THIS is the flag of the Republic of China, not THE REAL CHINA.
We at Pcbycp have been looking at the tea- leaves. We’ve been working on a intra-agency think tank of “ Wot- if scenarios”. It prepares us for the report we must give at the end of May for the Defense Brown Paper, (all the white papers had been used by hoarders). One of the key hypotheticals was; “What if we fell foul of a rich and powerful ally who wasn’t quite as rich or powerful as the other ally,………. yet?
And what could precipitate such a distaster. ?
The following is a detailed description of what ensured.
It all began with a cup of tea.
The “Golden Crown” Chinese tea that gave us all the trots
The Formosan tea, (not really Chinese tea)
Clarrie noticed that the tea leaves were Formosan. “There it is on the packet”, he pointed to the text written in bold green and deep yellow.. “there it is..” Formosan tea’. We quipped; ” but I can’t be very Formosan if it’s made in Ceylon? Why didn’t you just get Ceylonese tea’? (have you noticed how tea is sold as Ceylon tea, when it comes from a post Britannic Empire former colony they now call Sri- Lanka). ‘I couldn’t’, Clarrie said dejectedly, ‘all the Ceylon tea comes from China, and you know the Chinese tea made us crook and gave us the trots’. He had a point. The last batch (Heavenly sacred Golden Crown 888) we purchased gave us the daily doubles and we almost ran outta betting slips. ‘That’s why I chose Formosan. That’s when we sent off that request to DFAT from an investigation into the Chinese Tea market. And anyway, this Formosan tea, that’s from Sri- Lanka aint really Chinese tea, cos Formosa aint really China. We’ve gotta stick to our principles, that crook Chinese tea made us sicker than a dozen yellow dogs. From hereon we’ll put an embargo on Chinese products starting with tea’.
Clarrie was right, we all stared at our tea leaves. Though we realised an embargo on Chinese tea was gonna be pretty hard to enact. We’d have to be disciplined. Stay the course. Resolute.
Beaut picture of the Cutty Sark plying tea during the happy days when Formosa was part of REAL CHINA. Allegedly Opium my have also been on the odd shipment.
And that was our Wot- If moment.
What’s this got to do with the price of recently removed organs in Uighurstan’? Well, we’ll tell you. We’re a bit worried about drinking “Formosan Tea”. Cos as the bosun on the Cutty Sark will tell you, “Formosa is what they now call Taiwan”. And the Taiwanese call emselves “the Republic of China”. And that’s really put the wind up us, cos it aint the “REAL CHINA”. The REAL CHINA is crook on Formosa, cos it’s not run by the party. In the REAL CHINA everything is run by the PARTY. “Bit like COAL runs Australia”, Clarrie said. ‘If you even mention Formosa they’ll (the other CHINA) go APE-SHIT. And if you hang around with them, they’ll dis you faster than Bridget McKenzie was dumped from the front bench’.
Which begged the question; Could this be the catalyst for a pan- global showdown, in which Australia could be the prawn?
And if it was, would we have to come the raw prawn to justify our very existence, and STAND ALONE on PRINCIPLE??
Wot if, we kept to our embargo, and demanded the other Chinese Government, (not the one from Formosa that aint officially recognised where the tea is alleged to come from) apologise for sending us crook tea?
Mateship and trust are at the core of strategic partnerships. “You’ve Gott trust yer mates” (Dutton)
Wot-if, the REAL CHINA got really really angry at us for buying Formosan tea? And asking silly questions that called in their capacity to govern, make the trains run-on time, or offer themselves as a comparison to other extremely well managed countries like the U.S of A? Who just happened to be having an election and were in need of a dose of xenophobia to get them across the line?
Wot- if, we asked the Formosan tea sellers to help us in our investigation. And if we keep on drinking that tea, they’ll (‘the REAL China”) threaten to ban imports, and stuff our entire economy?
Wot-if, our entire economy was dependant on the REAL China, our pollies had pockets stuffed with REAL Chinese money to influence decision making and the rivers of gold derived from real estate, and visa factories, (universities) was stemmed?
Wot-if, In spite of all the money, influence and largesse tossed at our pollies, miners and educational institutions, we said; ” thanks, but no thanks, and did a Clive Palmer on them”?
Mateship can be nuanced
Just a reminder, this is a hypothetical, nothing this far- fetched would happen in real life.
Wot-if, we said, in retaliation; “Dont threaten us, we want an enquiry into your tea. We don’t like it, that’s why we buy the Formosan tea. Your tea is unpalatable, the hygiene standards are below par and it gives us the trots. We’ll conduct a Tea enquiry in your country on our terms, and find out why it’s giving us the trots. And whilst we’re at it, you can just bugger off’!
That’s what geo-politics is all about. If you get on the wrong side of your big mates they’re liable to get shirty. Even if they’re not shirty, you still have to kow-tow, (is that a Japanese term?) do all their wars, invade Vietnam, Iraq, Afghanistan, etc, etc, buy shitty and exorbitantly expensive war materiel that’ll never be used, and get screwed by one- sided trade deals. So if another one of your big mates goes crook on you, you’re totally stuffed. It’d be worse than being shoved in the prison showers whilst having to pick up multiple bars of soap. Or worse still, living an entire year without footy, cricket, or anyfink!
And you don’t kow-tow to yer mates. Japanese P.M talks to marketing guru.
Wot-if the REAL China went crook on us, and said; “look here if you do an enquiry as to why you’ve got no footy or cricket and blame us, we wont buy your stuff and you’ll get what’s coming to yer.’.
Wot- if Our response was; ‘Get Stuffed, we can do without YOUSE!’, and we telexed em in Cantonese just to nark em.
The Wot-ifs just grow and grow.
Dear reader, this scenario grinds onwards to the next thrilling instalment which you may read over your Formosan tea tomorrow morning.