Excerpts taken from ‘Zach Rolfe my Story”;” Even as a kiddy Zach had a predilection for brown shirts, his mummy would have them pressed and ready for kinder‘……all his life Zach wanted to do good and earn some shiny medals for glory in a far-off land that required civilizing”.

Here’s another crystalline dispatch from Frank.

In this- un he questions the justice meted out to one of our heroes who served gloriously in Afghanistan. Serving gloriously to keep the IMC (The Industrial Military Complex) going and allegedly as part of the trickle down effect to assist the odd Afghani, who might be civilized. The Afghanistan conflict was on any real terms a colossal failure. But that’s what gives it a touch of ‘the Gallipoli’s’!

As a little boy he exulted in tales of brave soldiers determined to win at all costs and gift oppressed people’s the world over with the enlightenment of ‘ Anzackery’!

We relish military failure and celebrate those who in spite of the stuff ups, emerge with shiny medals and tales of Derring Do. That’s why we promote Australia’s finest; ‘Benny Boy’, Roberts Smith as our pcbycp pin up boy.

We immortalise him in our long running feature and if he ever needed replacement in our fictionalised non fictionalised series we’d offer up Zach. Another fine figure who’s skills were honed in Afghanistan so that he could transfer those skills to Australia,  to also KILL with IMPUNITY!

Glory to Anzac, and glory to anyone who stands up for civilization and draws a line against those who refuse the bounty of what we, (as a civilized nation) have to offer. And that’s not just Sports Bet 24/7 and The high-flyers lounge at Barangaroo, but the promise of fully integrated birth to grave corrective services for our First Australians. 

Fitting then that we re- release this dispatch on “AUSTRALIA DAY”!

(Sound of massed bands, thunderous applause and the sound of (non lethal) exploding skyrockets).

‘Then, as he grew up Zach swapped his predilection for brown shirts for BLACK SHIRTS! It gave him a sense of power and prestige’!

Frank writes;

Amici,

The day after Constable Rolfe was found not guilty of murder by a jury in Darwin, Forrest Holder circulated the following:

An anatomy of a killing that turned out to be “non-crime”

AKA the killing of Mr Walker of Yuendumu, Northern Territory, Australia.

This was a tragedy that was guaranteed to happen.

On or about 20 November 2020; in the Aboriginal community of Yuendumu, Northern Territory; Zachary Rolfe, a serving NT police officer, shot and killed Mr Walker. Walker was a 19-year-old Warlpiri man.  Yuendumu was his home community.

At that time Walker was under parole conditions which required him to stay in Alice Springs and to wear an anklet device which monitored Walker’s location. Walker had removed this device and travelled to Yuendumu to attend the funeral of a relative. This was Walker’s crime and the police had a warrant for his arrest.

Rolfe, accompanied by serving police officer Constable Adam Eberl, entered a community house to arrest Walker. Walker resisted arrest and attempted to stab Rolfe in the shoulder with a small pair of blunt nosed surgical scissors. In response Rolfe shot Walker three times, each shot was to Walker’s chest area.

Zach knew that in good time he would earn shiny medals, for being on the side of RIGHT!

Immediately after Rolfe fired the first shot Eberl forcibly pinned Walker face down to the ground. While Walker was thus subdued Rolfe shot him two more times.

Some five days later, Rolfe was charged with murder, later Rolfe was also charged with two lesser charges.

Ok folks, none of the above facts were disputed by Rolfe nor his defence team. The defence agreed with the Prosecution that Rolfe had killed Walker, they agreed he had shot Walker three times. The defence disagreed with the Prosecution’s charge that the second and third shots were not necessary and should not have been fired.

Yesterday Rolfe was found not guilty.

There are many, many direct and not so direct causes for this tragedy. I’m going to start with Sections 148A and 148B of the NT’s Police Administration Act.

These sections guarantee that a serving police officer cannot be civilly or criminally liable for anything they do in the exercise of their job provided that they act “in good faith”.

“Anything” includes killing someone.

But note!!!!  Under these sections all that Rolfe had to do to guarantee he be found not guilty was to state to the Court he truly believed in his own mind that Walker remained a serious threat to his and his partner’s lives even after having been shot in the chest and then immobilised and pinned face down to the ground.

It is normal in the law in Australia and many places in the world that the “reasonable person” standard is applied to help determine if a use of force was excessive and or unnecessary. In many jurisdictions other than the NT, Rolfe would have been judged by asking if a reasonable person acting reasonably under the same circumstances would have done the same as Rolfe.

If a reasonable person acting reasonably would not have done the same because Walker was no longer a threat then Rolfe would have been judged to have acted in reckless disregard of Walker’s life. Rolfe would have been guilty of a serious crime.

‘And perhaps one day be recognised as a REAL WAR HERO’! 

It is very clear to me that Sections 148A and 148B of the NT’s Police Administration Act have to be amended to ensure that an objective test of “acting in good faith” is applied.  If it were, then serving officers would know that their actions would have to meet an objective test of reasonableness. They would know if they fail that test, they would be liable to prosecution for committing a serious crime.

The power of life or death is an awesome power to be vested in a person. We would have some measure of certainty that such a power is acted upon reasonably if and only if the people bearing that power know full well, they can and will have their actions and decisions put to determined investigation and judged upon reasonable grounds.

Checks and balances must be applied to the exercise of such a power.

In the NT, in the killing of Walker the actions of Rolfe were not; and could not have been, subject to such a test. He and all serving officers in the NT face no effective checks and balances that would otherwise force them to be judicious in their use of force.

‘To return from Afghanistan knowing that he’d KILLED RIGHTEOUSLY’!

That’s really fucking scary.

I know many of the relatives of Mr Walker, I know most of the elders of the Warlpiri people. I share their sorrow and my thoughts and condolences are with them.

I don’t know what was in Rolfe’s mind, perhaps he was truly fearful for his and Eberl’s lives. What matters I believe is that irrespective of what he thought, his actions should have been tested on an objective basis, not his subjective frame of mind. The power he and other serving officers have in the NT must be subject to reasonable checks and balances if we are to have any hope of preventing another tragedy like this one.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRrlFYg2QkI

‘And knocked off would be evil-doers without trial or right to anything written in the Geneva Convention because he alone stood for CIVILIZATION’.

Forrest has since elaborated and updated his thoughts on this tragedy, but his immediate response to the verdict, I think, hit all the nails on the head. He makes it clear that Sections 148A and 148B of the NT’s Police Administration Act enables those responsible for enforcing the law to act with impunity. Just as Rolfe was found not guilty, so too those unnamed Don Dale guards were able to pull down Dylan Voller’s trousers with impunity.

 ‘

My father told me that during the Second World War the Germans would shoot victims in the back and record such deaths as “Auf der Flucht erschossen‟ (shot whilst fleeing) . Googling I found that this was all too common. Officers resorting to use this euphemistic device, did so with impunity.

