Yumi Stynes is on the right. Kerri is appalled at the word “racist” being directed at her by someone of “foreign” ancestry.

Chesty understood mainstream Australian values.

Dear reader, if the perils of Theresa May in Brexit talks with the EU aren’t bad enough the plight of Kerri-Anne on telly is worth a look. We understand Mays plight it’s almost existential, the poms wanted to get out of the filthy stinking EU and demonstrate their independence. Trouble is no one ever thought how to go through with it, let alone a process. And though they tie themselves in knots the Europeans, (of whom Britain steadfastly refuses to be alligned with) say, “Non”, “Ni”, “ Nicht”, “Nein” and whatever passes for “No” in Laplandish. So back and forth May goes with the clock ticking and the public, (silly buggers) have just woken up to what have signed up for. The halfpenny has dropped. The so-called leaders are clueless. They’re buggered. But there’s  a fall back position. In the end, they can resort to tradition, and blame it on the Irish. With a train wreck of stratospheric proportions there’s some comfort in reasserting traditional values. 

Our Special Envoy for Aboriginal Australia Tony Abbott investing kiddies with mainstream Australian values.

Traditional values are under serious threat in Australia. On Telly, Kerri-Anne who is loved by those who vegetate in special accomodation homes, the underemployed and those in the queue at Centrelink, the reality is too much to cope. Kerri was doing just what Mal Brough, Tony Abbott Kevin Rudd, and Tony Abbott did in by banging on about the wretched state of aboriginal behaviour. Kiddies, Mums, the whole bloody family structure as we know it being cruelly raped. Kerri quite correctly drew the connection between aboriginal raping, (for which she reminded the tv audience that’s all they’re known for) and the desire to remove Australia Day. You’ve gotta admire Kerri, she has conviction. Probably supports that man of conviction Tony Abbott in being the special envoy for aboriginals. If only the aboriginal Australians had such convictions and leadership they wouldn’t be cranky on Australia Day. 

Unwilling individual being invested with mainstream Australian values by special envoy for Aboriginals.

But the facts of morning telly are irrefutable, Rapes only happen in Aboriginal communities. Rapes do not happen in the “other world’. The “other world”world you may ask?. Yes the world “we’ live in , where rape if it did occur would only be via a misunderstanding between clean living people. Or some catastrophic and unheard of intervention on behalf of a priest and a kiddie bestowed to his care. Or any mother or, a battered wife, or the dead partner left to rot by a righteously  immature male. But that’s the exception. Only Vile Rapes happen in the aboriginal community and Kerri-Anne should know, she visits them like Tony often. 

So as Kerri-Anne was holding forth Yumi Stynes, intervened, “that sounds like pretty racist language” and all hell broke loose, 

And before you can say “will Bill ever visit Rupert?, the Murdoch press went into a frenzy.. 

“Who the Eff is Yumi Stymes”? they ask. Turns out here DNA is definitely not of the Chesty Bond variety, and like that other trouble maker, Yassmin Abdel Magied, she can bugger off. 

And allow the clever debate about culture wars to move on. A victory for mainstream Australian values, and like Brexit, a victory for common sense of the lowest common denominator type. 

Troublemaker questioning mainstream Australian values on Q& A. Angry perhaps that Q&A never ever got the recognition it deserved for starting the Intervention.

Onya Rupert. 

It’s almost Australia Day and hundreds of us are in line for an award.

Sadly, as unpublished research by my firm Lateral Economics reveals, many will get it for little more than doing their job. And the higher the job’s status, the higher the award.

Governors General, High Court Justices and Vice Chancellors of major universities would hope for the highest Companion of the Order (AC). Professors, public service departmental heads and senior business people should hope for the next one down – an Officer of the Order (AO). School Principals would generally slot in next for Members of the Order (AM).

If you’re lucky, or you’ve done your job extraordinarily well, you’ll be promoted one rank, but that’s pretty much it.

We reward most the already rewarded (The Conversation). (Gruen)

So bloody true

Cecil and I got quite excited. 

Not normally as excited as we do before Guy Fawkes night, and possibly because it was fun, and a little dangerous and the Do Gooders BANNED IT, but just about as excited as we used to get on Empire Day. 

“Empire Day” you may ask? 

