This Dispatch was originally distributed 20 January 2013.  The post has been edited.

Amicos romanos popularium commoda mihi auribus vestris,

Like the owner of Pangur Bán the cat, (google it sometime, you won’t be disappointed) I love words.  (Ed note: See tomorrow’s PCBYCP Poetry Sunday for this poem)

The antonym of ‘benign’ is ‘malignant’ (from the Latin: Mali bad).

‘Malignant’ succinctly describes the 2007 NT Emergency Response that in short order became known as the ‘Intervention’.

The Intervention has rapidly metastasized.

The body of remote Aboriginal society has been invaded by numerous rapidly spreading cancerous growths which its cultural immune system is being overwhelmed by.

‘Closing the Gap’, ‘Generation One’, ‘FaFT’ (Families as First Teachers), ‘Stronger Futures’, ‘PAP’(Public Awareness Program), ‘READ’(Read every available day), ‘Every Child, Every Day action plan’ to mention just a few.

A much prescribed range of medicines come under the heading ‘Law and Order’. The most often prescribed of this range is increased policing. The Territorial and Federal Pharmacists have not yet realized that these medicines are  highly ‘incarceragenic’ and should be withdrawn, or at the very least the dosages should be much reduced.

….don’t you send me no doctor, filling me up with all of those pills…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IfEx6p4Ces

Near the end of the 18^th.Century (14^th.Dec.1799) George Washington died after having been bled the previous day. Bloodletting as a cure retained some adherents as late as the 20^th.Century.

The Intervention has reintroduced bloodletting to its ‘client’ (Aboriginal Australia). It also makes copious use of leeches.

Medical practitioners pay very high insurance premiums to cover themselves against being sued for malpractice (there it is again the ‘mal’ Latin root)  and misdiagnosis which on very rare occasions they are found guilty of.

Malpractice and misdiagnosis however are inherent in the Intervention and its plethora of derivatives. Their bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. Misdiagnosis comes as no surprise, whenever the ‘client’ says ‘pillars’ they hear ‘pillows’.

From the ‘Singing Detective’… this clip says it all….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IDOe7Npinl4

The Interventionists are answerable to no one but themselves.

The assimilationists are mining the cultural pillows of Aboriginal Australia whose society is in danger of collapsing.

The strength and potency of Aboriginal anti-bodies is evidenced by the fact that despite the sustained multi-pronged attack not all of remote Aboriginal society’s structures have caved in.

Took my body to the doctor
He said son you won’t last the night
Took my body back to mamma
She said Jesus going to make it all right

Always thought of myself as a hunter
Lion out on the night
But I turned all my weapons in to mamma
She said Jesus going to make it all right     

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bi8Dau0l4Vs

Usque ad proximam tempus

Franciscus

PS- an omen… the Intervention’s first Surgeon General was called Mal.

‘Punching above our weight’ Tony Abbott demonstrates Leadership!!!!

Just another week in God’s own country

Dear reader, occasionally you get such a weight of improbable, implausible and abject stories you tire of reading them, but for your edification we bring you this snapshot of the week that was. This special edition is to be broadcast the world over to demonstrate what a warm and welcoming country we have become.

Our special U.K envoy, (Mr Pulford Lick-spittle esq.) is breathless in his description of the enthusiastic response awarded to out latest ex pm Mr Tony Abbott’s clarion call to “Do as we have done” and turn all those asylum seekers back to where they bloody well came from.

At the Margaret Thatcher lecture he maintains his principled post Prime Ministerial stance that he got it all absolutely right, and he was most enthusiastically applauded for his efforts by Ukip’s Michael Farange. Once again, Australia steps bold onto the world stage and demonstrates, concise, decisive, clear thinking to a world befuddled by ethics, morals and quaint notions of religion. Indeed Mr Abbott, has reinterpreted Christian texts, and confirmed that bigotry and HATE are at the core of his interpretation of the bible. He is said to be waiting for an enthusiastic response from both Farange in the U.K, and the grand master Ku Klux Klan in Sth Carolina in due course. . Another world first*.

Prince Charles

In Victoria Jack Charles, celebrated Victorian of the year, who is also incidentally aboriginal, was foolish enough to accept a ride with his manager after an awards ceremony in a taxi. Silly Jack. As the manager left the taxi, the driver demanded up front payment, Jack called the driver a racist, a small argument ensued and Jack, recently gonged, was left abject, upset and alone. Once again the sprit of welcoming is well and truly with us.