The colonial settlers in Australia were able to rob the land, perpetrate the rapes and massacres with impunity resulting from the since discredited fraudulent doctrine of Terra Nullius.

‘How he yearned for those days when his AUTHORITY was UNQUESTIONED’!

I could easily put you all to sleep with countless examples of impunity, such as Duterte’s war on drugs, and Parliamentary Privilege, but I won’t.

In the latest mail we received a heavy parcel. It was the Warlpiri Encyclopaedic Dictionary. All 1400 pages of it, all 87 square meters of it. Including 270 small photographs of contributors on the covers.
What a monumental labour of love!

I’ll keep it handy. As a weapon. Should anyone within reach speak disparagingly about Australian Aboriginal languages I’d hit them over the head with it.

I looked up the word ‘Impunity’
In Warlpiri. It doesn’t exist.

Shalom,

Frank

PS- In case you haven’t seen it- “Not to lose you my language”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ic4lC4GyyhQ&t=645s

(Yuendumu 1975- 8:20 to 16:10)

This episode is brought to you by Windsor Inc. First call for arms deals and peerages the world over. ‘Totally endorsed, Like me they invest securely via the Cayman Islands. And have a triple C Credit rating. (A. Taylor. Jam-Land Inc.)

Dear reader, we return where we left off with another stirring episode.

In this-un our trio find themselves hurtling across the arid interior in the forlorn hope that perhaps if they make it to Bali, they may escape the rough justice meted out to them by the Australian authorities. And with that forlorn hope the realisation that the authorities are all linked in one way or another to Windsor Inc. The world’s biggest crime syndicate with a global reach that made Vladimir’s lot look like rank amateurs.

The Royal Crest of Our Sovereign King Charles the Turd. The ‘must-have’ equipage for Forelock tuggers and criminal syndicates the world over. The symbolism is inherent in the logo; ‘Three C’s and your out’, which refers to the three Counts required to unseat the royal seal. ‘The Royal seal kept safe and secure in the Royal Throne room. Where the Counts and family Jewels frequent’ (Debretts 2022)

With Sophie, (is that a geriatric in the way of my destiny?) Mirabella trussed up and gagged as a bargaining chip to negotiate a release from the Indonesian government. It’s a ploy more perilous than killing journalists in East Timor.  But with a bit of luck they know if no one is looking they might just get away with it.  And getting away is what ties them together on this perilous flight in their very own hijacked Rotodyne. A Rotodyne, allegedly on loan via Gina from one of our AWKWARD pact colleagues. Why Gina has the Rotodyne?  Possibly as a way of ferrying discretely the 30 ingots of pure gold destined to our sovereign King Charles the turd.  To secure her possie on the House of Lords. To make her queenly and inviolate, and our trio innocently caught up in the intrigue and their nemesis Sophie the assassin. The most formidable crime gang of them all Windsor Inc. Pulling the strings and doing whatever it takes to keep their share of gold, influence, kickbacks and cronyism to new heights.

And the Rotodyne, must be their tool to conduct the Australian operation.  A tried and trusted relic of post war technology that is complicated, expensive to maintain and like Nuclear-submarines, provide first class service for those with the money to pay and a forelock to tug… Tug away.

We return to our serial. The trio discussing their options.

‘If we can just keep low the radar, the signals, the whole bloody Awkward treaty participants won’t know we’ve pissed off!  We’ll just disappear over the horizon and if we get to Bali, we can trade the Rotodyne and Sophie for a resort option or even a block of land where we can just lie low. Or do chartered flights for Aussie expats who want to do sightseeing or run contraband back to Australia. It’ll be as easy’, Quent looked for the suitable epithet, ‘as easy as as, as easy as’……Terry quipped; ‘bringing drugs into the country’.

And looking at his colleagues, Ces grimaced; ‘But not entirely as profitable. And remember whatever we bring in Windsor inc or Angus will want a cut. And Gina will want all the profit’.

We’d like to talk about the ‘Industrial military Complex”, but it’s very complex. Chicken Kiev anyone?

‘I suppose Angus has an inside on drug importation as well?

Well put it this way, like the Murray Darling Basin Plan, he made sure that Covid also worked well for his interests….and of his interests we now ‘know rather than thought we knew’ are GLOBAL!! I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a handle on one of the biggest profit-making enterprises since the Opium Wars.

What’s that’? Terry enthused; ‘the arrival of the computer?

Nuclear physics and the atom bomb?

The development of anti-ageing cream?

The advent of social media?

Nup much more fundamental than that, the supply of arms to Ukraine.

‘Bush-Muncher’ vehicles we send to Ukraine. Australia doing its bit for the IMC, (Industrial Military Complex)

Profits are going through the roof, an as looking as he doesn’t run out of Russians or Ukrainians, he’s gonna make more money than the Murray Darling by a power of ten’. They all exhaled a sigh of wonder.

‘Jeez you’ve gotta hand it to him. Yeah, and that why Sophie wants a cut. She’s fed up being paid a paltry 500 k for being a Fair Work Commissioner and wants a slice. But Angus won’t have a bar of it. That was why he’s still in government, or even the opposition, to make deals and make Canberra and the taxpayer cover any additional expenses. Either way if we don’t trade or negotiate in Indonesia were stuffed. If we stay in Australia, they’ll just ‘Juurkan Gorge’ us or worse.

What could be worse off’?

Ces searched again for another suitable epithet, ‘than that I dunno, it’d be like being a piece of rock art in the Pilbara’.

Off they go to the Dumb-ass region to thwart the scourge of mongolism.

We thought of Ces’s analogy to rock art and the Pilbara and we all felt a little uncomfortable. Would there be anything sacred or even just ordinary that was beyond the grasp of Angus, Gina and their mining mates? Bit like Vladimir’s ex cronies, we knew that wherever we went they get us in the end. And our end could come all of a sudden from any quarter. It made us shudder, and just then the Rotodyne shuddered and the pitch of the rotors changed. Terry flicked a toggle switch expertly, ‘that’s us going into reserve’.

‘How much in reserve’?  Quent asked anxiously; ‘I dunno about 500 miles at a pinch, we’ll only know when the bloody thing stops’.  He flicked the gauge a little and sure enough the R light shone above the console, and a buzzer sounded, as a sort of preliminary warning…. With the change of tempo we could hear Sophie again. She was a force of nature and still at it; ‘When I get youse bastards I’m gonna de- ball ya, and then bit by bit disembowel ya till your eyes pop out of their sockets and your tongues are scratching your throats, and then I’ll’…

Some Bush-muncher vehicles get shop soiled in the process and are not returned in a ‘ fit for purpose’ condition.

Will Sophie wreak her revenge or will the tables stay turned? Will the Indonesians trade freedom for Sophies negotiating skills and her status as a Fair Work Commissioner?

