John Howard is worried about Marriage equality.

‘Who me”?

Australia’s second longest serving and arguably ‘best ever’ Prime Minister ever has expressed his concern for those caught up in the maelstrom of marriage equality. He wants to see protection for the vast swathe of organisations and services who will be caught up in the marriage equality fury.

Now lets be quite reasonable about this, he is no dog whistling homophobe. He’s just trying to ensure that the vast bulk of clean-living hetero folk out there are not forced against their will to participate in some of the awkward and disgusting things that gays make us do. Creatively, John mentioned a few, such as churches, of which he is a stalwart member being forced contrary to conscience and the edict of good man made laws having to serve gays against their principles of tolerance and compassion. Of good clean living catering organisations being forced by market imperatives or perhaps the threat of a ‘gay-lash’ to cater for them. He would’ve enumerated other worthy examples such as what might happen if a restaurant innocently took on a booking for a family function, only to discover it was a family of gays, or happy lesbians with young children or other fringe dwellers, (the mind boggles,). But I think Senator Bernardii intimated it might end up with half the party arriving all of a sudden with their partners who incidentally may be Dogs!!! Fancy that!!

“Friends”

Now to be quite fair this is a timely warning, and in all fairness it doesn’t smack of the low grade dog whistling politics the Howard government was famous for. It just lets mum and dad ordinary clean living australians know what might happen if a plebiscite ever got off the ground on gay marriage. Funnily enough there’s an election in a couple of days and Johnny’s timely input would have nothing to do with that. And that would be silly, cos Malcolm Abbott our PM is a champion of gays rights. He’s told us so, just as he’s a champion of the Great Barrier Reef, and tax reform, and bank enquiries, and all manner of things forward thinking australians would like to see. But with Johns message comes a note of caution. If the other lot get elected you’ll be forced to accept these types of people as people like you and ‘US’. And you’ve gotta admit he has a point.

Tampa 2001. ‘Glory days’

Hmmm, Bronze?, Clay?.. Mud?.. or just Pure Shit?

And that’s where John is a stellar performer. As he did in the 2001 election he reminds the electorate before they go headlong and commit a major disaster. Bit like this brexit thing. What’s really at stake? He reminds us of the little subtleties, normally forgot, that nibble away in the subconscious. If he didn’t perform this service, we, the electorate would be seriously under informed. A tragedy. John, you bloody legend, you not only keep us safe! Not only helped us to improve the lot of Iraqi’s and Afghani’s the world over, but inspired us by thinking big. Thankyou John, your bigness is what has made Australia what it is today, snide, insular, insecure and very very worried about things that don’t really matter unless your perspective on life, the universe and everything is irretrievably small.

Malcolm and SCOMO. Couldn’t find a safer pair of hands!

Dear reader it is not a tradition within this blog to prosletyse, nor it is for us, a common practise to patronise our learned readership. But occasionally on matters of true import, we must hold the tiller firmly. Occasionally, we feel honour bound to express as an editorial opinion the things we heartily believe in.

There can be no doubt. For stability and trust in economic management. We implore our readership to vote for Malcolm Turnbull. Stability is what you get with Malcolm. Since arriving as P.M, he has talked much. He proposed, the reform to taxes, the ideas, boom, the trickle down effect, marriage equality, the innovation boom, and most recently jobs and growth. He’s turned the hackneyed, idiocy of the the three letter slogan into a two letter slogan. That’s economy! He is a banker remember. Genius personified. And then, after twelve dull weeks. The longest election in Australia’s brief invaded history he’s asking us to trust him. And we at PCbyCP believe him.

And we ask, since he became PM ten months ago, what has Malcolm delivered?

Nothing!

That’s stability.

And there’s more nothing to come.

That’s progress.

All those peripheral issues, the death of the planet, the corruption of democracy through donations and cronyism and the hijacking of everything via a core of self interested, loony right wing christian fundamentalist ideologues, don’t matter. With Malcolm in control, (he’s a banker you know) we have stability. That’s reassuring. Don’t worry about education or healthcare, continued defunding is a certainty! Soon, and i’ll hold him to this, only the right sort of people will have access to medicine and education. And they’re right because they’re nicely dressed, and know other lovely people, who know what’s good for us, and shop correctly. And that is not an anarchy, a kleptocracy of the chinless wonders, but order and common sense.  As oft quoted dictators in the thirties used to say, the trains will run on time, ‘alles in ordnung’. And they’ll be all privatised. Who’d complain about that? And there’ll be jobs a plenty, like in the U.K after three decades of neo-con government. Some lower rung workers may get up to three dollars an hour. That’s jobs building upon certainty.

