it, James Packer is an ugly bastard. His industry is ugly. His networks are ugly. His principles are ugly. Why should we be surprised? Perhaps there’s a job for him, as trade envoy to the UK? (Job Taken). As ambassador to the U.S? (Job Taken). As High Commissioner to London?  (taken). 

A proper SUSTAINABLE Russian Kleptocrat Yacht. Ensuring that megalomanic tendencies are tempered by sound environmental principles.

We’ve got it!! As special envoy to Russia and China. He can talk the politics of power, and if push comes to shove he has mates in Mossad who can sort shit-stirrers out.  That’s what Vlad does in Russia, and it keeps the journo’s in check to ensure rivers of gold, are kept where they belong, under raps in opaque investment schemes designed ultimately to benefit a scant few and impoverish the rest of society. James has to give it a go. He’s wasted on his trillion dollar yacht all alone. And besides if he can shirt-front Vlad and Xi, he might just get to hang onto his over-riding share in Crown, by demonstrating he’s a MAN OF CHARACTER!

“Pssst, is your character under scrutiny from pesky inquiries? Are you being questioned about dubious emails and forged documents impugning the character of public servants so that you may gain advantage? Do you have problems with hiding laundered funds? if you’ve got pesky Journo’s hanging around asking questions and causing trouble, have a word with Angus. He’s got offshore investments and connections that’ll keep the bastards quiet as a TOMB. Angus says; “no questions asked, and the bucks are quickly passed”. With Angus you can lie straight MATE!

Howdya spell PATRIACHY? THREE WISE BLOKES!

Poetry of a Sundee

Budgets are not fer BUDGIN

Federal Government Budget Table. Note T.S* in upper Right Hand Corner. * (Token Sheilah)

In the tradition of the Who’s cerebral ” Love aint for keeping” we bring you this Budget penned ditty. Inspired by Georgie Dent who has been famously told by a staffer in the P.M’s Office that ” no one credible” agreed with her scathing assessment of the Federal budget. Lucky Georgie, she heard it from the horse’s mouth. She is officially a Non- Person. That’s the problem with being a Sheila in Australia between 15 and 50. You’re more likely to be killed in a domestic violence incident than die from natural causes, and you can’t even crack the credible factor. Still, we all know it’s the blokes who do the hard work, they wear high Viz, and they want their Sheila’s to stay at home, look after the kids and have the telly and dinner ready when you they get home at 6.00 pm.

Budgets aint fer Budgin

The Budget is Shit- hot for miners, tradies and car dealers,

But it’s a wok-short of a crock o shit, fer yer average Aussie Sheilah

The blokes who put it together will try and put yer straight

It’s a fair dinkum budget, for any working mate

To the Sheilahs rebuttal; ‘no individual of consequence”

It’s a lay down misere if youse wanna instill confidence

That when the economy’s rooted, and yer nation’s clarion calls

The only people who really matter, are those who’ve got the balls

Georgie Dent, TROUBLEMAKER!

All marked trees must be removed. They stand in the way of PROGRESS!

Dear reader,

There’s gonna be a new expression to define environmental, cultural and human bloody mindedness. And that’s “Doin a Juurkan”. Or; ‘Juurkan-around’, to describe the mindset that seeks to destroy for profit rather than any other motive. To “Juurk-off”, implies an organisation with so little respect for indigenous culture, artefact and spirituality it’ll just do it outta spite. Ultimately we’re living in a ‘Juurkan-depleted’ society. 

This is not PROGRESS! Looks more like a BLACK-FELLAS CAMP!

Its a bit like government’s who bang on about inclusiveness, and gender representation, and first opportunity they get for buck passing  they’ll throw the Sheila under the bus. If they had more respect she’d be ‘a woman’, but Sheila is cultural and embedded. Bit like killing women in domestic violence, another undisputed Australian tradition. That’s the hospital-pass we love in political and corporate governance. Whenever there’s some really serious shit going down, appoint the sheila to the chair. Celebrate your credentials for inclusiveness, then throw her under the bus. In the end it doesn’t matter if its a bus, cliff, or roller coaster. The public and tabloids LOVE IT!

