Der readership, that includes, you, you and you.

The ex Adelaide Uni Vice….. clearly didn’t know that being close was way too close!!But knew a bit about VICE.

Just in case you hadn’t been reading the news lately, the recently booted Vice Chancellor of Adelaide Uni was on a paltry 500 k salary. How he got the job after been done for fiddling in Tassie is beyond us, but speaks volumes for due diligence on higher-end executive recruitment. Don’t blame it all on RIO. For this he also received entitlements to spend several hundred thousand on overseas flights. Some of them may even have had something vaguely to do with education, the rest… a testament to ENTITLEMENT.

Entitlement aint all bad. It’s what makes Donald not feel guilty EVER about never paying tax. But for what its worth here’s a brief one on the man who sits at the top of the academic tree. He aint a Professor, or Vice Chancellor. He’s just a simple bloke who ensures that the ‘rivers of gold’ from overseas students is diverted via his pockets. Just as Angus does for the Murray Darling.  It’s a demonstration of the ‘trickle-down effect’. And we should be all grateful. Like a Gas- Borne recovery, it’s about mates, and doing the right thing….. by….. (you guessed it)…… MATES!

Andy is the Highest paid Aussie CEO at 37 million. The Question is, why can’t he afford something better than a bar stool fer chrissakes!

Have you ever heard of Andrew Barkla?

It’s a bit like all the backbench MP’s most of them from the COAL (National)  Party who’d managed to obtain upwards of fifteen investment properties whilst serving their constituencies. 

You’d never heard of them. They’re meant to be in public life serving their constituencies. But instead, they’re maintaining a low profile, avoiding doing anything that might jeopardise their sinecure and  they’re serving themselves. 

Andrew is right up there with em. He’s turned the overseas students into “Rivers of Gold”. 

It’s a win win, they get parachuted onto the courses that local kids cant get a leg in, and free access to the visa factory. Andrew becomes filthy rich. And we all get to pay for it. 

Andy’s an education specialist. HIS BIG IDEA? Diverting education millions into his own pockets. If Donald does it to the U.S taxpayer, its fine by us if Andy has a go.

Bit like the Port of Darwin, Privatisation and the boon of private aged care.  The shareholders are cock a hoop. It’s the free market rationale where the locals don’t get a look in. In betting terms the locals, (silly buggers who pay taxes) are MUGS!

Has this experiment in neo Liberalism done the University’s any good as bastions of free thinking? Has it led to incredible life affirming new research? Or has it just made one bloke and a conga line of sinecured Vice Chancellors and a few heads of departments filthy rich? 

It’s Australia’s version of the Russian Kleptocrat. 

There’s nothing illegal about it, but a bit like Barklas’ Salary…. IT STINKS!

Which begs the question; Who the hell is Andrew Barkla?

This fragment from the Guardian way back in 2018 pretty well sums it up; 

Andy could take a few tips from Trev. He doesn’t even have to go to crappy conferences to get a payout from the feds.

‘Today is the day! Friday August 31 will go down as the greatest day of Andrew Barkla’s life. For the Chief Executive of IDP Education, there will be daylight then the birth of his children or something else lame.

Whatever what kind of mood his missus was in this morning, he will be the smuggest bloke ever seen at a breakfast table. And he has more than $39.7 million reasons to be so.

While the rest of us wait for the monthly mortgage interest to wipe out our cheque accounts and obsessively check the fluctuating balance of our super accounts, Barkla today will become the owner of 4.15 million shares in the listed international student broker, worth $11 a pop at Thursday’s close. 

The former Education Minister loved ANDY. The current Education Minister is STOKED!

In one day, Barkla will receive a financial benefit greater than the 38 vice-chancellors of his shareholder universities are collectively paid in a year. What’s more, the issuance of these new shares will dilute them below their current 50.1 per cent of the register. But we’re sure the professors aren’t nutty about it!

While the tertiary sector bemoans the insecurity of academic tenure and the avaricious milking of Asian students, the chief milker himself need never worry for his security again’.

Since this artticle was writtem Andrew has gone from strength to strength. The Universities only understand one metric, the budget. And for Andrew, we hope he can retain his salary in spite of the dark cronona-cloud that is stemming the tide. There is hope though, cos sooner or later the tide will come in again. 

Funny though, when Dawkins made every college of advanced education a uni, and time serving sinecurists suddenly were parachuted into  professorial salaries, he wouldn’t have dreamed that the real beneficiary would be dear ol Andy. AN EDUCATION REVOLUTION!

Dream on. 

“Pssst. For the best value in educational , environmental, or planning issues, come and see Angus. No questions asked, all enquiries are dealt with discretely. Just send blank cheque to Angus’s Cayman Island Investments PL and he’ll help you out. No Questions asked. Fast approval for donations beyond 10 K. Instant processing for those over 50K. Address cheques to ‘JAM-LAND’.

Execs with fancy names do it for mining.

Is there a link here?

Jean Jacques, last heard sharing a trade board pozzie with St Tone of Santamaria in the U.K

Now that Jean Jacques has been given the boot we’ve been keen on following up on some innovative investigative journalism. Why do mining and energy execs all have fancy pants double – barrelled names? 

