pcbycp has the scoop of the century. 

The Magic Bus has been refurbished for the Cardinals Victory Lap!

Cos Anzac Day has been rooted by the Corona-crisis, the Easter Show was a fizz in Sydney, footy is off, and pubs and clubs are closed there’s nowhere to celebrate the greatest day in the Australian calendar, ANZAC DAY. ‘This is so un-Australian.  It’s  beyond contemplation” a leaked memo from Scomo’s office reads. What now Australia? Is this the end? Is this worse than the WHO?

(Some of us still think, the Who’s “Live at Leeds” is the greatest live rock album of all time, and Keith Moons percussive influence on ‘Magic Bus’ beyond compare.)

But who will drive the Magic Bus without Anzac? We need guidance, both spiritual and symbolic to fill this yawning abyss in the Australian psyche. From Wuhan to Wagga the question remians…. Without ANZAC, are we Australian? 

Hence the genius of “The Cardinals Victory Lap”!.  

Bigger than Moomba, The Cardinals float will lead the procession. Emblazoned on the side, “ for those who have been wrongly accused of kiddy fiddling’; the Pope”. This is no Papal Bull.  

The procession will be led by first Australians in traditional ANZAC regalia

This is the real deal. Through the auspices of the Catholic Boys Daily, (the Australian) Sky News an the one they call BOLT, the Cardinal victory lap will encompass Anzac, Easter, footy Grand Final (both codes)  and Australia Day as the greatest demonstration of cohesive policy, since, ‘terra nullius’. Leading the procession will be a phalanx of orderly aborigines, in chains, to demonstrate the bond they have for religion and overarching soverignty. To demonstrate to the world at large that George, religion and good governance has instilled in these  people a respect for authority and the capacity to march straight. A unifying symbol beyond compare.  

In celebration of his release, April 25th will be renamed “Cardinal’s Day” and George shall as ordained by GOD,  TO LEAD!

Sir John. Kerr, a GIANT amongst men.

Johnny H will be M.C . Beamed live by Sky News! First stop will be a vigil at the grave of Sir John Kerr.  In homage of the right to do whatever it takes to restore the STATUS QUO!  Then, after circumnavigating poorer suburbs, the entourage will meet for a star studded cavalcade to honour men and service-women who have made Australia Great. In Canberra,  the Governor General will give his soliloquy how he (George) alone stood between the infidel, (Johnny Turk, the ABC and the leftist Victorian Police Force and judiciary) and stood fast, so that kiddies may be fiddled. 

The TOMB OF THE AVERAGE BASTARD

Then at the tomb of the unknown soldier he will quote Levitivucs chapter seven and say   “And lo, little kiddies will be buggered to preserve the right of men to be fucked up about sexuality, secrets and guilt as stalwarts of the Catholic Church” For this the entourage will visit the ‘TOMB OF THE AVERAGE BASTARD’, who died ingnominously somewhere on a field of valour so that some high ranking influential individual may get a sinecure. A brief prayer by local aborigines will symbolise the passing of the baton from the tomb of the “WRETCHED UNKNOWN SOLDIER” to their race so that they may be officially recognised as “wretched”, thus perpetuating the sacred tradition of bureaucrats who are ordained to “make  wealth” in prolonging  their suffering. 

His Holiness George will pass the spiritual Anzac baton, (a tin of bully beef) to Kevan Gosper in acknowledgement that sports officials are also worthy of lifetime sinecures.  Kevan will then pass it to George Brandis, who will celebrate the right of those in the Australia Council and other arts bodies so tnat they may gain sinecures and permanent employment whlst those who actualy work for a living in the arts sector are rendered poverty stricken. “So that they may apprecciate further the irony of Anzac”.  George Brandis will then pass it to Joe Hockey, so that average Australians will know their sacrifice made by losing jobs in manufacturing made him comfortable with a string of investment properties  and well off. 

George will receive the sacred baton in recognition of his visionary cuts to arts funding

Then at midday George will deliver the “Lest we forget eulogy”. 

This is a special Anzac-Corona event. There will be a guard of honour of scouts, brownies, girl guides and orphans who will sing excerpts from “ Fiddler on the roof” , “Fiddler in the cloisters” and ‘Fiddler at the confessional” concluding with a spirited rendition of “May those in power continue to fiddle”.  

Dog Whistles will play the last post at the conclusion of the ceremony

Joint sponsors

Finally, a pause in the proceeding as Alexander Downer delivers his address on bugging embassies to preserve the right of petrochemical companies in not paying taxes and the  ongoing incarceration of special  witness K. The event is sponsored by Kellogs. The RAAF roulettes, (sponsored by Crown) will do a flyover, and finally a special performance by aboriginal tribes gathered from the wastelands of areas not deemed fit for mining, real estate or re- education will sing ‘Wollongong the Brave’ and instill in us a sense of nationalism. 

Lest we forget, that we might continue the great tradition of useless sacrifice in other peoples wars, rather than imagine an indigenous foreign policy. 

Ratbags will NOT BE INVITED to the Cardinals Anzac-Corona Victory Lap!

Next years event is already in planning