Zihlobo zeHalo

You may have heard of the piece of bacon and the sausage which were being heated on a fry pan.

“It’s getting hot” said the sausage. “Wow, a talking sausage!” responded the piece of bacon.

Some years ago at the BRDU (Bilingual Resources Development Unit) at Yuendumu School, one of the children’s books they translated into Warlpiri was ‘Naughty Little Elephant’.

Wendy was taking a reading class using that book.

“Yaka! Elephant Warlpiri ka wangka-mi!” (Wow! The elephant is talking Warlpiri!) exclaimed one of her pupils! “Junga mayi Nangala?” (is that true?) the little children wanted to know.

KwiPhondo LaseKapa sineendlove (In Cape Province we have elephants-Google translate-Xhosa)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lygqjOQI8A

Daluxolo Hoho- Hamba Nathi (Come with us)

Hlala ukhuselekile

Frank

Olivia and Errol between horses in “Charge of the Light Brigade”

Dear reader, we pause from the cut and thrust of social commentary to share with you the deep loss at Olivia de Havillands passing. ‘Olivia’? , you may say? Yes indeed, “Olivia’, we may say in return. 

Olivia de Havilland, a house-hold name, that’s not quite a house-hold name any more, but in our office, the walls are festooned with posters of Olivia. Festooned because she was a HOLLYWOOD LEGEND!!!!. 

It’s been said that she single-handedly broke the Hollywood monopoly on actors contracts, and freed successive generations so that they could negotiate an enterprise bargaining agreement with the likes of Harvey Weinstein.  If she hadn’t trod the boards NONE OF THIS WOULD’VE EVER HAPPENED!!

Errol and Olivia in “Captain BLOOD”, took on a HUGE RISK in introducing Cricket to the West Indies.

But as you may ask. ‘What did Olivia really stand for’? 

Well, if you listen, we’ll tell you 

Firstly, and this is the most important part, Olivia stood by ERROL!

If you say; ‘Who the eff was Errol’? We’ll send the full force of Fed Police onto you and bang you inside before you can say ‘Witness K’!

Saving England from Privatisation.

Errol was a Bloody LEGEND!

At one time the highest paid actor in Hollywood. And rightly so, cos he was a ratbag, a shagger a piss-pot and a druggie. He was also charismatic, devilishly handsome, possessed of wit, humour, intelligence and a capacity for self-destruction not seen since ‘Johnny’ married ‘Amber’.  and “if it was vice”, it had Errol in it. And if you don’t believe us, read his thoroughly readable, “ My Wicked Wicked Ways’. Before ‘fake news’ his story was pure FACT. And a template for aspiring actors the world over. 

But Errol and Olivia did more than this. 

Maid Marian and Sir Robin.

Their first great act in saving humanity from itself was when they defended the realm for King Richard as Robin of Locksley and Maid Marian. 

In 1143 they stood alone against the evil KING JOHN. Not the bloke who runs Nth Korea, That’s King ill (as in ‘I’m gonna be sick’) JOHNG.  And standing right beside King John, a man more cunning and more hell-bent on self-fulfillment  than Trump, Xi, Putin, the whole bloody lot of em, Sir Guy of Gisborne. More menacing than Lord Rupert of Murdoch and Saint Tone of Sanatamaria put together…..Errol and Olivia singlehandeldy put them to the scrap heap so that England could be free from tyranny until Boris corporatised what was left of the National Health. 

In “They Died with their Boots On”, Errol and Olivia as Mr and Mrs General George Custer defeated the injuns, so the west could be free for real state, venture capitalism and railroads. 

In “Charge of the Light Brigade”, Errol and Olivia gave the Russians a bloody nose, and if you saw the film you’d be convinced that we won that war also. 

On set

In “Captain Blood”, Errol and Olivia, defeated the scourge of nasty slave-owners to become nice slave-owners themselves and make the West Indies a truly great place for rum and cricket. 

In ‘Santa Fe Trail’, they helped Ronald Regan clear the west of injuns so that simple folk could get their necks truly reddened. They did all of this so that they could save us from ourselves…

And in the only film Errol and Olivia didn’t partner in; “Gone with the Wind”, Olivia stood alone as the true custodian of Southern honour. Yes indeed as the filthy yankees laid waste to the south and  besmirched southern honour, Olivia stood firm! And together with Leslie Howard showed the way to a bright and prosperous future of segregation, bigotry and provincialism.  Something that has inspired Queenslanders (a non-offical part of the South) FOR EVER!