Is this fair you may ask? 

Well, it’s purely subjective, but after Jean Jacques fell on his sword, we were rung up by Champion de Crespigny. Miss Sproule the office assistant got the spelling wrong and when we looked at the teletext it was written ‘Champignon de Crespigny’. We were puzzled, perhaps he represented the vanguard of the Brexiteer mushroom whole-salers, keen to establish via Tony Abbott a new Anglo Australian partnership? Another crimson tendril to reunite the those far-flung fragments of ‘the Great White Empire’ with the motherland? But no sooner than we put the call through than we discovered that it was indeed Champion, (“Champ” to his mates) de Crespigny, (pronounced “De crispy-knee”).   He was busy, looking for new mining sites in areas still defined as terra nullius  and could only answer a few questions.  Why Champion? We asked. Well his mother bathed her hands in Champions Vinegar and she was lacking for imagination.  We asked; ‘Why the De-Crespigny’? and he rebuffed us with, “ Ask the Holmes a Courts’? Which we duly did. The Homes a Courts weren’t much use either, and passed us on to Trevor St Baker. 

Now Trevor was really helpful. If you want to know he’s the bloke who paid one million for the Vailles Point Power Plant and then received 750 million federal funding  to keep it going. 

Our mate JOHNNO! He’d sell his granny and frack the farmers to prove his loyalty to his mates in BIG BUSINESS! ONYA JOHNNO!

Trevor knows how to make money, way more seriously than Jean. Trev just works on the government. He explained to us all about rent-seeking. “It’s easy. All you do is buy up with a few mate insiders to help you get a  government instrumentality, like an aged-care home or a bit of power plant, and then you cry poor. Before you can say;  “conflict of interest” the feds will shower you with cash. Sometimes, and this (he paused to stifle his sustained laughter, which he described as Fuck me I’ve laughed so much it hurts), ‘Sometimes you don’t even have to cry poor, just for being in the right place at the right time they’ll shower you with money for just representing something other than dole bludgers or greeney do gooders’. 

“Like power generation”?  we asked, “nah, by being connected, they’d rather give it to a mate than squander it on the public or some hare-brained renewable project’. 

“Why’s that’? we asked; “Well its a no brainer. We’re more closely aligned to the power that makes the power.  

The mining industry we asked’?

‘Fuck the farmers, BIG Mining’s where the money is’!

 “Nup mate! Barnaby and John Barillaro, thats where the power is’!

Trev’s all over energy, even trendy pinko-wanker renewables. As long as the taxpayer foots the bill he’s entitled to keep the profit. “Better than Bit- coin mate’!

Frustrated at this obdurate junction to our enquiries, we interviewed the last of our double barrelled named mining magnates, and were directed to Michael L’ estrange. It aint completely double barrelled, but it is fancy and sort of executive.  The name you’d have if you were a character in a Peter Styveysant advert, or a chief inspector of police for a Sherlock Holmes adaptation.  Michael is the non-executive director of Rio, which is kind of like being the Fat Controller in Thomas the Tank Engine.  Poor Michael is fronting the press after Jean Jacques pressed the wrong button. 

He’s copped a bit of flack, but able to swear on a pack of Bibles he didn’t have a clue about the Juukan Gorge Caves. Neither did anyone else.  Bit like hotel quarantining in Victoria. Came as a bit of a shock, but we’ve got it on good authority, the double-barrelled name helped him. That’s the funny thing about Australia, come the double barrel and you’re as good as gold.  

It’s Australian for the DNA locked deep within our national psyche. 

Beer and footy you might say?

‘Pssst, sick of Bit- coin. Are the usual money laundering outlets under fed police scrutiny? Sick of getting kick-backs from philanthropic trusts and dull tax evasion schemes? Have a chat with Angus. He’ll find the right scam that suits your dollar, and the beaut part, he’ll get the taxpayer to fund it. “Whether its a haven in the Caymans, or a Sydney councillor just Blame- em’. Angus ‘ll set you right.

“Nah”!, Trevor piped in; “it’s the fucken CULTURAL CRINGE”. 

Coppers need more POWERS! They ordered a Maserati but had to settle for a crappy second tier MERCEDES!

Widening police powers?

We at pcbycp are delighted with the latest request from Vic-Pol to widen police powers.

In these corona-blighted times we just can’t be too careful. 

Nicola Gobbo says herself;  “Why wouldn’t you trust the cops? They looked after me, and in the end I get paid for just telling em what they wanna hear. And that goes all the way to the top”. Nicola gave us as smirk after this admission, and we’re yet to find out if it’s a gang-land smirk or a Tony Abbott conspiratorial de-feminise the feminist smirk. 

Ordered a Hummer, just got a top o the range 4wd. And the black aint black enough

Nicola has a point.

If you pay the cops enough, and if you pay detectives specifically or at the very least “Come to an ARRANGEMENT”,  by close association you’ll get GOOD POLICE OUTCOMES! And if you aint got the contacts or the cash, you’re fucked. That serves you right for being poor. 