‘And they’re right because they’re nicely dressed, and know other lovely people, who know what’s good for us, and shop correctly’.

Please vote Malcolm. He’s defunded climate science, his party has killed the car industry and they’re getting rid of more green and red tape to make us free from worry and the threat of boatloads of foreigners. That’s the message from brexit, Stay Calm. Vote Malcolm, put one where it counts on the ballot paper, and remember for every one, that’s another big tick for stability. And Rupert. Because let’s get real, politics is just a sideshow, to amuse the masses. We know who really runs the country, a few people like Rupert. They’re very wealthy. And why? They’ve worked hard. They, (sometimes) may feel inclined to pay a little tax. And in doing so have earnt a right to be right. So don’t risk it. Change is too dangerous. It’s like Imagination or Empathy. Risky Business!

Or worse still, thinking begs the question, “ Is consumerism sustainable?

Chaos will follow. We don’t want that!

They have a word for Chaos in both Russia and China. ……‘Democracy’!

Latest from the U.K.

A scene from “Carry on Governing”, Crumbs! That’s torn it! Nanny will be really cross!

At last some common sense from Downing Street. The P.M in waiting Boris Shaggy, ‘love-able’, Johnson has reminded us all that we can return to the dear old ‘white colonies’ for sustenance. Imagine a future, a globe held together once again by the crimson thread of kinship, the familiar crack of ball on willow, and from every cathedral and chapel in every town the bells will ring out; ‘Praise Britannia, saved from the peril of Europe’. Just think even the little bits of South Africa not quite ‘coloured in’ will still get a chance to be in it!!

And from here at home

This week marks the dawn of a new era, and it is almost confirmed the rumour, (vigorously denied by the P.M in waiting Mr Tony Abbott) that Prince Charles shall be spending his twilight years as the next Governor General of Australia.

Without the economic inhibitors of a car industry, research and education debased to nothing much more than a processing factory, there’s a bright future for the manufacturing of new uniforms. And uniforms require medals. And who better than a real Prince to pin those medals on proud chests. And besides the other prince is dead.

pcbycp offering free Empire Strikes Back wall map for each reader who can correctly recite the names of all the former colonies and can successfully remember what it was all for.

The Empire Calls

Thats where the age old competition emerges. Right across the green and pleasant isle, people are awakening to the potentialities of leaving the corrupt, oligarchic European Union. Farage’s new dawn is positively blinding. Agricultural labourers, Industrial labourers, labourers labourers, will no longer be short-changed by Poles and Bolts. Now those Bolts and Poles wont have a bolt hole to go to. Not on our watch. Jobs will be filled by local peasantry. They voted for it. Now they can wear it! Working not for wages, ‘that’s so twentieth century’, but, for a roof over their head. In factories and warehouses, workers indentured to the new ‘Pathways to Prosperity”, ( Boris’s new initiative since selling off the NHS to Halliburton) will be working to ensure Britain becomes once again a powerhouse for manufacturing. And the people who own these factories have promised to leave aside at least, one percent for community development, and another one per cent (after profit) for  workers funerals.

It’s a challenge to the other leaders in the commonwealth. Are we up to it? The poms have once again pipped us at the worlds premier sporting event, The Commonwealth Games. Without so much as a bye your leave they’ve stolen the march by introducing five new events into the crammed games calendar. The host of the next Commonwealth games extravaganza, Lesotho is awhoop with excitement, and as we speak hordes of natives are laboriously doing what took the Brazillians years to not achieve, a full olympic stadia and concourse with pick and hand adze. Literally crafting their future with bare hands. A spirit of enterprise not seen since the days of Isembard Kingdom Brunel. And why might you ask? Because they’re working on this monumental nation building project on a mere one shilling a week. Evidence true of the trickle down effect.

Our medal tally is at stake. our skills base is deficient, Still there’s hope. Now that all scientific, postgraduate, and tertiary research finding has been diverted to the AIS. Within a couple of years to go we should be competitive in ‘Synchronised Morris Dancing’, the ‘Black Pudding toss’, ‘Hide the soap’, ‘Milk’s off dear’ and ‘Sustained Whinge’.