Well before Australia Day, Empire day was just the ticket. There’d be a bonfire. We’d build a massive one, and the kids from all around would throw on empty chairs, old tins, bits of material left over from the war, and just odd stuff found around the neighbourhood. And off it’d go “WHOOSH’!!  And we’d clap and cheer and congratulate ourselves upon being part of the most CIVILISING thing EVER. A part of the British EMPIRE!. It made us proud to be SOMETHING!

Clary O’shea, wanted to bring an old oxy cylinder, and put it on top, but we all said; ‘nah, you’re not welcome cos you’re a BLOODY Catholic and we‘d rather BURN you instead”. We pissed ourselves laughing. 

Cecil on Guy Fawkes Night

But still. We all got excited, and just for the fun of it Dad asked Warragul and a couple of the old natives who lived down by the creek that if they’d behave emselves they could come along and watch. 

We all waited for the Bonny to start. For a bit of fun Roy Tomkinson chucked a whole 44 gallon drum of Av gas he’d had left over from servicing Wirraways when he was an aircraftsman at Point Cook. And the best part when Warragul bought up his family from the creek it was precisely the time that the AV gas was let go. Me and Cecil were behind the Anderson Shelter wearing tin helmets left over form Tobruk that Uncle Morrie had bought back. WE reckon that the special thing about Empire day it had a sort of Anzac thing to it, you know of blokes getting killed on some foreign field so that they may be a little bit more Aussie. 

Cecil about to let off the rocket that Dudded Grouchy Johnson’s eye.

The bloody thing went off at precisely the split second Warragul and his mob turned up. Jeez they didn’t half run for it, their hair on fire, and everyone of us, comatose through laughter, Seriously the funniest thing you’d ever seen.  They were good times. 

But now something has changed. Warragul and his mob have gone crook on Australia Day. Must be something about gay marriage or the fact the Bob and Dolly Dyer aint on telly. But the truth of it is that Australia Day aint the same. 

And the worst of it, Cecil has been lacing boots for the Bundanyabba Buggers for fifty years, we keep putting his nomination in and as per usual NOTHING!!

Not every one was happy about Empire Day either.

Only fuckn lawyers pollies and bureaucrats get em. Normal people are left out, Worst still we found that Warragul got one for community service, Howzat? Bastards nearly one hundred and never even worked for a living, and he reckons Australia Day is colonial bullshit or something, 

That’s the problem with it, they’re so bloody ungrateful. For being Civilised.

And the bastards who get em EXPECT IT. 

Still, I’ll put in Cecils nomination next year. He might win. 

All in good fun!!!

Cos you know as they say in the classics, You’ve gotta be in it to win.

HMS Endeavour discovers SYDNEY. Sydney Day and CIVILISATION began on 26th Jan. This will be written into LAW. To preserve, ” Mainstream Australian Values”.

Fantastic news from Canberra, in a first ever for an outgoing government the Morrison Government has unveiled plans to build a fleet of replica refugee boats and sail them round Australia. 

It will celebrate the 47th anniversary of the first Vietnamese refugee boats that arrived in Australia. 

In a joint venture with the French submarine manufacturer, each refugee boat, intricately detailed and absolutely perfect as a relic will as it makes its way around the coast be shunned, isolated, left to rot, or just ignored. The human cargo made up of volunteers sourced from Elon Musks Mars mission have agreed to die if they can get exclusive rights, to facebook coverage, twitter feeds and instagram. 

Almost fifty years since first boat arrived on Australia Day.

This is a once in a lifetime Journey. 

And when they perish the corpses will be sent to Manaus island as potting mix. So that we may bring soil and resource to destitute lazy unhealthy would-be migrants (illegal immigrants) who failed in their efforts to get here. 

The Dutton, demonstrates its facility for killing its occupants…… slowly.

A special envoy, Mr Kevin Rudd, has been selected to lead the flotilla. ‘At first we thought of just one, but like my autobiography, why settle for one, when you can have three,  bit like Columbus in reverse. Instead of the “Nina”, the “Pinta” and the “Santa Maria”, we’ll have the “Hopeless”, the “Useless” and the “Dutton”. It’s a bit like Cook in reverse, instead of being ‘founded’, we’ll symbolise “Un-founded” as an appropriate metaphor for those who choose the refugee lifestyle. 

