Dear reader as you may recall, our correspondents were in a terrible fix. China was rampaging across the planet, and Australia, vulnerable, insecure, paranoid and isolated, ( the four corners of the Australian psyche)  had been hit by baseless accusations about Australian troops doing terrible things. We knew they indulged in the odd hi-jinks, but to discredit the noble exploits of clean living Aussie soldiers trying to civilise barbaric, backward foreign countries was way beyond belief. We as yet had no answer to this attack against the spirit of Anzackery.

Though we tried, it seemed that the excellent idea of appointing Prince Andrew as a go-between our fragment of the old White Empire and the evil, nefarious, corrupt agency of Chinese communism just wouldn’t work. In short we were stumped. The Minister had run outta ideas.  We had tried the think tank, the highest office in the land, her Majesty and even resorted to asking ASIO, M I 5 and the Signals Directorate and came up with nothing, 

With Prince Andrew scotched, we were stuffed. 

Till the phone rang. Clearly, the bloke on the other end had clout. The Ministers eyes lit up and he punched the air. The bloke on the other line, our saviour, was called ‘Angus’.

Who could this Angus be?

We were about to find out,   read on…

 

 

The Minister put the receiver down, “ You beauty! if anyone can do it ol Angus can”? 

‘Angus who’? We asked timidly,

“Angus the Fangus, the Cayman Island Angus, the Angus who made the Murray Darling lucrative, the man of a thousand forged signatures, the nemesis of Clover the world over, the jam land maker’.

‘You mean’?, (we hesitated), ‘The Minster for Energy’?

‘Yep got it in one, the Minster for Energy, rorts and kickback. 

With Angus on side the Chinese are stuffed, 

No one can stop the power’, 

‘The power? Is Nev onto it also’?

‘Nup, Nev’s an amateur, we’re talking the power of Mateship. 

It’s Aussies secret weapon. You think the communist party are bent, with the Power of mateship we can divert the course of mighty rivers, bend steel with our bare hands, and leap to the top of mighty piles of coal, and save us from the evils of unlimited cash, debt trap and short-termism’. 

‘But what you’ve just described is contemporary Australia’?

‘Yeah, but that’s OUR VERSION, no foreigner is gonna tell us what out version of Australia is, and that’s why Angus is THE MAN”. 

WE had our instructions, the park for the rendezvous was the forecourt of the Crown Casino. Angus was to give us the heads up, and with a bit of luck it would put China firmly on the back foot. 

We waited the next day, 2.00 pm. No sign of Angus, 

We waited another hour, still no sign of Angus, 

Till we noticed we were being watched by a fat bloke who looked decidedly seedy. He waddled over to us, he looked vaguely familiar, and as he pulled his shades off we knew, 

‘G’day’, (he whispered) ‘it’s me. Jamie’.

‘Jamie Pack’….. ‘Shhh, don’t let the cat outta the bag, Angus sent me’, 

‘He said we were to give you this, and you’ll get your Casino license back’. 

With a deft movement of the arm he pulled out a usb, it was painted gold.  On embossed lettering along the edge the words HIGH ROLLER LOUNGE”

‘Plug this into your computer, and await further instructions’, 

‘Why couldn’t  Angus do this’?, 

‘Shhh, RULE ONE! Never question Angus, he’s too important’.  And then confiding, just the way he did during the casino enquiry, he scratched his forehead and looked at us blankly

‘You’re lucky its me and not Angus’,

‘Why’s that’? 

‘Cos Angus is really really angry’. 

‘With China’? We trembled, cos Jamie, was towering over us. He was a fucking great COLOSSUS!

‘Nup, youse,.