And we seek to balance the odds in our favour.

‘Either Conquer or Die’, howsabout just leave the E.U for starters?

Right now our government is lobbying the Commonwealth games committee to see if Roo shooting, Bigotry, Species Extinction, Broadcaster mysoginy and homophobia can get a guernsey. We’ve gotta concentrate on our natural strengths, and in sport, you can’t let the opposition get the jump on you. Glad to hear they’re also teaching proper history of how we made the empire at school and ditched all that black armband nonsense, and the benefits it give us to this day, benefits that some take for granted.

What did Baden Powell say, Be Prepared”!. And that we most surely are. We’ve been waiting all our lives.

Good ol Boris. A safe pair of hands.

Dear Oh Dear! How grim things can get. Blimey!

Doom and gloom predictions from newspapers and journalists the world over. All the lefties opining with bleeding-heart editorials how we’d stuffed our chance, and thrown ourselves into the abyss.

Gordon Bennet! It didn’t arf make me larf!!! The papers, would have you think the sky’s fallen in. Worse than climate change!. The Guardian and the Independent goin at it hammer and tongs, saying it’s a right whack from the have-nots!

Bollocks! That’s not what the Sun and Daily Mail think! And they’ve got a REAL readership!! The Germans are apoplectic. The Berliner Morgenpost and the Suddeuttscher Zeitung, are reeling. And wait for it, ‘a sense of deep disappointment”. Can you believe that? Whatta Nerve. The Frenchies have got it in for us also. No joy from Le Monde and Le Figaro. To quote the bleedin obvious, wouldn’t give a Figaro for what they think. And cop this, the Eyeties who couldn’t hold a government to save themselves for years and years are apoplectic. I mean I arks you? The truth be known, Do we care? Nyah! As Corporal Jonesey used to say; ‘We put it up em”! ‘They don’t like the bayonet’! We showed em at Omdurman!… We showed em. And they don’t like it!

There’s still roar in this ol lion!

They’ve (the 48 percenters and the rest of em) got it all wrong. This brexit thing had to happen, Got to the stage where you couldn’t see the wood for the trees. Or as we’d say, ‘the leavers from the Poles’ Ha ha. Get it!!

‘Never in the history of humankind has such a monumental fuckup been wrought by just a handful of idiots’. (attributed to Winston Churchill)

But c’mon it aint that bad. Boris and Nige will put it right. Didn’t the German foreign minister quote Nietzsche (who’s he when he’s at home?) “What doesn’t kill us, will only make us stronger’. Well aint he right, and fancy a German havin a sense of humour. But when the chips are down, you know we rally round. When Kaiser Bill sent over the Zeps thinking we’d chuck it in. “Are we downhearted’? went the cry, ‘No’! We just ‘packed up our troubles in our ol kitbag’, and didn’t we half laugh ourselves sick. Did we worry? Nyah! When we swarmed over the trenches and bled ourselves white on the western front for nuffink, did we falter? Nyah! When we told Mr Hitler, ‘he was kiddin’ did we worry we might offend? Nup! We stood firm and told him to “ Shut it”! We sure did. And you know why we stood up to him and any other tin pot foreign potentate? Because it’s a matter of principle. Pure and simple. It’s ‘axopneumatic’ as they say; Somebody’s gotta take the rubbish out. And that same somebody’s gotta stop more rubbish from coming in! In the end, we stood together and won. And don’t forget. Those were the best days of our lives.

These E.U busy-bodies, have got to be taught manners. That comes from breeding. Pure and simple. Foreigners lack breeding. They think that by dissing those europeans and other ‘worse’ foreigners we’ve committed national, or as it’s been put irrational hari kiri? C’mom China, it aint that bad. And the younger generation are dissed that we’ve blown their chances. They’ll learn. With crushing disappointment comes an eternal ‘home truth’ and a love of the flag. “There’s a silver lining, through the dark clouds shining’!

Ukip will lead us back to the Glory Days!

And just to let you know that there’s nuffink to worry about, Donald turned up in Scotland to have a big pow wow with the Big Chief. Big Chief? No silly! Not Cameron. Not Corbyn either stupid! Not even Boris. But the one great leader who stands alone to make the world go round. The Lord of Darkness himself. Not Darth Vader either stupid. But Rupert!

