Ministers of the Crown like Dressing UP!
Dear reader, sadly, there is yet another tabloid-ish episode in this drawn out pcbycp series. But in the spirit of lockdown, you know it will just go on and on and on. We are indebted to our friends from News Limited for allowing us to use the Royal Seal, the Royal Corgi, Duck and Tadpole to establish our bona fides as accredited Court Reporters.
the saga continues where we left off……
The Duchess walked out of the room, followed closely behind by The former Foreign Minster and the Poodle. We were alone……. with Dyse.
Dyse fidgeted, and said; ‘Don’t think for a minute this is over, I haven’t finished with you yet! Once we get you back to Australia you’ll feel the FULL FORCE of the LAW!’.
‘Wanna bet’? Ces challenged, and in a flash Dyse was bound and gagged with a copy of the ‘Law Review’ stuffed in his gob. “Quick’! Ces roared, ‘Lets outta here before they do a Ghislaine on us’!
Vice Regal’s are BIG on Medals and Dressing UP!
“But wait”; I said; “what about the keys’?
“You’re right”, Ces flashed the Royal Keys. ’We can’t let this opportunity slip. Lets blow the lid on this Royal intrigue once and for all. If we’re gonna go down, we’ll go down and bring the whole stinking edifice with us’.
So along dimly lit corridors we made out way out of the basement, and up to the Penthouse suite.
What a shock when we got there!
Prince Andrew, caught red- handed! Rummaging, through the Duchesses drawers, ignoring us in his frantic search for something, “It must be here! It must it must, I know she’s got it somewhere’! And there in the back room, Bill and Hillary were going through the washing basket. The floor was littered with a debris trail of the Duchess effects, tickets to Galah performances, betting slips, IOU’s, travellers cheques, charity invitiations, cheque book butts, condoms (unused) . Ces confronted them, like Andrew, impervious to the new intruders, “What the fark are youse doing here’?
Vice-Regals Like POWER and POMP!
Hillary looked up, ’We’re getting evidence, if we’re going down we’ll take the whole stinking edifice with us’? The Prince, flabby-faced, implausibly, surprised us by giving a straight answer. “If I’m going down I too will take this stinking edifice down with the whole bloody lot’! And then sneering at Bill Clinton; ‘Because I find this whole affair, Unbecomming”! Prince Andrew tried to look superior and searching for a reason why offered; ’It’s all down to myself, it’s a point of principle”! Ces staggered; ‘What the farck, so you’re all in on it’?
‘Yep’! Bill replied testily; “In the end we’ve all been working for ….. THE FIRM”!!
Vice-regals like a PUNT!
‘What a pickle’! Ces fumed; “So you’re all in on it”…., before he could finish, Clinton interrupted with “I DID NOT HAVE SEX WITH THAT WOMAN’!
‘Steady on’, Ces fumed, “If you’re talking Fergie, I’m next in line, and’ ,,, but before he could finish his jaw dropped.
Before he could say; ‘Polish my Royal Jewels’ there was a loud cough, and who should walk in but Her Majesty the Queen. We all stood stock still. ’Yer Majesty’, we stuttered, ‘Mumsy’ Prince Andrew snivelled from behind the davenport.
REGALS just like POWER, and they OWN the HORSES Vice Regals PUNT ON!!
“Shut up Andy, I’ll DEAL WITH YOU LATER’!
Is SHE here’?
‘She’? Andrew flustered,
‘Your slag of an ex wife’
‘OH Sarah! No! Afraid not she’s last seen with the arms dealer and cross dressing Australian ex-Ministers’,
‘Typical’! the Queen fumed, “SLUT”!
‘YOU’! She pointed to Ces, “You’ve got it”?
‘I want it NOW’!
A Valiant REGAL SEDAN!
“I beg your pardon your Royal Majesty, What is it you want’?
‘Dont come the in-bred Corgi with me. YOU know what I want. The Keys!”.
Ces relieved it wasn’t the same thing Fergie wanted, replied cagily; ’The keys to this flat’?
‘YES there are two KEYS’! (commanded her Majesty)
“GIVE THEM TO ME’!
We had to hand it to the old girl, she had authority and knew how to use it, we watched the Clintons trying to back out of the room putting paper towels on their head in makeshift disguise.
‘STAY’! (they trembled)
The keys were handed over on a hastilly improvised velvet cushion.
‘Thankyou! You are DISMISSED’!
But we waited, entranced by the Royal retinue and the unanswered questions.
What will the Queen find in Fergie’s Drawers?
The Queen walked across the room, to the desk, pulled out the key and unlocked the drawer.
‘IT’S HERE! …..ALL OF IT’!!!
What is the Queen gonna do? Will Ces and his mates be out by Royal Command? What can possibly happen in the next policy-free episode? Stay tuned, for our next encounter, in “Andy’s gone to Caterwaul” ! or; “The Dyse is always LOADED’!