On the current fracas rekindled by Nicki Savva’s recent book on how the Abbott-Credlin Government destructed itself, we have it on good authority from Bob Santamaria that no similarity exists between the hardline right wing reactionary loonies of the federal liberal party and what happened to the Labor Party in 1955. According to Bob, “ The setup is entirely different, the right wing reactionary loonies were rusted on the labor party true believers. Not one jot like the ultra conservative reactionary bible belt loonies who are causing such damage within the liberal party.

Bob enthused; ‘Yes although the hard line catholic conservatives have gone full strength since Howard, they are motivated by a completely different set of objectives and ideologies. For a start, what really separates them from the 1950’s model is that they’re professional politicians, and if you take the Muir test’. ‘The Muir test we asked?, ‘Yes, these politicians, are to all intents and purposes wealthier than the average australian. They’ve got buckets of money, and because of that, and the fact that they only deal with lobbyists, who also serve big business, they’re bubble is very well insulated indeed from external influences. And that gives them a sense of UNSHAKEABLE CERTAINTY!!’

When pressed on external influences Bob, (on a scratchy line) replied; ‘Well the influence, of poverty, equity, health and education which sometimes gets in the way of the big picture’. The big picture we asked? ‘Yes the biggest picture in the whole wide world, an unswerving obedience to ensue that the status quo is maintained and reinforced by fear and subservience to the Lord creator himself’.

When questioned, but most australians don’t believe in religion and all that crap anymore, Mr Santamaria, was quick to reply, ‘Well they’ll soon find out. Up here in heaven we aint got any LGBT people. Theres’ only real nice observant catholics and the odd protestant. And I think God closed the door on the ‘Four B’s’ years ago when that bloke started impugning them as post war commie fifth columnists. Even Malcolm wasn’t let in, too ‘winky wanky woo’, for the likes of the vast majority. You know, we’ve got police minsters, a huge rump from Queensland including both Terry Lewis and Rus Hinze, plenty of kiddie fiddlers who didn’t let the side down, and there’s even some bloke who purports to be a musician of sorts.

So don’t worry about this mortal life, God has told us, without punishment and isolation and an overburden of hypocrisy and loathing the LGBT types wouldn’t be given the kick up the backside they need to be truly creative, to get jobs on the abc and the like. Incidentally there’s no one from the ABC up here either’. Do you think they’ve gone to hell? we asked “Dunno, they might just be in god’s waiting room, you can end up getting stuck there, and the waiting list is a mile long.

Bob continued; ‘Just remember, the Rudd, Gillard government was a rag tag assembly of idealists, money wasters and dreamers, whilst the Abbott-Credlin government were firmly committed to providing value for shareholders, expansion of prisons and devolution of decent public medical and education infrastructure to make us more reliant, god fearing and self absorbed.

That’s what’ll get them up here, their sense of Communication and the presidential aura they established. It proves they’ll be very very well behaved, know their place and as ‘santa’s little helpers’ they’ll be amply rewarded’

Incidentally who do you blame for this latest fracas?, we asked Bob, ‘Well I was afraid you were going to ask me that, I don’t think they’ll let Peta in. For a start she’s a woman, and we don’t like squealers up here, bit of a private mens club really’.

So who do you blame? ‘Oh THAT WOMAN naturally’.

And why?

‘It’s Gods will. Besides, he likes to keep things neat, bit like the spaces we’ve allocated, both George’s, Corey, Eric and Kevin, because they’re pure. And that’s what keeps us whiter than white as it doubtlessly shall remain for ever and ever. Gotta go now, Amen’.