Its exactly the same as  public departments who talk of respect for custodians, first nations and then plunder on. Or any corporation that spruiks its credentials for inclusiveness, cultural sensitivity, (whatever the buzz word is), and then just blows away. Its a post-Juurkan era. Before, in the pre-Jurkaan era, they pretended to pay lip-service to the environment and all that jazz. Now the modus-operandi is to keep it quiet and just not get caught. 

THIS IS WRONG! Embassies are recognisable by large porticos, Doric Columns and GUARDS WEARING BLACK!

At the base of it is the belief, that somehow, societies, civilisations, not defined by a Pyramid, an Acropolis and a silly book about an old bearded bastard who seeks retribution on human kind is not valid . The over-arching principle of “Juurkanism” is to assume that anything non western or strictly eastern is immaterial, and ultimately of no value. That’s what gave the Directors of Rio, free rein. They’ve learnt their lesson . And in doing so instructed other governments and corporations the value of keeping their operations quiet. Or if you cant keep it quiet, go to New Guinea or Africa where your interests will be preserved through the usual mechanisms of bribery and corruption. Like setting up Uighurstan Concentration camps,( just as the British pioneered in Sth Africa), it’s best to keep quiet and propound the benefits of law, cricket and “playing the game’. It’s a palpable fact that GENOCIDE in any form upsets the genteel classes over breakfast.  And besides whatever is done to the poor, the unrepresented and hopelessly romantic, is done FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!!! 

That’s why Vicroads determination to defeat a few local indiginies in the Ararat road widening is such a “Juurkanific moment”. Vicroads is saying; “look here youse, we represent progress. With this road duplication, truckies, and bureaucrats will get to some other part of the highway fifteen seconds faster’.  

TROUBLEMAKERS WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE VALUE OF MONEY!

You cant argue with that. I mean though these silly bastards kept the landscape intact for over sixty thousand years, can’t beat fifteen seconds. And if you’re in an electric vehicle, that’s fifteen seconds of carbon-free progress. And if you’re the firm who’s doing the contracting, a big multinational like Downer, you get the job, charge what you like and pay no tax. That’s the privileges on- hand for desecrating culture. 

Some silly bastard like Bruce Pascoe will tell you that these trees, are the first Australians cultural identity.  It’s their churches, museums, and stories. They are the archive of all that’s left. It’s what’s left of their legacy. So they could hand it over to the squattocracy. Who repaid them by rounding them up or just shooting them on the spot in the mid nineteenth century. it’s all they’ve got. 

PROGRESS!. In our post Juurkan Budget imbued era, “those who wear the HIGH-VIZ ARE INVIOLATE”!! ( Testimonials Ch;2 V 1V)

But in ‘Jurkaan-time’, they’re FUCKED!

‘Tisk Tisk we all say, forget about everything we say about inclusiveness. Respect dignity for first Australians. But please we implore you, differences aside, we welcome you to the smoking ceremony and welcome to country at the road opening ceremony. Pollies like to look inclusive, and its a good look for the shareholders .

And besides,  if we ever we considered these few trees as OUR SHARED LEGACY, and VALID in their own right  as markers of a SHARED and DEEPLY VALUED INHERITANCE it’d be a flamin disaster We’d have to re- think our relationship to the landscape and the first Australians FOR EVER! It would be a seismic shift in our understanding. A FLAMIN GREAT DISASTER!

Good thing then that IT”LL NEVER HAPPEN. 

Cos that would require imagination. 

“Pssst, you’ve got problems with a shovel ready project that’ll give you Cayman Island registered investments a real kick? Having a problem with Native Title and Greenie troublemakers? Send open cheque to Angus’s Cayman Environmental Management Fund, and we’ll have it sorted. For the right planning outcome and at the right price, it pays to be nice”.

And as the other Dan will tell you, “IMAGINATION AINT SHOVEL READY”!

Budget GOLD for the Environment! Koala Extinction is now a DEAD CERT!

Sorry, wrong DAN!

Not all the federal pollies are stupid

Dan might look stupid stupid, but….

He’s spot on  with what contemporary universities are all about. And he’s spot on with the BUDGET!