The “Dutton”, the biggest ship is actually an old prison hulk, guaranteed to sink and absolutely guaranteed to give all the inhabitants, (Tuberculosis, scurvy, dysentry, cholera, scrub typhus and retribution. ) At the launching the Minister for Border protection and Nazi-era uniforms proclaimed; “Because being an ex copper I understand the value of fear and retribution! It’ll be just like a real refugee boat, but with more theatre”. 

The first wave of “Boat People” demonstrating “Gratefulness”. Though none of them knew of Bradman’s batting average.

Don Bradman. Famously led the batting for “Australian Values” on Australia Day.

With exclusive rights to the voyage Fox news anchorperson Peta Credlin will be on hand to let out electric eels, sharks, stone fish and sea wasps if the volunteers should decide to swim for it. “It’ll teach em the Australian way’!. As none of them know Bradman’s batting average they can learn the hard way, just the journey from Melbourne to Brisbane will take 99.9 days and when they get there, the survivors use sign on for another 99.9 till there’s no one left. It’s symbolic, not the voyage, but the courage and determination as a nation in meeting out punishment. We were going to crowd the ships with Aborigines, but we’ve got better plans or them, and besides they’re so used to suffering they wont play up to it on reality tv. 

And by demonstrating as Cook did by sailing round the world the superiority of British technology as a seapower we can demonstrate to the world at age that as an island we are fantastically insular. 

Whilst the time the refugee re-enactment fleet has made its way around the coast they’ll be entirely empty. To represent thinking in Australia, as empty vessels they’ll be best suited to convey our singular defining principle. Empty symbolism. 

Top end locals not being grateful enough to be ruled by Her Majesty. Years ago they we FORCED to show their Gratefulness!

To make empty symbolism an art form. 

And speaking of Symbolism, we have it on good authority that Cecil’s AO is in the bag. 

A full report on Monday. 

Don’t miss it. 

Barry O’ Sullivan. Made huge sacrifices for all of us so that he could own thirty two properties.

Barry O Sullivan’s  a National. He represents Real Australians. He’s got 32. Poor old David Bushby only had one. Poor bastard. Only one residential investment property on his register of interests. No wonder why he had to quit. That’s why out of  sympathy Scott Morrison “ SCOMO” to his mates gave him the plumb job of being the Consul General  for Chicago. Poor bastard. Got a wife and kids and when the Morrison government is turfed he’ll need a safe place to recuperate. And he’s had a hard time of late. Voted against same sex marriage, voted against the resource rent tax, changes to tax legislation, Banking Royal Commission,  you name it.   Abo’s, single mums, LGBTI’s, the poor, the NDIS, he’s dead against any of them.  He stands by principles, Good Christian values as did Barnaby. Of being decent. And knowing that if you’re poor it’s cos you’re bloody lazy. 

Being a pollie guarantees you don’t have to mingle with the filthy tax- paying public on Grand Final Day.

Bushby worked hard to stop any new national parks, repealed environmental controls, worked to stop big business paying tax, and worked to help his mates in mining get a bigger share of the cake. They need it. Since the glory days some of them have even been made to pay a few cents in the dollar of tax. 

King Hitters of Tassie politics. What’s the definition of four Tassie pollies?, A family.

Bit of a tossup for the Morrison government now it’s into final days in the bunker, the safe jobs are hard to find, only thing left is cushy overseas postings or special envoy for Abo’s and farmers.  Perhaps  he could’ve got a gig with the Australia Day Committee, erecting Captain Cook statues and Anzac Day. To remind kiddies of the ‘correct’ Australian history, according to old white men.   In the SCOMO govt you can go a long way by being loyal and trusted. And know how to turn a blind eye to mate-ship, cronyism and corruption.  Without our mates we’d all be stuffed. There’d be merit based system and that wouldn’t do. Worse still a cushy posting could go to a foreigner, a person of colour or even worse a sheila. Good on ya David! For resigning from parliament for the sinecure you demonstrate PRINCIPLE. You’ve proven that whats good for you is all part of serving. There’s sacrifice, it gets cold in Chicago and their beer aint a pinch on Boags or Cascade. And politics in America, you know its crazy, the Abo’s over there weren’t knocked off properly as your forbears did in Tasmania and they’re just as cranky, Helluva posting. 