And even when the cops do a super-dooper cover up, like “Disappear” the Commandant of the Port Phillip Prison, (remember him?)  who allegedly disappeared though a skiing trip in the Aussie alps, (there’s snow cover for at least a week in winter) we know that just cos he might have known alI about Carl Williams and the bent coppers he worked with, in no way shape or form should this lead us to dis the entire force. 

Ordered a TANK, had to settle for a BUSHMASTER. POOR COPS. Once again dudded by the taxpayer. ( Note, ” even the white bits are black’!)

We applaud the equipping of police officers and PSO’s with small arms, a service revolver, a clip of fifty or so .38 calibre bullets. Not quite as good as the .45 used by Dirty Harry, but still after all is said and done quite up to the task of blowing away any mentally afflicted psychotic, the odd homeless person, or a fare evader. Fare evasion if unstopped leads to heinous CRIMES!

We agree with the police that assault rifles, machine guns, tear gas and not to forget the old stalwarts, tasers, hand-cuffs, truncheons, are never enough. They need tanks, heat seeking missiles and apache helicopters to control the public.

And after the lawyer X scandal why wouldn’t we trust the police?

READY and ARMED to put a stop to JAY-WALKING!

Yep bring it on! More police powers! So they can kill drunk indigenous women on trains before they even have to process them in jails and deal with all the fucken legal paperwork. 

Regular army bloke on left looks soft- cock compared to CWFBG, (Cops with FUCKEN BIG GUNS)

Vic police learning to say, “Hey punk, feeling lucky? MAKE MY DAY’!

Housewife arrested for being poor and not connected with powerful mates.

Done good outta crime, Who says it don’t pay?

Other crimes, Jay-walking, to be tried and summarily executed, cos as research goes if you don’t get em at this early offending stage, they’ll go on to all manner of crimes.  Through small crimes via the ladder of opportunity they’ll get to the top of the criminal tree.  Become a  Police Commissioner, or a Piranha Taskforce operative. Free to do whatever they like. And even after they’ve been done for corruption or unethical behaviour they can still get another job in another Crime syndicate or run a Council. As a former Commissioner did at Whittlesea. Cos as the developers and Angus’s mates will tell you;  “theres way better money to be had in planning decisions and energy funding than simple ol- school crime’!. 

So take it from us. We’ve proved a very simple point. Crime is for losers, petty crime should be severely dealt with, they’re not even trying. 

Aspire to be a Police Commissioner or Angus. Or even one of his mates. And you’ll make simple stuff, smash and grab, and assault look like kinder stuff… and even if you’re caught, you’ll get off, cos you’ll be like Nicola, and have something more powerful than even the law to draw upon….

Pssst! ‘If it’s energy policy you wanna buy? Angus is not far away, He’s in-a Nort Melbourne and-a Foot- a-scray’

MATESHIP!

ONYA JOHNNO! WE FUCKEN HATE KOALA’S ALSO!

A letter to the environment 

WE at pcbycp are thrilled the Federal Government is winding back environment laws. 

Which proves Covid aint all bad. 

John, telling Koalas to get the last train outta Canberra, before he closes down the rail line.

We applaud John Barillaro seeking relevance in wanting to Kill more Koalas. WE HATE, loathe and detest Koalas.

Where they on the beach at Gallipoli? Helping defend us at the last stand at Singapore? In Darwin when we were bombed? In Vietnam? The 2010 grand final when St Kilda rallied and then LOST?

Helping us to stem corona, or the evil nefarious insidious threat of Sino-Soviet cyber espionage? 

John is spot on. We’ve had it up to here with Koalas and applaud the Coal Party (the Nationals)  in defending the rights of farmers and big business agricultural conglomerates. In clearing land and destroying Koala habitat. Cos at the end of the day Koalas have done us NO GOOD!

From our perspective, we have an axe to grind. 

It all gets back to an event way back in the 70’s

DEAD KOALAS! We can’t kill the little buggers FAST ENOUGH! They stand in the way of PROGRESS! And they make our roads UN-SAFE!

Because of our barbecue. 

It all began some twelve years ago at the Grand Final barbecue. A per the tradition, we invited over our friends from the IPA. Gerard Henderson always have us enthralled with some of his jokes about Cardinal Pell, and his descriptions of life as a choir boy in the 50’s would make your hair curl.  We get together over beers and snags and talk footy. In those far off days we used to do things that were frowned upon by people these days.  There was the wet t shirt comp, dwarf tossing, and the iron man comp. The iron man comp was to see who could still stand after consuming a dozen beers, warm pies, and run a full length of the Burvale carpark without spewing. We always won. Those blokes in the IPA just couldn’t hack it. 

Lefty pinko wanker. Trying to save a KOALA that’s better off DEAD!

One day we invited our mates from the IPA and we’d run outta wood for the barby. Hanging over the barby was an old gum tree. It was a ‘widow-maker’. In a flash we chopped it down. It was only after it hit the deck with a crash that we noticed that a family of Koalas was living in it. 

Cec did the noble thing and banged em over the head with a spade. ‘Put em out of their misery’. Bit like homeless people, ‘they’re better off dead’. 

