Malcolm ‘ Derrrr… Why am i here?”

Russia and China. lauging about the K.Rudd, encounter.

Dear reader, it’s been a long time since a PM was put in his place on the world stage. Kevin Rudd is an exception, as a consequence of his no fixed address status. But not since Ming was rebuffed as the peacemaker at Suez, have we witnessed the full fury of real-politik when it comes to Australia’s principled stand on democracy.. There are no pictures, nor recordings of the meeting between Putin and Turnbull, but as a consequence of PCbyCP securing a cleaning contract with the event organisers, who incidentally, helped the Australian government out in the Timor Gap negotiations in Dili, we can now offer you a transcript of this momentous event.

Hands up those who’s air fares were paid for by China?

We have, (in the interests of transparency) edited out some extraneous noises and coughing, as they were not considered to be relevant to the representation of events as they actually happened. The first fragment indicates the sound of opening doors, and the unmistakeable sound of our P.M for innovation and thought bubbles shuffling in, there’s a pause and then the introductions proceed.

Malcolm: Good morning Vladimir.

Vlad: Putin to you

Malcolm; I’m delighted we could meet in camera so to speak, Mr Putin, Sir.

Vlad: Who are you?

Malcolm: Uh….. ( pause and audible sound of shuffling papers) er….Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull

Vlad. P.M of what?

Malcolm: Oh P.M of thought bubbles, innovation and, (sound of coughing) au… Australia.

Vlad: What you doing here?

Malcolm; Oh, (another pause, and the shuffling of notes, ) Um.. Oh… I’m here as representative of Australia, to uphold the ennobling spirit of democracy and free will as light of the free world, and subsidiary role as U.S Deputy Sheriff in South Pacific.

Vlad ( sound of convulsive laughter) .. Oh….ha ha, we have name for that in Russia, we call it…” Napri, Khjakshti, Varnulushkis- Krapyopanttshk Leekshlakalovna”

Malcolm: Which means?

Vlad; (more uncontrollable laughing), ha ha my friend, it means ‘Arse-licker”… Ha ha

Malcolm: (laughing good humouredly), ha ha , I’m greatly relieved.

Vlad; And why so Malcolm’?

Malcolm; Well it’d been rumoured by the Army Signals Directorate that the code word for Australia, was ‘cock-sucker” and ‘arse-licker’, is somewhat less pejorative.

Vlad; pejorative or non pejorative, what the fuck you doing in Syria?

Malcolm, “ Oh that’s easy, defending the noble spirit of democracy and freedom the world over to avert the grasp of tyrants an evil doers in the name of liberty, sacrifice and freedom, and banking.

Vlad; like you fixed Afghanistan and Iraq.

Malcolm: Precisely!!

Vlad; Ha Ha heard much of your sense of humour. (much laughter and sound of scuffle, then awkward silence)

Malcolm:, (muffled voice), Why the fuck did you do that?

Vlad; Ha ha, another Russian expression, what goes around comes round.

Mal. But why me?

Vlad. Shirtfront! Tony asked me to do it, he much stronger leader like me!

Malcolm; But he’s not even P.M.

Vlad: And I aint Santa Claus either. Door slams Vlad walks out, sound of muffled anguish from Malcolm.

Meeting concludes.