Geelong. From rust bucket to “Creative Accounting Economy”

Our Geelong Correspondent Rusty Hubcap, has just sent us this extraordinary dispatch, that the ‘Motown’ of the near south, where unemployment is skyrocketing, youth unemployment is through the roof, allegedly going. ;’ Stratospheric”, (his own words), and where all the rest of what used to be manufacturing is most assuredly closing down of a bold new proposal to lift the Geelong economy. A bigger, bolder, brighter casino!! Just what Geelong needs, and to demonstrate once and for all that the direction of the new service economy is to ensure that the poor, through being dudded, drugged and demonised will inject whatever they have left to make the filthy rich even filthier. Forget about jobs, education, health, and a greater society, because; “This is the great society’, and it’s visionary!! Hooray the new Australia.

But wait, all that’s old is new again, or should I say all that’s not quite newish is oldish again. Our Sth Australia correspondent Darcy Darville-Dacre-D’ Ahlenberg has just emailed us the breathtakingly positive news that Sth Australia has put its hand up for a huge expansion of its, Solar? “No”. Re-newable?, “ No’ Manufacturing, ? “No’. Wait for it, NUCLEAR INDUSTRY After the party and the bogus Royal Commission, the government has selected Nuclear as the way forward. Another victory for mates and bigger big business.

Good ol Nuclear.

We’re waiting on the chosen site for Australia’s’ first really big nuclear reactor, and it appears that the lucky aboriginals of Maralinga have greatly accepted the offer to push the nuclear envelope once again.

Three cheers to Australia, for once again, we’ve proved to the world at large that when it comes to bigness, big vision, big society and big hearts, we’re indescribably very very small indeed.

• Most tellingly the ex P.M, unburdened by the responsibilities of office revealed himself  as a man of steely resolve and unwavering determination. ‘Never in the history of human kind has a backbench been so depleted through the  power of one’.

One again, dear reader we bring you this stunning insight from none other than our North American Correspondent G.T Beauregard. This thrilling insight gives us a taste for how things are down down in the south, and through his acute understanding of creole dialect he has provided us with a user friendly version fit for mass consumption. Read on.

My remaining hair is not the beautiful thatch of my youth. Although it still curls, it is distinctly wispy above: the comb-over beckons.

Some years ago the bride invested in a set of electric clippers made in Sterling, Illinois, and they have served well, a tribute to the quality of American manufacture, of a generation of can-do guys who made things that worked. And they have worked for me long and without fault.

G.T, seeking advice from work colleague as to what style of haircut would be most apt. Colleague in process of installing new parcel delivery system.

But that was months ago and far away. The state of my tonsure was becoming an embarrassment. Accordingly, I visited the Dennis Barber Shop on Freret Street late on a Saturday morning to have it repaired. Passing through the blue door was entering into a secret men’s enclave: four chairs, three blue-robed gentlemen’s hairdressers and the proprietor at the far end, alone in civvies. Working the heads of local males from the ages of about 8 up, wielding clippers, scissors and combs, shortening growth that was by no means long, applying infinite care to the etching of designs with cut-throat razors, trimming beards into perfect sharpitude. At a guess I’d say there were four in the chair and a dozen waiting.

Not the twenty year old, but a fabulous example of African American hairstyling.

Dear reader. We must apologise for this image as it depicts a slightly older than twenty something with a mobile phone. Allegedly image taken of the New Orleans first eleven, before a limited over match. Our graphics editor has since been sacked.

G.T endures another round of ridicule from the bride. Hair improved doubtlessly with liberal quantities of Grecian 45 A.D

Apart from the 20 year old with the metal tooth and baseball cap next to me who gave sole attention to his phone, the conversation was general and open to all. The principal topic was the performance of a young running back on the TV fixed to the wall.
Then entered an older man, supporting himself on a claw-footed walking stick.
“Well hello Mister Joe, how y’all doin’? Y’all feelin’ better nah?”
“I doin’ pretty good.”
“Less tahm I seen you, y’all het one them walkers wit’ the wheels on it. You still got dat?”
“Yeh. An’ it’s got the seat on it, too.”
“So how you doin’? Y’all better nah?”
“Yeh, Ah feelin’ much better.”
“You still got yo’ car Joe?”
“Yeh, Ah’m still drivin’ mah white folks.”
“You lookin’ good, Joe, lookin’ good. How old you, Joe? You looks lahk you’s abaht thirty fahv.”
“Ah’m eighty nahn.”
“No! You cain’t be older’n abaht thirty-fahv!”
“Ah’s born April twenny-nahn, nahneen twenny six. Ah’m eighty nahn years old.”
“Man, you livin’ on borrowed tahm.”
“Nope. Ah’s livin’ on someone else’s tahm.”
I was called to the chair of Carl, well ahead of my place in the queue, it seemed to me. I rather feared that my presence was inhibiting the normal social flow. He explained, and it might be true, that the others were waiting for their particular barbers. I ordered my usual: a number three.
Carl was very obliging, and I do not question his capabilities. I do suspect that he has spent a lifetime cutting African hair, and has developed preconceptions about the direction of the grain which are not necessarily transferrable to one of my celtic heritage. Accordingly, he commenced to clip from the crown downwards where I would have worked from the bottom up. The clipping left considerably more hair attached than that to which I am accustomed. However I did not like to complain, and the subsequent trimming with comb and scissors was, I thought, quite satisfactory. The overall effect is a bit Julius Caesar, without the toga or military success of course.
The bride, on the other hand, considers it hilariously bad. So does the boy, although he didn’t own up to that until prompted by his mother. I don’t know that I shall ask the girl’s opinion. Her mind has probably been poisoned against it already.

