Clives best friend. Friend to all in the arts, Mitch Fifield
Dear reader we at pcbycp are committed to giving you the facts. We are committed to steadfastly telling it just how it is, without diversion, hyperbole or influence. That’s the straight bat you expect from out investigative reporters. It’s the honesty and integrity which has made this masthead the clarion for that dim light of western civilisation. Alone! A pallid flicker amidst the morass of mediocrity.
Aside from the constant offers made by journalists in the Murdoch stable for work experience, we eschew their cries, becomes we want to stay PURE! We know they have been paid well to peddle their filth, and once tainted cannot be re-trained. “WE couldn’t even train them as tea ladies”, Wally said, “cos even the milk would be tainted, and the arrowroot biscuits would be desiccated, atrophied and ossified, like their overlord Lord Rupert of Murdoch’. And though they rail and rally to be given meaningful work, we keep the door fully closed. And remain just a footnote in the febrile vortex of the digital media landscape. Alone, isolated and rejected WE STAY PURE!!
Ad it’s this purity that gives us our OBJECTIVITY!
Thats why, at the pointy end of this electoral campaign we’d like to give out endorsement. We’ve looked at the parties in forensic detail. We’ve been along to their fundraisers. And though it was disappointing to miss out on the Nauru contract, (Cecil sold his Humber Super Snipe Mk 3, with the drinks cabinet and leatherette seat covers for 3500.00.) it was galling to know that another crowd got the five hundred million contract for Nauru. More galling still that we lent both Mitch Fifield and Melissa Price our completed DVD and VHS collection of Jacques Costeau, and didn’t even get a look in on the over five hundred million you that was awarded to the Great Barrier Reef Foundation. That’s why we’re REALLY PISSED OFF. And want our readership to know how to make their vote count.
It’s no use voting tor the coalition. They’re all in bed with the lobbyists. You can’t vote Labor, cos by Paul Keating’s own admission they’re alI in bed with Beijing. And you cant vote Green, cos they’re sanctimonious. And besides its impossible to have a good time at either Labor or the Coalition fundraisers. You’re either being harangued by wowser evangelical christians, or asked to perform party tricks like ‘piss on yer mate’, or ‘dick in the beer’ for pot bellied unionists, and prim faced teacher union execs. Whilst at the Greens you’re being told every time you light up, have a beer, or take a piss, you’re endangering some fragment of biota that could be gender confused or just angry about SOMETHING!
That’s why we’re urging you to vote for something we understand. Something we’re familiar with. Which remains pure because it’s never been given a RED HOT GO! An idea who’s time has come. And on the strength of it, a man you can trust to keep workers in their place by not paying them and have a BIG vision for Australia. That’s it folks, a bat for the ordinary person, who knows all about being the absolute personification of ordinariness. Vote for CLIVE. Clive hows what it takes to take on the Beijing, and deal with grubby unionists. 
To Keep us PURE from the taint of thought and vision.
To save Australia, and keep us SAFE!
To live without CHANGE!
So that nothing may happen EVER!
And the right sort of people can go on being RICH!
And pay no TAX!
And identify with the single most important issue EVER!
Queensland!