It took a long time for us a pcbycp in Uni days to realise that the bluntest knives always got to the top. Those bereft of imagination, the spark of inspiration, those who evinced even an atom of genius, were DOOMED!! They would never ever become Head of Department, a Professor or Vice Chancellor. The problem was, and always is they’ve got way too much humanity.

That’s what Dan’s on about. To make sure that humanity doesnt get in the way of preferrment, and looking around us he’s dead right. 

BUDGET GOLD for COAL!

Humanity has got us into deep shit. 

Everywhere you look, in these corona-afflicted days, humanity has us rooted. 

It’s seeping out of the oozing pustules and scabrous unheeling sores in special accomodation homes. Politicians flexing in frustration and anguish just plead, WHY CANT THEY JUST DIE!

And for the shareholders who own the premises, their plea is; “There’s plenty more to fill the empty beds, we want MORE”!

In Universities, the rivers of gold are stemmed, and the Vice Chancellors throw their entitlements in the air, hoping that when they land, it’ll be all over, and obedient, cowered debt-burdened students may never ask the reason why.

Budget GOLD for BLOWING UP SHIT!

In the ABC, all the good journalists, journalists of character have been shown the door.

And in our parliament, both sides led by Joel and Craig avow that renewables will be DOOMED, cos they understand the value of MATESHIP and the world without the anointment of IMAGINATION!

In the sea, oceans stripped bare, eco-systems destroyed becuse there’s only one eco-system that matters, and that the ecosystem of Profit, and as Angus will tell you; ‘If you aint got a Bahama listed Tax Haven you’d be a MUG’!

Humanity is a MUGS Game.

That’s what the bloke who stood up to Putin who’s now in the long haul recovery from Novachik understands. 

BUDGET GOLD FOR CRIMINALISING THE CITIZENRY!

Humanity is a dead-end street. In Washington Donald want to build walls and make wars to keep humanity out. 

‘Has it ever done us any good’? Christ was heard to say. “nah”, the Centurion said: “Dead right mate,  its crime that always pays’. 

So take the lead from the UK. Do as Boris Does, Give all your mates peerages, and bugger the Hoi poloi. 

BUDGET GOLD FOR BIBLES and GOOD OL RELIGION!

In the UK Dominic Cunmmings shows that there is a way forward. As Gogol and the Board of AMP discovered in death, even as corpse there is PROFIT!! The metrics of unreported death in aged care facilities and those who are homeless, can provide Rivers of Gold, for Tory-backed IT firms. 

Just like awarding contracts in Canberra, and the COVID taskforce, there’s money to be made for MATES!

BUDGET GOLD FOR CLOSING DOWN UNI COURSES THAT ASK THE REASON WHY?

But there are still those who suffer, Stateless, and adrift, searching the world over for sanctuary. Away from the troublesome mire of HUMANITY. But things could be worse. You could be a fucking KOALA for chrissakes, or howsabout a Rainforest or even just a grass-land outside of Canberra. Or, for arguments sake a woman, who happens to be unmarried, house- less, unemployed and over 35. Sorry, that’s a step too far, non one could imagine such a thing, best to forget about it. Well put it this way, no one in government thought about it, cos it’s non- issue, GET OVER IT!

‘Psssst, for the best Budget tips on how to apply for all the Federal handouts and pay no tax, drop a line to your friendly insider Angus, Angus ‘ll set you straight, just send an open cheque and a self addressed envelope to Jam- land . No questions asked, discretion and confidentiality assured’.

WUHAN DAN told us under oath that Maypole dancing during lockdown “IST VERTBOTEN”!

It all began when we took a  wrong turn at Pride Street

WE at pcbycp are very gay and very proud. We’ve been gay ever since the premier ‘WUHAN DAN’ closed down maypole dancing and dwarf throwing, Then he imposed a five thousand dollar fine for singing in public places and Morris dancing. This was the bitter end. That was the same day his government proclaimed its lgbti inclusiveness and gender promotion. He told us; ‘Being gay or even being a woman is no barrier to advancement in his state’.  And yet the first thing he did under a bit of questioning was throw his female Health Minister under the bus. Why he did this we don’t know? He doesn’t know either. He kept saying “I don’t know’. He did this whilst he passed a bill to to increase police powers. He obviously hates Maypole dancing and dwarf throwing. Ces said; ‘he’s intent on closing things down cos he’s basically anti-social.  You can tell by the ears, he’s got wing-nut syndrome’. We looked at the picture, he never smiled or cracked a joke, we had to agree. 

