Santa’s little helper saves the U.K

Dear reader, this is the personification of the expression; ‘ Grinning like an idiot”.

On Tony Abbott as Special Trade Envoy

‘This matters because the decision about to face Britain is far more serious in the long-term than any virus. It is over how to agree frictionless dealings with our immediate trading neighbours in Europe. I am reliably told there is not a single person within the penumbra of Downing Street remotely up to the job of such negotiation’.

  • Simon Jenkins is a Guardian columnist

Ready to Shirtfront the E.U

Until NOW!!!

Simon Jenkins may be the Guardians brain on Strategy, diplomacy and international relations, but he aint got nuffink on TONE!

Pcbycp are COCK A HOOP about Saint Tone of Santamarias, (Santa’s little helper) to his mates as the UK trade Envoy. And Tone’s the full bottle on foreign affairs. He hates wops, dagoes, froggies and eyeties as much as he hates lezzos and pooftas. Tone hates uppity sheilahs, and he hates lefty ratbag wankers who ask questions.  Tone gave us “Trumpism” before The Donald even got the gig at the White house, and Tone knows how to deal with dissent. He ignores em. Like they were DEAD!

Tone is right up there with ROLF. Another Aussie wot done good in the U.K

Boris is onto something, and the UK should be greatful. At last we’ve given them something that’s bigger than Rolf Harris. And arrested the stain of cultural cringe. If you’ve had a gutful of second rate pommy academics on huge salaries as Vice Chancellors, and the turds who get preferrment in state arts institutions just because they speak with a pommy accent, (gives em preferment, cos no one in Australia could ever be good enough) Your TIME HAS COME!

If it’s good enough for us, it’s good enough for the POMS.

 

Who’s ruling Britannia now?

 

But apart from the fact that Tone is the perfect fit for a Tory government that’s founded upon the very principle of institutional bastardry, public dishonesty, theft and sinecures for mates  we ‘d like to take this opportunity as Australias Ambassador for Indigenous Australians to become a truly displaced person himself. 

Returning to his mother country will be difficult for Tone.

Tone will ensure that offshore U.K administered tax havens are kept safe for his mates.

Things have changed since he left there in the late 50’s. There are lots of coloured people with the same rights as ordinary citizens, and some have even got high ranking jobs in government. Something that hardly ever happens in Australia. The BBC, though it has been thoroughly cleansed, still has pockets of dissent, and not all the government indtumentalities have been sold off yet. This is where Tone will come in handy, In getting rid of the NHS, he’ll be looking after the shareholders, as he did so nobly on the Murray Darling, Adani, or any other rent seeking corporaton. And with a bit of luck he can set up detention facilities on the channel islands, ensuring along the way that their purpose as a tax haven for mates like Angus doesn’t impinge upon the profit margin.  With Dominic Cummins in charge there’ll be profit all round for shareholders.

Lucky the poms, they’ve been miserable ever since they won the war to find they lost the peace. Now they’ll be truly miserable and made to suffer. 

As Tone will tell em, and he’s a Rhodes scholar fer crissakes, just as he told indigenous australians, he’s got no tolerance for those who choose a welfare state lifestyle. 

Being poor is an original sin. Step up and as Joe Hockey the bloke who closed down the car industry said; ‘get a better paid job’. 

Will Tone introduce Robo-debt?

Thats a trade of sorts. In souls

Raises the question. Is there a board position for Barnaby? He single-handedly rooted the Murray Darling, perhaps he can do the same to the E.U

We can only hope

Poetry of a Tuesday

Aussie Billionaires don’t like to swagger. This un, owned by the developer Mark Simonds only consumes 40 litres per k. A sure sign of global warming awareness.

Dear reader, as a departure from the usual tradition, we received this anonymously penned fragment signifying the peril of billionaires. As you may well know, the recent decision by Federal Police and state agencies to cut short a joy-riding Billionaire on the east coast determined to escape the Melbourne lockdown bought tears of sympathy. Elsewhere, those who would usually be found at Davos, are on their yachts, determined to cure the worlds woes, by staying insular and very rich. These Billionaires, be they Russian, Chinese, English, American or our very own are in peril. If they go the entire fabric of our society may be DOOMED.   We need billionaires, they give is something to look up to, and wonder.

When on your million dollar yacht evading the draconian lock-down its important to adopt ‘Gangsta-Rap’ hand- signals to demonstrate solidarity with the oppressed, and those poor who can only afford a rubber ring or overcrowded refugee vessel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Escaping the perils of lock down. This is not the politics of envy, just good Aussie Mates having a go!

 

 

Suffer they, the billionaires

Save the fucking billionaires

They’ve all humanity’s got,

Spare a thought for their homelessness

Onboard a billion dollar yacht

 

You’ve heard of medicins sans frontiers?

That’s doctors without borders

Millionaires are just not billionaires

Its a fucking new world order (Billionaires without borders) 

 

Russian Kleptocrats know how to Party. This- un consumes more fuel than the Titanic. And that’s just to keep the lights going.

So show a little leniency

Cut just a little slack

Next time a billionaire goes yachting

Pat him on the back

 

Cos these people are what’s left

Of humanity’s rotting carcass

They who own everything also serve

This-un has its own nuclear reactor. Just to operate the Juice extractor. The richer you are the more energy you need. Cos YOU CAN!

The power of the markets