Before Olivia changed Hollywood, contractural disputes could be dangerous.

So she’s Gorne. That’s the end of ‘ol Hollywood’. 

Roll on the Kardashians, 

Which leaves only one question….

Could she have been President? 

Recent events have proved what we alll thought. 

The jury was out, though we harboured deep suspicions. 

The determination from the law enforcement heroes who will save us from this scourge is conclusive. 

The biggest threat to us from this virus, this scourge, this pestilence is POOR PEOPLE!!!

Poor people in wheelchairs pose an EXISTENTIAL THREAT!

Whichever way you look at it, they have to be quarantined, and coralled. 

Quarantined with no notice FOR THEIR OWN GOOD!

They cannot be let loose on an economically comfortable and sinecured society. It’s true, they work in all the shitty jobs, that no one with the advantage of wealth through HARD WORK, would want. And because of this our hotels, our old age homes, supermarkets, and HOUSING COMMISSION FLATS are INFECTED!

How do we cope with this scourge in our midst? How do we exist knowing that in spite of all the thorough and reasonable precautions a poor (and possibly one ineligible for a walk-on-role in ‘Neighbours’) person is still going to get in through the  net and infect us!

Clean-living Aussies imploring us to be on the lookout for poor foreign people who choose to INFECT US with this PLAGUE!!

We cannot have a society on which there are poor people who pose an existential threat to HUMANITY. We should DEMONSTRATE  ZERO tolerance for poor people within our wealthy and HARD WORKING society! We cannot stand for this! These poor people live in ghettoes and the police and army have every right to treat them like UIGHURS! To establish a humanitarian concentration camp is the only acceptable policy. Because these poor people, isolated, vulnerable, and forced through their laziness to perform the lowerst menial jobs must be contained, cordoned and controlled. 

Controlled and imprisoned for their own good! 

But all of this is immaterial. It poses one fundamental question that must be ANSWERED!

What inspriation can we find to solve this problem?

LOCK EM UP!

There is a solution. It has been TRIED and TESTED, and proven to WORK!

The Howard government intervention. It worked in subjugating the poorest amongst us. Villifying them, and ensuring by the weight of the army and the law, that they should know that to question authority was beyond the Pale!!

And by all reports it worked. Aboriginal Australians have learnt through a massive increase in funding to police and corrective services that even jay-walking promises them INCARCERATION!

INCARCERATION for THEIR OWN GOOD!!

So that’s what we MUST do to save ourselves from this scourge of foreign, and poor lower tier workers. 

They work in meat works. That’s a fact. Build dormitories and make them work, eat sleep on site, inside a cordon. For their OWN GOOD. 

it worked to control VICE, CRIME and EVIL during the INTERVENTION!!

N.T. POLICE. Assault Rifles are NEEDED NOW!

Do not stop in rolling out the army, special forces, even might we suggest members of the SAS to ensure that even walking down the street to get a falafael, a prayer mat, or whatever other manifestation of their sordid culture we equate with their lowliness and ‘foreign-ness’ will be PUNISHED!

Only through fear as in the intervention will THEY understand that this virus is BECAUSE OF THEM!

If a few very wealthy priveleged white people returned from their ski lodge from Aspen, they did it knowing that they would only mix in ‘nice’ circles and the virus would be contained amongst upstanding people, 

This latest outburst is a threat to everything we stand for, 

WE MUST STAND FIRM!

VIC POLICE trial new Public Response Community Liaison Uniform.

WE must not think of a more equitable society on which low-paid workers are stuck in poverty, because we know that the ‘trickle down effect’ will give them SALVATION!

Complacency is DEATH!

We at pcbycp have been hit savagely by the “Corona-Crisis”. As an index of how our bottom line has been affected, consider some of the contingency steps we’ve taken to keep the office functioning. 

We’re onto a one bag per day roster. One tea-bag per person and only a new bag submitted at the start of business the next day.

The toilet paper contingency. We’ve banned use of toilet paper in preference to the bucket and mop cleansing regime. 

No biscuits at morning tea. Biscuits have been replaced by rusks and failed experiments with home baking. 

