We share the mining industry’s concern about “Tofu Tyrants”.
Matt Canavan, our glorious Minister for Coal etc, warning of the dangers of Tofu Tyrants. He describes “Coal as Kryptonite to Tofu Tyrants”.
Recent statements by the Minister for Mining, Coal and Real Estate Matt Canavan point to only one thing. There is a tyrrany at work upon the Australian body politic. And it’s wrecking what’s left of Australian industry. Or at least the remaining .05 prcent not yet fully foreign owned or closed down.
We know that Hitler was a vegetarian, and quite a few people on the left of poltics have funny ideas about food.
Parlimentary Democracy. Saved by a lump of COAL
We put this to the test.
We took a pcbycp carbon footprint accredited tram, (based upon our survey that trams are 98.5% coal powered) and alighted at the top of the hill in Northcote, right opposite the Town Hall. We could tell something was funny. At the Town Hall there was a big mural with an aboriginal flag on it, and a slogan about multicultural Australia. Though we looked we couldn’t find anything similar glorifying the noble sacrifice made by sons of Australia on the altarpiece of Anzackery, and knew from our trusted guide dog, “ sniffles” as he started snarling that we must be in a “tofu eating zone”.
There is a Tofu belt in Melboure. It’s lke the Van Allen belt but much more toxic. It is distinguished by people wearing natural fibre, riding bicycles and invariably sporting some rainbow coloured fragment of cloth proclaiming their support for lgbti people as valid members of the community. This is their ploy. The pretty colours entice children and the naive. Once in their thrall they get infected with a dose of “liberalism”. This corrupts their values, And before you can say “ ashram” they’re whipping off their Sportsgirls and Country Roads and into a dun-cloured pair of overalls, cardigans made of sackcloth, and tea cosies adorn their scalps. It’s a sort of secular sartorial judaism without the funny beards and the Rabbi’s. And once you see one of them, you notice them everywhere. Hanging out in soul food cafe’s, at book exchanges, outside places that only sell vinyl lp’s and once they congrergate en-masse, they’re all sipping machiatto vegan, half latte sun god replica bubbacino’s.
John Howard , our Greatest PM EVER! Holds sacred Anzac statues and National Flag. ” More powerful than a crucifix or garlic to keep the Tofu Tyrants at bay”.
And there’s news for those of you who think you’re SAFE. They’re on the march. Spreading northwards. Worse than Cane Toads. Worse than the Crown of Thorns starfish, and way more prickly.
The only sense we got before we had to don antibacterial suits and get the hell outta there was the sense of sanctimonious tofu-borne puritanism. It’s the proverbial curate’s tofu. A diet led revolution. Beginning with the letter T.
Tofu Terrorists at work in Northcote.
T is for Tofu, and it’s axiomatic with TOXIC!!
Seems the only people we could trust on our carbohydrate calculus were the Queenslanders. Northern Quenslanders get a triple A rating.
Proof that if you believe in Coal, the existence of Lasseters Reef and Father Christmas, you’re most probably a Northern Queenslander, and pure from the taint of “Tofu tyrantism”.
From the words of Matt Canavan himself;
“Tofu Tyrants are killing Australia”.