But happily, Arms Sales Experts, (even in Australia) are happy to put ink to paper and sign em up for new shiny Bush-Munchers. ‘That’s how we keep the flag flying’,(B.P hero of Mafeking)

Find out in the next enthralling episode, “I’d rather be a piece of Pilbara Rock art than an endangered species, at least someone sees value in it’, or; ‘Pilbara rock art and Woodside should get hung in a Western Australian Art Gallery’.

Frank and Wendy set out from ‘Camp Rolfe’, (formerly Yuendumu) over the dunes with the Boyes Gun loaded for the odd Roo. ‘In case of accidents they always took their mum’. Mrs Baarda, (Frank’s Mum) hidden behind the Lewis Gun.

Just as a short word of introduction, another installment from Frank.

In this-un he puts a finger on Time.

Not the periodical magazine, but the thing, the horological, chronometric thing that is time itself. The stuff that goes ‘tick tock tick’ or in some other parts of the world ‘Tick Tock’. But something much bigger.  And bigger from beyond.

Just as the Webb space telescope can see back to the dawn of time, and know when Uranus is in conjunction with Mars, so we see the origin of time itself after the ‘Big Bang’. AND … what a BANG that was. Aged rockers go on about the sixties, but this was BIGGER than WOODSTOCK, bigger even than WOODSIDE and paint splattered oeuvres. Something about ‘tempus fugit’, which is Latin for “the secretary has taken leave’.

We at pcbycp have had to let all our secretarial staff go as a consequence of our merger with Twitter. But we are reliably informed that they will be re- employed by Elon’s next initiative ‘Nutter’. Nutter is endorsed by Donald Trump, Boris Johnson and Scott Morrison, so it must be good. Anyway, that’s what our mate MP for self interest and croneyism Stuart Robert told us…

In thus un, Frank nails it once and for all just as Luther did with his 49 faeces. To the wall of a cathedral. We’ve tried so much but can’t get ours to stick. it’s a situation where there’s only one man we can call to make the faeces stick. The man they call “Rupert’.

Read on if you dare;

 

Hi all,

Another year and back to the new normal. Planes back flying and incubation vessels back cruising.

My sister is an unearther and collector of quotable quotes. This one from Olivier an Adriaan (Huizinga 1940):

Op fluwelen voeten, gaat de tijd stiekempjes voorbij.

On his trip down from ‘Camp Rolfe” (Yuendumu) Frank and Wendy encounter other ‘Grey Nomads” intent upon seeing the ‘Real Australia’

(on velvet feet, time sneakily passes by)

Thus, it has come to Wendy and I having now lived in Yuendumu half a century.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d22CiKMPpaY
Casablanca – As Time Goes By – Original Song by Sam (Dooley Wilson)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kOUSx88wb0&t=2s
(1968- If I only had time- John Rowles)

Every now and then the ute gets bogged. Time for ‘Smoko” and a camp fire yarn.

Our contribution? So far, this festive season we have covered 4,000 Km including a week-long stay on Kangaroo Island as guests of a soulmate who spent many years at the same front these dispatches are named after.

As we sang from the same page, I learned that the reason my friend settled on Kangaroo Island was in no small part because of the time-warp that he asserts envelops the island. I knew what he meant, at no time did we feel the need to lock our car and a relaxed friendly atmosphere prevailed. I only spotted one police car, and it was parked at the rear of the Kingscote cop shop.
All the same KI is not immune from encroaching bureaucracy and the Global Economy. Its 4,500 inhabitants pay rates to a broke council, whilst its 250,000 annual visitors don’t.

Frank and Wendy sort through food discarded by the major supermarkets that will be trans-shipped to poor children starving in India and Africa. As it is officially recognised there are no such things as starving or underprivileged kiddies in Australia.

Did you know that if there are too many kangaroos on your farm on Kangaroo Island you can apply for a culling permit to cull a certain number. So far so good, except you are not allowed to eat them, nor feed your dogs with them. Beats me why. Further along our trip, I discovered that the same Kangaroo culling rules apply near the Grampians in Victoria. Rather confusing to someone who grew up being told not to waste food, and to give a thought to the hungry children in Africa and India.

The fires which burnt out more than a quarter of the Island reduced the koala population from 50,000 to 10,000 I was told. Dick Ward and his son were the only human victims. Dick Ward used to regularly land his DC3 aircraft in Yuendumu with a load of tourists who would visit the Warlukurlangu Art Centre. Small world.

So let me write about the economy-

First the Global Financial Crisis of 2007-2009, which more or less coincided with the Northern Territory Emergency Response (2007 and ongoing)
The Long Johns explain the GFC far better than I can:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-oIMJMGd1Q (thank you FH)

Then there is the Coronavirus Pandemic (2019 and ongoing)

Kangaroo Island after the fires. Not even Scott Morrison consulting the Hawaiian Fire Gods could save its precious beauty.

Both the Emergency Response and the Pandemic have mutated and undergone name changes, but as William Shakespeare wrote in Romeo and Juliet, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet” although I’m not sure I’m using an appropriate metaphor.

Listening to the radio I heard it said that in the first year of the pandemic, the Northern Territory lost $8 billion. It’s got me bamboozled as I didn’t notice this economic hemorrhage in Yuendumu.  

Sometime ago I read Kerryn Higgs’ Collision Course: Endless Growth on a Finite Planet (MIT 2014). I see no evidence of a change of course.

Having driven past the Grampians and watched the Long Johns explain the GFC, my thoughts turned to John Clarke

Scott Morrison. Arguably Australia’s GREATEST PM. Displays in code the five fingers of Minsterial Responsibility.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLbHihaXvyo
NT Intervention [1] – Clarke and Dawe – ABC 7:30 Report

What wouldn’t Clarke and Dawe have made of Morrison’s Multiple Ministries?

Time to do our bit for the economy. Do a few more thousand Kilometers in our hydrocarbon powered carriage.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I3xlFMTZWnM

‘Nutter” will unite like-minded people in being like- minded.

Riding along in my automobile- Chuck Berry

Chau,

Frank

—

Dear reader, we return once again to our saga, as our trio desperately try and escape their pursuers.  

The Rotodyne has been short listed as a must have for Australia’s forward defense. According to the British Aerospace brochure; ‘it comes in both right hand drive and left hand drive.

With Sophie the Fair Work, (‘is that a professor in your back paddock’?) Commissioner Mirabella, bound and trussed in the rear of the Rotodyne, they know that one way or another they have an invidious decision to make. To dump Sophie and lighten their cargo?  Or keep Sophie in the distant hope that she, sanctified as a Fair Work Commissioner and ardent monarchist, may be able to save them in the end.

Will it be a bitter end?

 Only the end will end when we’ve reached the end. Endlessly speaking.

 In the end, our end is upended as our trio made a compassionate decision to take Sophie with them.  Perhaps her skills as a negotiator in the interests of fairness and transparency for ordinary Australians might come in handy?