In 2013, after five years of politically sustained chaos the Abbott Government was elected to Canberra. Then ensued another two years of heightened chaos as the status quo, (that rump of very intensely conservative Catholics in the front bench) attempted to re-craft their version of Australia. A version of strident right wing ideology and very narrow mindedness. A version of government entrenched by punishment, and retribution to the poor, the meek, the unwashed, etc.. etc. And a bombastic sense of triumphalism for every “liberal” tradition that was quashed.

On that very day when Abbott declared his electoral victory, he declared, “Australia is open for business”!

Mathew Guy, ” Anything Goes” !!

Open for business was code. Code for, “Big Business, you may have been troubled by our regime of red tape and green tape, curbs imposed by the bureaucracy to protect, the environment, the public realm, the dis-empowered, the populace, but now, these barriers are lifted. We are about to embark upon an ecstasy of good ol laissez faire economics, and people who stand in our way will be branded, ‘un-Australian, wasters, leaners, and vigilantes’. On the final weeks before he was kicked out, Abbott and his front bench were at war with Australian law. Australian law, (and I paraphrase), “must be changed” because Australian law was restraining open slather on the environment, the people, and the troublemakers. These laws, must be repealed. That was what ‘open for business’ really meant. I suppose it came cheap with the free trade agreement. If you want free trade with China, you’ve gotta go ‘China’ on public participation. Which means if you’re rich and big, and an “insider’ you’ve get special treatment, a green light. if your neither of those, piss off! The first Abbott budget sent a clear message to the people; ‘we are contemptuous of you, your law, your traditions and the process of your Commonwealth’. The rest is history.

Now in Victoria, the briefly elected Liberal government went one step further, they didn’t even bother with an election for consensus on big projects, they got elected, and then announced that they would commit to a huge road project that the majority didn’t want, and were never asked about. But just in case they felt the public didn’t get the message that Victoria also was open for business the Planning Minister Mathew Guy set about lowering the bar on all major projects, anything over 100 million, and said ‘yes yes yes’. So now in 2015, Melbourne is the money laundering building capital of the south. Big money, not entirely 100 % Chinese money is pouring open slather and investing in some really fucking ugly buildings. Buildings that are so bad, you’d expect them to be in Dubai. It has rooted complete sections of the city. And there’s much more to come. What Rob Walker began in the sixties and seventies is now complete. The high point being the rezoning of Fishermans Bend, without consultation, without consensus, without hinting, as city, in which a few very rich people got very very much richer indeed.

Other places, other capital cities have planning regulations, places, like London, Berlin, Paris etc. They recognise the value in “adding value” by quality control. But in Melbourne, any planning regime that restricts laissez faire unfettered capital and building is not on. Welcome to ‘Melbapore’. I could almost be sad, and say, ‘oh well there aint no thing as a free lunch, we enjoyed the mining boom, now it’s time for someone else’s fun”. I imagine, the disappointment we all feel for such ” loss’ on such a grand scale is akin what the first Australians must have thought when we fucked up their version of paradise.

‘Oh well that’s progress’.

Mathew Guy, has given my version of Melbourne away. I suppose there’s an irony in that. And remember this is Australia. What’ve we got? Manufacturing? Science? Creativity? Imagination? Nup!

There’s only one show in this country and that’s REAL ESTATE!!!

And isn’t that in a kind of way what we said when we declared that little spot along the Yarra as a place for a village.

Developing Melboune; it’s our turn now.

‘We are contemptuous of you, your law, your traditions and the process of your commonwealth’. The rest is history.

Dear reader, with some regret, (though in the interests of journalistic integrity) we give you part two of the rather censorious piece, “Bendigo-gorne”. Written before more recent events, the author despairs at the response by most of the mainstream media. Clearly the child (Parramatta Police Complex murder) who carried out the killing of an accountant was inspired like all children by the glory and honour of doing “grown up” things. Clearly he was alienated. And for whatever reason self alienation is a very comforting place to be if you’ve got big brothers who inspire you to do those banal, evil and stupid things for the greater glory of your very own little GOD.  What and who motivated him, is the conversation this country has not had. We, as a pluralist, secular society, and the  tradition, (from as long ago as 1967) must be upheld.

we read on…

‘Good ol Aussie Values’. The Footy Show Hosts.

