Dear reader, 

Once again, our heroes are in the thick of it. 

Julian arrives to rapturous applause as the headlining act at 2022s Glastonbury festival. He’ll be convering the Stone’s classic ‘Exile on Main Street’.

Do you think a lone Centurion tank could stop them? A tank that’s been sitting out on the dry dusty tarmac at Maralinga for over sixty years. A tank, though equipped with Lucas Electrics is still functioning? Just proof once again that military hardware manufactured to the highest exacting standards by Engineers from the United Kingdom are a reliable mainstay in times of WAR. Are those the drums of war you hear? Is it time with AUKUS to return to the glory days of Maralinga, Singapore and the shores of Gallipoli? We can only hope because fruitless blood and sacrifice are scrawled by every sage on histories  page to celebrate the failure of a grounded localised foreign policy above the obdurate requirements of standing in lock -step to whatever empire is running the joint. 

Portrait of Julian, Titled; ‘Exile’ rejected by Archibald prize judges as being; ‘too mainstream, white-bread, entitled and middle aged’.

But beyond the pan strategic, and the myopic with ‘Benny Boy’ at our heroes sides they know they are guarded by Australia’s most noble and decorated soldier. Strange as it seems after all they’ve been through, things just get stranger. Because, as you may recall from our last episode, emerging from the smoke, the cacophony, the roar of explosive devices and the great cloud of dust and smoke that gave our heroes cover as they made a run for it under Benny’s barking orders, they find themselves in the relative safety of the old Maralinga air terminal. And to their shock, and utter amazement they overhear a conversation. And incredibly it turns out to be a familiar voice. But can it be who they think it is? It’s just too improbable, but then ever since this sagea began the probability co -efficient has been thrown on its head. 

So let’s throw another improbability, like ‘Clean Coal’ or a ‘working federal ICAC’ on the barby, and enthral to the high stakes behind the scenes. Whilst we know that we are no closer in finding who the nefarious villain was who so cruelly defiled our Tea -lady Miss Culthorpe whilst she was on secondment as an intern in our nations parliament. 

Read on… 

Vlad, and Vlod, Could they STILL be friends?

Incredibly, the two of them were just slapping each other on the back, and laughing,  They clearly had been great mates for years, Benny Boy offered Julian a smoke, and Julian gave Benny Boy an Ecuadorian Cigar.  To see these two most improbably different individuals carrying on gave us hope. Hope that perhaps the same could be done on the international stage. Was that foolish to dream and yearn for a better geo-politik?  Vlodomir and Vladimir could be friends? The same could be achieved between Xi and Joe, and even in a pinch, the same could happen between Scomo and Macron though that seemed pushing it just a little too far.. 

‘How the fuck are ya’?, Benny Guffawed.  ‘Well pretty good since the time we shared that laptop at the Fat Ladies, and whaddabout the night out in Seattle when we were both seconded to the CIA, undercover to investigate Alexanders trip to Washington? And the tapes’!!

Emanuelle and Scotty, in friendship we trust.

They both convulsed with laughter. ‘How were we to know he was seriously into bondage as well as cross dressing, and then’, Julian who was in tears of laughter, his pasty face flecked with dust and steams of tears, inchoate, convulsive tears; ‘and then George Brandis walked in’ .. They collapsed again….’Well if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck’! Once again Julian and Benny Boy collapsed in fits of laughter, It seemed incongruous, one moment we were expected to get slotted, and now watching two comics going through their routines, ‘AAAgggh. Hha ha hhah’! They convulsed with laughter, clearly our bravest soldier and Asutralia’s most infamous leaker had some snidger times together, and more than that it was obvious to blind Freddy that though poles apart they were great mates. 

For us we were just perplexed and happy. Happy that we had Benny on our side, undoubtedly a man of courage and conviction, and also we had the smartest and arguably naughtiest man on our side too,. With Julian’s smarts in intelligence and publicity, we were sure to find out who defiled our tea-lady, and perhaps in a pinch even put an end to the evil plot by Sophie and Dutto to sell Australia off to overseas interests, not that there was much left to sell. 

Julian inspects the ‘underground megaphone’ sound system before going on stage.

It was Ces who broke the ice, ‘Ok Benny aren’t you gonna introduce him to us’?, Benny wiped the tears of joy from his eyes and said, ‘Well you know him but we are great mates, turned out both of us were working behind the scenes in Afghanistan, and after several sessions at the Fat Lady’s Arms we knew that whatever happened, we would resist’

‘Resist what’? Quent asked, ‘To resist the temptation to be dull, boring and  normal’, Benny replied with a grim look of determination. 

‘Oh…But I thought, I thought’, he pointed to Julian, still puffing on one of the Camels Terry had bought along, Ces was about to mention to Julian that perhaps he’d better look after his health, but decided against it….. ‘aren’t you meant to be in jail’?

‘Yeah, meant to have been in chokey for years’! Julian answered phlegmatically as if to say, in a sneering tone, ‘And what’s it to you? 

Studio portrait of Julian utilising ‘the Cloud’ for pre- publicity.

Ces was undeterred; ‘but I saw photos of you in chokey’,

‘Yeah mate that’s just a hologram. Even the Queen uses em now, and I’m actually working for AUKUS. The whole extradition thing is a sham, as they know I’m too valuable since Snowden took the Gold pass to Moscow, to have hanging around, and besides’, he playfully punched Benny in the Ribs ‘ with mates like these who could resist’? 

Who could resist?

Juiian praises the ‘Health and fitness regime at H.M Prison Belmarsh.

 Our world had turned upside down, with Julian and Benny working alongside, in cahoots, black was white and truth was stranger than fiction.  But is fiction all there is? Find out in the next compelling episode,  ‘Assanged and you’re out’, or ‘Is extradition just another way of saying I still call Australia Home’?