Still as Joe Hockey did when he got the plumb job in Washington you’ve worked hard. Joe closed down the car industry, what’ve you done?

Most important principle about being an Aussie politician, looking after somebody else’s interests to serve your own interests.

Bushby prepares for Consul General Chicago pozzie. A noble sacrifice.

Well just by serving, you’re up for an AO. Cos you’ve done quite a bit for your mates you may even get an AM, and if no-one is looking, there’s possibly a Presidential honour. Donald like blokes who toe the line and don’t get too uppity. He hates smart BASTARDS! They rely too heavily on logic and analysis. Being from Tassie you know that’s BULLSHIT. That’s why you’ll work well for Australia interests in Chicago. Might even get a job as a lobbyist afterwards as Andrew Robb did. No-one had ever heard of you beforehand, and though you aint got thirty or more properties like Barry o Sullivan who works hard for the cotton industry so they can Kill OFF the Murray Darling, you’ve done some heavy lifting for forestry and mining. And in your own little way helped cleanse Tassie of its biota. 

Perhaps you’ll return someday? But whatever the cost you’ll know that it’s because of you, and your ilk, the electorate thinks the way they do about our political system. Because ultimately when push comes to shove, you put yourself first. Be honest that’s the spirit. Looking forward to seeing your gong on Australia Day.. Your reward for doing right by the authentic code  of “mate ship”. Mate ship for a ship of state. And better still…you’ve earnt it. 

A riposte to the previous post. 

Things are not that bad

Kelly O’Dwyer demonstrates in spite of high viz safety beach patrol swim wear she was still invisible to ranks within the Liberal Coalition

Labor if elected promises to spend up to 57 million dollars if elected on teaching kiddies to swim. 

O’Dwyer and Bishop praise young boy for divine right of leadership within the coalition. Something they may only dream of.

Scott Morrison demonstrates value of PM salary in guiding B Double pram into pre-school.

This is leadership. And demonstrates a clear distinction between the retrograde, conservative unelectable rump of the Liberals and the progressive, socially conscious agenda of Labor. Though other initiatives such as tax reform, inequity and the destruction of the environment are issues that need to be discussed in great detail the initiative to have an inquiry into the Murray Darling Basin demonstrates decisive leadership. We can only hope that the enquiry into the Murray Darling Basin will be “Hard Hitting”. Perhaps in due course a white paper will demand a tough stance. We can also expect that after submissions from states and territories a clear plan may unlock the conundrum of what’s wrong on the Murray Darling. And with a bit of luck a new legislative process may be developed that will give real clout to the authority. Or better still an allied authority with similar powers. To signify real change a new raft of logos’ corporate t-shirts and baseball caps may be designed and distributed to primary school children as a tool to understand the  biota and the fact that something profound is being done.

Kelly points the way forward, ignored by PM.

Contemporary Labor is all about change, just like they tackled child poverty under Bob Hawke. Kids don’t live in poverty these days, and Bob, our greatest PM in. living memory can rest easy that he promoted real change.

Under Labor we may even expect an enquiry into the equity of University Fees, education and greater access for the marginalised. It was Labor that repealed the notion of free university education to make Australia truly competitive, and gave us the corporate model of HECS and the proliferation of universities as technical colleges. To grow markets and provide stellar opportunities for overseas students. The radical, challenging, and non conformist role that universities now play in contesting social norms as a consequence is spell binding. As spell binding as compulsory superannuation in making Australians deeply conservative and terrified, (quite naturally) of radical social reform. 

Kelly Multi-skills. Under Labor, THIS WILL CHANGE!

And on a final note the intervention, augmented and improved under the Rudd Government stands as a shining testament to Labor principles. One can only hope that along with the continued destruction of the biota, the indices of Aboriginal incarceration and loss of dignity on a catastrophic scale will continue for THEIR OWN GOOD! By maintaining the Fascist deterministic paternalistic policies of subjugation, Labor will prove its credentials and demonstrate nobly as we saw in the 20-20 summit a capacity to gather the most learned and expert minds to achieve a plan that will rot somewhere in a parliamentary alcove. 

This and more demonstrates reasons for Hope. Gone the hate filled agenda of the Coalition , and a return to the love and maternalistic embrace of the Labor. Rest assured Australia will still be open for business and the light on the hill will offer for those select few a sinecure, the certainty of self adulation and the determination that beyond the symbolism nothing will change. 

