Benny Boy made the most of his VC by adorning his chest with s SUPER-SIZE V.C just in case any kiddy at the local baths or beach just thought he was a standard ‘sand in your face kicker’!
Difficult times, are these the hardest of times or just the second best also- ran hardest of times?
Brendan supervises loading up suitcases of gold ingots for export to Buckingham palace, and the smaller ones to Clarence House.
Only Charles Dickens might know and he’s not on Instagram to tell us. Our heroes find themselves in a difficult situation between an oleaginous aquifer and a septic tank, and the yanks this time have nothing to do with it. It’s the Poms, stitching up titles and peerages for Australians like Gina looking for a bit of class, and a chance for the Windsor’s to put some hard earnt into paper bags from Harrods or Suitcases. Whichever way you look at it it’s all a bit dodgy, but not quite as dodgy as Brendan’s ‘V.C’s for cash’ scheme which is reliant on the principle of dead men tell no tales, and heads or tails you always lose. But there is a chance that Brendan is suggesting a deal may yet be made. And for our heroes anything has gotta be better than just being slotted by Gina, Nev and the faceless man from the Mi6 Clifford.
We return to the transactional state of things…
‘Yes Brendan whispered I agree with all of that, but we’ve got to play our part and pretend they’re above the law’. Ces interrupted with venom; ‘and why’s that’?
The first VC’s were won gloriously in far away lands where wops had not learnt civilizations ways. Nothing’s changed.
Cos in the scheme of things whilst Her Majesty is still the supreme leader, our role is to forelock tug and be subservient. And in a funny way we’re kinda used to it. And most of our pollies even the ones that are a bit pinkish always like to know that they may be presented at court someday. It looks good as a memento on the mantelpiece for the grand kiddies to gawk at. It’s what makes us as Australians proud of our heritage’.
Before gaining a V.C became a ticket to the international speaking circuit and lucrative sponsorship deals it was represented by ordinary men who did what they considered their duty in appalling circumstances.
We knew Nelson was talking absolute bollocks, but for the sake of being spared we went along with it. Quent chipped in for added effect, ‘Yep, you can’t shake the pommy aristocracy for giving us a touch of class, it’s something the Yanks will never understand’. With that Brendan gave us all a hearty slap on the back and even took one of Terry’s camels as a symbol of goodwill. ‘I tell ya’, Brendan said conspiratorially, ‘if we could just take a quick flight over to Maralinga and check that Assange and Benny-boy really blew themselves up you might have a chance of going free. You see, Gina has entrusted me with knocking you off. She really trusts me. It’s because with Kerry in on the cash for V. C’s scam, Gina is only interested in getting troublemakers shit stirrers, ratbags out of the way, to get her peerage and she trusts me to obey unflinchingly. So if I can suggest to her that I’ll toss you out of the rapide at 10,000 feet she’ll be happy. As long as you don’t pull a stunt and offer any surprises. Just show me the bodies and we have a deal’. And then Brendan poised, did another Tony Abbott wink and said ‘Get Me’!
‘Excuse me Brendan’, it was Quent who felt there was a chance for reason above the imperative of BRUTE FORCE. ‘If we agree to this, what chance have we got really? We’re still left to rot at Maralinga, and our chance of getting a lift outta there is practically zero, and what hope is there that you’ll keep your end of the bargain? I mean why not just knock us off now’? At this suggestion we almost saw Brendan flinch, his empire depended upon a couple of corpses, the stakes were so high Brendan, was desperate. Funny how a second-rate pollie is always playing for the high stakes, almost as if they try and find a circumstance that elevates them from just being dull, ordinary and boring to being some sort of kingmaker. Quent also knew, that Brendan was out of his depth. After all his years as Liberal leader he still lacked the ‘ticka’. And as CEO of the War Memorial, he’d become overly obsessed with Corpses, spiritual mumbo jumbo and genuflecting to the god ‘ANZACKERY’. He stood before us dumbfounded, wide eyed, and feckless. Ces had had enough of the conflated protocols and slamming his fist into the palm of his left hand with so much force we knew it hurt he exclaimed; ‘All right then Brendan. You’re on, Let’s go’!
Images of the forthcoming ” Unquestionable Glory of ANZACS at War ” Light and Sound Show at the AWM. The Ben Roberts Wing, (reputedly bigger than the MCG) will be devoted entirely to his glorious service in Afghanistan.
The three of the piled into the De Havilland, and Brendan nodded to Gina, Clifford and Nev before settling into the cockpit. From the scratched and frosted Perspex windows we saw Gina raise here daquiri and give Brendan the thumbs up. Clearly that was Gina’s coded signal for Brendan to do his worst. With a push of the starter and the whirr of the magnetos the twin Gypsy inline majors roared into life the de Havilland began its steady progress across the dusty tarmac of Barnaby Downs. Obeying a signal from Brendan we strapped ourselves into our crude canvas chairs and buckled in for the voyage back to Maralinga. To comfort in our apprehension Brendan thoughtfully put on a recording of ‘Gday Gday” and a couple of Rolf Harris numbers, including his greatest hit; ‘Two Little boys”. We relaxed knowing that Brendan Nelson had our interests at heart and as the manager of Australia’s shrine, Australia’s cathedral sacred to the memory of those who had bled so that John Barilaro and others elevated to the AAT or a bench on the Fair Work Commission could prevail had comforted us.
We looked safe for the moment, a temporary stay of execution. Is it too soon to be optimistic, while hope lingers?
John Barilaro, shortlisted to a lifetime on the AWM Board. ” For services to the sinecure industry’.
Can hope linger? Aint ‘Hope’ the first name of one of Gina’s daughters? Find out in the next Westralian episode, “A Slipped twin-set between D cup and lip” or ‘Gina’s G-Spot aint Geraldton”.