dissafected younger voter.

Reports are filtering through that there’s a disturbing trend amongst young voters. Those in the 18 to 25 range, they’re not bothering to enrol. Worse still, Independent research indicators suggest they’re completely dis-engaged from the political process. Asked by principle sephologist Anthony Turnin-Green: ‘Who do you think will win’? They replied, ‘North Melbourne”. The phenomena points to a general decline in political interest amongst the younger members of the electorate who describe political parties as irrelevant. ‘It’s difficult to inspire young people with the ‘Ideas Boom’, the Innovation Revolution’, the ‘Thought Bubble’ and the mantra of ‘Jobs and Growth’. Theses entreaties to join the jobs and growth revolution fall on death ears. They don’t care. Admittedly they represent a whole new category of non voters. They haven’t got a job, will never have a house, will either be unemployed or shoulder a massive student debt’. Mr Green added, their disillusionment has not been seen on such a scale since Alaric promised the Romans safety during the great sacking of 410, or the occassion of the decree of Justinian declared washerwomen and harlots free from the tax benefit 23 B and the increment offset wages index balance requirement section 33 B for an entire year.

Alaric recounts the great sacking of Rome 410 (a.d) to adoring members of the IPA

Happy workers boosting the economy for four dollars an hour.

Trial low-cost housing on the urban fringe. A Property Council ‘Youth Engagement Initiative’.

Seizing the gravity of the situation the electoral commission has sought advice from the IPA, the banks, the churches, the Property Council and the Minerals and Energy Council and they have responded with imagination and vision. Their proposal seeks to divest the younger voter from the onerous requirement of voting and in exchange for their mutual acceptance, an enterprise bargaining agreement will ensure a minimum four dollar an hour wage rebate. They, (the inductees) will work in the mining sector, call centres, and as builders labourers for a term indexed to twenty years. ‘At this rate their propensity for this sector to be engaged in the political process will be offset by a real commitment to Jobs and Growth. It’s a win win situation, and when they’ve reached the mean age of forty we will enrol them and sign them up to a mortgage in one of our exciting new suburbs, land -banked beyond the current growth boundary’.

‘a child born in 2016 will have the fulsome opportunity to purchase a caravan’

Indeed as every day passes of this election there are a raft of clever, innovative and imaginative propositions being put to younger voter. Just the other day at a Property Council Forum, “ Negative Gearing to Prosperity” hosted in the Crown Palladium Ballroom, the Prime Minister Malcolm Abbott enthused; ‘that with current modelling projections, a child born in 2016 will have the fulsome opportunity to purchase a caravan, within the fifty mile growth ring projected by the UDIA and the REIV, own it outright by 2065. And with the projected growth in the service industry, they’ll be able to find rewarding jobs in the growing aged aged care sector, and pay for the care themselves by selling their caravans or humble abodes to offset the costs. At this rate the plan is to have aged care inductees on the 457 scheme offset the costs by working in the kitchens, toilets or rubbish collection. There are so many spheres, cleaning, floor scrubbing, and french polishing that could be made by these inductees to make a contribution to their care’.

Asked whether wealthier sectors of the community will be required to offset their care, the P.M laughed; ‘I don’t think you understand the way the political system works. They have money, some of the actually earnt it, and to question their right to benefit from those who couldnt gain a foothold on the ladder of opportunity is to question the very foundation of a free and enterprising society. To do that would destroy the work ethic, and undermine the founding principles of ‘Jobs and Growth’.

It’s a higher order thing that is unassailable ordained to us from above’.

“By God”? We asked,

The P.M laughed both paternalistically and good naturedly,

‘God, NO! my child, the Banks’!!