Anyway, we chopped it up and all of a sudden the environment bloke from the Council turned up and fined us for knocking down the “Heritage Tree” . He reckons it was a scar-tree left by local abos before we’d wiped em out.  Said it had cultural value. WE sent him packing; ‘So is our barby you fucken pinko lefty wanker”. 

Michaela joins St Tone for trade talks with the poms on why there should be no KOALA CLAUSE!

“Heritage me balls’! We said and threw a full box of empty stubbies at him. No sooner had we got back to drinking when the cops turned up and charged us with assault. 

By this stage we were rope-able. We told em, ‘aint you got any crims to catch’? And they booked us. 

Michaela goes APE-SHIT over KOALAS. That’s why she’s rolling back pinko lefty environment laws.

Since then we HATE Koalas. 

Which is why we’re in lock step with the IPA and FEDS in watering down environment laws. 

The way we see it, if we don’t stand with like minded people like John Barillaro it’ll be the end of the Australian way. Its bad enough with police patrolling the streets looking for people sitting on the nature strip and reading a book, but Koalas are not gonna have it over us. And besides there’s zoos and enclosures they can live quite happily, and not get in the way of PROGRESS!

If there’s a buck to be made outta repealing environment laws,(clearing native grasslands and Koalas, filthy coal and draining the Murray, all roads lead to our mate ANGUS. ONYA ANGUS! As Angus is oft heard to say: ” Whadya Say man….Go CAYMAN’!                                         (When Angus is not busy diverting taxpayer funds to his myriad business investments he sprukes as a part time rep for ‘Advanced Hair Studios’ (Reg. Cayman Is.)

AND…… just I case you aint being paying attention….. A GAS LED RECOVERY!

Dear reader, another intriguing fragment from our sage of the near north Dame Ira Maine. In this thrilling instalment Dame Ira hints at the prerequisites for membership at some of our more exclusive sporting clubs. In an era in which change is a veritable wrecking ball for old ways, it’s a source of some comfort that archaic and traditional practises are still being adhered to. Like facial masks and imprisoning any housewife daring to elicit a nutty post on facebook. Its all for our SAFETY and in the PUBLIC GOOD!

Dame Ira takes Princess Anne for a run around the tan

DAN THEM ALL and be PUBLISHED!

Dame Ira writes:

“Moving in high society as I do, it is common that I receive invitations, though not so common that I am immune to that frisson of excitement one get on receipt, (and, it hardly needs be mentioned, there are none that are just “common’.) As evidenced by the use of the term “blokey”, the informality of the one below piqued my interest more than many.  There was, however, something else in the invitation that caused a rustle of suspicion, a note of caution came to me – could this be a trap by one of my rivals bent on bending me, determined to sully my spotless and hard-won reputation.  In normal circumstances I would have taken the invitation to mother, a woman whose nose for subterfuge, the scurrilous, for the underhand, is only matched by her ability to trump each and every bit of gossip exchanged daily undercover of the postoffice veranda.  She, sadly has been dead these thirty years, so that option is gone.  While I examine other options perhaps you, dear reader, would look at the invitation and consider what advice you would offer an innocent abroad. 

Dame Ira gives Phil a few tips on what to do with “Naughty Prince Andrew’.

Dear Sir, 

A blokey (Names redacted  I, personally, myself, name redacted, etc.) Sept. 18 in the afternoon at ******* Court (no.10)

Should you be at all available your zing, verve, pep and go would greatly enliven the proceedings.

I need hardly remind you that alcohol is banned during the buttock tattooing. Moderate amounts are however allowed during the naked mud wrestling.

Perfumed body oils and personal discipline equipage have been greatly enlarged, however we have been forced to abandon the popular spiked leather collar following an unfortunate incident where Father O’ Flaherty, whilst, we are told, giving mouth to mouth, was unfortunately stabbed repeatedly in the chest, abdomen thighs and scrotum.

Dame Ira preparing for an unsolicited visit from Fergie

God help him,  the poor man…

The ‘Your first Gay Encounter’ tent will be in its usual spot but with the new hugely popular innovation;  sound proofing. A discreetly hidden entrance  through the convent grounds absolutely ensures privacy and serves to maintain a chap’s reputation. Those who had hesitated in the past may now proceed in confidence knowing their stiffened resolve is in a safe pair of  hands.

As usual, the Blue Pills will be available from the Convent door.

Dame Ira prepares for an audience with Meghan and Harry

NMJRF (Name redacted)
Whoremaster to the Nobility and Gentry,
Rough farm work done,
Ratcatcher(Thirty years experience)
Qualified Possum Hypnotist
Well Rogered Widow’s Society
Pleasure Sheep available
Wild Dogs Bitten
Master of Semiotics (Uni of Barjarg)
Road Signs explained
The Disciplines Involved in Teaching an Octopus to Ice Skate.(In two volumes)
Sexton and Parish Priest

Dame Ira demonstrates stroke-play with Arthur Rylah

Arthur, “Arty” to his mates Rylah

Well, you’ve had time to read the invitation and still no advice so I must go to a higher authority, and who higher than former Deputy Premier Arthur Rylah, the man whose progressive mindset brought an end to six o’clock closing, ended the ban on Sunday sport, and banned Rudyard Kipling’s “Barack Room Ballards” on the sound grounds that with a title like that it had to be dirty. He said he had no need to read it.   Surely I can find guidance from this man’.