 “Men of Australia  it’s time to pick your side” ( Clementine Ford)

Not sure about Clementines analysis…

Disturbing that anther woman was killed by a Fuck-wit on her way home.

And the tragedy is all these women were too poor to drive home, they took PUBLIC TRANSPORT.   

Clementine reckons it’s all about deep seated misogyny.. yeah ….but she’s half right… 

There may be a bigger pattern…

Fuckwits UNITE!

Massive fish kills in the Murray Darling, Minister blames the drought. 

Tony Abbott says Brexit is grouse for the U.K economy and only if the poms do as we do.

Donald says the forest fires that killed the township of Paradise are because the people didn’t observe Finnish raking policies,  and denies climate change as “fake news”. 

SCOMO goes hot over “African crime gangs”, ‘a disengaged fuck-wit kills a restaurateur in Bourke Street.

Barnaby Joyce talks of ‘family values’ and the shags his press secretary, leaves his wife and kiddies, fucks the Murray Darling,  and then claims ‘victimisation’.

Another righteous National Party dickhead, Andrew Broad, thinks with his knob and goes to Honkers for a shag, and gets rebuffed. 

Vladimir reckons he’s on the up with Europe and just another missile in the right direction in Ukraine will sort things out.

The bloke Running Brazil is trying to keep pace with Australia in killing eco systems. 

Rupert helped make  Brexit and now he’s blaming the pollies, the people, anything, 

Not all FUCKWITS are MEN!

President Xi is jailing al the Uighers when he’s not disappearing all the book shop owners of Hong Kong, he’s talking BIG about the “Sudetenland’, ‘Lebensraum” or whatever the Chinese equivalent is. 

In India Modi is just short of condoning the rape of your girls and demonstrating against liberals, some prick in Hungary had gone ape-shit on democracy, and in Brazil, Poland, you name it, we’re returning to a sort of syndicated fascism, which is good for telly.

The biota is being wiped off the face of the planet and no one cares.  

Meanwhile a whole community of people rot in Manaus and Nauru. Whilst the systematic marginalisation of Aboriginal Australians is standard policy. 

In this country, AUSTRALIA, the establishment DOES NOTHING!

And don’t kid yourself with Labor in, NOTHING WILL CHANGE!

We’ve had Malcolm Roberts and now we’ve got Fraser Anning  (of the 17 votes) telling us about “Final Solutions” , and at the heart of it all to add that extra dose of irony, like heroin to the eyeball, Abbott is “Envoy for Aboriginal Australia’! 

Nup Clementine, you’re only half right 

Journalists, commentators, and critics are either killed or silenced. 

Misogyny is everywhere, but lt aint happening In a bubble, its part of the mind set of universal Fuckwit-ocracy.. 

Fuckwits RULE O.K!!

Fuckwits RULE. OK?

Just a pity all of them happen to be men. Just like that mythical patriarch in space they call “GOD’, the  old bearded bastard.  Dispensing as per usual fear, retribution and the righteousness of BLOKES to STONE and KILL WOMEN! 

The Fuckwits rule! The television,  the airwaves,  they feed the twittisphere, and the knob your playing with. 

A knob-ocracy, that echoes the nothingness of certainty, the past several thousand years of ” civilisation’?,… and then some, for a simplistic  self gratification based on mindless materialism, crass opportunism and the one-second sound bite, . That’s the same time it takes to ejaculate, an if she aint dead yet, thats a bonus,  another CONQUEST! You (nameless Fuck-wit) did it ‘LIVE’ and contributed in your own way to reality. Before you went away and hid in the shopping mall darkness you find so comforting. 

And Fuckwits come in different shapes, sizes and genders.

So get a grip. All BLOKES know how to do that much! IT IS blokes but not ALL of us. We’re all fucked. BLOKES and SHEILAS.  Siphoning what’s left of humanity, compassion and reason, for a few quick bucks and the prospect of one day, learning to HATE. Doesn’t matter what you hate, as long as ‘YOU PICK A SIDE’, that’s what Clementine asks you to do. Rupert is pretty keen on you picking a side also. “US” and “THEM”. But that’s way way too simplistic. 