Bendigo survived the worst ravages of 60’s architectural and Vicroads determinism. The same that ravaged Geelong and Ballarat. Bendigo represents a time capsule, (its population being 96% Anglo Saxon) of an Australia that used to be. Why is this so? A compound of the past? A past steeped in the sort of unconscious nostalgia of ‘Uncle Norman and the Footy Show’. Partly true, but the drivers of multiculturalism where not there. Until recently no big projects, no burgeoning industry and a fairly quiet housing market. Till recently. Bendigo was just that little bit further from Melboune. Recently ‘foreign people’ have come to Bendigo for work, for opportunity, and like the rest of us, as a place where you can raise a family without the paranoia found in the big cities. Boomed it has. Culturally, economically and demographically as a consequence the provincialism that defined Bendigo and for some antagonised is challenged. Change can be fearful for those who are not beneficiaries.

One Councillor is presumably opposed to the changing demographic. Bendigo’s celebrated success within the cultural, administrative and housing sector is tempered by the influx of overseas professionals to take the places for those we don’t train for locally. We, as a nation have ‘outsourced’ training. For this community’s representative, a vision of Bendigo is threatened. It’s what motivates the flag draping. An argument defined by singular issues. Recently the Councillor went on a hunger strike to protect an old building, a strange act for an elected councillor. But one that defined a singularity. A singularity of the marginalised. And a rebuke to the established processes of governance. And part of that marginalisation has been the steady diet of Murdoch media attention depicting Muslims as assassins, murderers, anti-Australian, (Like Adam Goodes) and defilers of women. They seek to nullifying the positives of post war multiculturalism into the dullness of negativity.

Wearing the flag is a provocative thing, but for this individual, as a Councillor it legitimises the busloads and trainloads of malcontents shipped in, to smear the positive vibe that this City is about. It’s a carte d visite for other malcontents. There were anti mosque protests in Ballaarat, and no one noticed. The same group tried there with no response. How happy they must be with the reaction in Bendigo then. And it’s not just the success of Bendigo that galvanised them, but for the vast majority ‘life is good’. It makes some unhappy. And will do whatever it takes, hunger strike or demonstration to make a point. Their trump card? Unhappiness.

There’s a paradox at work here. A demo in Melbourne is a non event. In Bendigo it’s front page news. It reinforces the city bush stereotype. Reinforces the long standing prejudice about troglodyte yokels and the tragedy? The truth, is lost to those bussed in. There’s an irony in that. At work here is the grotesque untruth that Bendigo is truly provincial. ‘Dad and Dave’ provincial. To the vast majority such a premise is insulting. Insulting to the confident self assured image presented by the Bendigo Bank, the cultural sector, innovative businesses, the corps of volunteers who make the town welcoming and work. Reinforcing stereotypes works both ways.

Bendigo’s spiritual (passive) heart arises. The Great Stupa.

Five miles beyond Kangaroo Flat. ‘Sandhurst Town’, (Bendigo’s very own Sovereign Hill) was an evocation of the “Real Australia” set somewhere in its Victorian heyday. It closed down. ‘Old Australia’, like the ‘Swan Hill Pioneer Settlement’ was dead boring. ‘Wobbies World’ was fantasy land in comparison. Upon this site, The biggest Stupa in the southern hemisphere now rises. A triumph of religious and secular pluralism. Its message, one of universal tolerance.

So what future do THEY want. I think they’re a bit like the front bench of the Federal Government. Strong on what they HATE. Strong on defining ‘Team Australia’. Strong on telling us what we cannot do. But very poor indeed on imagination, problem solving, and the sensible conversation governments must have as leaders. And why can’t they? Because the problem, of difference, of “Australian-ness”, (whatever that means), and its identification, is in their head.

And, what future do the other ‘they’ want. The “they’ is the tiny minority of hate filled fringe dwellers. The united Australian patriot front and the juvenile delinquents inspired by their Islamo-nazism. The conversation needs to be loud and clear, we have no tolerance for hate derived filth. And those responsible for corrupting the hearts and minds, the festering cleric, the snide politician, the radicalised Iman, must be bought to account. Those responsible for inserting the blind, autocratic hate filled “GOD” back into the public conversation must be ‘hunted down every rabbit hole and burrow’ until it they are vanquished.

Rupert and Johnnie. Still batting for “Team Australia” and “U.S”

There is so much hope in invested in Malcolm Turnbull as a ‘thinking Prime Minister’. It is time this nation had a mature conversation about ‘values’, and the obligation we must all share as “Australians”. And whilst we’re at it, achieve reconciliation with the indigenous Australians. And please, lets make the conversation truly participatory, on all levels rather than leave it all up to Rupert. There are many appalling things done in ‘gods’ name, and Rupert and Johnnie Howard have achieved quite enough!