Quiz. Spot the Lord Of Darkness. (Thinks; ‘last time this many old people ran the world was in August 1914’.)

And did they all sit down and cry like a bunch of sissies? Nyagh! They had a good ol laugh. Just as we did, as we sang “Roll out the barrel” and ‘Down at the hole in the wall” when the Luftwaffe tried to blow us to bits. Well it aint bombs now, and their not raining on us either. We’re raining em on ourselves. Fancy that! And its fear of everyfink that’s got us going. So have a cup o tea. Sit in the ol comfy chair, turn on the wireless and listen to Arthur Askey, and George Formby. They’re performing at the Empire tonight with Tommy Hanley. And we’ll all have a good ol laugh. Gotta go now, Dame Vera is singing ‘Wish me luck” always an ol favourite.

You know, they’ve always been right. Ol Rupert, and his mates. What makes England great? It’s past. If only we had another war. That’d fix things up a bit.

Another war. We were really happy then.

Rupert tells us it’ll be over by Christmas.

God bless him.

He’s surely due for a knighthood by now.

Presented by our inestimable Poetry Editor, Ira Maine esq

John Dryden,(1631-1700)
Dryden, of whom we have spoken in the past, was the first of fourteen kids born to Erasmus Dryden and Mary Pickering, a family of saints and scholars. Dryden’s grandfather had been vicar of All Saints, their local church in Northamptonshire. He was also paternal grandson to another Erasmus Dryden (First Baronet) who was a staunch supporter of the Puritan cause. To add to all this he was distantly related to the extraordinary Jonathan Swift, Dean of St. Patrick’s Cathedral, Dublin and author of Gulliver’s Travels.

The 17^th century in England had done the unthinkable. Charles  the First, the King of England had been taken out and had his head chopped off by his own people. Poor old Charles. On becoming king he had begun to behave as if he were an absolute monarch. The parliament objected strongly to this, particularly as it threatened its own power. Out of this came the English Civil War. Charles went to war with Parliament and lost. He was imprisoned, tried, and found guilty of treason. Oliver Cromwell was one of the signatories to his death warrant.

Man proposes; God disposes…

Regicide, at the time, was an almost unimaginable crime. Not only was Charles England’s  sovereign lord, but he was also, as head of the church, (and just like the Pope) Christ’s representative on earth.The shock waves from this heinous crime are still being felt today.

Following a few years of barbarity, visited upon Catholics by Oliver Cromwell’s New Model Army in Scotland and Ireland,  Cromwell, the Lord Protector, died in his bed of natural causes.

Within two years,(1660) the monarchy was restored, Charles the Second came to the throne and one begins to wonder if perhaps the whole sorry nightmare might have been avoided.

The Royalists, to salve the collective regicidal conscience, at least now had someone to blame for the death of Carolus the First. In an orgy of revenge, they dug up Cromwell’s body, had it hung publicly in chains for a day or two and then, in a grisly climax, had the rotting corpse decapitated.

But Northern European, guilt-ridden Christian thinking, whether it be Catholic or Protestant, and tied irrevocably to the notion of terrible divine retribution, can’t shake off one simple notion; that simply by their allowing this regicide to occur, both Catholics and Protestants are all implicated somehow in the death and neither will escape God’s vengeance. The deaths of a few thousand micks is neither here nor there.

John Dryden lived through most of this turbulent century, wrote poetry and plays and attended Cromwell’s funeral in the illustrious company of John Milton and Andrew Marvell.

Interestingly, John Milton wrote his great work, ‘Paradise Lost’ as a married man. When his wife died, Milton wrote another extraordiary work entitled ‘Paradise Regained’!

Andrew Marvell wrote “To His Coy Mistress” which I have attempted to bring to my readers attention in these pages. He is one of the best poets in the language.

And now, without further ado…a poem of Dryden’s of  exquisite taste and sensibility…

This poem has no official title. It is known only by the poem’s first line.

Why should a foolish marriage vow
Which long ago was made,
Oblige us to each other now
When passion is decayed?
We loved and we loved, as long as we could,
‘Til our love was loved out in us both;
But our marriage is dead,when the pleasure is fled:
‘Twas pleasure first made it an oath.