 A wise move or a flawed logic?  Only time can tell.

The proposed first batch of Rotodynes have been earmarked for Qantas. ‘They will be crewed by baggage handlers and other support staff, thus creating greater efficiencies in airport safety and aircraft useage’. (Alan Joyce).

With Sophie bound and gagged, screaming her lungs out and kicking, and saying some very nasty and rude things. You’d think she’d be more grateful. But like the first Australians she’s inured to all the good we’d done for her. In the end we felt to a man, that she was ungrateful. And we didn’t have to ‘mansplain’ to her as she in her own words,’ was more manly than all three of us put together’. We gathered that as even though she was trussed and bound she exclaimed;  ‘GROW A SET OF BALLS YOU BASTARDS’! In spite of our compassion, we had no choice but to stow her in the cargo hold, where only her muffled cries of anguish could be heard above the roar of the Rotodyne.

We’re headed for Darwin, and as Terry tapped the fuel gauge, we had even enough fuel to get to Indonesia. Will they get out of Australia and away from those who are hell bent on pursuing us?  So that we,  Like Witness K may face rough justice and a summary execution. Execution you might gasp isn’t that banned in Australia? Well technically, but with Australia’s most decorated war hero Benny Boy Roberts Smith on the loose and his sidekick Julian ‘shagger’ Assange anything might still happen, and you wouldn’t be a dummy if you got caught out by the dummy AK47. An AK that just might show up as it did time and time again at Tarren Kwot.

Wot of Kwot? We cannot say. We just hope that ‘Benny Boy’, Australia’s noblest and most decorated soldier gets a fair trial, so that he too can return to our national stage and be proud of what he has achieved. Just as Zachary Rolfe has emerged for the shame of having to kill an innocent fare evader at Yuendumu.

Australia is in dire need of great men to steer this country resolutely to war. (‘Drums of War’, Vol6. Ch.7.)

So wittingly or else, we return to our saga,

‘Jeez, this Rotodyne sure packs a bit of speed in getting away’, Quent enthused as he gripped the railing that ran along ceiling of the cockpit.  ‘Yep’, Terry grimaced; ‘it’s good ol old school technology at work! Old school turbines, old school electrics, and old school know- how! They knew how to build em in the olden days’!

Still holding the wheel tighter than the proverbial intervention. Terry took out another Camel stashed in the pilots console and lit up. Ces pointed to the sign ‘ NO SMOKING’ and they all laughed.

‘History maketh the man’, Testicles Ch.5, v. 6.

‘What difference does it make’? And they agreed, it made no difference at all.

‘Oh dear’! Ces replied, ‘the editors have run out of time we’ll have to finish this episode right here and now. If we over- run we’ll be in huge trouble with the Printers Union’

‘Printers Union’? Ces enquired; ‘Yes, cant you see, the sign above the cockpit says this is commonwealth property and all requirements pertaining to munitions, fuel and personnel are compliant with the arbitration act 1956. Which includes in case you hadn’t read the small type, the people who wrote this sign, the Printers Union. And that limits us’! Quent, thumbed through the copy of Hansard, ‘a maximum eight hundred words per installment’.

‘Let me see this’! Terry, clutched the Hansard, he read the relevant section.

‘You’re right fellas, we’ve gotta stop this episode, toute suite, even though the code had been quashed by the likes of Sophie, to my knowledge it aint been repealed, on this craft, which as you read is subject to Australian law circa 1956. So if we get to Bali, it’ll still be subject to 1956. Law.

‘Which leaves us’, the ensuant pause was palpable.

‘Leaves us where’? the other two replied.

‘In deep shit’.

Will our heroes find themselves in deep shit?

Is deep shit just too deep to give a shit?

A great man. Resolute, and Implacable.

Find out in our next episode, ‘Deep shit or shit deep’…. Or… ‘Too deep to give a shit’!

Dear reader good to be back from the summer break and straight back into it. (as Silvio Berlusconi was fond of saying) This one from Frank requires no qualification other than to make us aware once again that often what we see on the telly is not entirely real. We at pcbycp don’t have a telly and rely on bush telegraph and wireless, where everything said, listened to or spoken is vetted for accuracy and integrity. Our receptionist and principal telegraphist then translates the messages into her native tongue, (Etruscan) and we then  manipulate the keys of the Enigma decoder to decipher in plain English. 

Silvio was, (and still is, in the tradition of Lord Rupert of Murdoch) a GREAT LEADER. He demonstrates to the public at large his capacity to screen the unsavoury bits of democracy, like transparency.

We think the federal government should employ the same technique and thus attain a synthesis that is clear and precise. We sent our suggestion to the federal parliament. The first federal parliament of 1901, and they responded by legislating the Immigration restriction act. We think between inspiration and delivery something goes amiss. Coud politics be at work> Is it in the optics? Frank may help shed a pallid light upon this conundrum. We’ve translated his original message from Argentinian into the common dialect’ Vox Populi” which we know from the corridors of power is code for LCD. 

We apologise for the delay in getting this out into the ether, we’d run out of clay tablets in which to decipher the earlier transmissions from Cuneiform. 

 

你好吗？( Nǐ hǎo ma?)

Franks brother, the musician.

That in a fair and functional democracy, minorities should have a say in matters that affect them, to me is a no-brainer.
Yes, it should be so, but living in Yuendumu, it is painfully obvious to me that as far as the Warlpiri people is concerned this is far from happening.

My musician brother, often would participate in talent shows, both radio and television.
He had the talent but never achieved celebrity status. I remember him ruefully telling me that he had become Australia’s Oldest New Face. Too late for my brother but the talent/reality show TV industry has flourished. Worldwide franchises such as “…….(insert country) has got talent” not to mention that glitz and glamour kitsch extravaganza, Eurovision. The weirder the better.
Then there is The Voice in which some reasonably talented singers are hyped up by a panel of celebrities who go into orgasmic paroxysms and any lengths to excite and convince audiences into believing they have just witnessed the performance of the century, so as to sell more advertising.

But it isn’t television’s The Voice I wish to discuss. The Voice to Parliament that our latest Prime Minister has vowed to hold a referendum on, is The Voice I’m often asked my opinion on.

This referendum is a double-edged sword. I remember when Ntaria’s Warren H. Williams was a candidate in an election; he considered the idea that Australia should have a vote on the notion that Indigenous Australians were here first, to be highly insulting. Should we hold a referendum to determine if the Earth is flat or round?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tvbgTQIWw_4

 Here Silvio demonstrates his capacity for speech control. Thought and speech control are prerequisites to being a great leader.

Warren H. Williams, Great Southern Land

Of course, our previous Government missed an opportunity. Our Prime Minister made that giant leap in reconciliation when he unilaterally changed ‘young’ in our national anthem to ‘one’ Equally he could have, when he was Minister for Everything, have made a unilateral decision on The Voice, and saved us the angst of a costly and divisive referendum.

