Dear reader, stunning news that something actually transformative is happening to our Australian identity. In a counter to the cynical view we take of politics and the dull refrain “ moving forward” we’re first to announce something absolutely substantial is taking place to propitiate the ‘IDEAS BOOM’, and ensure that thinking outside the square is encouraged, fostered and projected to the rest of the world.
An ebullient Minister Pyne, announces the ‘Ideas Boom’ inaugural medal recipient.
Australia is a nation brimming with ideas, and foremost amongst them the Minister for Innovation himself, the Rt. Hon. Christopher Pyne. Exclusive to PCbyCP. We bring you this address made last night by the principal architect of the ‘Ideas Boom’ The Rt. Hon Christopher Pyne. M.P.
‘Dear guests, ladies and gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure to show there’s substance to the commitment this government has for courageous leadership. Though you may sneer at our feeble efforts to indulge in tax reform, electoral reform, equity, taxes, and reigning in the the annointed one percent. It gives me great pleasure to announce the federal governments ‘Ideas Boom’, service medal. This medal, for which we have sought recognition from the RSL and the Australian defence forces can be worn on Anzac day marches and Australia day ceremonies with justifiable pride. Such is the importance we place upon it.
Without congratulating our Prime Minister, too heartily, we have junked the ossified knighthood’s for something that well and truly puts australian thinking at the forefront. For too long the bastard child to sport, and recognition that we are truly opening up a new paradigm, the ‘can-do’ attitude of Australian thinking. And, It is humbling, but you may ask who is to be awarded this stunning medallion in recognition of being able to think beyond the square, punch above their own weight, and save us from the inertia that has plagues australian body politic, thinking and the capacity we all yearn for IMAGINATION?
‘Please pass me the envelope’. (George Christensen, passes up the envelope, after pausing long enough to customarily weigh its contents in the palm of his hand).
Hushed silence ensues, and then, with orchestral fanfare, unfurling of monster flag, and the Australian schoolboys choir, (escorted by Safe schools guardians,) sings stirring chorus of ‘Advance Australia Fair’. Minister steps up to the podium. ‘Before I announce the winner I would just like to say, this decision is beyond my orbit, it has been determined by a panel of experts drawn from the very highest echelons of thinking Australia. Yes indeed, the board of the Property Council in detailed discussion with the Minerals and Energy Council and our friends in the IPA. Without further ado, i’ll get on with the announcement you’ve all been waiting for.
I am very proud, as it gives me great pleasure, to announce the winner, (opens envelope, with a flourish and tear), leans forward, ‘and the winner is’……. Looks at contents, pauses, , blushes, and then recovers; ‘Dear ladies and gentlemen, distinguished guests, the winner, is…… ME’!!!.
The Rt. Hon. Eric Abetz. Dissapointed with the outcome, but tipped, (By the Institute of Public Affairs) to be next years ‘Ideas Boom’ award winner.
Thunderous applause
‘I’ll just read the citation. For courage, leadership and thinking beyond the square, whilst leaving the status quo absolutely intact. And, (holding medal ‘Brownlow style’ aloft). I’m sure you’ll agree with me its a fine medal. My department designed it. That’s part of being at the forefront of the ideas boom. And though it’s made in China, the ribbon was also designed by me. ‘Who would have thought’?. Thunderous applause.
Stirring rendition of ‘Up there Cazaly’. After the uproar, Minister accepts his medal citation from the chairman of the Property Council and the ACL. Upon departing the dais, (he tearily remarks); ‘Thankyou, this is a humbling moment, and one I think that proves once and for all our commitment to making the ‘ideas boom’ a reality’.