Welcome to the twentieth first century and hang on…. This is just the beginning, 

There is good news, the Chinese lander produced a germinating sprout of cotton. It saw the EARTH, recognised the FUTURE and DIED.. 

Join the rush. 

WE’RE FUCKED!

Once again we are indebted to our Luminary from the near north Mr Joe Blake for this review. Another book that suggests an alternative exploration of ourselves is possible if we turn off the mobile phone, and throw away the television. We suggest a content warning as some of the themes reviewed by Joe may impinge upon the sanctity of Australia Day.

Deep Time Dreaming, Uncovering Ancient Australia, by Billy Griffiths, Black Inc, 376pp

Reviewed by Joe Blake

Almost every Aussie who goes to Europe comes back with the same refrain: “It’s all so old! And sophisticated! Bits of it go back to the time of Christ.” That’s pretty impressive, isn’t it? 2000 years is a hell of a long time, no? Hang on, though. There’s stuff here in this country that’s at least 30 times that old, is just as culturally stunning, and it’s still going on. 

It’s not so long ago that everybody believed that Australia’s past was only about as old as Roman ruins, but now, thanks to a lot of dedicated people and quite a few technical developments, the perceptions are completely different. This brilliant book tells the story. While Billy Griffiths is no archaeologist, he’s spent plenty of time in the right company, and tells the story beautifully.

One of the biggest developments in archaeology didn’t occur in a dig, but in a scientific laboratory: radio-carbon dating, invented in the 1950s, led to huge changes in the way we saw the past. Until then, it was generally believed that the Aboriginal people, a primitive group, had arrived in Australia only a few thousand years before. There was really only one archaeologist in the whole country. The first proper dating, advancing that figure to nearly 13,000 years, caused a huge surge of interest and research. Over a few years, that figure moved out to about 40,000, then stopped dead for quite a long time. Until realisation dawned: that figure wasn’t the limit of Aboriginal occupation, it was purely the limit of radio-carbon ability to measure. The discovery of thermoluminescence as a dating technique soon produced accurate estimates of 60,000 years and beyond.

Aboriginal people have always been proud of their culture. Throughout the history of white invasion there have been many of them striving to be heard, but they were usually turned away by the rulers. One group wasn’t, but for entirely cynical reasons: during the 1930s Prime Minister Lyons agreed to sit down with a delegation, but only because he was eager to meet Doug Nicholls, a champion footballer. Despite all the knockbacks, activist Aborigines persisted, and eventually they finally started to be taken seriously. Myths were laid to rest; Aboriginal Tasmanians were relieved to know that they actually existed, despite every school in Australia teaching that they’d been wiped out.

In the past 60 years, there’s been a great deal of co-operation between archaeologists and Aborigines, and the country has benefitted enormously, with many important natural sites being protected. The first of these was the Franklin River, that iconic area of Tassie that was to be flooded in the early 1980s until wonderful rock art was discovered in a couple of caves, changing the debate entirely. The importance of heritage , slowly simmering on the back burner, suddenly came to the boil, much to the dismay of developers, sawmillers and others bent on wholesale destruction.

It hasn’t been all plain sailing, however. The early archaeologists were often destructive, and collected artefacts as they went, creating bad blood between them and the original custodians of the land. Those mistakes are still being rectified; the recent return of the two Mungos, Woman and Man, is an example.

Billy Griffiths, historian by trade and writer by bent, has worked in archaeological digs as a camp manager and cook, and studied this field for many years. He’s written a gripping tale of how this country has started to come of age, and recognise the rich treasures that have been until recently been hidden by a flag-waving bravado that has helped nobody. Make sure you get hold of a copy and read it cover to cover. You’ll be well rewarded.

You’d think as a consequence of all the reports, the expert findings and the anecdotal evidence tendered to enquiry after enquiry that there’d be some tangible evidence of improvement in this horrible statistic. In spite of the input of legal experts, volumes of evidence and the passing of legislation aimed at tackling the problem head on, there’d be some progress. But now, as a consequence of decades of vacillation the anecdotal and visual evidence is too staggeringly appealing to ignore any longer. 