END

An argument in favour of divorce, perhaps? Divorce of course, was not allowed in the Catholic Church. Interesting…

Crime and Punishment.  Originally dispatched on 15 September 2014

Goede middag vrienden,

My early education took place outside the “Empire on which the sun never sets”. I knew very little about inglaterra. My country of birth (The Netherlands) is know by all and sundry as ‘Holland’, similarly Great Britain or the United Kingdom was known to us Argentines as ‘England’.

I do recall learning in historia of the English attempts at gaining control of the Rio de la Plata, and of the brave denizens of Buenos Aires throwing boiling water from the rooftops onto los ingleses.

I vividly remember in our history books, the famous painting of the red coats surrendering to General Liniers, which thanks to the magic of the internet, I can now share with you all.

To those that want to sharpen up on the history of the British Empire, I can very strongly recommend the Flashman series by George MacDonald Fraser. The genesis of all that happens in Afghanistan, the Crimea, India, Africa, Borneo etc. etc. and just about all the “trouble spots” in the world is all there for everyone to read in those books.  When the U.S.S.R. invaded Afghanistan, I exasperatedly exclaimed to a mirror “Haven’t they read Flashman”? They quite clearly had not. Neither had the coalition of the willing. Yes indeed,

fools rush in where angels fear to tread… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T4BlDZjnLXs

In ‘Flash for Freedom’ Sir Harry is about to betray the escaped slave ‘girl’ Cassy to the slave catchers (to save his own skin). When she realises this, she chases Flashman across the icefloes of the Ohio River wielding a kitchen knife. The emancipists assumed that Flashman had saved Cassy. It was this ‘heroic’ effort that inspired Harriet Beecher Stowe’s scene of Eliza saving her baby from the slave catchers by crossing the icefloes of the Ohio River. After reading Uncle Tom’s Cabin, the illustration of Eliza clutching her child whilst crossing the river stayed with me in the recesses of my mind.

A girl of about 12, together with some friends went on a crime spree in Yuendumu (numerous break-ins and petty thefts). Her father decided to put a stop to this and gave her a hiding. As a result he is now doing a long stretch in gaol where he has joined the many Warlpiri men that are incarcerated. His daughter in his absence has gone on to vandalize the dialysis facility and set fire to the youth centre office. A whole generation of Warlpiri children is growing up without male role models in their immediate families. The long term effect on the Warlpiri social fabric of this, can only be guessed at.

Fairly recently I witnessed what may well have been a crime. A legally sanctioned crime that is.

A police vehicle and an NT Government vehicle pulled up outside the Yuendumu Clinic. A while later I saw a lady emerge carrying a baby. The image in my memory came alive, except there were no icefloes and it wasn’t the child’s mother rushing to the vehicle. Both vehicles drove off in a westerly direction, I don’t know whence, and I

don’t know why…  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO4dxvguQDk

There may well be a perfectly rational and acceptable explanation for what I saw. I don’t know if I witnessed a legally sanctioned crime or not. It all happened in a flash.

What I do know however is that at present a larger number of Indigenous children are being removed from their families and societies than during the now infamous so called ‘Stolen Generations’

An Apology is meaningless if the authorities don’t learn from their mistakes and continue to repeat them.

Sometime in the future yet another apology will be called for.

Sorry seems to be the hardest word….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2e4NlnLr28

…sorry, sorry, sorry…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=drNqZWzj5GY

……. It’s never too late to say sorry….

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSpjH4bOaBY

Tot de volgende keer, 

Frenk

The Royal Society. Great meeting of artists and scientists. Proven non measurable outcomes.

Malcolm‘s right.

There needs to be a greater emphasis on maths in schools. If you can’t do the basics you shouldn’t be at uni. Our OECD ranking is falling and unless we take drastic measures, we’re stuffed. Maths makes for a better society. It’s quite simple, you get fifty billion and divvy it up to the laziest core group of rent seeking parasites in history, (the Australian Business Council) and watch ‘the trickle down effect’ deliver, (.05 % benefit) to the rest of the community. That’s how maths works!

Malcolm knows a lot about maths, he was a merchant banker fer chrissakes. He knows how to flog public assets. And when he really really promises to leave medicare alone, you know, (dumb, pliant, coerced, supine electorate) that his promise holds true. As true as that made by the previous PM Tony Abbott when he cracked lyrical about ‘no cuts to education and health care’. Julia did the same when she said there’d never ever be a carbon tax.

