As promised, (dear reader) another helpful suggestion from a correspondent from the near north Elvis Presidente. In this spirited missive he points to an entirely innovative way in which Fairfax may re- equip its stable of journalists, and give them the means to literally “Fly”.

Fairfax journalist admires  weekly salary post Nine merger.

I think you’ll agree this suggestion, clearly and succinctly put should go to the highest level, and be a game changer for journalism and media coverage globally.

He writes:

‘Your perspicacity, Sir! Your almost ineffable perspicacity, Sir, is easily comparable with that  final arbiter, that veritable fount of illimitable illumimation, the very Delphic Oracle itself. (Cackling and dessicated harridans, given to gibberish, notwithstanding)….

It has occurred to me, in one of those moments, those sublime moments, given only to the Illuminati, that there may be, should the slightest flaw (an unthinkable eventuality)be discovered in your Morse Cordial plan, that a possible alternative might be considered.

You might remember, in the distant past, that whenever one made a purchase at a reputable department store such as David Jones or Harrods, by an ingeniously intricate overhead means, one’s cash and invoice was conveyed by overhead wires to a central point, where, having  verified the transaction, ones change and receipt were returned to the purchaser, in a tightly sealed container, on the same wires.

Well now, and if you are still with me,  I would dare to suggest, to propose, as ’twere, that this system might, in secret, be expanded into the Great Outdoors. Consider this:

All over this country, by every road, field and, (god help us) super highway, there are wire-strung telegraph poles. It would surely be possible, by nocturnally surreptitious means, to convert this massive complexity to carry our  Harrodian style message to the far and nether corners of this land.We would of necessity, be required, should our shuttling containers arouse the interest of the authorities, to disguise our intententions. This might take the form of an aerial luncheon delivery service, or even urgent medical supplies.(re-cycled prophylactics perhaps might deter more intimate investigation)

To bring about a central dissemination of information centre, would only require a body of look-a-like Council workers, in concert with appropriate equipage. Nobody would raise a single suspicious eyebrow should a telegraph pole or two appear unexpectedly here or there, particularly as there is so much incomprehensible NBN work going on all round us.

Planned central receiving station for messages being trialled at Asio headquarters. (Photo Courtesy Peoples Republic of China).

I believe these ideas have merit and would be grateful for your views. I feel, also, however, that yours is a masterly plan, and as such, is incapable of failure.

El Presidente

10 Sweeney Court Body Corp.