As a group passionate about the sanctity of life and the maintenance of a healthy living environment with opportunity and a right to self determination we are appalled by the Federal governments neglect. We are gob smacked by the politicking, the denial and in some cases, the obdurate denial of any evidence based analysis for specious belief systems and the maintenance of the status quo.   Without any attempt to tackle the underpinning malaise within our society at large and the remoteness of the problem, the disaster escalates. The responsibility for action resting once again on remote and seemingly arbitrary exercise of powers that are designed ultimately to fail all of us in the administration of what any reasonable person would term ‘good governance’. 

And all awhile as the problem escalates, ministers use the issue as a punching bag, denying responsibility and displacing any attempt of objective analysis to do something  by cheap sloganeering, name calling and denial. 

Ultimately it seems that power rests with deep seated vested interests. Interests of groups, powerful groups who have no real interest in tackling the problem. Rather, they employ a corps of designated “ experts” who maintain a healthy lifestyle, as consultants, carers, and specialists to ensure that the problem is never solved. Ultimately, it just gets worse, and with anthropomorphic climate change, there is every indication that the issue will escalate geometrically, until as one expert proclaimed, there is ‘nothing left’. 

What can be done? For a brief week the public cries outrage, and within an electoral cycle the issue is buried again. The responsibility unresolved, unanswered. To be  palmed off to another politician and another willing corps of peck- sniffs, to do nothing. 

But last week, the high water mark of the issue came and went, the Rivers, the Upper Darling and Menindie Lakes, became a slaughterhouse for government inaction. Their response; ‘let the biota die and we’ll import replacement stocks, until the next crisis’. 

And all the while, the exploitation of resources lies unanswered, lost in a quagmire of buck passing and those sacred rites of mate-ship. The answer this time, ( tried and trusted) is to scoop up the dead, and bury them in a mass grave as landfill. A decisive move, with objective results. 

The ecological equivalent of rounding em up and incarcerating. They’re both prisoners, the fish and the indigenous Australians. They’ve got nowhere else to go, and they’re stuck in the trench we’ve dug for them. It’s a shocking stench when they die, but the clean- up is underway, and the good news is with another election, the show will pass on and the next time around the problem will have gone away. 

And we, as custodians will do nothing. Case closed. 

The new Governor General got a Gong ages ago for keeping “Mainstream Australian Values” Pure.

Dear reader, we have a confession to make. Every New Year we scan the honours list. We look up and down the columns. We see familiar names of people we know have been recognised for noble works. In all the realms of human endeavour, and quite notably a preponderance of lawyers, ex military personnel, and senior bureaucrats get the gong. Those who donate lots of money selflessly so that they may avoid paying tax, and those who correctly know which politicians and causes will smoothe the cogs and ensure that their nomination goes to number one. And occasionally for “services to community” we hear about a little old lady who nobly manned a cake stall at the footy, or an old bloke who gave his life to cleaning footy boots. 

We await the Queens Birthday honours list, and the Australia Day public holiday is always wildly anticipated. 

Right across the social spectrum their endeavour is rewarded. 

But sadly there is no mention . Not a jot, of Cecil and or Quentin. 

We understand the reason why. 

Odly enough Chesty Bond, our Greatest Australian never got a GONG!

We must don’t have enough contacts. You see, selflessly producing this missive and helping out poor people, is not going to put us in the limelight. I suggested to Cecil we start a philanthropic charity and be seen to be doing good works.  Perhaps a reality television slot, or a float in next years Moomba. Cecil felt that would stigmatise the poor and needy and just make them fodder for self aggrandisement as a vanity project. Cecil has curious ideas about ethics and it always gets in the way of sound business ideals. That’s perhaps why we don’t get nominated. We’re just not successful enough And don’t do enough for society like bankers or hedge-fund managers. Still Cecil is a decent bloke and quite a few people think very highly of him. Problem is, none of them are Influential. 

You see, as the reverend Parsimony from St Crispins parish said to me when he received his bishopric’ “You need influence dear boy all that rot about the rich and the eye of the needle is bunk. Ever see a dirt poor christ? He didn’t proselytise on the mount for nothing. It were rivers of gold, or as he corrected, Sheckels of geldt”. 

It’s not that we’re no good.  It’s just that we understand the Governor Generals office is chock full of nominations coming in. From all corners of the country. And there’s probably a whole lot more flooding in from overseas, of foreign people deemed worthy of the official nod for services to things like banking, or arms production. 

All these worthy and self sacrificing people must be recognised, And for this the Governor General has a staff, hell bent on sifting through all the submissions. As a consequence they need more staff, to stem the tide so to speak. 

