They’re happy staff at Fairfax. Employees discuss possible move to PCbyCP offices.

Dear reader these are interesting times. We feel it a duty of responsibility to our readership to assure them that there is no truth in the rumour that we have been approached by persons unknown to take on the task of rescuing Fairfax. We feel honoured that it has come to this. That we should be chosen as the most likely inheritor to a noble tradition of independent journalism stretching some 150 years. And, though we were tempted, seriously tempted, we felt that we were unable to do Fairfax justice,

Hotel Arlon. PCbyCP Policy and Discussion Papers crafted here. Courtesy Dept of Foreign Affairs and Trade.

You see it’s not that we wouldn’t like to take on the mantle of the Sydney Morning Herald or the Age. It’s just that we haven’t got the capacity. At them moment, since the departure of Mr Krinklade, (who you may remember had a seizure when we mentioned the upgrade to the printing presses) we couldn’t justify the extra staff numbers in the tea room, and the office break-out area. This matter was discussed at the higher level by Messers Cockburn and Poole in their annual peer review meeting held at the very sumptuous Hotel Adlon  (paid for by the department of foreign affairs and trade) for the odd well intentioned article in their excellent work in securing contracts for Australian businesses.

When supervising our offshore tax haven we quite like to dine at Maxim’s. No room for investigative journalism here also.

We also felt that our current arrangements, which include the enticing inducements of free tickets to both the footy and the cricket, courtesy of News Limited would be compromised if we went a litle too left leaning. And to top that off, Cecil didn’t quite like the idea of vacating his penthouse at No 1 Spring Street, where he is closer to the pulse. You see his apartment, which is quite sumptuous is provided by the Property Council as a gift for some of the more favourable articles we write about the growth and stunning potentialities of Sino- Georgian housing, and the potential to use homeless as mulching medium on large scale agricultural projects. Indeed we shall be devoting a full week to the exciting potential of opening up the north of Australia for residential housing sub divisions and the unlocked minerals and energy held in our National Parks. And we are entirely thankful for the Minerals and Energy Council in providing us funding so that we could write some excellent articles on removal of aboriginal out stations.

And that’s the point of this ownership issue. We are a progressive broadsheet, and canvas a broad spectrum of Australian local opinion. We couldn’t in all consciousness take on the burdensome task of rescuing Fairfax. We admit that the board of Fairfax have done their utmost to make their company a most desirable asset. But unfortunately we neither have the capacity and aknowledge that their future looks bleak as a consequence of their disinterest in more progressive business models.

Happy News Corp employees demonstrating new value for Fairfax Printing Presses as high rise models for proposed Nothern developments. C/O Sino-Georgian Developments Inc.

We wish them luck and know that with the acquisition of what’s left of Fairfax by an assets company, (TPG) they have every opportunity to ensure that there is a place for independent journalism in Australia.

As an offshore venture.