Donald swore under oath that PROUD BOYS can Maypole Dance whenever they effin feel like it!

But it got us thinking we ‘re feeling really isolated now. With the five thousand fine for stepping outside and for practising Morris dancing we could be hit with a twenty thousand fine, perhaps a hundred thousand fine for repeat offending. We needed solidarity, so we reached out and thought its time we identified with the broader isolated community. In a flash Ces had a group who were intent on reaching out on the internet.  It promoted Pride. We know Pride is the hallmark of being gay, but when we read their manifesto it gave us a bit of a jolt. No mention of Maypole dancing and precious little else that inspired us… 

Then we found out what had happened. We’d been diverted to the WRONG PRIDE group. 

We’d inadvertently been directed to the PROUD BOYS SITE, and not the GAY PRIDE BOYS

DON and JOE in furious debate about the size of their Testimonials under OATH!

This fragment from the Washington post made fascinating reading.

The basic tenet of the group, (PROUD BOYS) McInnes wrote at the time, is “Western chauvinists who refuse to apologise for creating the modern world.” He continued: “Like Archie Bunker, they long for the days when ‘girls were girls and men were men.’ This wasn’t controversial even twenty years ago, but being proud of Western culture today is like being a crippled, black, lesbian communist in 1953.”

“Western chauvinist,” he added, “includes all races, religions, and sexual preferences.”

Becoming a full-fledged Proud Boy is a four-step process, according to McInnes’s essay. First, a prospective member publicly declares he’s a Proud Boy. Second, he undergoes a ritual beating that continues until he can name five breakfast cereals. “The rationale here is we all need better ‘adrenaline control,’ ” McInnes wrote. Members must also swear off masturbation at this stage.

Joe gets real on the size of his Testimonials. Don always likes to exaggerate a bit.

At the third level, members get a Proud Boy tattoo bearing the group’s name. The fourth and final step involves getting into a public fight that advances the group’s cause.

There is no official Proud Boys uniform, but members often show up at rallies wearing black and yellow Fred Perry polo shirts, clothing once associated with British white supremacist movements in the 1970s. The fashion label has denounced the group and discontinued the design in North America.

Phew that was a close un, WE could’ve been ;

‘like being a crippled, black, lesbian communist in 1953.”

Psssst, for the very latest in PROUD BOYS Fashion, and updates on which breakfast cereal to remember, you can’t go past Angus and his mates at JAM-LAND. Send self addressed envelope to Angus, Co Cayman Islands Murray Darling fund and you’ll receive a token to participate in Australia’s manufacturing business start up with COAL and GAS. (Renewable based industrial start- ups need not apply.)

President Trump is a huge fan of Michael Jackson.

We’re hoping to interview a crippled, black lesbian communist from 1953 to tell us, but aint found one yet. Could be a by-product of living in the Federal electorate of Kooyong. Not a lot of diversity there, but we’re hopeful. Still we whipped down to the supermarket, and ordered five different breakfast cereals. One can’t be too careful.  Cos we knew, a bit like the Presidential debate, that not being able to name at least five, without pause, hesitation or repetition could be painful….. as Donald said himself, ‘it’s gonna be BAD’!

Der readership, that includes, you, you and you.

The ex Adelaide Uni Vice….. clearly didn’t know that being close was way too close!!But knew a bit about VICE.

Just in case you hadn’t been reading the news lately, the recently booted Vice Chancellor of Adelaide Uni was on a paltry 500 k salary. How he got the job after been done for fiddling in Tassie is beyond us, but speaks volumes for due diligence on higher-end executive recruitment. Don’t blame it all on RIO. For this he also received entitlements to spend several hundred thousand on overseas flights. Some of them may even have had something vaguely to do with education, the rest… a testament to ENTITLEMENT.