Cover of the Corona Committee funding Report on Gas powering Australia’s future.

Please understand, we had to play this headline for laughs. 

And here at pcbycp we’re cock-a-hoop about the decision to use taxpayer finds to keep fossil fuels, (‘LIfe’s a GAS’)  going in the land of the rent-seeker. 

It shows the Feds aint gone soft-cock on fossil fuels and proof that once again the Australian public are cowered, brow-beaten, supine and compliant. 

This is Strayla’s FINEST HOUR: “NEVER in the history of our peoples have a few mining execs plundered the Public purse with such rapacity and GREED’!

The Mining Industry only know one thing:

If the Feds were to throw up compulsory facial-tattooing as a public safety initiative, we’d all meekly line up and know it was all for our own good,

Nev and his mates questioning  Rex Connor  (deceased) on trans Australian Gas Pipelines

If the Feds told us to look the other way as refugees are dumped, heads stomped, and sacred sites blown to smithereens, you know, London to a brick what we’d do? NOTHING!

Even during corona when the sacred altar of shopping is stemmed, we dutifully and obediently go back to our corner, and promise with genuflecting earnestness that none of us will get involved in the political process.  So  Nev and all his mates in the archaic, filthy, stinking, antiquated expensive fossil fuel industry, this one is for you. It proves that the one glue that binds us is Mateship, inertia and bloody-minded GREED! 

POMMY BASTARD. No sense of humour!

It also proves once and for all, just as franking credits saved us from “the risk” of  change, that this country, and the people might be lazy, conservative, and lacking for imagination. You and your mates can cut all the thinking, passionate, feeling bits from the economy, from education, from journalism,  art, music, theatre, writing, the thinking and the feeling and you know that you’ll be patted on the back by those who care. The people who don’t even live here. Lord Rupert of Murdoch,  Her Majesty, and with a bit of luck whenever he comes out of hiding Prince Andrew. 

WE don’t need to forensically examine the detail from a Chinese data base. Don’t even need to meet a bloke in the park, and exchange parcels.  The way the kleptocracy works is above board. Because we asked for it. 

To be fair, the future is  worrying. These renewables are cheap, innovative, and they work. In S.A, the government proved you don’t have to bum up to Twiggy in order to get the job done. 

The ol kleptocrats and rent- seekers cry poor, and just like the private owners of aged care homes, and private hospitals, the government throws money at em. Even if it’s a crazy-bat shit mad idea to build a fucking expensive pipeline and hook us up to the equivalent of an inland canal system with locks , barges and Watt beam engines for pumping, this government will say, “How much do you want”? 

WE laughed so much we SHAT!

“And are you sure this is enough”? 

And before you can say ex- soviet republic. Before you can say ‘public private partnership’, in a blink before you can say Exxon, Transurban, Amazon, or any other non taxpaying, non contributive vulture capitalist parasite, the feds have rolled over. 

ONYA MATE. And in doing so protected SOVEREIGN RISK!

As Strayla’s name as a safe place to screw the taxpayer. 

Gas and Coal Fridge awareness magnet to be delivered to all Aussie households.

Poem……”STRAYLA

If things are crook in the fossil fuels, 

And peak oil is passing you by

Just ring a pollie in Asussie-land

He’d be willing to give it a try

Or get on the phone to Craig Kelly

He’d back you in for a flash

All you need is a couple of mates,

And Craig’ll stump up the cash

Your scheme may be bat-shit crazy

A De Lorean short of the ponzi-scheme

But the criteria, though it may be hazy

IN STRAYLA, it’s a nation buildin dream 

In the end it’s MATESHIP! (But it  helps if you have a Cayman Island registered tax haven to channel “RIVERS of GOLD” from the Taxpayer.

As long as you can prove you’re not a poofta

Or an intellectual, inventor or thinker

Just sign on the line, the money’ll be fine

We’d only dis you if you wasn’t a drinker

Things are crook at Rio. 

Jean Jacques indicates how much a ten million fine will hurt the Rio bottom line.

Last year they made a profit of 12 billion. 

That’s pretty shit really. No wonder the shareholders have gone crook.  You may think that’s a lot of money, but in actual fact it’s what a Russian kleptocrat spends on his dog shows just in a year.

Rios corporate affairs boss also got the boot. A mistake anyone could’ve made.

Whichever way you look at it, we should be sympathetic to Rio. The executives all live in London. That would be hard lines. They have to queue up with mates of Angus Taylor, (perhaps Angus himself) who have tax havens in the Caribbean and the Channel Islands. They only do this so that they may direct their funds without Government interference. Who’d only spend it on social housing, welfare and the environment. Sorry, that would be a progressive liberal government. Or in Australia’s case, spend it on mining, rich mates and repealing environment laws. Good on em. Even the Russian kleptocrats, the Saudi royalty, successful middlemen, perhaps Andrew Barkla, all feel pretty sorry for those poor execs at Rio. 

