Dear reader,

Due to popular demand we include this previously published image of the Rotodyne seen above the Battersea power Station. After some consultation between pcbycp and our correspondent from the North West Frontier it was determined that this image was taken adjacent the Yallourn W Power Station in the early 60’s

We regret to say that once again we find our heroes, Ces, Quent and Terry in some trouble. Flown in an Rotodyne, to a mysterious destination they find themselves at ‘Barnaby Springs’ a remote and till hitherto abandoned cattle station. Led by the impenetrable Clifford from Mi5 they encounter (arguably) Australia’s most powerful woman, Gina Rinehart. What is Gina up to? What has Clifford got to do with it? And why are our heroes summoned by such arcane agency. Is this another throw of the dice, another devilish plot, another taste of prawn in the game of pan global strategy? Or just the consequence of a clerical error we may never know, but the next five minutes may be crucial and dare we say it, a turning point in the global order. We return to the reception party and the fate that awaits.

Gina stood there flicking the riding crop and with the other hand holding the horse whip nodded a greeting. “Delivered as per your instruction M’Lady’; Clifford offered a salute and stood back for the formal introduction. To the side of Clifford, Ces noticed a familiar face, it was Nev, Nev Power of the ‘Gas- led recovery”, clearly whatever it was we were in powerful company. We stood together and nodded a greeting, but before we could utter a word Gina leapt in and in a commanding voice made us know exactly why we were at Barnaby Downs.

The verandah and welcoming signs at Barnaby Downs Station

‘Took ya time! Been waiting for you lot for weeks. Cliffy here was for knocking you off. Nev here was for incinerating you on the spot, and Brendan’.  From the shade of the verandah stepped Brendan Nelson, former liberal leader and architect of the AWM 500 million “ANZAC light and sound extravaganza’. We nodded to Brendan for keeping the immortal spirit, the ANZAC legend inviolate. “Seems you’ve done us a bit of a favour, by allowing those fools ‘Benny Boy’ and Julian to blow themselves up. You’ve saved us a bit of an embarrassment. Gotta message from Kerry who is delighted he’s off the hook.  Don’t get me wrong, he would’ve stuck his neck out half a mile for Benny Boy, but in the end, he’s very happy with how it turned out. You boys have cleared up a mess, and for all intents and purposes I should be happy. But you’ve embarrassed some powerful people. And you know what boys? Powerful people don’t like to be embarrassed. As a matter of fact it makes em edgy. With power comes responsibility. A responsibility to keep image intact. You boys jeopardise image and that’s’, Gina paused for the right word, ‘a problem’.

Terry seized the moment and with a breathtaking air of braggadocio pulled from his breast pocket another Camel, “Fancy a fag Gina’? And with an action faster than lightning Gina cracked the horse-whip and the cigarette proffered by Terry’s nicotine stained fingers was rent in two. We watched the fragments fall to the ground, split perfectly as if a razor had surgically severed the proffered ciggie. ‘I’ll have none of that’!

‘But Gina’, Ces tried another more conciliatory approach, “I think Gina, you’ll find we never wanted to be in this unenviable position either, we were just circumstantially thrown into the mix, and we’ve been chased and pilloried by evil doers who pretend to be as powerful as you and have designs upon your status, and because of that were prepared to do things’…… Ces searched for the right word to undercut the gravity of the situation with understatement;  ‘they were prepared to do things unbecoming, and you see, that’s why we’re here. We are mere prawns, and just want to be left alone, and begging your pardon, have just as much interest as you in fading back into our obscure and inconsequential lives’.

Ces donated to pcbycp this shot of him in ‘Nasho” days taking a lift with other servicemen on a Centurion to a pub crawl in Seymour. ” Pub to Pucka” was a popular diversion when the services outdoor cinema was not filming Chip’s Rafferty Classics. (AWM)

We could see this had an impact on Gina. She nodded to Clifford. Clifford nodded to Gina, and then, as we admired the gleaming fuselage of the De Havilland dragon rapide and the Focker triplane, Clifford opened his briefcase, and with barely a pause removed a paper of sorts. With another nod from Gina, he unfurled the document and cleared his throat. Gina clutched the parchment with her stubby little fingers after passing the stock-whip to Clifford.

‘By order of Her Majesty the Queen, Sacred monarch of the United Kingdom, Sovereign to the Commonwealth of Nations, anointed  by sacred duty as the undisputed head of the Church of England, those bits of the world still coloured pink and former Empress of India, and other places ear-marked for future conquest you are to be held by authority of AUKUS’.  There was a pause as Gina cleared here throat, and with expert precision in keeping with her stock-whip skills we heard the ping as a fragment of tobacco juice pinged into the spittoon at her feet.

‘You’, she paused and with here stubby pudgy fingers pointed to the three of us are to be tried in a criminal court, and then to be taken to a place of execution, and from there to be HANGED by the neck until you are dead. Your bodies to be buried in un-consecrated ground and un-marked by gravestone, placard, or interpretive facility. Under the charge of High Treason’.

Clifford gave Gina a self-satisfied wink, which we were inclined to think was a little over- familiar and putting the parchment back into his suitcase stood as rigid as before.

Nev Power of the Gas- led Recovery! Now working on the ‘Drains to Effluent Futures’. as CEO of the  Murray Darling Authority

‘So boys, as Boris is fond of saying; ‘Them’s the breaks’. I’d like to help you, but as you can see the power lies with Her Majesty, and as she’s getting close to one hundred, and frail, you might appeal. But getting your case to appeal might be stretching it. For the rest of your stay, enjoy the hospitality of Barnaby Downs’.

Will this really be the end? Can Brendan step in? Will Nev recover a ‘Gas Led recovery? Can Gina show compassion just once? Find out in our next executional episode, ‘For whom the noose tightens’, or “a slow death of an evening”.