Tie-ins with the AWM and Disney would be a boon for tourists

It is hoped that this will reflect responsibiity and collective action triumphing over RAW FEAR. 

However it reminds us of the noble sacrifice made by illustrious ANZACS in holding aloft the banner of liberty against those who would shut civilisaton down and make it a swear word. To any clean living Aussie, this crisis makes all of us reflective on how lucky we are to have been served by noble sons of Anzac, in keeping civilisation’s flame aloft in remote places like Syria and Afghanistan. Places unanointed by supermarket shopping, pay-day lending and Sports-bet. Because of this we applaud the Federal Government’s decision to spend 500 million on further improvements to the Australian War Memorial. This is a high point in the history wars. 

We’d like to take this oportunity to suggest further refinements to the proposed upgrade. 

North West Frontier-Land or Khartoum-Land, stirring tales of Derring Do brought to life!!

Disney could make wonderful bronze statues of Anzacs with favoured Disney Characters to make ANZAC relevant to kiddies.

Is it possible for the government and the fine board in which Tony Abbott has recently been installed to seek a franchise arrangement with Disneyland? 

This would be a boon for value-adding current exhibits. Disney are experts in virtual reality and public entertainment that is wholesome. Get rid of all the stodgy old classic displays and allow the public to experience what it’s really like to be a noble bronzed ANZAC warror, selflessly making the world a better place. 

Khyber-Land.   Khyber-land and North- West Frontier land, would offer the options of a comtemporary war experience or an old style set-to with fuzzy wuzzies or mad mullahs. 

In Khyber-Land the public will have a choice of weapons to kill villagers with.

In Khyber-land, the public could land right in the middle of enemy territory in Afghanistan, and from there, patrol an empty village, and have the opportunity to kill via machine, gun, grenade, mortar or rifle, little children, mums and dads. After cleansing the village they could then patrol the countryside and kill farmers and rice gatherers. They can call out “Can I waste this CxxT” and then without hesitation plug them with lead. Those who obtain the highest kills score can be awarded a virtual V.C, which would entitle them to lead Anzac Day marches, open up School Fetes and church gatherings with stirring tales of derring-do.

North-West-Frontier-land would consist of manning a machine-gun post in a spirited tale of Empire, and the object would be to mow down as many fuzzy wuzzies as possible .

Boer-land engages the public in rounding up ordinary people into concentration camps, and shooting anyone left on the veldt. 

There’s Nam-land, to fly a Huey and napalm villagers.

In Boer-Land, families will be placed in Concentration camps.  The public have a choice of Dysentry, Typhoid or Plague to kill internees with.

And Friendly-Fire-Land, in which participants virtually kill each other and then have a laugh afterwards over a beer. 

WE hope the board will recognise the massive cultural benefit the venue will achieve and all components will be WBS (worlds best standard). 

And in these Corona-benighted times it will establish community and the spirit of Anzac that is eternal, and unquestionable, 

Nam-Land, Adventure for the Whole family. Fly a Huey, (Choice of music), machine- gun, napalm or ‘Agent-Orange’ Villagers

As St Tone of Santamaria said, it shall be a “Suppository of Wisdom”. 

The Queen was in no mood to be trifled with.

Dear reader once again, may we apologise for this cheapened version of this series. Suffice to say with the ‘Corona-crisis’ it’s very hard to get good journalists these days.

We carry on, where we left off…..the pcbycp staff, caught in an embarrassing situation with The Clintons, Prince Andrew, Fergie and her Majesty the Queen….

The Queen held up a pile of letters, newspaper clippings and beneath it all a hastily written demand notice made  from cut-up news print. A plastic bag disgorged its contents, a pearl necklace, uncut gems and gold-leaf scrapings from the Crown itself. “ I’ll have that” and the Queen, stuffed the jewellery into her pockets, whilst reading the copious files that bulged from a battered OHMS envelope. 

‘See, she’s up to it again’! We glanced at the contents, ‘DEAR P.M, unless you cough up, we’ll spill the BEENS on your DIRTY TRICKS and who paid for your pre-selection”

The Royal trifle.

“Dear Mr Ex President. I know what YOUSE and Jeff really got up to in the Bahamas,  and that aint skin-diving either. I have all of Jeff’s photos. I even have the ones Jeff took of you in the Swiming pool with G, V, D, B, A, and R. Send in piles of 1 million each. CASH ONLY! BIG RED. 