They have to front meetings, sometimes talk to shareholders, and occasionally, carry the can when somebody blows up a sacred site, an ancient rock carving or some other so-called sacred object that’s not even listed on “Stays” or “Air bnb”. 

Whoops, Wrong Rio.

So spare a thought for the CEO. He’s had to resign.  Although he lives in London, (favoured domicile for those keen on stashing unorthodox funds)   he did buy a nice Harbour-side pad in Sydney. Now he’ll have to sell up, and the market is depressed. Think of that. Through no fault of his own he has to go back to pommy-land, tail between his legs, and suffer, just cos some overzealous geologist likes to get slap-happy with the gelly. 

I mean, we ask yer. 

Unable to see the funny side

But things are worse. 

This year Rio barely struggled past the ten billion barrier.  Seriously folks.  If you’re a Rio exec, that would mean you’d be sneered at by any right-minded kleptocrat or oil thug. A mere ten billion doesn’t even get you an audience with Prince Andrew, and Fergie wouldnt even be interested in stumping up the connections and  opening the doors. You’d never get an audience with the Queen and your chances of being knighted or getting an OBE for digging shit up of the ground would be zero. 

At least Rio aint banned Guy Fawkes Night.

But worse is yet to come. This year with a bare 10.2 billion profit, the Western Australian Government after agitation all over the place from lefty do-gooders is gonna slap a ten million dollar fine if Rio or any like minded individual does the same again. 

That’s ten million bucks!! 

Jean bought his weekender for three million

For poor ol Jean Sebastian Jacques that’ll mean he’ll have to accept that the swimming pool and the jetty will be used to pay for further fines. For Gina, it’d mean having to write down some assets, like the ride on lawnmower or the coffee machine.  She might have to flog a bit of costume jewellery, or even cut the funding she gives to the IPA. Right across the board people like Rio, who pay taxes, and provide growth and opportunity for decent working Australians are under threat. Good thing that the Pyramids, the Coliseum or Parthenon aint got bauxite or iron ore underneath em, otherwise that’d be a round thirty million just before you’d even pressed the detonator. 

And to be perfectly honest, like Boris, Jean knows a bit about Latin. He’s fucken well educated. Well, he’d have to be. He’s got a funny double-barrelled name.  These European icons represent CIVILISATION, and we at pcbycp have it on good authority from none other than Lord Kenneth Clark, that “Civilisation”, his mighty tome made no mention of obscure rock scrawls in an obscure cleft out in the middle of bloody nowhere in the Pilbara. 

So for chrissakes, what have we learnt from this debacle?

For Rio Tinto the lesson is simple. 

Don’t allow archeologists near heritage sites.  Keep the archaeologists and lefty ratbags away, and then blow away. 

Jean was planing to improve the weekender and make it a look a little more like this.

Rio’s problem, was that remote Australia just aint remote enough any more. 

Postscript

Still poor ol Jean gets to walk away with only between 17 to 25 million, which is the real tragedy. Try and service a yacht and Learjet on that paltry sum. They’s why they get paid the big bucks, because of the risks they take to make Australia a better place. 

Vic Pol trialling new “Public Order Response Team “(PORT) uniform in deserted post-Brexit London.

Howdya spell “POLICE STATE’?

It’s a bit far comparing the Bjelke Petersen Government to Victoria under Daniel Andrews. But….. there are some scary similarities. Right wing and Left wing public coercion aint entirely different. Though it may be added, since Jim Cairns gave up selling books at the Camberwell Market, we aint seen much left “wing-edness” in Australia lately. 

Unconfirmed reports indicate the tomatoes and potatoes were gathered in unlawful assembly.

Bjelke was corrupt, his mate Terry Lewis ran the police force, and with Rus Hinze they carved out Queensland into their own feudal patch. Any detractor was arrested, and the cops got to wield more power than a Chinese Cyber Security operative.  Got to the stage that any tourist lost in the company of another tourist pausing long enough in any Brisbane street was liable to be arrested for causing a public disturbance. And if you were black, just being there, (without a special permit to explain your skin colour) would get you thrown inside. 

NUTTY HOUSEWIFE ALERT! Vic Pol prepare a pre-emptive strike upon another nutty housewife. Being briefed by Cyber- Intelligence leader. (Possibly the only dark skinned member of the unit)

Vic-Pol Cyber Intelligence leader

So Dan aint corrupt. Allright then, this may require qualification, not technically corrupt. What he’s done to the CFA is not really far off the mark. Turning an entirely volunteer force with a long tradition into a rump for sinecured union mates. And signing us up to the Belt and Road initiative in hindsight, might seem a little over-ripe. We’re not being entirely Machiavellian, but in doing business with China, just as it was with Kublai Khan, (as Marco Polo would tell you) there’s no such thing as a free won ton. It’s axiomatic. Cause and effect. Just like our relationship with the Yanks. Through seventy years of ANZUS. By being offered “protection”, like any protection racket, there’s the expectation that we’ve gotta buy expensive second-rate materiel from the yanks, and help them fuck up places in the globe that say they don’t wanna be ‘Coca-cola-ised’.  As  in the case in Afghanistan, twenty years in, they’re not keen on western liberalism, they’d rather tribal warlords and wahibism. Good on em we say. 