Aristotle at the school of Athens, (Raphael).  Artists Mathematicians, Philosophers and Writers. USELESS! Not one successful real estate manager or football club president among them.

Historically there has been a strong correlation between artistic and scientific exuberance. Good thing we don’t study history, because we don’t want a flourishing, exuberant society. A bludgeoned one will do fine. That’s what maths 101 teaches. That words are just superfluous. The real truth lies in the numbers. On that you can bet. Numbers don’t lie, it’s just how you interpret them. And for interpretation, you require some understanding of nuance, language, philosophy, history and humanity. Worthless junk. The last thing we need in our society is people versed in the art of interpreting ‘Us’, and where we’re heading. It could question the “trickle down effect”

Einstein. Studied mathematical theory and posessed imagination. Useless!! Couldn’t win a chook raffle.

Still maths is very useful it makes for a better education system. For things that can’t be measured; thought, imagination, colour, humanity, they’re best ignored. And by ignoring all those ancillaries, we can arrive at a beautiful set of numbers. New education is a boon for the future, no need for arts faculties. Arts and humanities have already been devalued as part of the ATAR ranking, (quite rightly) which leaves maths as the sole determinant, for those who want to do valuable things at university like Masters of Business Administration and Commerce . And they make money because to all intents and purposes they’re paid for by the taxpayer, from the bounty of flogging public assets to merchant bankers.

By getting rid of all those annoying humanities the general funding stream is clarified according to proven business principles. Establish certainty by closing theater and de-funding artists. Ignore writers, close publications and stifle any art movement that is labelled “contemporary”. Encourage people to think and follow the certainty of numbers.

Maurice Newman. Fmr Chair of stock exchange, businessman, and climate science denier. Wealthier by far and more influential than Aristotle, Einstein and Raphael. Proof perfect that maths and business go hand in hand.

Banks like numbers, it’s what keeps them in the black. When banks go bust it’s because someone forgot to look at the numbers. But banks aren’t too worried cos they know, (bit like negative gearing), that the innumerate, the inarticulate and the lesser educated will be picking up the tab. That’s where numeracy leads us, to the inevitable conclusion that there’s only one number that counts, and that incidentally is the number One.

Malcolm Turnbull could count, and did read a book, (occasionally). Leading the future of Australian numeracy and inventiveness.

It’s happening right across the globe, as a nice adjunct to globalism. The state is dismembered bit by bit by good merchant bankers who reliably, and courteously deliver it to the the one percent that counts. And in Malcolm’s case both he and Rupert are extremely glad. And that’s how democracy works.

Upcoming romamtic comedy. ‘Four tossers and a wedding’. The gold standard of the IN vote.

Christ what if the Poms really leave the E.U?

The banks are really worried.

Rupert is spewing either way.

Even Bob Geldoff is spitting chips. He don’t like Monday’s but Thursdays’ may prove to be shit-house!!

Gold Standard of the Brexit brigade. Nigel Farange. (former leader of the silly party)

Meteorite showers are expected, spontaneous combustion of citizens predicted, and an enormous wall (clearly visible from the moon) will rise up from the channel and separate the U.K once and for all from foreigners!

It means just for a start that all those foreign types from Europe will have to wait in the foreign persons queue. Just as we did when the poms dumped us and joined the foreign market. Now, they, (the wogs, frogs, spiks, wops, dagoes, krauts, slavs, poles and balts) can understand what it feels like to be slagged by the bean keepers in number 10. Lest we forget. The taxes we paid in blood to the last shilling and the noble sacrifice made by the aussie heroes of yesteryear in the glorious tradition of imperial sacrifice to die nobly and preserve the eternal crimson thread of kinship that united us with the other white colonies. Only to be dumped by the poms. Not that we’re bitter. It’s not in the Australian psyche to be chippy…… (much)

Former P.M demonstrates that there is still much of France that needs to be in-filled with memorials. ( the children weere counselled post encounter)

Now they can have a dose of their own medicine, and they, (the aforementioned) never made the sacrifice we made to make the Empire great. And just in case they, (the Europeans) ever forget, we’ll make damn sure that there’s not a Paris end of Paris that’s not annointed with a fully decked out memorial to the bold, noble, sacrifice of gods own country in keeping the bastards cilvilised. That’s the price you pay for freedom. And choice. Give Europe the flick. Never done us any good ever!!

