We at pcbycp are Cheesed off. 

It really sticks in our craw. 

WE didn’t get so much as a cracker at this years Ozzie day awards, and we’ve given up on expecting a gong for Queens Birthday. Since Clarrie

  increased the size of the fish tank in the office we thought we’d be CERT for the half billion granted to do valuable research on the Great Barrier Reef. Cecil was so excited he bought himself a genuine Jacques Cousteau type aqualung outfit .
He painted it the same colour as Nemo, sort of orange with white dots. He said he was inspired by the film, that’s what got him interested in the first place. And just to bone up on Barrier Reef research I bought the complete Lloyd Bridges “Underwater World” on VHS.
It was captivating, Lloyd did a lot of fishing and what he and Lee Marvin didn’t know about Marlin was nobody’s business. And cos, we thought we might get an edge on the submarine contract we bought the complete dvd box set of “Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea”.

WE thought, taking due diligence, and the nature of the tender process we’d be a shoe in… 

But when the contacts were awarded we received NOTHING!

Not even a telegram. After the bitterness had subsided, we got a call. You’d never believe who it was from? A bloke who sounded colloquial, wore a big hat, looked like an over ripe tomato, went by the call sign “the rooter”.  He was really helpful, told us the reason why we didn’t make it on the board of the Murray Darling Basin Authority was because we didn’t have enough clout. Same reason why we got looked over for a gong. He said, we needed to be in the company of powerful people. It would make our efforts GOLD!

He said if we knew the right people we’d be first running on a really big contract. 

So Cecil decided he’d become a shareholder. Went to AGM’s and started wearing a proper Henry Bucks jacket which he wore to the members at the Bulladelah Bowls Club. It’s a who’s who, on the committee. Real movers and shakers who reflect leadership in contemporary Australia. We have two real estate agents, a car salesman and a real  pokies operator. 

Then the moment came, a tender just between us and an obscure bloke who called himself Palladin. Cecil did a bit of research and found out Palladin rented a beach shack on Kangaroo Island, had an office behind a container in Hong Kong, and that was that. 

So we bought the complete dvd of ‘Hogans Heroes’, to bone up on prisons, and “Escape from Alcatraz”, cos we were entrusted to keep criminal illegal boat people in jail, for their own good. 

Turns out,  in spite of all the research and an offer to take the entire parliamentary committee to the Bulladelah Bowls chop night, we didn’t get the contract. 

WE only wanted 400 million and expenses, The Palladin bloke got 450 plus, and unlimited expenses. 

‘Something’s crook’, says Cecil. 

We found out. The Palladin bloke got the gig off the strength of his Hong Kong container. Seems he qualified as being an “International organisation of high standing” . We’ve just got a suburban office and people on disability pensions. Figured that’s why we lost. Palladin is well connected in New Guinea. That’s why he’s banned from visiting. He’s a few “Maserati’s short of the container”. 

Cecil reckons it’s ‘Cultural cringe’. We had no overseas connections. 

Still, we’re gonna try for the next naval contract. Just bought an Airfix model and the complete “McHales Navy”. As the experts say… “You’ve gotta be in it”.