You need Influence to get a gong!

Gough Whitlam got rid of knighthoods as he felt the system had been corrupted by self interest and triumphalism. Good to see that behaviour has been put to bed. Still the odd malcontent, Paul Keating, or Dick Smith don’t want a bar of it. What would the know about big ideas, and service to the community?. And besides they’re probably just sour grapes, cos they don’t know anyone important enough, or influential enough to give them a gong. 

It’s anonymous you see. That’s what keeps the process pure. And when the recipient gets the gong, they have to look absolutely surprised and wrestle with the ethics before they accept it. You don’t ask people to do your nomination, thats’ unethical. 

Integrity keeps the process pure. 

That’s why secretly, I’ve put Cecil’s name forward, and over the next week or two I’ll tell you what I did to push his nomination along. With success in the bag, it may prove useful for any of you who feel that your efforts have for too long been unrewarded. 

Australia Day is coming up, and this year I think Cecil will be , (as they say in racing parlance) ‘a CERT’! 

These blokes gave their arms and legs in sacrifice to Empire but failed to get a gong. (not enough influence)

Advance Australia.

Successful diplomacy gets the results.

Let’s face it, seventy years of relative peace aint that bad. Save the odd skirmish in far away places, the world has been held together by the indissoluble glue of MAD (Mutually assured Destruction). And whilst little wars, like the one in Afghanistan have dragged on for almost twenty years and achieved absolutely nothing, it’s encouraging to know that we’re limbering up for the next big un. 

For truth? “Bend it like Beckham”

This is great news, And proves beyond all reasonable doubt that the five hundred million being spent on upgrading the Canberra War Memorial is money well spent. With a bit of luck if we have a really cracker war with nuclear oblivion, there’ll be plenty of exhibits for kiddies to gawk at, and doubtless countless dioramas, medals, plaques and cenotaphs to be reminded of the catastrophic failure of foreign policy that war engenders. 

Vladimir says “Nyet’ to soft-cock diplomacy.

Any way you look at it it’s a good time to invest on very expensive French submarines that’ll be obsolete, even as we write.  A fantastic time to invest in very expensive over complex American fighters and possibly the greatest moment in our history to export arms to other freedom loving nations like Saudi Arabia, Syria, and whatever is left of what used to be the Belgian Congo. 

Because the yanks are limbering up for the big one, we are a-tingle with excitement. What’s the point of having nukes if you don’t use em. The Chinese are itching to have a go, and it looks like Russia is going all out fast tracking on massive arms sales. And what with North Korea, you’d be a fool not to join in and get a get a good crack before the fallout wipes us all out. 

Uighurs welcome new Street Art.

So as BP always said; “be prepared”. For  2019 we’ve got a raft of new years tips that may help you survive the ensuing holocaust. 

Pack plenty of tins of baked beans. Don’t be fooled by the Chinese nationals touting baby formula, it’ll be baked beans that’ll keep you going when all else turns to dust. Regular or king size, stock up. 

Apart from all the utilitarian things, candle, matches, torches, and strips of white cloth to wave at the icbm’s as they race past, invest in a small whistle. This will help as rescue workers sift through layers of rubble. 

Donald demonstrating how his “Big Gun” is bigger than Vladimirs.

Build a slit trench on the backyard, and with a bit of luck an old blueprint for an Anderson Shelter, will be of inestimable value. 

Ensure there are enough containers of drinking water, as nuclear bombs can make you very thirsty, and don’t forget to pack a butterfly net and camping stretcher for those days when you’ll have to rough it. Be reminded of our current PM, look busy, smile a lot and she’ll be right. 

Poster says; ‘Belt and Road initiative’ will reduce wear on tank tracks”.

And just on case things aint that bad have a Mandarin, Russian or both Korean phrase book handy. 

Don’t bother with English, Americans don’t speak it anyway. 

And be careful. In Mandarin there are five thousand words to describe Christmas cracker, whereas the same word in Russia will get you either a molotov cocktail or a ticket to Russian roulette. 

Either way keep whistling, and chin up. 2019, will be the big one, 

Our tip, about September 1. It has a nice ring of familiarity to it, in keeping with the glorious unquenchable spent of ANZAC. 

And remember, all good things must come to an end.