Oh and just as an afterthought, I thought the Twentieth Century had “cured” us all of that ‘ol style’ religion. Sadly, not.

“I see,” said the girl, visibly disappointed that she had elicited from me no hint of embarrassment for being a wanton woman off to couple with heathens.  Having spent over a year in a lunatic asylum for roughy this same “sin,” I am scarcely intimidated by the transparent interrogations of a twit such as Miss Bradley.  “Ambassadors of peace . . . ” she added, trying for a trace of sarcasm in her voice.

“That’s right.” I said, and I quoted:

“‘A peace is of the nature of a conquest;
For then both parties nobly are subdued,
And neither party loser.’

So saith the great Shakespeare.”

“Henry VI, Part Two, Act IV, Scene 2!” boomed the Captain, with a broad smile.  And then he quote himself:

“‘ You did know
How much you were my conqueror, and that
My sword, made weak by my affection, would
Obey it on all cause.'”

Antony and Cleopatra, Act III, Scene II,” I said with equal pleasure.

(From One Thousand White Women by Jim Fergus, St Martins Griffin New York.  1988 p58)

bom Dia meus amigos

I’ve just spent a fortnight in Alice Springs Hospital, and I’m fine.

It is an ill wind that blows nobody any good.

I took the opportunity to finish reading a fascinating book by Eduardo Galeano- ‘Las Venas Abiertas de America Latina’ (The open veins of Latin America)

…let it bleed…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xoCaVKfRPw

The book tells the history of how it came to pass that half a continent endowed with fabulous riches was exploited and was to remain poor and underdeveloped to this day.

Any inkling I may have had that I may have been wrong when ages ago I jumped to the conclusion that such economic myths as ‘the trickle-down effect’ and ‘the level playing field’ were nothing but the Global Economy’s beads and mirrors, were soon dispelled as I read further.

The Methuen Treaty of 1703, was a military and commercial partnership agreement between England and Portugal. A so called free trade agreement. Duties on Portuguese wine exported to England were to be one third less than those applied to French wine, textiles from England were to enter Portugal duty free. Portuguese Port wine thrived. England’s industrial development was way ahead of Portugal’s. Portuguese industry could not compete. The Portuguese textile mills were silenced, and three centuries later, remain silent.

…The sound of silence… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4zLfCnGVeL4

The resulting trade deficit was paid for by gold exploited from Portugal’s colony Brazil using slave labour.

In the second half of the book, Galeano refers to “Industrial Infanticide”.

Successive Australian Governments have committed industrial infanticide on Aboriginal owned enterprises born during the brief enlightenment that was the policy of Self Determination.

In 1947 oil in Devonian reefs was discovered near Edmonton. After a few false starts the Alberta Basin oil exploration boom was well and truly on its way following the drilling of Imperial Oil’s ‘Wildcat #134’ subsequently renamed Leduc #1. This oil boom attracted Jim Cundill, who had studied geology in Western Australia on his return from a stint as an interpreter in post-war occupied Japan. When Jim returned to Australia from Canada, he was joined by his Canadian friend, Nelson Meyers, and they formed a firm of geological consultants. They were amongst the very few geologists in Australia who at the time had oil exploration well-site experience. Well-site geologists “sit” wells and in the ‘oil-patch’ are known as “gravel pickers” or “rock doctors” (pronounced in a pronounced North-American accent: “ rhaaak daaahckters “). On completion of my studies I joined the thriving firm of Cundill Meyers and Associates.

Jim and Nels quickly trained an Australian team of gravel pickers, and the rest as they say is history.

….oil to the world https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JgzMZSmCDfs

On a well-site in Queensland Nels was approached by a character bearing a black box with dials. The fellow claimed the black box to be an oil detecting device that he’d invented. The fellow was waxing lyrical about the virtues of the black box that he intended to sell, and Nels expressed an interest in buying it. Could he look inside the box and have it explained to him how it worked, was Nelson’s modest request. “Absolutely not!” was the character’s response. Nels didn’t buy the black box, and never found out if he’d missed out on a once in a century opportunity.

The Trans Pacific Partnership (TPP) has been touted as a once in a century opportunity. If ratified it will be the largest free trade agreement in human history. Recently Australia signed up to the TPP. New Australian Greens leader Senator Richard Di Natale was asked for his opinion on the TPP. “It has been negotiated in secret, and we have very little information on it, how could I possibly have an opinion on it?” Richard hasn’t been allowed to look inside the black box.

Many black boxes have and continue to be sold to or be imposed on Aboriginal Australia.

The Food Security black box results in an ever tightening grip on income and expenditure and external control of the local economies in remote Aboriginal communities by a Government owned monopoly. Under the guise of “food security” Outback Stores is taking over and/or putting locally owned businesses out of business by selling unhealthy take away foods, fuel, videos, mobile phones, toys, trinkets, beads and mirrors. Anything that makes money.