So here are Argentina and Australia’s national anthems at the World Cup:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Euv8ZW82mqk

The rendition of that awesome Argentine National Anthem I grew up with…
Oid mortales, el grito sagrado… Libertad, Libertad, Libertad!
(Hear all ye mortals, the sacred cry… Liberty, Liberty, Liberty!)

Scott Morrison, (arguably Australia’s best Prime Minister EVER) struggled with these control mechanisms.

left much to be desired.
The Australian National Anthem, on the other hand had an Aboriginal language version tacked on, which to their credit the Australian team had learned. But hey! We have reverted to being young rather than one. Who decided this, and when?

I vividly recall the euphoric crowd returning from the ceremony at which the Warlpiri people were “granted” Native Title on neighbouring Mount Doreen Station. Traditional dancing had much impressed the judge, politicians, media, and well-wishers, and a good time was had by all.

What did it all mean? I asked- “Matthew can no longer lock the gates. We can go there anytime we want to”
Recently Mt. Doreen Station changed hands for $34.7 million plus another similar amount for cattle on the hoof. Pastoral Lease holders retain the right for access control, but Native Title holders have the right to hunt and perform ceremonies. However, should they be tempted to hunt a bullock, they risk incarceration.

Native Title was sold as the culmination of the Land Rights movement. A fait accompli. Empowerment.
It is anything but.

So, what about The Voice to Parliament and the Uluru Statement from the Heart? The danger is that they will be seen as the full stop to the struggle for recognition and reconciliation. The Voice can be used as a weapon of colonialism “We have ‘given’ you this, so what more do you want?” It could derail any effort to negotiate treaties with teeth. Just like our nation has reverted to being young, so too, could The Voice be muzzled, even in its inception.

Which brings us to the current politization of The Voice.
The current opposition has started a campaign of obfuscating the process. They are demanding “more detail”

Honest, I’m not buying into this argument. Suffice it to mention Noel Pearson’s most recent contribution to the English Language: trapped in a “redneck celebrity vortex”

I was going to vote No, I’ve changed my mind, I’m voting Yes.

再见 (Zàijiàn)

Frank

A Cuban cigar

PS-The tres (three) is a Cuban guitar which has three spaced pairs of strings, tuned in a particular way, to give it a unique sound:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuzz2MZRjlw (the guy on the left)

—

Dear reader,

This episode of pcbycp is brought to you by ‘JAMLAND” makers of improved pastures and credentialled by the CAYMAN ISLANDS! First call for Tax efficiencies.

We return to our saga without an overlong preamble.

The overlong preamble department has also suffered sackings under Elon’s watch. 

If we had an over- long preamble, we might be able to string the narrative out and engage curiosity.  Instead, we must economise, and through efficiencies get to the point. This episode is brought to you by Power- Point and Face- book. Find it on the Meta-verse, or worse. 

Enquiries from various Victorian state ministries are pouring in as to how to gain access to the pcbycp Rotodyne. For the next major transport upgrade, the orbital rail link, and the first choice for the SKY-TRAIN Airport and orbital Space Hub facility planned for Mars.

We continue where we left off….

In no time at all our heroes found themselves soaring above the desert wastelands of Western Australia. And just in the nick of time, because they had barely minutes to roll the trussed and bound carapace of Sophie on board before the De Havilland Dragon rapide made its arrival. And who might be on board the Dragon rapide?

Was it ‘Brenny-boy Nelson’, poster boy of the AWM and ‘Benny-Boy Roberts Smith his stooge at the wheel?

Or Clifford the smooth-talking pommy assassin from MI 5?

Or perhaps Gina herself?

Hell bent on revenge and incensed that her plan to be parachuted onto the House of Lords with a peerage had been thwarted again, by none other than Sophie (there’s professor in your back paddock) Mirabella.

Gina by rights would be furious and incandescent with rage, and if she wasn’t behind the wheel of the rapide perhaps it was Nev of the ‘Gas Led Recovery’. As Gina’s right-hand gas- jet, he too had enough grudge to settle it once and for all with our hapless trio.

Australian leaders pass the character test on judging leaders of good character

Or as an outside chance, could it be Angus?

Angus had a hand in everything, so why shouldn’t he have a hand in the Princes’ shonky deal and the gold? Only a Cayman island investor with a Jam-land pedigree could have that kind of reach.

There were so many variables and with the head of the crime syndicate Windsor Inc and Charles, ‘the chinless wonder’ now parachuted to kingly status. He could now have them executed with just a tilt of his middle finger or worse.  If Vlad was busy impaling on the western front then King Charles the turd would have to go one better. That’s what power is all about, and they don’t get much more powerful than the Windsor’s. Even Prince Harry wields more press coverage than Ukraine and it stands to reason. Nothing more interesting to the public than a Prince who’s sore on his privileges and his divine right to come the raw prawn. That’s why Australia needs Gina as a head of state or at the very least on the House of Lords to show us all how to respect power and authority. We’ve tried with first nations Australians for nigh on two centuries and a half and they still show no respect whatsoever for all the good we’ve done for em.

Are some injustices are just too knotty to unknot? That’s the knotty question.

Good governance requires strong men who understand the will of the people and have a direct link to their values and aspirations.

So whereto from here?

The Rotodyne roared, and in seconds the piercing scream of the rotors, (each rotor individually equipped with tip placed turbine)  retros’ made an audible scream, as it lunged upwards. The power of this machine was remarkable, and as we watched spellbound, we could see the De Havilland rapide recede. It just couldn’t match the power and aggressive roar of the Rotodyne. It was as if the stone age stood still, and progress itself was embodied in the sleek stressed aluminium and titanium shell. We were rocketing out of harms way and for the rest of the world everything was reduced and immaterial. Yet the hourglass emptied with a lassitudinous air. For time cared nought for our individual struggle.  We mere specks amid the ferment. And counted, as the Australian taxpayer stands amidst the titans of ‘big coal’,  ‘big gas’, ‘big oil’ and ‘big property’….. for nothing.

‘You fucken bastards, let me out here I’m gonna fucken make your lives a misery’!!

Our consciousness returned to reality, we had Sophie. Our bargaining chip or our albatross?

With her ladyship trussed up in the rear, we returned to reality, ‘Quick Terry make this thing go faster, and keep low, you don’t want anyone picking this up on radar or we’ll have the might of AUKUS after us’. Obligingly Terry lowered the angle of the rotor and we skimmed across the salt bush at barely fifty feet. Terry’s aptitude for flying was exemplified by his knuckles, bleached white as he gripped the steering wheel, the butt of a camel still clenched between his lips..

Only the courageous and the selfless will receive recognition in the up-coming Australia day honors list

‘Youse bastards, wait till me hubby gets ya’!!