Compassionate Nigel demonstrates tide of humanity sweeping all before it. Yearning for the Australian approach, ‘throw away the key’!

Keeping the U.K free.

Future U.K national costume. A return to taditional values.

Someone suggested that the reason the poms are going breakaway, is because they don’t want any more gyppos and wops from North Africa, who are fleeing as a consequence of what we’ve done to civilise them. That could be partly true, others say it’s payback for those filthy frogs who still think they won the bloody war, (not the 1st one but the one that ended in 1815). And then, there’s even more that just say, ‘enough is enough, we’ve had it up to here with you europeans, and if you just left us alone we’ go back to our eternal village, be conscientious shop keepers, and wear woad, and listen to the druid, and share a belief in Woden.

And the rest of you wogs can go to hell. We know you’ll still seek us out if you require tweed, and there’s always going to be a calling for one of our royals to wave the flag and open the odd public toilet. But you never ever played cricket and even if you tried, you’d never understand the rules of the game. As for the colonies they’ve long gone, and we don’t need them. We, (the band of loyal Saxons) have jute to sow, and mead to brew. Though we may lose our status of first choice for dodgy money, we’ve got enough bent money from tin pot plutocrats, russian oligarchs and the british administered tax havens to keep us indefinitely. That’s what gives us the right to tell you all to (politiely) fuck off.

The only principle that counts… MONEY!

Europe’s like  family.

Just cos they’re family, doesn’t mean you have to like em.

Rule Britannia!

Geraldine Gee, Furious at sexist remarks made by footy heads.

Dear reader, it has come to our light that last week Geraldine Gee (football commentator), wife of parliamentary contender for the seat of Higgins Gerry Gee was the butt of a sustained and vicious attacks by the mainstream football commentariat. Compellingly the fracas has taken the election off the front page!

The other contenders in the general election, described by Gee as ” just puppets”.

In a sustained rebuttal she described the President of the Littler-Little league, Mr Eddie McGhoul’s sarcastic and inappropriate remarks  about her as just another example of the systemic sexism in footy -culture.  McGhoul made particular reference to her size, and his desire, (amid sustained laughter) to push Geraldine into the Club Loo, and give her the royal flush, and then (to uproarious laughter), promise to leave Geraldine suspended thus, until she was thoroughly “cleaned-up”.

Putative member for Higgins, silenced by his minder for making derogatory comments on the ‘other puppets’.

Asked what ‘cleaned- up” meant he replied, ‘acquire a sense of bloody humour, for chrissakes’! Mr McGhoul no stranger to good natured sexism, racism and height-ism defended his banter by suggesting, that Gerry’s half brother, the famous full forward, Darky McDark was wrong in taking offence at his King Kong joke. He still can’t see what the fuss was all about. In Eddies own words, “it was bad enough last year when I got hauled over the hot coals for making the King Kong jokes about Darkie McDark, and suggesting he fly through the ring at Ashton’s Circus. I cannot believe that my suggestion to Give Geraldine Gee the royal flush would upset anyone’.

‘For a start apart from the very obvious fact that she’s a Sheilah, she clearly can’t take a joke.

Mr and Mrs Gee, attend the Party launch in East Kew.

My advice, it it’s too hot in the kitchen , just get out of the fire, or as we like to say, if it’s too hot in the pie warmer, don’t put the footy franks in. And besides, when Alan Macalister cracked the joke about Nicky Winmar;

‘As long as they conduct themselves like white people, well, off the field, everyone will admire and respect … As long as they conduct themselves like human beings, they will be all right. That’s the key‘

It went down a treat. Cos that’s what we want to let people know. When you support a mighty club like Colonwood, you’re part of a big family, and in a family you’ve gotta be honest about things and not poonce about with wishy washy definitions and political correctness. It’s a competitive sport, and if you star pooncing around with a rose up your arse, you’re not gonna make it on the field. And for Gerry to get upset about a bit of good natured fun directed at Geraldine, shows he’s not only a pansy, but he knows nothing about the game of football.