The Indigenous Protection Areas black box yields an ever tightening grip on management of huge tracts of Aboriginal land by Government funded and controlled external hierarchical bureaucracies.

The Housing black box was sold with a promise of “cultural sensitivity”. A non-core promise since replaced by an autocratic ‘three strikes and you’re out’ policy. Homes have been converted to ‘housing stock’. Management (tenancy, repairs and maintenance) of housing is subjected to an ever tightening grip by imposed external hierarchical Government funded and controlled bureaucracies and external contractors.

What is inside these black boxes? The colonial assimilationist imperative.

In the Hospital, on one occasion when the doctors did their round, a doctor peeled down the pressure sock on my leg and remarked “your leg is looking much better!”

A Hansel and Gretel moment…. It was the wrong leg!

…you put your right foot in ….. you put your left foot out….  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_P9PU5FcMQ

obrigado
até a próxima vez

FDB

Realpolitik. Josh and his tutor.

Josh Frydenberg knows that Coal is ‘Good for Humanity’ also.

At last some good news from the Federal Liberal National Coalition. Just when we thought that Tony Abbott was done and dusted we’ve got Josh Frydenberg, telling us all that we’re glad opening up the Adani mine, because it’s a moral obligation to help poor bastards out in India by giving them the gift of eighteenth century technology. It’s a national imperative to help those without energy. Though the World Health Organisation cites coal, cow dung and charcoal as chief killers in the third world, coal according to Josh aint really that bad. And he also knows that ‘the human cost of not having energy is something that the environmentalists just don’t get’.

In his own words;

Mates Rates!! Maintaining the status quo.

‘Environmentalists just don’t grasp the moral virtue of coal exports’

Hang on Josh. At much cheaper cost we could equip all of the benighted villagers, (that’s code for non urban Indian peasants) with renewables at a quarter of the cost. But that would deny his mate, and his other mates in the Minerals and Energy Council a big windfall profit.

This way, the big end of town get a fat whacking profit, the obscenity of Mr Adani’s wealth just grows bigger, and whether you like it or not, though the poor and unwashed in India may appear to be gaining the wonder of energy to buy micro waves and watch reality television, they’ll get no benefit in the end. That’s because as you well know, there is very little wealth distribution ever for those on the lower rungs in Indian society. It is disingenuous to pretend to be helping the ” unwashed”. The fact that they are the poor and unwashed is an irrefutable part of being Indian. It’s the caste system you see. But it does point to the future for all of us, where elections are a charade of sorts to give the illusion of power sharing. Soon we’ll all be economic “untouchables”.

So it’s all very well for Mr Frydenberg, to talk about coal, and the uranium lobby does the same, but he ignores that it roots the planet and fucks up our children’s future for the sake of lining a few already well lined pockets.

But in a way, and please forgive my sermonising, this is the ‘first best instance’ of Josh, and his mates letting the electorate know that with the change of P.M, it’s business as usual. And business as usual is a two way street. We root Australia fuck up the Great Barrier Reef and fuck up India at the same time. And the best thing about it is that we demonstrate to the world at large that we are still amongst the most bloody minded, self serving insular and morally impoverished nations on earth.

And that Joshy old boy is something to be really proud of. Jeez, those coal lobbyists must have been shaking about what an ‘enthusiastic’ Turnbull government could have done to embedded, cosy mateship arrangements. But you’ve proven once and for all, that there’s still a long way to go before you and your mates will even consider anything other than the short term. As you well know; you make decisions for the 1 per cent. And like the old Benson and Hedges advert; ‘isn’t that all the time’.

 Brewster Aircraft Corporation Twin Buffalo

 In mid 1941, Units of no 22 squadron RAAF based at Sembawang became acutely aware of the need to upgrade and improve the offensive capability of their frontline fighter the F2B Brewster, then recently pressed into service as a consequence of the likelihood of Japanese expansionist aggression.

The story of the Brewster is a complex one. Its performance its inadequacies and numerous technical hitches contributed to flagging morale among aircrew. By the time General Wavell inspected the defences of Singapore the situation had become critical. Several submissions were made to the Brewster Corporation requesting advice. According to their engineers and citations; ‘the aircraft was superb both acrobatically and performed well without guns, radio, armour and fuel tanks’. However when loaded had a tendency to perform, in the words of the chief pilot, Flt. Lieut. Arthur Buggins, ‘like a slug’.

CIC Singapore. General Percival. The ‘Peter Principle’ personified!

 Nicknamed ‘the Flying Beer Barrel’ due to its portly shape the Brewster seemed doomed in anticipation of the oncoming Japanese onslaught. Outgunned, outmaneuvered, out-paced and outclassed by the emergence of the AM62 Zero.