But the police thing has got us beat. And perhaps it aint all Dan’s doing. 

Phalanx of “Cyber control public response attack team” arresting market shopper for standing longer than the minimum time as stipulated in the “Covid-Public Safety Behaviour Ordinance” ( CPSBO) in the aisle.

We carbon dated it to when they started wearing guns. Since then they’ve been following the American path and become a fully fledged para-military. And they aren’t looking after the citizenry. Increasingly it’s a ‘them and us’. It’s gone Yuendumu. And the speed is almost as fast as the intervention. 

WE ghasped when the twenty something was bailed up by three cops in Fitzroy Gardens for sitting on a deck chair. She had the face mask, and was bewildered, shocked and intimidated by the squad team, who performed a loud and aggressive ewey, (in the manner of a “U” shaped female sheep) to jump out and bail her up. Her crime? Sitting in a public space longer than the prescribed “public safety” time limit.  She was also reading a book. Public reading in Australia has never been looked upon kindly by the authorities. It makes people think a bit and likely to make em uppity. WE applauded that one. And it wasn’t a book devoted to footy or cricket either. In the olden days they could have just booked her for being an intellectual wanker of suspect gender preference. Still in the long run, we were glad they ran her in. Cant have intellectuals in public spaces, And passive intellectuals are just a “Pont de Neuf too far”!

Market Stall proprietor being isolated by “Special Response Fruit and vegetable assessment patrol” (SRFVAP) in a classic pincer movement.

In Bourke street on Sunday we watched on two occasions a motorcade of really really fast moving police vehicles, public order response trucks and motorbikes race up the middle of the tram tracks to Parliament. Just in case the protestors turned up. These blokes looked Robo-Cop. And they were armed to the teeth. In the Fitzroy Gardens, the cops in riot gear were everywhere.  The atmosphere made us feel about as comfortable as a pork chop in a synagogue.

Our point being, the police presence is WAY OVER the TOP. Ten times out of proportion to the odd group of nutters who are into conspiracy theories. 

And the message seems to be, not to protect us, But to make MANIFEST A SHOW OF FORCE!! 

VIC POL public order initiative suggesting to LGBTI trans X and migrant non English speaking groups that their complaints will be ignored

And in doing so instil an all-pervading sense of FEAR, ANXIETY, and TENSION.

This aint Honkers, but we’re all intimidated by the swat teams, the firearms, the riot shields and the black uniforms, the black public response trucks, the prison trucks and the motorcades. 

‘Cyber Security Parks and Gardens Special response Unit’ (CSPGSRU), inspecting Rubbish Bins and Public Toilets for potential anti- social behaviour. (Note; even walking on the grass is permissible under Public Safety Precaution Act 2020)

In an empty city, one devastated by Corona, it’s a sick JOKE. 

Perhaps worse than the SICKNESS ITSELF!

UK Police trialling “Covid Response Public Order Cyber Security Strategic Attack Units”(CPROCSSAU)

Reminiscent somewhat of the Cybermen invasion of London, but without the wit, humour of imagination. Sadly, that’s Australia in the 21st century. And the really really scary bit? The public don’t seem to mind at all, or perhaps they just don’t care. They’re used to seeing armed officers on our public transport, they’re happy with Gestapo squads rounding up the homeless and the mentally unsound. And they turn a blind eye when the police armed more thoroughly than shock troops march aggressively through our parks and gardens. As a little kiddy we were always told to ask the kindly policeman if you were lost.

Perhaps we’re all lost.

a Door (DOOR)

It aint all bad. A grinning idiot on a UK Trade Board

From Ira, this compelling commentary on where we aren’t. 

He writes….

‘It is scarcely to be wondered at that  people all over  the country are, during this lockdown, becoming depressed, anxious or even suicidal. We, as a species, are naturally gregarious and desperately  need to be out and about, betraying our friends and  insulting our neighbours,, laughing, arguing and engaging in shamelessly surreptitious  extra-curricular liasons  with breathlessly exciting, extra-marital partners. Without this, and we are, however temporarily, without this , the daily opportunity for Machiavellian intrigue is lost, dalliance is dumped,  the centre cannot hold and we all are, not to put too fine a point on it, knackered.

Pauline and George still playing it for laughs in parliament.

And if this were not enough for you to consider taking the bread knife to your jugular, The Age newspaper, read by millions, I’m told, sees it as its Covid mission not, as you would expect, to bring us uplifting tales, slogans and speeches to raise our gaze to the sunny uplands of a golden tomorrow, but instead to add to the misery by heaping even more depressing  statistical ordure on our madhouse walls.

Front page: A nice big photo of Pauline Hanson wearing an expression calculated to kill cattle.

Same page:

CBD job loss alarm (33billion GST shortfall)

Crown High Rollers given favourable treatment

ASIO quizzes Chinese reporter

Page 5

Our borders are still PROTECTED!

State faces 33 billion shortfall…

Hundreds…for lockdown protest

20 billion slump in [construction] projects.