We could tell by the spelling errors and gramatical imperfections that it could’ve only come from one hand. 

NOT AMUSED!

We knew in an inistant Fergie had been running an extortion ring. That was a given, but the next file threw us. In a special box marked, ‘MOST SECRET’, a bag of Bit-Coin, a phial marked, ‘Scripal’, another marked ‘Polonium’, and a poster of Vladimir Putin riding a goat, with an AK 47 on his shoulder. The photo was pock-marked with bullet holes and a love-heart scrawled in blood with the initials ’VLAD” !

‘THAT’S IT’!! The Queen, shovelled them all into her bag. ‘Tell M15 to clean up this mess, and have Fergie bought with the two Awstwalians to Balmoral by Friday’! 

Turning to us, 

“UNSEE THIS! And GET THE RIGHT ROYAL FUCK OUT!

WE bowed, ‘Yes yer Majesty’, and in a flash Her  Majesty turning to the Clintons, “Pathetic!  Go find a  boat to sail on WHITE-WATER somewhere!’ And then, she was off. 

One letter fell from her cache, we picked it up. It had a crest “Government House Canberra”. Perhaps this was our ticket to freedom? Inside,  a request from her son Prince Charles for a Governor General-ship to Australia. 

The first sentence revealed all; “Mumsy. That funny old man with the silly hat Mr Kerr promised”! 

Highly confidential!

WE all had a laugh. 

“As if”, Scoffed Ces, but was it fancy? The next sentence left no doubt to the depths of royal intrigue, ‘If I can jet Johnny to get rid of that awful socialist P.M I’d make a most Excellent GG, and besides Mumsy I know what makes them tick’?

‘Sounds more like a ticking Time-bomb’, sighed Ces, ‘what’s the date on that’?, 

“Nov 10th 75’, I forensically replied, 

‘But what’s this’? A note scrawled on the bottom right hand corner. It was dated 11 Nov 2019, “ just a reminder Mumsy I still want that job in Australia, with Harry causing such a ruckus, Camilla needs fresh pastures!” 

Instinctively we only knew one thing, faced with being stuck in room with the Clintons, we knew that in minutes we’d be up to our armpits in scandal. I surveyed the room. There in the corner of the hallway was a laundry shute. Using an idiom I knew the Cintons would not understand, I whispered to Ces, ‘Hey Ces, did I leave my copy of “A Town like Alice” in the hallway’? In an instant he knew I was talking ‘Neville Shute’ and winked. 

Fergie greed rapaciousness knew no bounds!

Buying time, I pointed to the light fixture on the balcony, “Is that real gold”?, The Clintons made a rush with screwdrivers, a jemmy and wire clippers. We raced for the shute, dove headfirst and slid down and down and down to land in the big laundry hopper, just as it was being unloaded by the house-boy Umbutu and his brother Umslopogaas. 

We’d like to tell you more, but Umbutu was well connected, got us in touch with the nice Chinese man who Ces sold his kidneys to when we were stuck in New Guinea when Prince Andrew was fiddling with the idea of a posting to one of his further flung colonies. And before you could say “Huwaei” and for the price of a guarantee that 5G would be fitted to our office typewriter with an unconditional guarantee of free servicing by a qualified tech expert we were given free passage out of Johannesberg. A narrow squeak, cos we felt there was gonna be trouble.  The hotel we were staying in was only a drop-punt from the old stack of tyres at the local tip. As Ces said; ‘A pearl necklace on Fergie was one thing but we don’t want the proverbial ‘necklacing’ to go much further’! We all had a laugh, you had to hand it to Fergie.

And so via circuitous adventure we made it back to pcbycp headquarters. 

Knowing in this escapade, that we’d lited the lid, and found it all rotten, rotten to the core.

Was this the state of leadership within our society we pondered? Could this get any worse? 

Nothing was beyond the Duchesses grasp.

An insistent knock broke us from our reverie, and in walked the nice Chinese man. Clearly our ordeal was not over…. yet.

Is this the end of the pcbycp’s current annus horribilis? 

Stay tuned for our next episode which could alteratively be called; 

‘Do we CC the GG’?  or “Huwei!…. and what for’?

Ministers of the Crown like Dressing UP!