 Distressed by the fatalism shown by the Australian, British and New Zealand pilots stationed at Sembawang, the chief artificer, Aircraftsman Walter Widget considered adapting the basic airframe for improved performance. His twin brother Cecil Widget an experienced pilot in his own right assisted in the development of what was then referred to as a “joint strike fighter”, and in actual fact it was thus joined. By incorporating a centre wing section the  Brewster’s were literally bolted together. They then increased both the capacity of the engine with additional boost and upgraded the machine guns and fuel storage to develop a truly versatile attack interceptor with considerable agility and speed at both low and high level.

 An initial display to assembled dignitaries on December 7 1941 was impressive with the twin Brewster Buffalo easily outperforming single Brewster’s in climb, manouverability and accuracy, directing a quadruple stream of 50 calibre fire from wing mounted guns and four nose mounted .303 Brownings. So impressed were the air staff and army officers that an immediate conversion was ordered with great promise, just as the first wave of Japanese bombers began to soften up the Singapore defences. The first two aircraft, nicknamed ; Double Trouble 1 & 2’ were instructed to investigate the progress of the capital ships, Force Z, HMS. Prince of Wales and Repulse and their escorts of RN and RAN destroyers off Khota Baru.

Glorious depiction of Force Z being ‘zeroed in’ on. Note foreground depiction of Betty Bomber releasing torpedo. Inscription on the side reads, trans: ‘End of Empire’.

The twin Brewsters’ were able to provide effective cover, though to improve capability, radio equipment and armour had been removed. This was to have tragic consequences.  After an extended period and low on fuel they were forced to return to base, this left the ships without air support at a critical time. Unbeknown to the pilots at the time, (also twins) the hybridizing of the Brewsters’ had an instantaneous and catastrophic effect upon the compass, reversing the polarity of the instrument as a result of interference from the double magnetos and increased electromagnetic stimulus. Catastrophically, rather than returning to Singapore, the aircraft flew on towards Saigon in the opposite direction where they were attacked by a squadron of Oscars. Defending themselves the Twin Buffalos, engaged the enemy and proved their agility and offensive capabilities by clearing the skies. Unfortunately winning several Oscars was not enough. Running desperately low on fuel the Brewsters’ crashed in to the sea and were not heard of again.

Air Vice Marshall Pulford questioning pilots of the Royal Dutch East Indies Air Force, ( MK-KNIL) on their claims for double pay incurred whilst flying double Brewsters. Note Twin Brewster in background.

Tragically the capital ships were later sunk and Air Vice Marshall Pulford, halted the launch of a complete squadron of twin Brewsters’ due partly to conflicting reports of their efficacy and  to save precious resources. He was also embroiled in a protracted dispute with Dutch authorities over the cost of converting single Brewster’s to twin configuration.  Sadly officials of the Royal Netherlands East Indies Army, (Militaire Luchtvaart van het Koninklink Nerderlands Indisch Ledger, ML-KNIL), wanted to pay for only one singular twin aircraft. To add insult to injury the Dutch pilots also demanded double pay for flying double aircraft. This protracted and heated payments dispute, infamously referred to as the “the Double-Dutchie” or the “Flying Dutch Oven” affair involved claim and counter claim which persisted right up to the fall of Singapore and Java. The dispute was only settled post war when the British Government agreed to pay for costs associated with training, as the Dutch persevered with twin pilots and claimed additional costs for training not specified in joint defence agreements. The Dutch government also claimed additional costs for servicing, spark plugs, magneto wear, and airframe shrinkage due to the tropical heat. Air Vice Marshall Pulford famously quoted Charles the Second, remarking, ‘In matters of business defer to the Dutch for giving too little and asking too much’. This did nothing to improve relations.

The remaining Brewsters were no match for the Zeroes, and none survived…recently an oceanographic exploration vessel located the original twin Brewsters’ in shallow water, where they are currently being restored and a new prototype developed as an alternative joint strike fighter for the RAAF, just in case the deal on the current ones falls through.

Brewster Twin Buffalo Specifications

Propulsion: Twin Pratt and Whitney Cyclone piston radial

Armament: 4 x .50 cal machine guns. 4 x .303 calibre Browning

4 x 250 lb bombs

Speed: 335 mph @ 15000 feet, 280 mph cruising

Range: 1200 miles

Weight: 4500 lbs

Operators: RAAF, RAF, RNZAF, ML-KNIL

An update from the Minerals and Energy Council.

Dear reader, we are seldom privy to the inner workings of a major player in the Australian Industrial/political scene. But, through a brief misadventure we have been given the recording of a recent conversation between the well established advertising firm, Farkyuse, (pronounced Fark-youse) Mr Richard, (Dick) Pullen and chief executives from the Minerals and Energy Council. We are also delighted to announce that present at the meeting in their stewardship role from the Federal Government were none other than Dick Warburton and Maurice Newman. To avoid confusion, we have captioned Mr Warburton as Dick 1, and Mr Pullen as Dick 2.

