By Quentin Cockburn

This is Australia’s message to the rest of the world, if we don’t like you we’ll bloody well let you know!!  We like to be like that ‘up front’, robust democratic and free.  Jeez free spirited allright, that’s why we’re increasing the powers of ASIO to ensure that even this fragment of bilge-water shall be assessed, scrutinized and deciphered so that we can feel safe..  We need to ensure that all of us are looked into to keep us “safe”, and there’ll be no secrets.  Unless you’re  in government cos we’d rather not tell you what we’re really doing about education, poverty, migration, defense spending, research, anything of a national, strategic or community interest, to ensure that all of you are safe, and a little bit like Team Australia, ready to shirt front any pommy, lefty libertarian who may question our right to do so. They can just bugger off…

Now I like what were doing to education, and this bloke in the university of NSW seems to be on the right track. He’s one of our longest serving academics.  He’s described our contemporary education as not following the principles of the Judeo Christian ethos.  He’s fucken spot on there, though I draw the line at four b’s.  He’s been there for almost fifty years, and you’ve gotta admit he has a grouse sense of humour.  Some lefty got his nose outta joint cos he jokes about abos, wogs, chingas, lezzo’s and poofters, and witch doctors, (that’s what all thinking dark skinned people must be) and he quite correctly says, that’s just a ‘play on words’, a harmless jape, for his other colleagues.  And who might they be? They are the front bench good ol blokes like himself, a little conservative but jeez, can they crack a good joke!  And the surprise is that after all these lefty decades of equality, social egality, and race discrimination you’d think they’d get over it.  Who are they?, the minorities, or anyone who aint a white middle aged male.

So I’m glad that on the official level, in cabinet they stand together strong and united in their principles. That’s what we need in politics “Principles”.  And I’ve heard they’ve just appointed another old bloke to the top job in the gallery sector.  Good on em, as sheilas, needn’t bother, they should be at home and have a laugh with us. And for those other people, well they’re not real Australians anyway. And you know why? Cos they can’t take a joke..

But I reckon Vladimir and Tony have a sneaking regard for each other, it’s a bit like that time Ablett ran through Dipper in the first few minutes of the grand final in 89. They’re really good mates, or the time Mathews cracked Moore’s’ jaw, in fifteen places, or when a whole NZ rugby team, got pissed as maggots and buggerised a mate at a party. They’re all good mates, and if you don’t like it and can’t take a joke, and you’re too thin skinned and keep banging on about all the excellent institutions that are all run by nice old fellas like ourselves and you can get over being rogered by Father Flaherty, or being stolen off your mum and dad, and you’re pissed off about your uncle being cooked in the back of a divvy van.. Get OVER IT!!!

We’ve done the enquires!!

Had the Royal Commissions!!

Elected Dick Warburton to solve the carbon issue, and if you still think that complaining is worthwhile you can just bugger off!!  And we hate scientists Too!!  And thinkers… And big picture people, and visionaries, and leaners….