Dear reader, sadly, there is yet another tabloid-ish episode in this drawn out pcbycp series. But in the spirit of lockdown, you know it will just go on and on and on. We are indebted to our friends from News Limited for allowing us to use the Royal Seal, the Royal Corgi, Duck and Tadpole to establish our bona fides as accredited Court Reporters.

the saga continues where we left off……

The Duchess walked out of the room, followed closely behind by The former Foreign Minster and the Poodle. We were alone……. with Dyse. 

Dyse fidgeted, and said; ‘Don’t think for a minute this is over, I haven’t finished with you yet! Once we get you back to Australia you’ll feel the FULL FORCE of the LAW!’. 

‘Wanna bet’? Ces challenged, and in a flash Dyse was bound and gagged with a copy of the ‘Law Review’ stuffed in his gob. “Quick’! Ces roared, ‘Lets outta here before they do a Ghislaine on us’!

Vice Regal’s are BIG on Medals and Dressing UP!

“But wait”; I said; “what about the keys’? 

“You’re right”, Ces flashed the Royal Keys. ’We can’t let this opportunity slip.  Lets blow the lid on this Royal intrigue once and for all. If we’re gonna go down, we’ll go down and bring the whole stinking edifice with us’. 

So along dimly lit corridors we made out way out of the basement, and up to the Penthouse suite. 

What a shock when we got there! 

Prince Andrew, caught red- handed! Rummaging, through the Duchesses drawers, ignoring us in his frantic search for something, “It must be here! It must it must, I know she’s got it somewhere’! And there in the back room, Bill and Hillary were going through the washing basket. The floor was littered with a debris trail of the Duchess  effects, tickets to Galah performances, betting slips, IOU’s, travellers cheques, charity invitiations, cheque book butts,  condoms (unused) . Ces confronted them, like Andrew, impervious to the new intruders, “What the fark are youse doing here’?

Vice-Regals Like POWER and POMP!

Hillary looked up, ’We’re getting evidence, if we’re going down we’ll take the whole stinking edifice with us’? The Prince, flabby-faced, implausibly, surprised us by giving a straight answer. “If I’m going down I too will take this stinking edifice down with the whole bloody lot’! And then sneering at Bill Clinton; ‘Because I find this whole affair, Unbecomming”!  Prince Andrew tried to look superior and searching for a reason why offered; ’It’s all down to myself, it’s a point of principle”! Ces staggered; ‘What the farck, so you’re all in on it’? 

‘Yep’! Bill replied testily; “In the end we’ve all been working for ….. THE FIRM”!! 

Vice-regals like a PUNT!

‘What a pickle’! Ces fumed; “So you’re all in on it”…., before he could finish, Clinton interrupted with “I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN’!

‘Steady on’,  Ces fumed, “If you’re talking Fergie, I’m next in line, and’ ,,, but before he could finish his jaw dropped. 

Before he could say; ‘Polish my Royal Jewels’ there was a loud cough, and who should walk in but Her Majesty the Queen. We all stood stock still. ’Yer Majesty’, we stuttered, ‘Mumsy’ Prince Andrew snivelled from behind the davenport. 

REGALS just like POWER, and they OWN the HORSES Vice Regals PUNT ON!!

“Shut up Andy, I’ll DEAL WITH YOU LATER’!

Is SHE here’? 

‘She’? Andrew flustered, 

‘Your slag of an ex wife’

‘OH Sarah! No!  Afraid not she’s last seen with the arms dealer and cross dressing Australian ex-Ministers’, 

‘Typical’! the Queen fumed, “SLUT”!

‘YOU’! She pointed to Ces, “You’ve got it”?

‘I want it NOW’!

A Valiant REGAL SEDAN!

“I beg your pardon your Royal Majesty,  What is it you want’? 

‘Dont come the in-bred Corgi with me. YOU know what I want. The Keys!”. 

Ces relieved it wasn’t the same thing Fergie wanted, replied cagily; ’The keys to this flat’? 

‘YES there are two KEYS’!  (commanded her Majesty)

“GIVE THEM TO ME’!

We had to hand it to the old girl, she had authority and knew how to use it, we watched the Clintons trying to back out of the room putting paper towels on their head in makeshift disguise. 

‘STAY’!  (they trembled) 

The keys were handed over on a hastilly improvised velvet cushion. 