 Warning: we wish to advise our readership that there is in this recording constant and frequent coarse language.

Dick 1:                   Jeez, you buggers at Farkuse really stuffed up on the “Coal is Amazing” promo. Even the Queenslanders and the Westralian public thought it was lame. And you said it was ‘GILT EDGED’!! We’re flogging fucken coal mate it aint rocket science. It’s got an image problem, for one simple reason cos it’s shit.

Maurice:               Yeah, but it’s made quite a few of us fucken rich.

Dick 1;                  Allright, Rich Shit, (spontaneous laughter)

Dick 2:                  If I recall it was your department that suggested we go for broke on the “Amazing” theme.

Dick:                    Well the only amazing thing is we had to pull another 65 million from the CSIRO budget to fund the bloody thing. (guffawing)

Dick 2;                Well I suppose there’s always a silver lining, (much laughter)

Maurice;             To my thinking it proved about as gilt edged as Buddy’s move to the Swans. (more laughter)

Pause as sound of drinks being poured

Maurice:,            But seriously fellas, coal is looking like shit, it’s harder to move than Putin’s arsehole, so what are we gonna do to polish this little turd?

Dick 2:             Well there’s always the TAC, approach, frighten the shit outta them so bad they’ll be creaming for it.

Dick 1:             What and have it blow up in our faces, like the number you did on domestic violence, rated it’s socks off on youtube in Saudi Arabia and Islamabad for Chrissakes!!

Dick 2,             No, this time we’ve go a considered approach, we’ll hit em where it hurts most. We’ve got a big, bold plan, and it’ll get us outta the shit.

Maurice;             And how you gonna do that? We’ve got mums and dad’s crying foul over ‘amazing’, and every nimby basket weaving, lefty cunt in Australia worried about the fucken reef.

Dick 1;              He’s right, they’re now banging on about this latest coal mine employing 300 people, whilst the reef employs tens of thousands. We just can’t compete with ‘Green-wash’, it’s a flaming disaster.

Dick 2,              Hang on fellas, we’re gonna hit em where it hurts

Maurice:           What!!! Tell em if they don’t use coal their balls ‘ll drop off,

Dick 1:              or their tits’ll go saggy, (much laughter)

Dick 2:             No seriously fellas, this is a fucken beauty, we run it this way. I promised Gilt edged on the coal is amazing promo, but now we’re going for

“GUILT EDGED”. It’s a fucken winner.

We run this line that environmentalists don’t give a fuck about poor bastards in India. And that their bloody Balmain basket weaving nimby selfishness is KILLING PEOPLE.

Maurice:,            Isn’t that a bit far”

Dick 2;               Nah mate it all gets down to numbers. There’s a billion trillion of em over there, and we don’t give a fuck about em as you know, but the angle is, greenie wankers are stopping em from getting a head start and their killing them, all the time, just like if they were Iraqi’s or Syrians or Palestinians or an “endangered species” or something.

Dick 1;                What if they say that’s nonsense?

Maurice:             They can’t cos it slots em, and we’ll have all power of the Christian lobby and some sanctimonious turd like Bill Gates behind us. With a bit of luck the same smug natural fibre wearing tofu eating wankers who are into micro financing and all that lefty third world shit.

Dick 1;                But who’s gutsy enough and thick enough to push that whopping great lie, Barnaby wont do it after he fucked up on the Shenhua mine.

Maurice:             I know, we pulled another 200 mil from CSIRO to do an international search, (convulsive and sustained laughter) and lo and behold we discovered we have a little lifter right here amongst us. We’ve found another little unpolished turd in parliament.

Dick 1                 Yeah, but you’re forgetting that now Abbotts gone we’re fucked!!, And his intransigence cost him the job. No one in parliament will do the “Coal is good for humanity’ line again.

All of them:          And who’s gonna be stupid enough to do that?

Maurice:             Oh Leah, luv, you can let him in now.

Enters josh Frydenberg,

Maurice;            Joshy boy, Welcome to the family. (straight face). Find yourself an honest man in Parliament? That’s what we pay him for!! (uprorarious laughter)

C’mon Joshy give us a line

Josh;                 ‘Coal. It’s a moral imperative to save people from sudden death’!!

Maurice:            You fucken beauty

Josh;                 All of us need to fight SIDS, (Sudden Indian Death Syndrome) with COAL!

Dick 1:              Jeez, you’ve trained him well!!

Josh:                 Can I do the existential threat?

Maurice;             Steady on boy, don’t wanna crowd the airwaves…

All;                      You’ve got the gig Joshy, (much laughter and sounds of back slapping)