‘Be quiet’! Ces admonished, and for his pains the baggage kicked him savagely in the chins….’You bastard’! But being a gentleman, he pleaded; ‘I wish you wouldn’t be so beastly Sophie’, and then searching for the right epithet, commanded, “its … it’s unbecoming’.

It was reassuring to know that Prince Andrews epithet about gentlemanliness had rubbed off on our trio, as it made them feel that whatever expediency they now faced, they were well and assuredly on the side of righteousness.

‘I’ll fucken get you thrown into the worst jail in the country! Don Dale ‘ll be a fucken holiday camp after I’ve finished with ya, and I’ll make sure every one of youse PAYS FOR THIS!! I’m gonna fucken de- ball ya, and then stick ya with my stiletto’s till your guts run out your noses’!!

Ces had had enough and noticing the cargo doors ajar firmly closed them and all we could hear was a muffled warbling akin to an Indian Minah being squashed in a wool press.

What are we gonna do’? Ces enquired, ‘and have we got enough fuel to get us to Darwin?

‘I dunno’ Terry phlegmatically replied. He tapped the fuel gauge, the needle pointed encouragingly upwards, and Terry reassured us; ‘at this rate we’ve got enough to get us to Darwin, or’, he checked his watch and the direction of the sun, ‘even Indonesia in a pinch’.

‘Good oh’! Ces beamed. ‘Let’s try and get to Bali, at least there we can melt into the subculture and with a bit of luck the thing might blow over’.

Women of character will also be recognised for their work in fighting misogyny.

Will things blow over? Or is blowing over just blowing in the wind?

Find out in our next windy episode.

Men of outstanding character will be entrusted as standard bearers for Australian values.

‘Three sheets to the wind’, or; ‘what doesn’t blow you down might blow you up’!

Years ago, before Christmas was completely commercialised people forgot to send each other presents and just greeted each other with a hearty G’day and a smile.

Dear reader,

as we reflect on the year past, there’s a retrospective tint to this missive from our correspondent of the distant north.

Since Elon took over the editing, and publishing sides of pcbycp, we are onto skeleton staff. Hence the delay in publishing.

In actual fact the editor in chief is an actual skeleton. We’re not sure who he or she is, cept for the miracle of AI’ it’ is fully operable and can type faster than any of our former typing pool who were in the interests of efficiencies and the triple bottom line all sacked. 

It’s a sacking kinda Christmas.

But for Frank a time for reflection to a time when Christmas was an expression of goodwill shared by a society. Society is currently being re- evaluated along the Elon and Geoff model and we’re hoping it can be made more efficient. 

We all want efficiencies; it protects us from empathy. 

Empathy is kryptonite to efficiencies, and perhaps that’s what Frank is referring to in this missive back dated just prior to Christmas but delayed due to on stream inefficiencies. 

In some countries Christmas is a time for weeding out inefficiencies.

He writes; 

Happy Christmas y’all,

As we drove through the City of Churches (Adelaide) a large sign reminded us that JESUS IS THE REASON FOR THE SEASON.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9rrtgwRsfk Aretha Franklin – What a Friend we have in Jesus

It is also the season in which we are urged come hell or high water to spend and spend to get that post pandemic economy kick started again. Growth at all costs. To many older people this is entirely counter-intuitive. During our childhood, churches displayed JESUS SAVES signs, and should we threaten to waste a morsel of food, we were reminded that in Africa there were starving children. Frugality was a virtue. We lived in a society, not an economy.

In other countries a time to celebrate non healthy foods

It is also the season when not that long ago there was a mass exodus from Yuendumu to Mission Creek where families and friends would spend Christmas camping out in the open and leaving behind a skeleton crew to collect the rubbish and keep the town functioning. Mission Creek which I thought was named after the Baptist Mission which had instigated the annual exodus. Years later I found out that it was an anglicised version of Mijilyparnta which is derived from the resin of the ubiquitous Red River Gum trees lining the creek.

The season when we might up our tax-deductible donations to charities supporting the most vulnerable, when we might be a bit more generous to buskers in the streets.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2bSgoNNQ0m8&t=6s Joni Mitchell -For Free

The season where some of us would travel vast distances to catch up with friends and families. The season in which we might be friendlier to those who had given up their holidays to sell us our food or petrol.

It is also a good time to look in the mirror and think about those many who are worse off than us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=In4UDYxxqVU&t=3s Joe South, Walk a Mile in my Shoes

Take for instance Johannes Mangurru, I wonder how he is faring.

Like the tree which was blamed for standing in the way of the oncoming vehicle, so too was Johannes charged with resisting arrest. Look for yourself and give him a thought, and wish him well.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-01-27/nt-appeal-upheld-against-conviction-for-aboriginal-man-tasered/13094884

Or a time to reflect upon those who died in care so that the triple bottom line was sustained. Sustainability will triumph in 2023

Johannes said he had a heart condition. The police officers wouldn’t get this, as they didn’t have any.

Those with so much, no show of heart:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tkryXbJ14dE&t=8s  Calexico- Across the Wire

See y’all in 2023

Frank

Russian leaders want to get to the bottom of who’s knocking off their oligarchs.

 Dear reader we would have liked to keep you informed on what transpired between out three anti- heroes and their nemesis Sophie (of the Fair Work Commission Mirabella) over Christmas. 

But urgent work in the ‘Dumbass region’ of Ukraine kept us busy.

So busy that we were unable to deliver our Christmas special, had to cancel our New Year’s Eve special and instead had to concentrate on matters in hand. Principally as brokers between ‘big Vlad’ and those oligarchs left in Russia that hadn’t fallen out of windows. Our mission to stop oligarchs and kleptocrats in the regime from falling over, falling out, suiciding or just dying faster than any first nation’s people in who finds themselves as a client in any of our corrective facilities.

The trouble with Russia, is we were never too sure how successful we were. We did a white board meeting, power point presentations and all matter of discussion papers and working groups to determine why so many of Russia’s finest were falling out of very highish windows.

Was it something they ate?

could it be the cold weather?

are they naturally depressive?

 or maybe just the long-term effects of vodka?

Vlad is incensed that oligarchs are falling outta windows. Reinforced windows for 2023

 Either way we were happy that our report, ‘Oligarchic deaths outside custody’ is being tabled in the Russian parliament and we hope will have as much success as the findings of the Aboriginal Deaths in Custody Royal Commission that has had a real impact of deaths by misadventure in the Australian justice system. All the indices are up which points to positive growth. Proof that we in Australia are world beaters and have much to teach our misunderstood friends in Russia.

A win win for corrective services and the shareholders who manage these excellent facilities.  In this light we still have much to learn. But with Russia and our friends in China were glad of the prospect of further efficiencies in the inputs and output’s per se.

But back to the story, did we leave Sophie as a bundled heap at the approach of the de Havilland dragon rapide? Or did we take our chances and take her along?