Entitlement aint all bad. It’s what makes Donald not feel guilty EVER about never paying tax. But for what its worth here’s a brief one on the man who sits at the top of the academic tree. He aint a Professor, or Vice Chancellor. He’s just a simple bloke who ensures that the ‘rivers of gold’ from overseas students is diverted via his pockets. Just as Angus does for the Murray Darling.  It’s a demonstration of the ‘trickle-down effect’. And we should be all grateful. Like a Gas- Borne recovery, it’s about mates, and doing the right thing….. by….. (you guessed it)…… MATES!

Andy is the Highest paid Aussie CEO at 37 million. The Question is, why can’t he afford something better than a bar stool fer chrissakes!

Have you ever heard of Andrew Barkla?

It’s a bit like all the backbench MP’s most of them from the COAL (National)  Party who’d managed to obtain upwards of fifteen investment properties whilst serving their constituencies. 

You’d never heard of them. They’re meant to be in public life serving their constituencies. But instead, they’re maintaining a low profile, avoiding doing anything that might jeopardise their sinecure and  they’re serving themselves. 

Andrew is right up there with em. He’s turned the overseas students into “Rivers of Gold”. 

It’s a win win, they get parachuted onto the courses that local kids cant get a leg in, and free access to the visa factory. Andrew becomes filthy rich. And we all get to pay for it. 

Andy’s an education specialist. HIS BIG IDEA? Diverting education millions into his own pockets. If Donald does it to the U.S taxpayer, its fine by us if Andy has a go.

Bit like the Port of Darwin, Privatisation and the boon of private aged care.  The shareholders are cock a hoop. It’s the free market rationale where the locals don’t get a look in. In betting terms the locals, (silly buggers who pay taxes) are MUGS!

Has this experiment in neo Liberalism done the University’s any good as bastions of free thinking? Has it led to incredible life affirming new research? Or has it just made one bloke and a conga line of sinecured Vice Chancellors and a few heads of departments filthy rich? 

It’s Australia’s version of the Russian Kleptocrat. 

There’s nothing illegal about it, but a bit like Barklas’ Salary…. IT STINKS!

Which begs the question; Who the hell is Andrew Barkla?

This fragment from the Guardian way back in 2018 pretty well sums it up; 

Andy could take a few tips from Trev. He doesn’t even have to go to crappy conferences to get a payout from the feds.

‘Today is the day! Friday August 31 will go down as the greatest day of Andrew Barkla’s life. For the Chief Executive of IDP Education, there will be daylight then the birth of his children or something else lame.

Whatever what kind of mood his missus was in this morning, he will be the smuggest bloke ever seen at a breakfast table. And he has more than $39.7 million reasons to be so.

While the rest of us wait for the monthly mortgage interest to wipe out our cheque accounts and obsessively check the fluctuating balance of our super accounts, Barkla today will become the owner of 4.15 million shares in the listed international student broker, worth $11 a pop at Thursday’s close. 

The former Education Minister loved ANDY. The current Education Minister is STOKED!

In one day, Barkla will receive a financial benefit greater than the 38 vice-chancellors of his shareholder universities are collectively paid in a year. What’s more, the issuance of these new shares will dilute them below their current 50.1 per cent of the register. But we’re sure the professors aren’t nutty about it!

While the tertiary sector bemoans the insecurity of academic tenure and the avaricious milking of Asian students, the chief milker himself need never worry for his security again’.

Since this artticle was writtem Andrew has gone from strength to strength. The Universities only understand one metric, the budget. And for Andrew, we hope he can retain his salary in spite of the dark cronona-cloud that is stemming the tide. There is hope though, cos sooner or later the tide will come in again. 

Funny though, when Dawkins made every college of advanced education a uni, and time serving sinecurists suddenly were parachuted into  professorial salaries, he wouldn’t have dreamed that the real beneficiary would be dear ol Andy. AN EDUCATION REVOLUTION!

Dream on. 

“Pssst. For the best value in educational , environmental, or planning issues, come and see Angus. No questions asked, all enquiries are dealt with discretely. Just send blank cheque to Angus’s Cayman Island Investments PL and he’ll help you out. No Questions asked. Fast approval for donations beyond 10 K. Instant processing for those over 50K. Address cheques to ‘JAM-LAND’.