‘Thankyou! You are DISMISSED’!

But we waited, entranced by the Royal retinue and the unanswered questions. 

What will the Queen find in Fergie’s Drawers?

The Queen walked across the room, to the desk, pulled out the key and unlocked the drawer. 

‘IT’S HERE! …..ALL OF IT’!!!

What is the Queen gonna do? Will Ces and his mates be out by Royal Command? What can possibly happen in the next policy-free episode? Stay tuned, for our next encounter, in “Andy’s gone to Caterwaul” ! or; “The Dyse is always LOADED’!

Dear reader, once again, we apologise for this tabloid-esque episode. Problem is, with Corona things are dire and those nice people from News Corp have made a  bargain we couldn’t refuse. “Say nice things about Dyse and his retinue,” and we’ll have our rent, electricity and telephone bills paid for a year.  Only problem was that all copy had to be vetted by the Catholic Boys Daily, (the Australian) and the IPA for bias, before being submitted. Sadly, this is the last of the un-vetted pieces. 

The saga continues; 

The Poodle was in great form pursuing justice for besieged white males!

We find ourselves in a pickle, with Ces running out of excuses, and ‘the Poodle’, excited due to the imminent arrival of ‘Skanky Shanks’. Read on.. 

By this stage Ces was twitcing, and Dyse, ever the opportunist, was gleefully rubbing his practised hands together. The Duchess, had laid out another line of coke, and then paused; “Anyone got a credit card? They’ve reposessed all of mine’, when Dyse nobly gave her his Barristers practising certificate. 

The Poodle was visibly excitied, so excited, he put the tiara back on and was busy applying rouge when the door thumped. We all stiffened in anticipation, and then, before out very eyes, a stilletto and a pair of fish-nets, waggled in front of us.  In an instant we all knew who ‘Skanky Shanks’, was. None other than our former Foreign Minister. 

He bounded into the room. “What have we here’?  

“Ooooo your Duchess’! He curtsied, and the fell over, clearly he’d been drinking. 

The Duchess had no interest other than the short priced favourite at Newmarket.

Fergie regained her composure; ’Oh Alex, your timing is perfect.  Lend me five hundred, I have a place on ‘Rogering Roger’ and ‘Come from Behind’ in the 3.30 at Newmarket’! 

“Yeth Mylady’, and instantaneouly, a credit card was expertly flicked into the Duchesses pudgy hands. The former Foreign Minster got to his feet, waivering unsteadilly, he muttered; ‘and what have we here.’? 

In seconds, like the classroom milk monitor, who wished to be the blackboard monitor the Poodle was into the fray. “OH Ally Wally, these wascals were gonna spill the beans on Prince Andrew, and the whole affair. I was just about to sign a Zyklon B  supply deal with the Russian government in their dealing with the Chechnyans, (one always keep excess stock after an embargo) , and these pipsqueaks, thought they could rain on my parade. Thank goodness I had Dyse here to throw the book at em, and we were just waiting for something to turn up before putting them on a plane, to a horrible place of retribution and incarceration”.  

Former Foreign Minister, the “Super- Bug Spreader” in saving the right of the right to be right.

“Guantanamo’? Downer proffered? 

“No, the ‘Ambassador’ in Melbourne, its full of Covid and nasty foreigners. They’ll die ignominously and without a fair hearing. It’s all ( scowling at us) THEY DESERVE! 

‘Ha Ha’, Downers face lit up; ‘a bit of a Witness K, that’ll teach them a damn good lesson’! 

‘Well then’, The former Foreign Minister adjsted his suspender belt; “Don’t let me stop you, l’ve just been having lunch with that nice president from Khazakstan, he say he may need Australian know-how in buggin the  Turkestan embassy. I said, we’ve got just the man for the job, and here I am’. 

‘A MAN’?, (Fergie suddenly lit up), ‘Where’s my man’?