Elon and Donald have a tight grip on reality. Reality bites in 2023

We’d like to tell you but the postponed Christmas special and the pcbycp New Year’s Eve extravaganza has put our editorial staff offside and were hoping to find someone who will proofread the latest edition. We had to sack them all as a consequence of being an offshoot of twitter and so far, as we know our new CEO who goes by the name of Egon is in no mood to re- employ the staff whilst they entertain notions of equity and transparency. We’re a little sympathetic to our staff but have told them they can’t all be on managing director salaries when we only employ three people, WE sought some advice from the State premier Mr Andrews and in this regard and he implied that any executive working on a planned infrastructure for the year 2525 needed massive salaries to stay incentivised, otherwise they wouldn’t give it their maximum input. WE tried to tell our remining staff that they would be put on executive bonuses to the managers of snowy 2.0 and the NBN and they rejected it as ‘tokenism’. We’re hoping our new CEO will listen to their updated requirements and sack them just the same.

It’s a new year and 2023 bodes well for billionaire CEO’s and empathy.

They alone can save the world’s problems, cos they have a lot of money. And we’ve been told that’s what makes the world go round. Sophie tried to tell us the same, so what’s there to worry about.

Oligarchs falling from windows?

That’s a good start to 2023.

More on Sophie in the next episode, but for now content yourself with summer reading and the happy thought that our pcbycp Christmas carols and yuletide event calendar will be posted to you just as soon as we can clear the backlog from the baggage handlers.  Elon has sacked them too, but in the interests of efficiencies, it’s a big tick for streamlining, and wages growth.

This bloke keeps all his power under his hat. Bigf hats for 2023

Signs of optimism and good things in store?

As a teaser, we can tell you this much; We lifted off, the Rotodyne whirring into action and though a bit heavier with the gold and the trussed-up body of a fattish thing we were able to outpace the dragon and took an northerly course to Darwin. As the compass had been broken, and one of us had a phone, we relied on Terry’s knowledge of the sun, and the direction of the old stock route, in actual fact we were flying blind, but no less blind than Elon and CEO’s anywhere who think they have a handle on things. There’s an open window, and if you’re not careful you might fall, be pushed or by some hidden impulse, just jump.

Rotodyne is top of the list for Andrews govt infrastructure funding for 2023

Either way it aint gonna be a happy landing.

Will we entirely get away, will Sophie get out of this bind

Are her bindings tight enough?

Find out in the next presumptive episode,

Bound and gagged, but still working for Elon.

Ben will finally be able to find out which lefty do-gooder dobbed him in.

Or bound up buggered and bound for nowhere is as good as its ever gonna get.

 

The ‘Three wise men’ is a popular and enduring theme in Australian Culture

Dear reader, another installment from the man they call ‘Frank’.

In this segment Frank makes reference to the insidious creep of unwarranted press attention and stigmatisation associated with his community on the Northwest Frontier. A community that works as a lightning rod for self-righteous hypocrites. The press, whatever passes for the media, and those who heap opprobrium. Cos that’s all they know.

We’re not just talking about the coalition, or the excellent work in the field undertaken by Zachary Rolfe at Camp Rolfe, (formerly Yuendumu). But something much more significant than that.

Those places designated ‘ newsworthy’ solely because they enable the public at large to read about them, salivate a little, and feel righteous and self-assured at the wretched state of things amongst the uncivilised, etc.

It’s the old paradox, reading bad makes em feel really good. 

Russia also holds deep affinity for the “Three wise men”

This is the true spirt of Christmas., the three wise men, and their adornment of the child and his ‘povvo’ parents who couldn’t afford a penthouse suite with ocean views at Bethlehem. And why they chose to give this child the gifts of Frankincense, Myrrh and Gold, because they couldn’t find an NGO at that time of the night to receive the gifts which were all tax deductible as most contributions to NGO’s are. And of course, not to mention the disappointment they must have felt when their gifts, came to naught.  The Christ child turned out to be a stirring rat- bag. Was ungrateful for their kindness and went off being a nuisance to Romans and Judeans alike until they sensibly knocked him off. 

This is the spirit of Christmas.  Ensure that your gifts and largesse are channeled through fully accredited charities and philanthropic organisations and you shall reap the reward! 

This is what Frank had taught us at Camp Rolfe, (formerly Yuendumu) where NGO’s outnumber ordinary administration by a power of ten to one. A victory for charity and a double gold for NGO’s who know what’s right for poor subject peoples, cos they have both God and fiduciary wisdom to guide them. 

A Christmas present that keeps giving in spite of the ungratefulness of the locals. Which is both a source of pity and frustration. 

But Frank is not frustrated, just patiently. and with patience a forefront, he writes to us…… again. 

 

When three wise men exercise their authority on the floor of Parliament, the public know that real leadership and self – interest is active.

Feliz Navidad y todo eso,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PvwbBkGasQg  Feliz Navidad- Jose Feliciano

All quiet on the western front in Yuendumu.
I’m told that below the mainstream radar, the annual young men’s business is proceeding. It is none of my business, but I assume it is true, and I’m glad.

I remember when Dylan Moran expressed his gratitude to Muslim terrorists. The world’s gaze had been deflected from the Irish, who were freed from that awful stigmatisation which saw everything Irish through the lens of IRA bombing of innocent civilians. Ireland which produced such music as this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CL80jFkLzQ0  Shin Kicker- Rory Gallagher

In the olden days three wise men could be embodied in one singular entity. This is what SCOMO tried to emulate in his five ministries saga

So too, Yuendumu can now be grateful to Wadeye. The ABC NT recently featured several articles on Wadeye where 5% of its 2,000 population is now locked up in gaol.
Australia’s gaze has been deflected from Yuendumu. They’re giving us a break. We can relax and get on with our lives without getting frustrated and being baited into a futile manning of the ramparts against a relentless propaganda campaign being mounted by the assimilationists, conservatives and alleged ZR supporters, not least his mishpocha.

As we ease into Christmas, we can enjoy some deferred books and do a bit of YouTube surfing.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Af0P6XEkI7Y Thunderstruck- AC/DC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=564u39PJfUI Thunderstruck- Guzheng

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UhE4ouXjRg  Pajaro Campana- Juglares

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNMotPVE7R4 Bougainville Bamboo Band

In 1970 when working in heated quarters in northern Canada, I claimed to be the Northernmost ever thong wearer (the Canadian Arctic Archipelago is further north than Siberia).
I had no idea what else you could do with what we referred to as Japanese riding boots.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q4R3aqe0g30  Te vas arrepentir- Banda La Divina

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6igYlWqhm-U  Banjara- Maatibaani

And my all-time favourite:

Australian History is full of great leadership. And to show we’re punching above out weight we have recently exceeded the magic three by some measure. Proof of a burgeoning democracy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYbs_O_iMfU Respect- Aretha Franklin

Catch ya’s

Frank

—

Dear reader, we return to our fracas, with Christmas only a week away, our heroes, Ces, Quent and the hapless Terry find themselves face to face with their nemesis Sophie, exalted custodian of the Fair Work Commission.

