Greg Hunt.’ Worlds Best Minister’. Demonstrates life-like and sustainable qualities of plastic coral.

Some people out there are disappointed that the Unesco report on the environment was doctored. Apparently, quite cleverly someone, in the Environment Ministers office deleted any mention of how quickly we’ve managed to destroy the worlds most intact living system; the (former) Great Barrier Reef. There are many people unhappy with this. The first australians have put their hand up suggesting that what happened to the Great Barrier Reef happened to them several centuries ago. The terms of the (nuanced) report are quite specific. The environment is everything that is cute, colourful and exotic, and for marketing purposes must look good in postcards and present a positive image of Australia.

Natives, ‘captured in their natural environment’.

On hand, the Chief executive officer of the Australian Tourism Industry Taskforce, (Mr Will Full-Plunder) described contemporary aboriginal Australia as unpalatable to overseas tourists. ‘We once had a pretty good system, it was unique the world over. You could go anywhere in outback and remote Australia, and the tourist would be guaranteed with the kind of unique iconography we were famous for. Though the reef is almost completely stuffed, it’s nothing half as stuffed as our image of outback Australia. Used to be able to get any aboriginal male, to hold a boomerang long enough to have his photo taken at Halls Gap. Nowadays all the males are in prison and just getting them to stand still is way way too hard. Worse still is that some of them want to be paid!!

Art and Environment Sculpture. ‘More reliable and colourful’. ( CEO Tourism Australia).

We used to get heaps of interest from tourists wanting to see them in their natural habitat, painting Namatjira type pictures or as stockmen. But once they got recognition as a species of human, the station owners have pissed them off, and they’re all just hanging about. Likewise the women folk wont do what they’re told, will not hang around and supply us with souvenirs at petrol stations and refuse to their let their picannnies be taken in by the commonwealth welfare officers for processing. It’s a disgrace, it’s outta control, and no wonder then, Aussie tourism is falling off a cliff.

Plastic fish. More reliable than real ones more life-like, and 100% washable. (made from recycled plastics)

Plastic coral. 100% recyclable and sustainable.

So take my advice for the ‘Lesser Barrier Reef’. Go for the next best thing. We’ve been manufacturing plaster and concrete aboriginals for years and to be perfectly honest the tourists can’t tell the difference. You see it’s like environment, they see the silhouette, the glory shot, and they’re never ever going to go near the real individual, that’s way way too confronting. It’s alll about proximity. The tourists never need to get that close. That’s the beauty of keeping it native and simple. We’ve learnt that the outback is more marketable without living natives. The same should apply for the Lesser Barrier Reef. It’s a hands off approach. That’s why we’ve instigated a marketing plan to put sculpture all around the top end and the centre. It’s artistic and way less confronting. My suggestion is to use the same device on the reef. We’ve got this plastic coral from China which is way cheaper, washable and UV protected. Put it on the depleted bits and no one will know the difference. You charge the same, and don’t have to worry about the environmental cost. You only pay once. Bit like the environment really it’s free. And when you’ve finished with it, just move on.

It’s that simple and that’s why we’re on message to say; ‘Tourism in Australia is open for business’ and it’s 100 percent renewable…. and washable’.