But Ces fumed; ‘Haven’t you forgot about something’?, 

Dyse, pissed off he wasn’t invited to the Oxford Union Galah

“Did I hear someone speaking’? Alex enquired, feigning a cupped hand to the ear, 

At this the Poodle exploded in laughter, ‘OOOOH that’s DELICIOUS! Oh Ally, Do it again! Remember that night at the Oxford Union’? They both collapsed with laughter. Dyse wasn’t amused, clearly as an outsider to their inner circle he hadn’t scored an invite, 

‘I’m BORED’, the Duchess sighed. ‘Where’s the baccarat table? ‘Are you comming Alex, or do I have to stick it with him’? she gave a sneering glance at Dyse who seemed now he was denied giving retribution, was out of sorts

And turning to us, 

“Where’s my Man”?… 

Ces stood alone, a bulwark of stoicism aganst all this madness. “The man’?

‘Oh” ( In his best Ronald Coleman voice) “Oh dash it’! BLAST’! 

“The MAN is none other than myself your Highness” He bowed low, ( winking to us out of the corner of his eye) for effect.

Expecting a roal flush to the proffered scone Ces was flummoxed, when she curtly replied, ‘Here’s the key to my room, meet you in Fifteen’. 

The Former Foreign Minister champion of human rights for isolated white privileged women too.

In a second, Dyse, raised his arms, and said;’so no prosecution’?  The Duchess tunred to Dyse, ‘Piss off you snide little turd, it’s by Royal Decree. He at the very least is a man, you are…. You are…’,  looking to the Poodle and Alex, ‘are something completely different’!, 

They walked out, the case was closed, 

‘Quick Ces spluterred, before she changes her mind’! And in an instant we were off. 

What will happen in the next dicey episode? Will Ces and the pcbycp make clean their getaway? Or will royal protocal and the house of Windsor collapse upon them?

How will Ces and the pcbycp escape? Will they adopt a clever disguise and pretend to be just one of the boys?

Stay tuned to the next episode “ A Royal Galah” or “ Three Pillocks from Wisden” 

Our muse from the deep south, GT. (Close friends call him “Kenny’)

Good morn attendees, todays spirited poetry Sunday is sort of poetic and epithetic. It’s from our pcbycp composer, and musician, Dr. G.T Beauregarde.

Side view of GT.

As you  may remember, in order to assuage the loss felt by GT in losing his statue  in New Orleans (in the state of Louisiana) to the forces of devastating social and political change, he has returned to the keyboard. And in doing so penned this song, which we think describes the arrival of the First Fleet. There may have been other fleets , but as they were foreign, they are not applicable to school textbook syllabus. And we know via the Catholic Boys Daily (The Australian) that the First fleet brought with it the civilising influences of good governance, the rule of law… mining and real estate. We believe, (upon closer listening)  the ditty may have something to do with ‘Black Lives Matter’, or the new street art adjacent the Trump Tower, or perhaps Alexander Downers recent assistance to the people of East Timor in telecommunication and intra office listening devices. Sadly, it reminds us of the wicked infamy of Witness K who deserves to be punished for treason by blowing the whistle on his mates, who are only trying to help his other richer mates get richer still. It’s Un- Astraylan

Locals Celebrate GT’s work with colourful tribal flags

If you can tell us what the song is about, please send your answer via morse, telegraph or semaphore,  and we’ll send you the Corona-Survivors Kit, which consists of one half bottle of Green Ginger wine, (to be topped up with a cordial of your choice)  a packet of Senior Service Cigarettes and a betting slip.

Authorities Deemed GT’s Statue to be offensive, (‘Cruelty to equestrian bronze horse”) and had it removed in the “DEAD OF NIGHT”

So, sit back, have a listen, and hear GT’s perfect nuance and expressive syncopation between the third and minor chord in D flat. And if that doesn’t help, seek medical advice.

Buenos dias,

In 2011 Prime Minister Julia Guillard when presenting the third Closing the Gap report to Parliament stated that: “Indigenous Australians have to change their behaviour if the Closing the Gap initiative is to succeed”

Australian Crawl- Reckless ….she don’t like that kind of behaviour…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JIrUqsB-0vw

In 2020 Prime Minister Scott Morrison in the Foreword to the Closing the Gap report concluded:
“I want to make sure Indigenous Australians are genuinely positioned to make informed choices, forge their own pathways and reach their goals. I want to make sure all governments renew our efforts to help close the gap…

Last night (Sunday 5 July 2020) the film ‘In my blood it runs’ was shown on ABC TV. In the film 10 year old Dujuan and his family are confronted by dominant assimilationist authority.

Much of Dujuan’s story is mirrored by the stories of Yuendumu children.