Will our heroes do as they do in Russia? Just take a cup of polonium and harden up a bit?

No ‘ho ho ho’, but just Sophie.

The AK 47 toting Sophie, who’s angrier than usual and about to do em in. Unless they disclose the whereabouts of the Gold destined to be paid by Gina as a bribe to ‘the firm’ and King Charles the Turd so she can get a peerage and a dose of respectability.

Will our heroes cough up?

Will they have time to engage Netflix to do a tediously over long expose of the hurt they’ve suffered as a consequence of being spoilt, rich, overdignified and rotten?

Will they be able to stare open eyed at the camera and say they’ve been slotted by ‘the firm’, before they’re slotted by Sophie? Is it one rule of compassion for ex royals and another for just ordinary folk who try and keep their heads above the filth of non-official official corruption? Decent ordinary folk who are just trying to get along?

Heaven knows, and three wise men might need more than gold, incense and myrrh to get out of this mess, cos as the Kalashnikov safety catch is off, Sophie is likely to go off faster than a Christmas cracker.  And the joke will be worse than the one inside.

The trouble with our heroes is, they don’t have the kind of post parliamentary strategy that keeps the taxpayer funds flowing into their very own coffers. They don’t get the trickle-down effect’!

Stay tuned if you DARE and read on….

‘One last time boys, I’ve been pretty fair with youse to date! Where’s the fucken gold’?

Not a whisper issued from our parched lips, just the sound of Sophie dragging on her Sobrani, one last big one, and then the shuffling sound as she ground the butt underneath the toe of her jackboot.

‘Well’ Ces, said, ‘we know where the gold is, it’s right above you’.

‘Hahahahah nice try!

Sorry folks I’m a non-believer, the bloke upstairs aint gonna save you, nor is the star of Bethlehem. You’ve wasted enough of my time, cos as you may know I’m, (she shouted the word at the top of her voice) ‘Fucken IMPORTANT’!

‘Seriously’! Ces pointed, ‘it’s right above you. We switched the weights, smelted the gold and put the real gold, disguised above you as lead weights.  They’re doing the job right now, on keeping the oil rig tight and upright’.

‘Nice try’.  Sophie still wasn’t convinced, for an exalted Fair Work Commissioner she took a lot of convincing.

‘Prove it!!  You have about one minute’.

The all seeing, all powerful, bearded old bloke up-stairs

Ces saw his chance, racing over to the shed, he picked up a step ladder, perched above the top holding onto the counterweight and flicked the surface with his pocketknife, and surely enough the auric gleam came through the scratches.

‘Well I’ll be’, Sophie scratched the stubble on her chin admiringly, ‘Clever boys, who would’ve thought?  Now I want youse to do for me one other small favour’, she waved the muzzle of the AK,’ Cut it down and give it to me’.

She waved the muzzle again, ‘no funny business.

Just do it nice’, and she paused to add weight and emphasis; ‘do it nice and Slow’ !

Eyes were on Ces as he undid the shackle that supported the counterweight. He asked, ‘for everyone’s sake stand back, when the counterweight is released, the derrick may get a little unsteady’. Sophie just ignored the request, ‘let me be the judge of that cos I’m a Fair Work Commissioner’, and busied herself in lighting another Sobrani.

‘Just get me the fucken gold and we’ll talk terms later’!!

Post state parliament. Could Adem be a shoe in for a seat on the Fair Work Commission? He has all the credentials, at his fingertips, (so to speak).

‘Allright then as you wish’. Terry and Quent, just stood forlornly.

‘Be careful Ces, that’s a lot of gold and you don’t wanna injure yerself’ Terry was worried with the ladder perched so precariously.

‘Shut up all of youse’! Sophie Commanded.  I’ll be the judge of that, as I’m also on the board of WORKSAFE’!

She had a point, there wasn’t a taxpayer funded board nor sinecure Sophie didn’t have a finger in.  Like Angus she’d learnt the benefits of monetising office. The Coalition were masters at the game.

Frank working on his ‘Christmas Ham’ Portable wireless set at Camp Rolfe, (formerly Yuendumu). Seen here tuning in to pcbycp broadcast.

But just, and at that moment three things happened. The shackle broke. Ces lost his balance as the counterweight landed smack bang on the ladder itself. Ces shot sideways like a catapult. The gold landed with a thud crushing the ladder to a mangled mess. And Ces, splayed and stunned cannoned obliquely by the force straight into the pudginess of Sophie who softened the collision and possibly saved Ces from serious injury via her generous protective coating. Her Michelin-man of torso of exalted fat.

Fat and fate collided.

With such ferocity both Sophie and her Kalashnikov thrown to the air, fell in a forlorn heap just beyond the shadows of Quent and Terry.  Who both stood gob-smacked by the divine and entirely unexpected reprieve. They looked at Ces and Sophie, both bodies inert.  And wasting no time ran in the opposite direction picked up the counterweight and flung it into the fuselage of the Rotodyne.

‘Good thing’!  Ces remarked as he groggily arose.  Sophie still concussed as a consequence of the impact, ‘help me tie her up and we’ll work out a plan later, even inert she’s still Dangerous and liable to GO OFF at the tick of a clock’.

Even as we write plans are afoot via Australia’s experts to re- tool the Roto-dyne as a centerpiece of Australian forward defense strategy. To augment the up-graded coal powered Collins Class Submarines and further strengthen the AWKWARD Alliance.

Expertly, Terry applied, Gaffer, tape, electrical cord and actual rope and before we could say ‘St Wenceslas’, he had her trussed up like a Christmas Turkey. ‘Many happy returns’! He slapped Ces and Quent on the back.  ‘All we have to do is get this baby fired up and we’re out of here’.

And not a moment too soon, for in the distance they heard the distinct sound of aeroplane engines. Not any ordinary engines, but the throaty roar of Twin inline Gypsy majors, Twin Gypsys’; with the air cooled inverted six thrusting a whopping 200 hp each as it made its approach.

‘We might have to leave Sophie here’! They looked at the crumpled heap of jackboot and Fat. Compassion suggested they take her with them.  Logic suggested she stay behind.

They were stumped, though she promised them instant death, they were caught between the moral dilemma, and the test.  The ultimate test of humanity v survival had arrived. And they found themselves wanting.

Can they take off and leave Sophie behind?

Or is there still a trick up her pudgy designer label sleeve?

Father Christmas, Santa, Ol Nick, enjoys a smoke after a big night out on Chrissy eve. Will our heroes get to see another Christmas?

Find out in the next episode; ‘Sophie and Christmas Crackers are both liable to go off’. Or;  ‘A Sophie in the sun should be well cooked and rare’.