We return to our next  thrilling episode as our heroes Ces and Quent confront the real most powerful woman in Australia. Not the ‘Big G’, but the ‘Big S’. Sophie Mirabella,  could it get any worse? Find out if you dare. Read on….

All along we’d been mistaken. It was something much worse.  We thought we were slotted for an audience with Gina. But It was Gina’s chosen factotum, her mouth-piece, her protagonist, her orchestrated and finely crafted ‘TOOL’. For there, in a uniform bedecked with medals , ribbons and insignia, jackboots firmly fitted, a riding crop and the officers cap bearing the insignia of the Totenkopf Viking Division, with oak leaves, diamonds and swords the most powerful ex-politician to have strutted the global stage. The former Member for Indi, the former Minister for Industry and Technology in the Abbott Government, Sophie Mirabella. 

Sophie looked us up and down, and dragging on a Sobranie tastefully attached to a black and gold tipped extender she blew a perfectly formed smoke-ring in our direction. You had to hand it to her, she was no oil painting, but for what she lacked in nature’s gift she more than adequately compensated for in sheer physical presence! She took another drag, and then adjusting her monocle made the casual remark;

‘Well boys,  ya took yer time. And I gotta tell youse, Gina’s unhappy, 

And Barnaby’s said you have just two choices if you wanna live. 

And before I declare execution, tell me this, what are you gonna do about it’?

What were we gonna do about it? 

We had no idea, but to fInd tIme, to stall, to procrastinate, obfuscate and confabulate, to do anything to get us out of this mess, and woo the evil countenance before us. A woman if you could call her that, made of armoured plate, glass and titanium alloy!

Seeing our obvious discomfiture, and perhaps in reflection of her new status as a Fair Work Commissioner, she almost seemed, ‘conciliatory’. Clearly she was trying to be more human, only time could tell just how human that ‘Human-ness’ was meant to be. 

‘Ya know, I’ve got a bit of a party celebration for you. And I think you’re gonna like it. 

And I gotta tell you boys, just like Gina I like things to go off with a bang’!

Ces perked up; ‘But where is Gina’?

‘On business, In way out WEST anything GOES’!

‘Can we ask where she is then’? 

‘Yep i’ll tell ya, ’In China with Xi, Working on the carve up and Australia’s new dawn as a protectorate of’, she looked reverentially to the photo of Xi, ‘Of Mother China!!!!’

Ces and I were exasperated, was there no-one in or out of Australia who wasn’t ensnared by the Chinese Government. With Angus clearly directing operations we understood his requirement to monetise his paltry parliamentary entitlements, but this, was just too much.  Ces decided to make a stand on principle, scratching his head for a thought he held both hands out in supplication, “ Surely Sophie, your conscience would sway you, there are millions of Australians who will just be chaff to your whim. Countless lives cashiered on the crucible of your will, and millions of younger Australians who will be cut adrift from the ladder of opportunity! To never being able to buy a house, be educated, get on in life, is this the future of Australia you really want’? 

Sophie squirmed, it almost seemed for a moment that pangs of conscience had triggered something deep within her.  Perhaps as Fair Work Commissioner there was now a nuclei of compassion stirring within her? Perhaps she was not all fishnets, jackboots and monocle? 

Alas we were mistaken!!! She began to convulse, and then unable to contain herself began to laugh, and the laughter became a caterwauling convulsion of pent-up emotional angst.  The laughter became maniacal and then convulsive. The monocle fell out and the sobranie tipped to the floor. It lasted or almost an entire minute and then gathering herself, she laughed, between tears; “COMPASSION’? 

‘Ladder of OPPORTUNITY’? 

Listen BOYS, There’s only one thing my time in Parliament taught me and that’s about POWER! Without POWER you are FUCKED! Angus has shown me this much, and Xi  has proclaimed it as the only universal law that matters!! And until you two understand which side your bread is buttered you’ll always be mere prawns!!!

Ces muttered; ‘don’t you mean pawns Sophie’?, 

“Nup PRAWNS!, Xi loves em and he’s just bought out the prawn fisheries  as a Chrissy prezzo for his wife. Who just happens to be, (she paused for effect) …’GINA!!!!!

To say we were pole- axed by this recent revelation would be an understatement more pathetic then the Federal Governments vaccine roll-out. Ces and I were dumb founded.  Was there nothing that wasn’t for sale? ‘What about integrity, and the inviolate bond of the human soul’? Sophie heard us; Mate get it into your fucken thick head, it’s SOLD! SOULS have all been SOLD! If you don’t believe me ask CARDINAL PELL’!

‘And I should know cos I’m a fucken FAIR WORK COMMISSIONER!!!!

‘Now boys enough of this twaddle I want to show you something, before you leave us’!!

Show us something? What did Sophie want to show us? Was it decent? Would this be our last showing? Could it get any more grotesque? Find out in thus next thrilling episode, “ A well directed jack-boot to the testimonials”, or “ Don’t come the raw prawns with the cold crustacea’