Barnaby. No one can surpass his stellar performance!
Wed’ve been bigger than the PUP in 2015.
There were five by elections last Saturday. And they all went wrong. In order to stave off the imminent takeover by Channel Nine we fielded candidates in all five electorates. The pre-polling told us we were in there with a chance. And once the recruitment had been done, we felt our candidates represented the best chance ever to field people individually suited to the needs of their electorate. All we had to do, was do the letter boxes, man the phones, and within weeks with a voter turnout of between ten and fifteen percent, we’d be off. Five in the bag. More than Clive Palmer had in the 2015 election, and a better, more stable leadership than One Nation. An electoral force to be reckoned with.
On the Labor Side. Sam waves to his leaders, (members of the CCP).
For starters we eschewed all that bullshit about being an alternative to the two major parties. Let’s get this straight, THERE IS NO Alternative to the two big parties. WE just don’t know enough people like Barnaby, Craig, Tony and Kevin on the right, and no one like Bill, Craig, Kevin, Sam, Emma and Kathy on the slightly to the left of right. People like that only exist in dystopian tele-dramas, or horror movies or mad-arse screw ball comedies. The sort of thing Howard Hawks did and made millions out of. Cept these pollies make us pay millions and it aint funny.
That’s why we went ot a lot of trouble to find candidates suited to each electorate.
Georgina Greentrees. ( No child was harmed in the making of this photograph)
In Mayo, we had a standout candidate Georgina Greentrees. Georgina is a passionate environmentalist. She recycles everything and had her Aston Martin DB9 converted to bio-fuel. Everything she does is committed to saving the enviroment and we endorsed her as a sure thing. She is also terribly well educated and knows how to handle a butter knife in stressful situations. Her dad, Sir Lumley Greentree (former Chairman of Rio Tinto) was happy to appear on the hustings with her, in his tweed jacket and Wool Corpotation tie in support of farmers. He promised to park his Silver Shadow at a discrete distance. Incredibly we received only two votes.
Similar results are equally telling
In Fremantle we endorsed, Chooka Macmanus, the former centre half-back from Fremantle who runs a panel shop and exotic dance/tattoo studio. His returns, twelve votes. Not all his family.
In Longman, Knobby Baldcock, a grazier who’s into Real Estate, Reality Television, Bonsai and miniature poodles, four votes.
In Perth Quinton de Crock, former South African, a big score but ineligible due to not being an Australian citzen.
Luke Skyhook recites poetry..
And in Braddon, Luke, Skyhook, drug enthusiast, meditationalist, astral traveller and freelance water diviner, unemployed, limbless ex forester, only one vote.
What’s the reason? Are people just not listening any more? With the end of Fairfax there’s ony one thing to do. Stay home and watch telly, and if you can be bothered voting, go for the party that offers you a tax cut, a free t shirt and more of the same.
Chooka Macmanus. Our man in Fremantle.
We were in a world “Outclassed”.