Gerry and friends at the Littler- league extravaganza, attended by Eddie McGhoul and Spam Spewman.

And besides, she’s probably still narky she can’t get a gig on the footy show, where we’ve been towel flicking, and wedgie-ing blokes in the change-rooms for years. And when we used Geraldine as a prop for one of our practical jokes dressed in a bra and nothing else, we laughed so much our host, the love-able, Spam Spewman had to be carried off in a stretcher. And that folks is a legitimate footy injury, and did Spam cry foul? Nup he just took it straight, like a man.

That’s footy, that’s the culture we live with, and if Geraldine wants to get on her high horse and get upset she’s got no place in the change-room. If  women get this women’s league cranked up, there’s no end where it’ll end. We might even get women on the boards of footy clubs, and not just irrelevant ones like Footscray. No woman will ever get onto the head of the board of Colon-wood, cos how would they cope with the end of the year footy trip? And besides there’s no women’s loos on the charter.  After we’ve hosed the deck down after the night before, who’s gonna cry ‘woman overboard”?

That’s not sexist. It’s a statistic.

A footy fact.

Artful Arty. Taking care of business.

Disturbing rumours that Gerry Gee also barracked for Fitzroy. PCbyCP Investigative team looking into it. Of much greater interest than the election.

All this corruption. The Liberals have been doing this dodgy deal whereby tax payer funds are siphoned by members allowances, (paid by us) to go straight back into the party coffers. Everyone’s a bit crook about this. They reckon it’s dishonest and fraudulent behaviour. Not so say the Liberals, its just that other parties have mis-interpreted the mechanism of funds allocation. The public are once again mis-informed. ‘It’s a bit like this’; says artul Arty Sinodinos, “like the free enterprise foundation, it’s key in ensuring that funds are delivered to us, and though you may think it’s a subterfuge to circumvent laws and restrictions to curb corruption. It’s free enterprise at work. And if you’re asking me how it works I have no idea. Never even knew about it, and trust me I should know as i’m the party treasurer’. No corruption there. And besides Labor does it also’.

David Feeney, about to be run over by a tram.

The house David forgot about. Can’t blame him, held hostage by the GREENS!!

David Feeney has a raft of investment properties. He’s a Labor man, and he’s hopping mad about all these people who are not paying the right amount of tax, who are rorting the system, and getting off scott-free by allowing the poorer bastards in society to pay for their lifestyle. Turns out that Feeney is up to his armpits in negative gearing, and he forgot to let anyone know. That’s cos he didn’t know himself. Turns out it’s not a good look, and he’s looking like a hypocrite, but the like Arthur, he can’t be blamed. Owning a portfolio of investment properties is tricky business, and you can get careless.

Relaxed and Comfortable, Richard de Natale.

Richard de Natale, has a maid for looking after the kiddies. That’s fair enough, nothing wrong with that, as a progressive socially liberal person he’s entitled to have a nanny, (‘Nurse Carstairs’ to the rest of the family) to look after Hyacinth and Tarquin. It might appear to other green tinged voters that such behaviour suggests a lifestyle that is out of kilter with tree hugging and same sex marriage. But, as Rick is at pains to point out, they have a busy lifestyle, and though the nanny reckons she was underpaid, it’s not fair to point the bone. She was paid above the award rate. What’s the award? we asked, “ somewhere between abject and grotesque poverty”! But he made sure those entitlements were met, cos being a green he has a social conscience, and though he can’t stump up the paperwork, he ‘s working on it. Like Arty, and David, he’s onto it!! So please, public, be fair.

The De Natale family nanny, ( ‘Nurse Carstairs’) demonstrating her obsession with cleanliness. An undisputed part of being truly Green.

Which brings us to the vexed issue of party donations and the secret funding that seems endemic. There’s absolutely no need for an enquiry, and whilst we’re at it there’s no need for an enquiry into the banks also. Everything is just fine, an the public whilst they’re under the delusion they’re part of the system will just have to wait. Like Parakeelia, it’s all under control and in good hands, People you can trust. Trust with business, and keeping the country under control. Official process, checks and balances and ‘wooty wooty woo woo’. Can’t tell you what ‘wooty wooty woo woo’ is. It’s a secret code shared between all the parties, and to the public it’s a no go zone.

Be fair, there’s gotta be some secrets in politics. And besides, it’s for our own good.