Dear reader, you’re probably wondering what we did for Anzac Day. How did we celebrate the crowning achievement of Australia’s nation-hood?
General Sir Douglas Haig, Killed more ANZACS than any other leader to make the legend ETERNAL!
Well, we ‘d gone to quite a bit of planning. We wanted this, the centenary of the “War for Civilisation” to go down a treat. And forward planning was essential if we were to pull it off and demonstrate that even the contributors of this blog were aware of the nobility, sacrifice and eternal message bequeathed to us as sons and daughters of ANZAC.
WE thought so hard about it, we contacted Donald Trump. As Kitchener, French, Haig, Percival, Allenby, Auchinleck, Slim, Macarthur, Westmoreland, Schwarzkopf, Powell, Petraeus, and Halliburton, had done before, we knew that only an overseas person would be posessed of the foresight and courage to direct our troops to a foreign field somewhere and DIE.
Dead ANZACS on the Somme, Dead and GLORIOUS!
Died to preserve freedoms that most Australians take for granted. And die knowing that their sacrifice was not in VAIN. And we‘d also feel reassured that every thing that makes us civilised, locking people up in foetid detention centres, killing off the biota, and desecrating national treasures would assuage the deep loss for all those men and women who died to maintain our sense of self. And we knew that this, the 100th would be the biggest EVER. And as Kevin Rudd was no longer P.M, there would be no one wise, all-seeing, powerful enough as a globally recognised statesman, to deliver a message that would make us think really deeply about SACRIFICE and the “Reason Why”? Why we build multi-million dollar commemorative centres across the globe so that people like Peter Fitzsimmons can remind us just how bloody good Australian’s were on the field of valour. And to be quite honest, if you look at all soldiery ever, the warriors of Sparta, the Generals of Ancient Rome, the legends, of Empire, Major General Gordon himself, none were better on the feld than the ANZACS. Peter tells us that.
General Gordon. Died at Khartoum so that ANZAC shall be ETERNAL! (no vultures were harmed in the drafting of this image).
That is an unquestionable fact. And if you don’t agree, you may be imprisoned by section 138 B of the “Non-Patriot Act” as promulgated in Parliament by the Gauleiter of “Norstralia” Peter Dutton.
Still, with all this weight of history, we made an effort. Problem was no-one would show. No one could be spared as they were all performing noble self-sacrificing commemorative services elsewhere.
German Dead at Villiers Brettoneux. Died to make the ANZAC Commemorative Centre Glorious!
In truth, we were fucked. On the day, we had a table full of lamingtons, the Hills Hoist had been decked in laurel, and we’d hired a jumping castle and scrawled ‘Gallipoli’ on it for the staff kiddies.
Then the phone call. From a person high up. A respected politician and LEADER. A person who understood the importance of celebrating LOST SOULS. SHE would come to our service and give it gravitas and meaning. WE rejoiced. Anna Bligh as figure-head of the Banking Industry was there to save us. Through her banks she’d bought the dead to life, and they also served who were now DEAD, to save Australia for Banking and Real Estate.
Anna Bligh. Leading the Banks. So that the Dead MAY ALSO SERVE!
We were Safe. And safely we enjoyed Anzac Day. And made it Special. To keep all of us SAFE. And free from introspection, soul- searching and to ask the eternal reason WHY?