I’ll confine myself to only a small excerpt from the latest draft of my attempt at a book:

“When Yuendumu school was told that funding would depend on numbers of NAPLAN tests administered, all children were required to fill in the tests even when they obviously could not read English at all….. A few children who were progressing and thought they were doing well in reading [in Warlpiri], actually cried when they found they couldn’t read any of it…”

The film drove home that the right for Aboriginal people to be distinctive has not been accepted and that the Gap is not being closed and never will unless the authorities change their behaviour.

Hot off the press:

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-07-06/in-my-blood-it-runs-how-to-help-indigenous-kids/12421408

Chau

Frank

Fifteen minutes ago Terere Jere from Paraguay uploaded the latest from the Ojeda Brothers

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTdbGZ9P7Qw
and there was this a month ago:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vkzuw0tARSM

Fergie on the war-path, if we didn’t come through with the goods we’d be GORNE!

Dear reader, we continue where we left off, things are getting outta control as Dyse and his royal retinue tighten the noose on the pcbycp team.

“ACCOMMODATION’, Ces fumed, ‘you call it accomodation’?

‘It’s all you deserve’, Dyse quipped, ‘unless…. Unless you give the duchess what she came here for”. 

‘Human rights’? Ces wryly replied? 

Fergie stepped forward, popping an ecstasy pill as she smashed her empty glass to smithereens  on the knockberry that hung menacingly from the stuffed Rhinoceros on the wall. ’No, that’s immaterial, its my McDonalds vouchers, the Bolle and……… the MAN’. 

The catch, had to find a years supply of Macca’s in a hurry. Fergie has expensive tastes

“WHERE is MY MAN”?

Fergie selflessly works in helping sexual deviants re-integrate back into society after chokey.

At this we all trembled, ‘The Man”?, Ces was about to equivocate: “Well yer Duchess it’s like this see’, and seeing Dyse nod to Fergie, we knew pending a miracle we were stuffed. Even the fixer looked flummoxed. “Well your ladyship, it’s like this see’, 

“Where’s MY MAN?”,  Ces just tried to keep stalling, hoping for a miracle, cos Dyse was as they say in South Africa, “hovering like a vulture’.  Ces continued his doomed strategy; “Well…it’s like this see, your royal Duchess,  Craig reckons he’s in a fix, but we have got someone who’ll fit the bill’.

The Prince prefers Pizza Express, reason why the marriage failed.

We knew Ces was stalling for time, we’d got closer to the Prince Andrew Dyson Heydon network, and knew that in a heartbeat, we’d stepped from the  tiara and into the tower, (nice pun that) . In a word we were in ‘deep shit’, and unless Ces pulled the royal protocol out of the proceedings we’d be right royally rooted. I pointed to the clock on the wall, it was a minute to midnight. We were doomed, well almost, 

Just then, the  Poodle, (the former Armaments Minister, now  highly paid arms dealer lobbyist) squealed in delight, ‘OOOHH I just got a text from SKANKY SHANKS’.  He’s heard there’s a rumpus and he’s dying to COME OVER and join in the FUN”!

The Poodle was salivating with glee; “WE can’t send them down yet, this is just too too much delicious fun’!… 

“Who the eff is Skanky Shanks’? ejaculated Ces, 

‘Ohhhh, you’ll find out’, 

‘The coupons  and my Man’? The Duchess remained undaunted. 

Fergie at it again, accepting bribes as Royal ambassador to Macca’s

‘Ohhh your Highness he’s coming’, and then the Poodle emoted, “Patience’ my Duchess’. 

What will happen in the next tabloidesque episode? What spine chilling catastrophe may eventuate in this page turning sage of royal intrigue? Will Fergie get her half million Macdonalds vouchers the bottle of Bolly and a night out with the man of her dreams in a right royal trade-off to protect the  reputation of the house of Windsor?  What Union bastardry lurks beneath? What of the ongoing saga of Prince Andrew and all who follow his royal retinue?  And who “the Ghislaine” is “Skanky Shanks”? 

Stay tuned for our next episode, 

‘A Tiara in the Tower,’ or ‘Wish me luck a you waiver my good guy’….

“Compelling”, (the Guardian) 

 “It cuts to the bone”, (the Times literary supplement)  

‘Where there’s meat there’s gristle’, (The Butchers Chronicle) .