Inner Melbourne to take huge {economic} hit

Page 7

Astra Zeneca….vaccine trial on hold

Page 10

‘…China’s surveillance state…’

Barnaby still going strong

The  loss of economic ‘billions’  is reported in a  manner which seems deliberately calculated both to heighten our already tautly stretched levels of anxiety and  to suggest  that the collapse of the economy is somehow our fault, (yes, you and I) because, presumably of our selfishness in putting our health ahead of the ‘National Interest’.  Throw in  China, spies and the vaccine hold-up and this stupidly  insidious reportage has much less in common with  news and much more to do with  a profession having lost all sense of its essential responsibilities.

Construction has ground to a halt and the State finds itself short of about 33 billion dollars.

SO WHAT?

The alternative is utterly unacceptable . To pound us over the head with these astronomic’ losses’ only adds an unnecessary extra level of  subliminal misery to an already existing  burden of depression. In reality these ‘billions’ are not really lost at all but will be made up in a few years when the virus has run its course. All countries have the virus which, theoretically, when the horror is over, should provide the usual suspects with the  economic game as before.

This is not 1929. People are not flinging themselves from rooftops or taking their old service revolver into the library..

Angus still looking after himself

Reporters should, where they can, minimize negativity, bolstered  by the knowledge  that post Covid, the economy will bounce back.. Instead these clowns, seemingly unaware of the devastating  physical and psychological effect this virus has already had on people, plough blithely on, without imagination or  compassion, piling up negative facts and figures to the point where the only thing  left to do is to go out and kill yourself.

‘JOY! Show some joy, you bastards, lest you find your teeth falling out of your [Catholic] arse!'(The Ginger Man, by JP Donleavy)

Same old oligarchs, giving the kleptocracy a whiff of respectability.

Ahem, not perhaps a wholly appropriate paraphrasing but not so far off the mark just the same

Housewife being arrested for being very very nutty

Arresting housewives for being stupid. 

We at pcbycp are delighted that “Thought Crimes’ are now punishable. 

This is our very own “Yuendumu moment”. 

At last and it’s only taken seven years since we left on our high level fact finding tour to recognise that now average, (that means poor, non politically aligned individuals without influential mates) can be done for ‘thought crimes’. 

In Yuendumu, the justification was the EMERGENCY. In Victoria the justification is the CORONA CRISIS. 

Premier unveils new police themed flooring for empty arcades and themed show-room dummies

On top of jay-walking, non compliance with PPe’s, bicycle helmets and the thought crime of protesting, or being stupid, you can be arrested. Repeated non-compliance can result in Jail. 

This is a high point for the corrections industry. A bonus for FINES VIctoria and a red letter day for the criminalisation of the citizenry at large. 

The one message for the State Government is clear

Imprisoning, fining and arresting those who will not obey BLUNT DRACONIAN EDICTS will bring the full force of the law. 

Seriously folks

Pretty soon, (and we have this on good authority) may-poles will be burnt, public singing, inappropriate laughter and music (along with dwarf throwing and caber tossing) will be punishable by DEATH. 

The footage of just your average mad conspiracy theory ridden housewife being arrested is beyond the pale.  What are the police up to? We acknowledge that their uniforms really really do look like SS uniforms, but this is taking things too far. Why have we got a paramilitary intent upon prosecuting housewives for publishing silly rubbish on the internet, which will only be read by other potty people. 

Whatever happened to the ol, “I disagree with what your sayin, but I defend to the death your right to say it”. 

Crack Police swat team investigating sighting of another nutty housewife

Updated Police uniforms being trialled

In which case why isn’t the entire staff of The Australian being arrested. They peddle lies, and selective half-truths every day. No imprisonment for their climate change denialists view that will systematically in good time KILL ALL OF US! We don’t see the Gestapo raiding their offices. Angus Taylor? Why aint his people arrested for having a crack at the City of Sydney, and the farrago of bogus travel allowances. We need fair-mindedeness, balance and nuance if we’re going to hunt down journalistic crack pots. 

Howsabout religion? Close em all down, arrest the parishioners, for believing that an old bloke conceived the world in six days and women being derived from some blokes rib. What a load of cobblers. Why aint they arrested for publishing this homophobic, sexist, patriarchal twaddle. 

Why aint St Tone arrested for upholding the aforementioned and the lie that he’s the ambassador for indigenous Australians. He never asked them, and he aint asked em leave to piss of to the UK either. If he’s helping em, why is he doing it from the UK? Although we do admit, that’s what the Queen is supposed to do. And we aint seen much of her lately, but I spose with Prince Andrew hogging the headlines, she’s had her tiara full. 

Police surveillance in parks to protect us form nutty housewives

Why aint they arrested?

But arresting housewives? Cmon, we could do better. 

Couldn’t she have been tasered, spread-eagled and asphyxiated. That’s how they do it in the US, In Yuendumu, they just knock your door down and shoot you dead. 

We’ve still got a long way to go. 

But the signs are promising. 

As in Yuendumu, we don’t need a premier, we need a GBM. (General Business Manager). He only needs to see the people for official functions, the rest of the time he can get the police to do all the community work. 

All New Police Parks Surveillance CCTV Units will be adorned with attractive Yuendumu themed public art.

And a conga-line of NGO”s to pick up the profit.